STAR RATING: ***** Unmissable **** Very Good *** Okay ** You Could Go Out For A Meal Instead * Avoid At All Costs
12 'celebrities' are dropped on a sunny, exotic island in the sun in a bid for some romance and lovin'. In turn, contestants are either voted in twos into the 'love shack' or voted off the island.
Oh dear. Oh deary, deary me. What has television come to these days?!? It's all celebrity this, celebrity that. And all the newspapers are gradually becoming more-and-more obsessed with 'the fame game' rather than reporting on real, important news. So this is what we're down to now? Gentle, exotic Jem music plays over twelve minor celebs all smiling at us in our living rooms. Or maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe there is a bit too much cruelty and saden fruede on television these days, what with the likes of I'm a 'Celebrity' Get Me Out of Here or 'Celebrity' Fear Factor (see where I'm going?) so maybe a bit of lovin' is what we all need to retain our humanity.
I was actually looking forward to Jakki Degg competing (I read that she would in The News of the World) but they obviously dropped her (must have been too Z list.) Instead, in her place, we have that twit from cr*ppy ex-girlband Atomic Kitten (nerves: shudder.) Not to mention an assortment of cr*ppy, no-name ex-soap stars who've probably had trouble getting panto work, including, among them, Michael 'worst actor in the world' Greco and some guy named Paul Danan who used to star in Hollyoaks and some other small-timers who might be hired at the grand opening of a second-hand clothes shop! It says a lot that the biggest name out the lot of them (and definitely the one being payed the most!) is Abi Titmuss. She is to this, I suppose, what Jordan was to the second before last series of IACGMOOH, a big name among small names, but not really anything more. Though having said that, Rebecca Loos is sort of Wesley Snipes to her Sylvester Stallone in Demolition Man, a co-star enjoying similar sort of fame from her involvement in the Beckham affair scandal.
But to sum it all up, Celebrity Love Island tries to play to our baser instincts by trying to titillate us with the possibility of sexual shenanigans and foreplay, but actually fails to deliver what it promised and is, for the most part, just very dull and uneventful. ITV shot themselves in the foot by prohibiting any such activity to be shown, and failing to take into account that viewers were smarter than that and could put two and two together and know what was going on between certain celebs anyway. It's enjoyed disastrous ratings as a result and, like it's very recent predecessor 'Celebrity' Wrestling, might subsequently be disappearing from our screens very soon as well.
Me, I'm just waiting for Celebrity Hate Island, pitting a team of celebrities including Gordon Ramsey, Vinnie Jones, Nigel Benn, Wayne Rooney, Robert Kilroy Silk and Neil 'Razor' Ruddock on a smog sprouting island near an oil rig where every week two are selected to battle it out to the death on podiums with rusty spears. Then The Running Man will have come true...**
