Grind (2003)

Vince Vieluf: Matt Jensen

Photos 

Quotes 

• Matt : Chuck, chuck, bo buck, banana, fana, fo fu-

  [car stops] 

  Matt : AH!

• Matt : Greetings from the interior.

• [Dustin and Eric are having a serious conversation when someone farts] 

  Matt : Greetings from the interior...

  Eric : Matt!

  Sweet Lou : I think I can taste that one...

  [Another fart is let loose] 

  Eric : MATT!

  Matt : That wasn't me.

  Bell Clerk : Sorry, that was me. Whoo! Can I have my underwear back?

  [Guys take off in van] 

• Matt : It's the honeymoon suit.

  [makes porn music sounds] 

  Matt : [Matt touches Dustin's nipple and Dustin punches him] 

  Eric : So there's only one bed and there's four guys.

  [Matt and Dustin race to the bed where they start to pillow fight] 

  Dustin : This is my side. Get off me.

  [Dustin pulls something from under the sheets] 

  Dustin : Ah! Man-ties!

  [Dustin puts tighty-whities on Matt's head] 

  Matt : AHHH!

  [matt pulls them off and throws them across the room while Dustin laughs histerically] 

  Matt : You did not just find those in that bed!

• [Dustin and Matt go on Jimmy's tour bus to put their demo tape on there] 

  Matt : I've been holdin' it for two days, dude. It's about to go downtown.

  Dustin : That's a good idea; why don't you take a crap on his bus. He'd appcreciate that.

  [Matt enters bathroom while Dustin changes tapes] 

  Dustin : [Matt starts to sing while he's pooping] 

  Dustin : Dude, let's go.

  Matt : Whoa-ho! Dude, I might not get a piece of Jimmy Wilson, but he sure got a piece of me!

  Dustin : Dude, that smells like hermit crap.

• Dustin : So to recap, um, we smell like turds, we have no car, no Jimmy Wilson, and I'm broke. I guess you could call me stupid.

  Matt : Hey Stupid.

  Dustin : What?

• Matt : [after seeing the hideous scar on Jimmy Wilson's bus guard]  No.

• Eric : Excuse me sir...

  Scabby Security Guy : [turns around to reveal a nasty scab on his face] 

  Dustin , Eric , Matt : Good lord

  [everyone screams, Matt grabs his own face] 

  Eric : Get it away

  Scabby Security Guy : Yeah, what do you want?

  Dustin : Excuse me sir we are just here to see Jimmy. Is he in the scar, the car, the bus is that where he is?

  Scabby Security Guy : Thats a big no on Jimmy.

  Dustin : Good, thank you.

  Scabby Security Guy : [to Matt]  What are you looking at pin-head.

  Matt : No.

• Matt : I'm in a dry spell, man.

  Dustin : To be in a dry spell you've have to had been in a wet spell.

  Matt : I've had sex.

  Dustin : Yeah, with a human, though.

  Matt : Who's making up all these rules, man?

• Dustin : Dammit! Why?

  Matt : Dude, I didn't even know it was going.

  Dustin : Okay, you know what? I just got peed on.

• Matt : Sweet Lou, my sister wanted me to give you this. It's her nose.

• Matt : You know what? I just got violated by a lizard, man!

  [pause] 

  Matt : Actually, that felt pretty good.

• Matt : [after punching clown]  ... I Hate Clowns

• Matt : Chilli, chilli, chilli, chilli, chilli...

• Matt : [while changing blown tire on the van while Sweet Lou and the girl are in the van and it is rocking]  Sweet Lou's all over this chick.

  Dustin : Why does that bother you so much?

  Matt : Because it's not happening to me.

  Dustin : Dude, maybe if you changed your clothes like one time there might be a... I don't know.

• Dustin : Guys, what are we doing in a clown college?

  Sarah Jensen : [Female clown appears]  Matty!

  Matt : Hey, Mom.

  Sarah Jensen : We missed the hell out of you!

  Sweet Lou : Those are Matt's parents?

  Dustin : They really are clowns.

  Sarah Jensen : [Gets away and rubs her nose]  You reek!

  Matt : Hey, Dad.

  Denise : [Girl appears]  Matt?

  Matt : What's up?

  Denise : You smell funky.

  [Making fun of him] 

  Denise : Wait, wait, don't tell me. Give me a second. I'm really good at this.

  Matt : I'm covered in shit.

  Denise : Oh!