Roughly one month ago today, I decided to watch a film by the name of "Curse of the Zodiac". Little did I know, I would be making the biggest mistake of my life...
The title of the "movie" pretty much sums everything up in itself. I felt cursed for every painstaking second I spent watching this disgraceful, feces encrusted, piece of trash. Words simply cannot explain how terrible this movie is. Let's put it this way; if "Curse of the Zodiac" were to be handed in as an elementary school drama assignment, it would get roughly 0%. I didn't understand a single thing that was going on, probably because most of the shots were upside down, sideways or blurred... Not to mention that I wanted to puke every time I heard "The Man With the Blurred Face" (or I presume, The Zodiac) say, "You fat f*ck". As I mentioned earlier, the director, if there even was one, failed miserably with his horrid use of sideways/upside down shots, and choice of scenery. At one point, you see a roughly 15 year old girl acting poorly, trying to talk to her (estimated) 30 year old husband about how his day went by candle light in the middle of the day (or I presume the middle of the day based on the fact THAT YOU CAN SEE LIGHT COMING FROM THEIR CLOSED BLINDS). The truly astounding part about this scene is the fact that you can see the girl reading her lines, which she placed on the table in front of her! This scene sets the tone of the film, and sets the bar very low for future kindergarten drop outs that aspire to become directors, and hobos with cameras. I only watched 10 minutes of this monstrosity, and I am still suffering deeply from the after effects of this failed, horror-porno.
In conclusion, I have come to realize that watching this movie is like getting tarred and feathered: it's embarrassing, painful, and leaves permanent mental, and physical scars. I still have to attend "CotZ Anonymous" meetings to forget those dreadful 10 minutes, and would like to take this opportunity to warn ANYONE who ever even thinks about watching this film, not to do so. Please, I don't want anyone to end up in as much pain as I did.
Best of luck,
The Curse of the Zodiac Warner.
