- Kenny Shopsin: The first duty of everybody in life is to realize that they're a piece of shit. Selfish and self-centered and not very good. You're willing to sacrifice 20 thousand people in another country just so you can go to a Wings concert. You sacrifice the lives of a hundred thousand Chinese female babies just so you can rent this f'ing camera and do your stupid art project. No problem! You're a piece of shit. Once you realize you're a piece of shit it's not so hard to take. Because then you don't have this feeling that you're a good person all the time. And let me tell you something, feeling that you're a good person all the time is like having a brand new car with no scratches on it. It's a real responsibility which is almost impossible to live up to. Being a piece of shit and then occasionally doing something that's good and true is a much easier place to be. I think that's really important and I always try to raise my kids to understand that they're not that terrific. And that not being that terrific, that's okay 'cause most people who say that they're terrific, Bill Clinton, Cardinal Egan, anybody you want to talk about, they're not so terrific. Martha Stewart, they're not so fucking terrific either. And there's nothing wrong with being not-so-terrific. In fact, it's what the whole ballgame is about, being not-so-terrific... and accepting it.
- Kenny Shopsin: Everybody's seven years old. This is a mature person; he has a job, a family, he's going to die some day. He works on Wall Street and he's going to slaughter the Third World Nations today. And he's having chocolate chip pancakes for fuckin' breakfast. Good for him, huh?
- Kenny Shopsin: You know there's a lot of things on our menu if you put it together, you can go someplace I've never been. I took a Banana Boat and I put bananas in it and I took ice cream scoop and I made pulled pork and cole slaw in a... like an ice cream sundae, I called it a BBQ Banana Split. It's almost like putting your dick into the wrong hole, there's like a thrill to it. There's friction that occurs when you put an ingredient in an improper dish. That's the basis for all fusion cooking is that there's a sexual friction that's caused by putting the wrong food in the wrong place and sometimes it works but not always.
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