- Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: People don't know how to love. They bite rather than kiss. They slap rather than stroke. Maybe it's because they recognize how easy it is for love to go bad, to become suddenly impossible... unworkable, an exercise of futility. So they avoid it and seek solace in angst, and fear, and aggression, which are always there and readily available. Or maybe sometimes... they just don't have all the facts.
- Hadley Wolfmeyer: What kind of a dickhead runs away with his secretary? That is lame, take a right, make a left at pathetic.
- Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: Anger and resentment can stop you in your tracks. That's what I know now. It needs nothing to burn but the air and the life that it swallows and smothers. It's real, though - the fury, even when it isn't. It can change you... turn you... mold you and shape you into something you're not. The only upside to anger, then... is the person you become. Hopefully someone that wakes up one day and realizes they're not afraid to take the journey, someone that knows that the truth is, at best, a partially told story. That anger, like growth, comes in spurts and fits, and in its wake, leaves a new chance at acceptance, and the promise of calm. Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.
- Terry Wolfmeyer: [of her broken heart] It's not the kind of thing that ever heals.
- Denny Davies: Yeah, it does. It heals. It just heals funny. You know, you more or less walk... with a limp.
- Adam "Shep" Goodman: Who should I sleep with, Terry? Women like you? Your age? My age? I don't. You know why? 'Cause younger women are *nice*. You take them out, and they're actually grateful. "Oh look, a steak. Yummy." You go for a walk after dinner, the air smells nice, they say, "Thank you. This was *nice*. This was *fun*. You're *funny*. Tee-hee-hee." What should I do, Terry? Settle down and marry some pissed-off thing like you? I'd rather have someone come over and do *dental* work, *every day*, from my backside, up... through my *ass*!
- Hadley Wolfmeyer: [the dog is eating the chicken prepared for dinner] Buddy, Goddamn You! Out!
- Emily Wolfmeyer: What's the big deal? He wasn't licking it more than three seconds.
- Hadley Wolfmeyer: The three second thing is for floors, not dog's mouths. He spends all day licking other dogs' asses. Uhn. Let's just call for takeout.
- Emily Wolfmeyer: It's fine. You guys, it's good chicken. It's fine.
- Andy Wolfmeyer: Like you'd eat it.
- [waiting for her to try a piece]
- Emily Wolfmeyer: [Emily tastes a piece of chicken] It's fine.
- Hadley Wolfmeyer: You know the Zilwaukees' Great Dane, "Mo'fo?" You're licking his asshole right now.
- [Andy cracks up Laughing]
- Terry Wolfmeyer: Your father is a small man. A *very* small man!
- Hadley Wolfmeyer: I hope you're not referring to his genitals because that would just be gross.
- Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: Aww, dude, I was about to eat a string bean!
- Hadley Wolfmeyer: There's something you all should know.
- Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: You're pregnant and you're getting married.
- Hadley Wolfmeyer: How did you know that? Who told you that?
- Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: I guessed? Really? I guessed that? I was right?
- Terry Wolfmeyer: No, you've got to be kidding me.
- Hadley Wolfmeyer: No, I'm... I'm not. I'm getting married.
- Terry Wolfmeyer: This is how I find out? Through Popeye? A 15-year-old?
- Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: Don't be condescending...
- Terry Wolfmeyer: Close it! You are a child. What do *you* know?
- Andy Wolfmeyer: Oh, that old chestnut.
- Terry Wolfmeyer: You close it as well, please. Do his parents know?
- Hadley Wolfmeyer: Yes, they're ecstatic.
- Terry Wolfmeyer: Oh, how long have they been ecstatic?
- Hadley Wolfmeyer: You know what? Can we just go to the lunch, please?
- Terry Wolfmeyer: [shouting] How long have they been ecstatic, damn you, Hadley?
- [everyone around them looks at them]
- Terry Wolfmeyer: [Shep is dating Terry's daughter] The whole thing just infuriates me.
- David Junior: That's probably half the attraction.
- [Everyone stares at him, shocked]
- David Junior: What?
- Hadley Wolfmeyer: [sternly] You know what. Not another word.
- [pause, then Denny cracks up laughing]
- Denny Davies: I am so *sick* of being your bitch. I put up with your shit because I know how much *pain* you're in! But it's ENOUGH! It's a tall order for a *patient* motherfucker, and I am the furthest thing from that that you're ever going to lay eyes on.
- Gorden Reiner: [Popeye kisses Gordon] I'm gay.
- Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: What?
- [laughs]
- Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: No you're not.
- [pause]
- Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: Are you just saying that cause you don't wanna kiss me?
- Gorden Reiner: I like men.
- Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: I don't believe you. I think you're lying.
- [pause]
- Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: Have you ever had gay sex? What about sex with a woman? Just have sex with me and if you don't like it, then you can be gay.
- Gorden Reiner: That's really nice of you.
- [Walks out]
- Emily Wolfmeyer: Do you have any idea what a fucking idiot you sound like sometimes?
- Terry Wolfmeyer: I love how you worry about how the letter you wrote to the parent that deserted you is to mean, but to the one who's still here in the fight, you have no trouble saying the most vile things. Isn't that a tad odd? Please finish setting the table.
- Terry Wolfmeyer: [answering phone] Hello?
- Denny Davies: What, what are you doing?
- Terry Wolfmeyer: Oh, making the girls' lunches.
- Denny Davies: Good for you.
- Terry Wolfmeyer: Yeah, what the hell. I'm going after the Mother-of-the-year award.
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