You Don't Mess with the Zohan (2008)

Adam Sandler: Zohan

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Michael : What are you? Bionic?

  Zohan : No, no, no, no, no, I only like the girls... Thanks anyways.

• Zohan : I just want to make people silky-smooth!

• Zohan : It is... you. Dalia, I don't know how to tell you this. I cannot make sticky with anyone else. *You* are the special one. I will only be "Steve" for you.

  Dalia : Uh, who is Steve?

  Zohan : Stiff, with an F.

• Gail : Well Australia, it must be really nice there since they got rid of the apartheid.

  Zohan : Oh yes, the weather is much cooler.

• Zohan : [Zohan approaches apprehensive-looking young kid sitting in Barber chair]  Young man! Look what I have found here, a nice balloon. Do you want it?

  [hands kid balloon] 

  Zohan : You know, you shouldn't jump around when this nice woman is holding a sharp pair of scissors. If you move she could slip and slice your jugular vein, on accident. There is no way to stitch the jugular. All of your blood will be on the floor in four minutes. I have seen this. I have done this. You don't want this.

  [kid bursts into a flood of tears, Zohan nerve pinches him and the kid slumps unconscious in his seat] 

  Zohan : Well then, at least it is good time to shave his neck...

• Claude : It's not that big.

  Zohan : No, not that. The bush, is biggest you ever seen, right?

• Zohan : [the limo passenger is battered about as Zohan hits warp-factor 10 speeding through the streets]  Don't worry! I will lose them!

  Limousine Passenger : Nobody's following us!

• Zohan : One woman, one zikpah, one life...

• [last lines] 

  Zohan's Father : And this is your Palestinian wife.

  Zohan : Yes papa.

  Zohan's Father : Does she know you're a faygelah?

  [chuckling] 

  Zohan's Father : Congratulations. Now cut my hair...

• Dalia : Zohan! He has a bomb... and puppies!

  Zohan : No!

  James : Imma blow up this whole block, Imma blow you up, Imma blow up these puppies! And we all gone' go to hell together, cause I hate these puppies!

• Zohan : Unbelievable! This enema gets to live his dream...!

• Michael : Well, tonight's our night for the Community Nightwatch.

  Zohan : The Communism tight crotch? What?

• Zohan : So let's go.

• Zohan : [after being smacked in the face with a paddle]  Why you do this? You know I feel no pain.

  The Phantom : No no no no no... I feel no pain!

• Taxi Driver : First time in New York?

  Zohan : Yes my friend.

  Taxi Driver : Well what brings ya ere?

  Zohan : I have a dream.

  Taxi Driver : I had a dream too.

  Zohan : What dream you have?

  Taxi Driver : My dream was to come to America and make enough money to send to me brothers and sisters so that we all could enjoy freedom together!

  Zohan : This is good dream.

  Taxi Driver : Oh yes it is!

  Zohan : Has dream come true?

  Taxi Driver : No man. Me brothers and sisters were hacked to death. But I love the Chinese food here it's incredible!