Hank Azaria: Kahmunrah, The Thinker, Abe Lincoln
Photos
Quotes
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Kah Mun Rah : [Darth Vader holds his hand up with a pinching motion] What is that? What is that? What does it mean? I don't know... you've lost me. Is that your breathing? Because I can't hear myself think.
[pause]
Kah Mun Rah : Let me tell you kindly, just simplify. There's too much going on! You're not evil, you're asthmatic, and what's with the cape? Are we going to the opera? I don't think so. Goodbye!
[Darth Vader and Oscar the Grouch leave]
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Kah Mun Rah : Are there any questions?
Al Capone : Yeah, I got one. How come you're wearin' a dress?
Kah Mun Rah : This is not a dress. This is a tunic. It was the height of fashion 3,000 years ago, I assure you. Are there any other questions?
Ivan The Terrible : Da. This-a dress you're wearing, do we have to wear one of these, too?
Kah Mun Rah : Were you not listening? I just told Mr. Capone here that this not a dress. It is, in fact, a tunic. Very big difference. Are there any other questions?
[Napoleon raises his hand]
Kah Mun Rah : [getting annoyed] Are there any questions not about the dress?
[catching himself]
Kah Mun Rah : Tunic?
[Napoleon lowers his hand]
Kah Mun Rah : Good.
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Abraham Lincoln : Remember son, a house divided against itself cannot stand.
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Kah Mun Rah : I am Kah Mun Rah, the great king of the great kings, and from the darkest depths of ancient history. I have come BACK to life!
Larry Daley : [Awkwardly] Uh-huh.
Kah Mun Rah : Perhaps you did not hear what I just said. I am a centuries-old Egyptian Pharaoh. I was dead, but now I have come BACK to life!
Larry Daley : Yeah, no. I heard that. I got that. Welcome back.
Kah Mun Rah : [baffled and stammering] Who are you?
Larry Daley : I'm Larry. Larry Daley. I own Daley Devices. It's up in New York. It's funny, I actualy know your brother, Ahkmenrah.
Kah Mun Rah : Oh, he knows baby brother. The favorite son.
Larry Daley : Yeah, good kid.
Kah Mun Rah : Oh, isn't he just. You know, mother and father always gave him the best of everything, and I do mean everything. They even gave him the throne. The throne which was rightfuly MINE!
Larry Daley : Oh, he never mentioned that...
Kah Mun Rah : No, I bet he didn't. Well, now begins the era of Kahmunrah, beacause I have come BACK to... Never mind, just hand me the Tablet.
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Kah Mun Rah : You don't seem to be evil, you seem to be more of a grouch.
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Kah Mun Rah : What are you?
Larry Daley : [pause] I'm the Night Guard.
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Abraham Lincoln : If I may, you two make an adorable couple.
Larry Daley : Oh, we're not a... I mean, we're not...
Abraham Lincoln : [copying Larry] 'We're not a... I mean we're not a... ' blah, blah, blah, I never lie!
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Amelia Earhart : It's a matter of life and death!
The Thinker : I'll tell you what's a matter of life and death, that beautiful lady over there.
[statue of Aphrodite giggles]
The Thinker : Hey baby, check out the gun show goin' on over here.
[Does a few muscular poses]
The Thinker : BOOM, BOOM! Firepower!
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The Thinker : I'm thinkin'...
Larry Daley : This is hopeless.
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Kah Mun Rah : You certainly know how to make an entrance, Mr. Daley. Hope for your little friend's sake here,
[he shakes the hourglass]
Kah Mun Rah : that you also figured out the combination.
Larry Daley : [reaching for the hourglass] Give me Jed!
Kah Mun Rah : Oh no, no, no, first give me the combination and hand over that Tablet.
[reaches for the Tablet]
Larry Daley : I'll give you the Tablet and the combination when you release my friends and give him back to me.
Kah Mun Rah : I shall release what I want to release at the moment I want to release it.
Larry Daley : Great, and I'll release what I want to release at the exact moment that I want to release it, okay?
Kah Mun Rah : Tell me the combination and give me the tablet right now or i shall KILL all of your friends starting with this little shaggy-headed little cowman here!
Jedediah : I ain't shaggy-headed! Gigantor, let me take this guy!
Larry Daley : Don't worry, I got this handled.
