Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula

Since first staying up until 3 AM to watch my first "Black Emmanuelle" movie (with Laura Gemser) on Cinemax as a young teenager I have (perhaps foolishly) seen just about every movie with the name "Emmanuelle" attached to the title. Trust me then when I say that this series has hit rock bottom and is feverishly starting to dig. The series never was good, but when it took itself halfway seriously it at least used to occasionally achieve camp. Nowadays it aims straight for camp and almost always fails miserably. I wish I could say that this is the worst "Emmanuelle" film ever, but there has also in recent years been "Emmanuelle's Pie" (a sorry-ass parody of "American Pie") and "Emmanuelle in Space" (an unspeakable abomination not even redeemed by a perpetually naked Krista Allen). This movie, like those, is really little more than a title dreamed up by corporate suits to separate horny, dateless fools from their money.

I agree with previous reviewers that the actresses are very attractive and I give kudos to their plastic surgeons (it's amazing Dracula doesn't die of a toxic overdose of saline and silicone). But watching this or any of these other "Skinemax" premieres is like spending eternity at a strip club in the Ninth Circle of Hell watching the same female silicates doing the same routines to the same horrible music over and over and over. . . (I'm actually starting to miss the late Italian sleazemeister Joe D'Amato who would have these women manually stimulating horses or something, which might be totally un-erotic, but at least wouldn't be boring). I just can't take it anymore. So to anyone reading this: if they EVER make another make another halfway decent "Emmanuelle" movie, please send me a private message and let me know. But for right now I'm through!