40 Days and 40 Nights (2002)

Paulo Costanzo: Ryan

Photos 

Quotes 

• Matt : Hey, have you ever noticed the crack on my ceiling?

  Ryan : Dude, you're action-packed with issues.

• [Ryan finds his porn stash that Matt hid in a basket] 

  Ryan : Do you know how many hours I spent looking for my "Temple of Poon" tape. One. That is a long time to be looking for porn, Matt. What the fuck is going on here?

• Ryan : [upon learning Matt's given up sex for Lent]  One - you can't do it. It's j... This isn't a personal attack towards you, I'm just saying that no man can do it. It goes against nature. The male was biologically designed to spread his seed, Matt. You're gonna piss off the seeds, man! You're gonna... It goes against science! You wanna be the guy who goes against science?

  Matt : [patiently]  And two?

  Ryan : Two - are you out of your fucking mind? You're the guy who can't finish a sandwich! You think you can go 40 days? Four... Do... This isn't normal. Did your brother put you up to this or something?

  Matt : No. You know what? He's about as supportive as you are. And what do you care, anyway? This doesn't affect you in any way.

  Ryan : You... This affects everyone.

• Ryan : [Ryan enters Matt's bedroom wearing rubber gloves and carrying a portable ultraviolet light]  Surprise inspection.

  Matt : What the hell's that thing?

  Ryan : It's a special light that allows me to see if any fluids have been liberated.

  [Examines Matt's bed, finds nothing] 

  Ryan : Keep up the good work.

• Matt : [Tripping out on his 40th day of sexual abstinence, Matt wistfully rubs his thumb over the breasts of a Mrs. Butterworth syrup bottle]  She's filled with Heavenly sweetness.

  Ryan : [taking the bottle away]  I somehow don't think *Mr.* Butterworth would appreciate that very much.

• Ryan : Look, Matt, I know you're still trying to work out your Nicole issues with the big black hole, but trust me, trust me...

  Matt : I don't have any Nicole issues.

  Ryan : ...you...

  [Ryan picks up an old picture of Matt and Nicole] 

  Ryan : 'Hi, I'm one of the many pictures of Nicole that infest Ryan and Matt's apartment after six months.' And she's hot, Matt, I don't mind looking at her. I'm just saying you have issues.

• Ryan : So you're not into her?

  Matt : Oh, I'm totally into her.

  Ryan : So how can you not want to fuck her?

• Ryan : This is a photocopy of Candy's ass?

  Matt : Yup.

  Ryan : You're gonna call her, right?

  [gets no reply, returns to the picture] 

  Ryan : Obviously, you're gonna call her.

• Matt : Everything was going great until you had to... I stopped having sex, I'm totally falling for Erica, and I'm finally over Nicole

  Ryan : [doubting]  You really think you're over her?

  Matt : Fuck yeah! Bitch.

• Ryan : [Giving sex advice to Matt]  All right, all right, all right. Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna strap a helmet on Big John, put him in the game, and he will play his little heart out, okay? He'll put up big numbers for you. You're gonna forget about the cracks in the ceiling, forget about Nicole. Go out and give your star player the support he needs. Right?

• [to Matt on why he should tell Erica about his vow] 

  Ryan : Dude, you got to tell her. Seriously. You can pass off two dates without a kiss as old fashioned - you go three and you're a homo.