User reviews

This movie is a very mixed bag. First of all, it's not at all what I expected. I thought this was going to be a comedy where guys stage a heist dressed up as Elvis impersonators. And whilst it kind of is that, it's more of a crime movie and the heist takes place in the first thirty minutes with the rest of the runtime dealing with its fallout. This was very disappointing because based on the premise I was prepared to watch an Ocean's Eleven type of movie where the majority of it is the gang staging the heist and then executing the plan in the last act. There really is no planning involved in this and it just gets straight to it with the robbery being rather disappointing and unrealistic but also somewhat fun due to to how crazy and violent it is. I also wanted to see more of Kurt Russell's stellar Elvis impersonation which he has done so well in the past. There were a few scenes in which we got to see it but not enough when I expected him to be doing it throughout the whole film.

Surprisingly it is Kevin Costner that steals the show in possibly his only role in which he plays a villain, at least the only one where I've seen him do that. He is really unleashed in this movie in a way that I certainly haven't seen before, acting completely different from his usual shtick. Furthermore, the movie looks decent in terms of cinematography and the rest of the cast is also fine. As bad and insanely stupid as the movie is at times it really is entertaining. I can't give it a bad rating when I genuinely enjoyed watching it for the most part despite my complaints. It's the type of movie where you might be getting bored but suddenly Ice T appears hanging from the ceiling mowing people down with uzi's (this actually happens). At times it's laughably bad, especially during the terrible CGI intro and at times a decent enough crime film. However, the one thing that really annoyed me was the soundtrack which is very much of its time as it mostly consists of terrible early 2000's techno and we only get one or two Elvis songs. I'm sorry but In an Elvis themed movie I expect 90% of the soundtrack to be the King so to get techno instead was really grating. All in all though, despite the awful music the movie is certainly watchable and fun for the most part with the show-stealing performance by Costner being its main selling point.

Like True Romance, and Pulp Fiction this film is movie junk food that I love to eat. Film purest will classify this film as crap, and so it is; but this is crap that the masses want and the movie elite hates. For action films this is great, a few slow parts, and the action scene at the end got a little predictable, with the high kill counts, but rebounds with a great ending. An old western show down, and being a road movie it gives the junk food escapism I love and need. The acting is great, Costner plays such a great jerk in this film, his attitude makes the viewer dislike him, like a bad guys in wrestling. Costner should keep playing bad guys. I believe this is his strong point. Russell plays the hero or the not too bad bad guy. Russell character is the all American type he acts too the tee. Stay at the end of this film for they have a bonus with the credits, an Elvis video and a funny out take from the film. Taker easy, and give yourself a break and watch this film.

OK, it a piece of trash. It is one of those guilty pleasures of mine. You know, the movie you are not supposed to like, but can't resist every time it comes on.

I mean, look at this cast: Kevin Costner from The BodyGuard, one of my favorites; Kurt Russell from Grindhouse; Christian Slater and Howie Long from Broken Arrow; Kevin Pollak from Hostage; Ice-T as the token rapper; and the best part of all, Courteney Cox, in a role that is so far from Friends that it is a classic.

This film is funny (Jon Lovitz), sweet (David Kaye), and has more action than you could ever ask for in a heist film. It has showgirls, an Elvis convention, and, I don't care if people diss Costner, Russell, and Cox, the film is just fun to watch.

This movie received some pretty scathing reviews back when it came out and apparently it was even nominated for several Golden raspberry awards including Kevin Costner for worst actor.

Does the movie deserve all of that? Hell no, this is a fun action black comedy which i think a lot of people will enjoy especially if you are a fan of Quentin Tarantino and similar edgy violent thrillers.

Kurt Russell is reliably cool as always and i actually thought Costner was pretty badass, i want the jacket he wears for much of the movie. The action is frantic and bloody and i enjoy the overall politically incorrect tone running through the movie. Some scenes are actually really cool and stylish looking.

It isn't perfect, there are some really out of place nu metal songs on the soundtrack (there should be way more Elvis songs) and some of the jokes do fall flat.

Looking up some other movies which came out in 2001, is this honestly as bad as trash like Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles or Ghosts Of Mars?

Check it out, you might be surprised.

3000 Miles to Graceland (2001) This is a tricky film to rate and review. Do I rate it based off of how entertaining it was or do I rate it based on how terrible it is. I guess I'll meet them somewhere in the middle.

