Over the Hedge (2006)
Garry Shandling: Verne
Photos
Quotes
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Ozzie : But this house is like a fortress. Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable. How will we get in?
RJ : The collar is the key.
[Shows video on cell phone of Tiger entering door]
RJ : Literally, the collar is like a key that opens the door, and if...
Stella : And what? You think he's just gonna hand over his collar to you?
RJ : Not to me, my femme fatale. To you.
Verne : Her?
Stella : Me?
RJ : You, Stella, will get that cat to give you his collar by using...
Stella : My stink.
RJ : ...your feminine charms.
Hammy the Squirrel : Ha ha ha! - Was that out loud?
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Hammy the Squirrel : [looking at the bigh bush] Lets call it Steve!
Verne : Steve?
Hammy the Squirrel : Steve's a pretty name!
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RJ : Something you said yesterday really touched me right here. It starts with an F, remember what that was?
Verne : Family?
RJ : Yeah yeah right that. You see Verne I use to have had all that. My own place, surrounded by loved ones, universal remote. But all that went away with... the weed hacker incident.
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Verne : [after getting chased away] See what I mean? That's what I was talking about. These humans don't want us *around*.
RJ : So we scared her and she over-reacted, no biggy.
Verne : No biggy? No that's what we call a biggy.
RJ : C'mon, think about the food, it was worth it for that food, that stuff is to die for.
[Ozzy faints and Heather rolls her eyes]
RJ : Let me rephrase that.
Verne : No, to die for, you nailed that part. Look, maybe our little forest life seems primative to a guy with a bag.
RJ : What!
Verne : But I think I speak for all of us when I say that we want *nothing* to do with *anything* that's *over that hedge*.
[they begin to walk away]
RJ : Oh come on. You haven't even tried doughnuts yet. You wanna store some fat, that is the way to store some fat, you'll be sweating through the winter.
[they don't listen]
RJ : Okay, okay you guys sleep on it. Good idea, I'm gonna check back with you.
[to himself]
RJ : Shoot! Almost had them.
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Verne : You're the devil.
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RJ : Please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I think I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about. You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air-conditioned paradise.
[Points at map]
RJ : Except for that little-bitty speck. You are here.
[All gasp]
RJ : No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food, store it away for the winter?
Hammy the Squirrel : Aha! We fill the log!
Verne : Hammy.
RJ : Really? This log? This cave-like log?
Ozzie : All the way to the top.
Verne : Ozzie.
RJ : Let me ask ya, how long's it take, you know, to fill the log?
Heather : Two-hundred and seventy-four days.
RJ : Ooh! Ever done it in a week?
Verne : That's impossible.
RJ : Not if we work together. You see, you've got the food-gathering skills, I've got the know-how, and they have the food.
Heather : How much food?
RJ : Loads of food! Heaps of food! Food out the wazoo!
Verne : Well, you know, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I really don't think we're interested in eating.
Lou : I don't know. The guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen.
Penny : Yeah. I'm okay with wazoo food there.
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Ozzie : O great and powerful Steve! What do you want?
Verne : I-I don't think it can speak.
Debbie : [From other side of hedge] I heard that, young man!
[Others are shocked; Ozzie plays dead]
Debbie : You get over here right now!
Hammy the Squirrel : Okay.
Verne : Hammy, get back here.
Hammy the Squirrel : But Steve is angry.
Verne : I think it came from the other side of Steve - I mean, the bush. I mean... Geez!
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Verne : [to RJ] You see what you've done here? If they listen to half the stuff you're telling them, they'll be dead within a week! You are only interested in taking advantage of them because they are too stupid and naive to know any better!
Hammy the Squirrel : [growing solemn] I'm not stupid.
Verne : [noting the family's reaction] Okay, I didn't mean, uh... I meant... ignorant! To the... ways over... over, over there.
[they begin walking away]
Verne : C'mon you guys, you know I didn't mean it like that. Don't... don't do this. Stella... Ozzie?
[stops Hammy]
Verne : Hammy? You know I didn't... Hammy?
Hammy the Squirrel : [pushes him away] I'm not stupid...
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Verne : I thought we'd be dead by step two, so this is going great.
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Verne : It's the first day of spring. Only 274 days left until winter.
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RJ : Now, the traps are set here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. Here, here, here, here, big one here, here, and maybe a few over here.
Stella : Gee, it's that all?
RJ : No. There's bunch of red lights all over here. You OK, Verne? Look a little green.