[to Kahmunrah]
Larry Daley : You don't want to give me my friends, then you're not gonna get your combination or your Tablet.
Kah Mun Rah : Alright, I'll tell you what, alright. They didn't call me Kahmunrah the Trustworthy for nothing, alright?
[starts to hand him the hourglass]
Kah Mun Rah : Here you go...
[jerks it back]
Kah Mun Rah : They DIDN'T call me Kahmunrah the trustworthy! They called me Kahmunrah the BLOODTHIRSTY, who kills whoever doesn't give Kahmunrah exactly what he wants in the moment that he wants it, which is RIGHT NOW, when I had also better get the combination and the Tablet!
Larry Daley : That's what they called you?
Kah Mun Rah : It was shorter in Egyptian.
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Larry Daley : Great, well, I'll give you the combination after you give him back!
[reaches for the tablet]
Kah Mun Rah : How dare you! If you touch that again I shall kill you right now. Do not touch this.
[makes a line in front of the hourglass with his hand]
Kah Mun Rah : This is a 'No-Touching' zone!
Larry Daley : Good, well, then...
[reaches for it]
Kah Mun Rah : Oh my GOD! I can't believe you reached across like that again! I can't even believe it! Oh, God! I want to kill you right now! If you didn't know this combination, you would be so dead right now, it would be unbelievable!
Larry Daley : Great, well, I do know the combination...
Kah Mun Rah : [making a line with his arm] DON't CROSS THIS LINE with your hand!
[Larry starts to say something]
Kah Mun Rah : How dare you! If you speak again, if you SPEAK AGAIN, I'm going to kill you! Do you understand this? Don't say it! Oh, God I see you getting ready! Oh, my GOD! Don't say anything! Now, give me that Tablet and tell me the combination.
Larry Daley : Alright, after you give me Jed and release my friends.
[reaches for the hourglass]
Kah Mun Rah : [he freaks out] You did all three! You spoke and you reached your hand across!
Larry Daley : Look, I can talk to you about this all night!
Kah Mun Rah : How about this? How about I DON'T kill you, like I really, really want to, and I give you precisely five seconds to hand over that Tablet and tell me the combination?
Al Capone : [coming in carrying Einstein] We already got the combination! It's pi. 3.14159265! This little guy sang. Oh did he sing? Like a canary!
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Kah Mun Rah : I'm afraid that Mother and Father may have slightly changed the combination on me.
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Octavius : [Approaches Kah Mun Rah, riding on a squirrel and looks up as Kah Mun Rah looks down, puzzled] Do you wish to surrender honorably, or must this end with the spilling of your blood?
Kah Mun Rah : [Looks to Larry] This? This is your big rescue?
Octavius : Oh no... this is!
[Abraham Lincoln breaks in through the wall, Kah Mun Rah and the others look up in shock]
Kah Mun Rah : What... is that thing?
Abraham Lincoln : The name is Abraham Lincoln, and you sir, are in a heap of trouble!
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Kah Mun Rah : [referring to Jedediah] Oh, you're just so adorable, even when you're threatening me. I can't take you seriously. I mean, is it just me?
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Kah Mun Rah : I am Kah Mun Rah, half god, once removed on my mother's side.
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Kah Mun Rah : [to Jedediah in the birdcage] Why, they're no bigger than a tiny grain of couscous. Aren't you?
Jedediah : You know, two words come to mind when I hear you talk. "Delusional" and "weirdo". And if I had to say a third, "goofy." Just goofy.
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Kah Mun Rah : [to the birdmen, ordering attack against Lincoln] Makhta! Makhta!
Birdmen : [looking at Kah Mun Rah in confusion]
Kah Mun Rah : [imitating bird sounds] Arrh! Arrh!
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Kah Mun Rah : [as the portal to the Underworld is being opened by the tablet] Ah... you know what that sound is?
[Ivan The Terrible is about to speak]
Kah Mun Rah : It's rhetorical. That is the sound of the end.
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Kah Mun Rah : Whoever you are, Archie Bunker, you have a very comfortable throne.
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Oscar the Grouch : Oh, come on! I'm bad! Everyone, look at how bad I am. Raaar, Raaar, fear me! Raaaaaaraaarr...
[stops looking depressed]
Kah Mun Rah : I'm sorry, I'm just not buying it. You don't seem bad. You just seem... vaguely grouchy.
