The In-laws (2002–2003)

Bonnie Somerville: Alex Pellet Landis, Alex Landis

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marlene : Family dinners don't start until the whole family's here.

  Alex : Where's Daddy?

  Marlene : He's getting seconds.

• Alex : Looks like the new Marlene's ready to climb the corporate ladder.

  Marlene : I'm not climbin' anything in this skirt. Unless, of course, I want to close the deal!

• Stacy : Actually, now it's Stacy Pierson-Paulson. Peter's a partner at Patterson, Pennett & Paulson.

  Alex : Did you meet him picking pecks of pickled peppers?

• Alex : Ma, remember when you were in high school and there was a group of popular girls that were, like, oblivious to everyone else?

  Marlene : No. It was just me and my friends.

• Alex : Well, one day I was in the locker-room; I was changing for gym and, uh, Stacy and her friends dropped by. Stacy looked at me and she said, "Alex, I don't know whether to call you 'Dumbo' for your ears or 'Gumby' for your body." So she compromised and for the rest of high school, her and her friends called me "Dumby."

• Matt : I just crashed your Dad's car.

  Alex : Yeah, nice try. He told me how great you did.

  Matt : I'm serious. I smashed it pulling it into the garage. Then I kind of made it worse when I backed out. Then I took a deep breath, said, "Matt, relax," and smashed it again on the way in.

• Alex : Oh my God! Oh, God! Oh, my God! Oh, God!

  Matt : If that's a pep talk, it needs work!

• Alex : Where are you going?

  Matt : I don't know. Mostly I'll be sleeping by day and traveling under the cover of darkness. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm about to become a redhead.

• Alex : One time, one of my Dad's favorite armed truck guards left a bag of money on the curb and he forgot to tell him. My Dad was so hurt and so betrayed he couldn't even speak. He just stared into space and started singing. After that, the guard was dead to him.

  Matt : Was he dead to anyone else?

• Matt : This is partially your fault, y'know. Yeah, none of this would've happened if you had only said "no."

  Alex : When?

  Matt : When I asked you to marry me!

• Alex : Hey, honey. What dress do you think I should wear Saturday night?

  Matt : You're not wearing anything.

  Alex : Okay. Where am I going to tuck in my napkin?

• Matt : That's ridiculous!

  Alex : It's crazy!

  Matt : Insane!

  Alex : Totally psycho!

  Matt : Okay, if this argument has any chance, one of us is gonna have to disagree.

• Alex : Do you realize you are the first non-Pellet to ever go apple picking with us? It means you're becoming part of the family.

  Matt : Oh, good, because I felt like marrying you and moving in with your parents was too subtle.

• Victor : Still coming down. Matt, you must've washed that car but good!

  Alex : Daddy!

  Matt : Your father's right, the weather's my fault... along with world hunger and global warming.

• Charles : I thought you were dining out with Chip and Sarah.

  Matt : Yeah, but we kinda got into a fight.

  Alex : Yeah. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to remove a certain couple from my buddy list.

• Matt : So, how was the funeral?

  Alex : You know, it was kind of sad. I've lived next door to Mr. Henderson all my life and I hardly talked to him.

  Victor : Well, that's why he was a good neighbor!

• Alex : You made this?

  Marlene : Yeah, well, it was kind of a team effort. I called and Pasta Palace delivered.

• Marlene : Oh, what? You're afraid I'm gonna repeat it?

  Alex : Mom, you break news faster than CNN!

• Alex : I earned that award for selling the most cookies!

  Marlene : Your father bought most of them and he paid the neighbors to act like they bought them. Don't you remember? It was that summer I gained seventeen pounds and everything smelled like Thin Mints!

• Alex : You said you had the day off.

  Marlene : Yeah, well, "day off" was kind of putting a spin on it.

  Alex : What does it sound like when it stops spinning?

  Marlene : I ditched work.

• Victor : Well that was the worst movie ever made!

  Alex : Daddy, how do you know? We barely stayed past the opening credits.

  Victor : Well that's because in the first ten minutes it contained two of my movie dealbreakers: period costumes and male nudity.

  Marlene : Well I liked the part I saw... Oh, that didn't come out right!

• Alex : When I was little I couldn't pronounce "grandpa" so I called him "Pappoo."

  Matt : You know, if you animate Pappoo and team him up with a wiseass bird, you got yourself a Disney movie!

• Marlene : Alex! Don't let your father catch you opening presents 'til Christmas.

  Alex : I thought I heard a puppy in there and I wanted to make sure it had some air!

• Alex : He also said that I tell you everything.

  Marlene : That is so not true! What else did he say?

• Victor : I don't want you jumping through hoops just to impress her. Be yourself.

  Alex : I am being myself: a desperately insecure girl who wants people to like her!

• Alex : Thank God we finally found a safe topic both my Dad and your Mom enjoy talking about.

  Matt : Yeah, my horrible, awkward teen years really came in handy!