Verne : I blacked out for a second there, but... I get the idea: there's lights, traps and I might need to change my shell.
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Verne : Come on, you guys!
[Tries to be intimidating]
Verne : Don't make me come in there!
Stella : [Heard beneath the leaves] Y'all better listen... I've been holding something in all winter and I'm about to LET IT OUT!
Penny : [Animals scatter from under leaves] Whoa!
Ozzie : She means it!
[as the leaves and dust settles, Stella is shown in her "firing" position]
Verne : [Politely and grateful] Thank you, Stella!
Stella : [Nonchalantly] Oh, I can clear a room, Verne. That much I can do!
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Verne : We want *nothing*, to do with *anything*, that's *over that hedge*!
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Verne : Could we just get the food and go? Really, do they have it or not?
RJ : Didn't you see it? It was in the box. They've always got food with them. We eat to live, these guys live to eat. Let me show you what I'm talking about. The human mouth is called a "pie hole." The human being is called a "couch potato."
[Referring to a lady talking on the phone]
RJ : That is a device to summon food.
[Referring to a man answering the door]
RJ : That is one of the many voices of food.
[Referring to a pizza being delivered]
RJ : That is the portal for the passing of the food.
[Referring to a moped]
RJ : That is one of the many food transportation vehicles. Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they drive the food, they wear the food! That gets the food hot. That keeps the food cold.
[Referring to a turtle pinata]
RJ : That... I'm not sure what that is.
[a kid breaks the pinata cause the candy to come out]
Verne : [freaking out] Ahhh!
RJ : Ha! What do you know? Food! That is the altar where they worship food. That's what they eat when they've eaten too much food. That gets rid of the guilt so they can eat more food. Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! So, you think they have enough? Well, they don't. For humans, enough is never enough. And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming, silver cans, just for us.
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Stella : What'll we do for food?
Verne : I don't know. But here's what I do know. We will be fine as long as no one goes over Steve again.
RJ : It's called a hedge, and it is not to be feared, my amphibious friend. It is the gateway to the good life.
Verne : Uh, I'm a reptile, actually. But, you know, it's a common mistake. And, uh, you are?
RJ : Oh, where are my manners. I'm RJ. Now please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I think I could shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about.
[Pulls out a map]
RJ : You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air conditioned paradise. Except for that little bitty speck. You are here.
[They all gasp]
RJ : No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food, store it away for the winter?
Hammy the Squirrel : Uh-huh. We fill the log.
Verne : Hammy.
RJ : Really? This log? This cave like log?
Ozzie : All the way to the top.
Verne : Ozzie.
RJ : Let me ask ya, how long does it take, you know, to fill the log?
Heather : Two hundred and seventy-four days.
RJ : Ooh! Ever done it in a week?
Verne : That's impossible.
RJ : Not if we work together. You see, you've got the food gathering skills, I've got the know how, and they have the food.
Heather : How much food?
RJ : Loads of food. Heaps of food. Food out of the wazoo!
Verne : Well, you know, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I really don't think we're interested in eating.
Lou : I don't know, the guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen.
Penny : Yeah, I'm okay with wazoo food there.
Verne : No, you're not. The tail is tingling.
RJ : Hold on, hold on. The what is what?
Verne : When something doesn't feel right, my tail tingles. And let me tell you something, everything you said so far is driving my tail crazy.
RJ : Listen. Verne, right? This isn't something you need to be afraid of.
Verne : Well, I am. And for good reason.
[Shows him a stainmark on his shell]
Verne : This is not a birthmark.
[RJ cleans it off with a toothbrush]
RJ : Ah, that's because you went over there without a guide, Verne.
Verne : Whatever. Thanks for stopping by. We're not interested.
RJ : Not interested in the most delicious food you've ever tasted?
Verne : No!
RJ : Come on.
Verne : Not interested.
RJ : Okay. I get it. I understand. This is something that you're just not open to.
[Opens up a bag of Doritos the gust of wind is so strong it pushes everyone backwards]
Hammy the Squirrel : What is that?
RJ : That, my friend, is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese solids, BHA, BHT and good old MSG, a.k.a.the chip. Nacho cheese flavor.
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Verne : My head says listen to my tail, my tail says listen to my head, and I just... end up with an upset stomach.
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Hammy the Squirrel : Oh! Morning!
Verne : Morning, Hammy.
Hammy the Squirrel : I gotta go wee-wee!
Verne : Oh... Not on the lake we drink from!