To start with the positives, 3000 Miles to Graceland is very entertaining and keeps you watching. It has a lot of cool effects and great action sequences, and a relatively decent storyline, though ridiculous in many ways. One other thing I have good to say about it is that it has some pretty good cinematography, not always, but often. With an all star cast like they have (personally I love Costner's character) its hard not give it a chance and I think it deserves people watching it, at least fans of action films.

On the other hand, the film is actually pretty terrible. Very bad acting by most of the cast, and a lot of generic and stupid dialog. As I mentioned, it does have a good root idea for the storyline. However, trying to be cool, and more action packed weakened the plot and made the film get worse as it progresses. Top all this off with an obvious and yet unfitting ending and you have 3000 Miles to Graceland.

I think a lot of people will like this film if they are going into it looking for a hardcore action film and not looking for an overall good film. It will keep you entertained but I think whether you like it or not you will probably agree that the action is the only thing holding the film together and making it watchable.

6/10

`3000 Miles to Graceland' isn't quite as dopey as the cover art featuring Kurt Russell and Kevin Kostner clad in Elvis regalia would suggest. Although it breaks little new ground in its already overworked genre, the film does emerge as an efficient crime drama thanks to a gallery of interesting characters, some impressive performances and Demian Lichtenstein's flashy directorial style.

After a shaky first half hour or so, in which the film seems to be struggling to establish its direction and tone, the movie miraculously hits its stride and, thereafter, never really lets up. The story centers around a band of ex-cons, united by their almost obsessive love for the King of rock'n'roll, who decide to knock over a Las Vegas casino dressed as Elvis impersonators. Predictably, the heist serves merely as the pretext for one of them, the obviously psychotic Murphy (Kostner), to cold-bloodedly eliminate his accomplices. The fly in his ointment turns out to be Michael Zane (Russell), the most principled one of the group, who survives the holocaust and spends his time, along with a pretty single mother and her precocious child, trying to keep out of Murphy's way.

In terms of plotting, the film follows a pretty traditional route for this kind of film. However, the characters here seem a bit more fleshed out than they often do in some of those other films, particularly Zane, who seems caught between his criminal inclinations and his innate goodness as a human being. Cybil, the single mother played by Courteney Cox, likewise seems conflicted between genuine love and emotion and the excitement of easy wealth and a life lived on the edge. But it is Kostner as Murphy who sets the real tone for the film. His portrayal of a steely-eyed psychotic killer literally sets the teeth on edge, as he callously mows down scores of policemen and innocent bystanders who happen to get in his way. He makes for a truly soul-cringing villain. Russell, who played the actual legend back in his own younger, more halcyon days, makes a fascinating subtle counterpoint to Murphy's unbridled ruthlessness.

The film is not, however, a total success. For one thing, the violence often seems excessively brutal, graphic and mean spirited for a movie that seems to want to be a lark of sorts (after all, a movie featuring robbers dressed as Elvis impersonators can't be bidding to be taken too seriously). Moreover, the plotting, which far too often relies on unlikely coincidences to keep it rolling, also borders frequently on the incoherent. Finally, the morally ambiguous ending doesn't really sit well with those of us who find a couple of thieves, no matter how charming they may appear to be, unlikely candidates for heroism in the context of a `happy' ending.

All in all, however, `3000 Miles to Graceland' will probably appeal to those who like their crime dramas offbeat, quirky and filled with interesting characters.

This started with such great style, color and pizazz, I thought I had discovered a real "sleeper," a film I didn't expect to be good that was turning out to be very entertaining.

Well, after the big Las Vegas heist and shortly thereafter when we got a full look at the wild characters and even wilder action scenes, the film settled down and the dialog took over. Unfortunately, that was the film's downfall as the dialog is either incredibly stupid and-or annoying in the second half of this movie. Most annoying was this young kid, you know - the smart-ass kind that says things NO kid his age would say in real life. He also had a foul mouth, and I don't like to see that from young kids.

All the characters in here are pretty much low-life people, the worst being the one played by Kevin Costner, who seemed to relish this role. If you like low-class people, you'll like this story. I gave it points for the style and the fast-moving story, but it's too unpleasant overall for me.

Costner's best bad guy role since Eastwood's "A Perfect World". He is an Elvis-loving criminal who robs a casino with his buddies and proceeds with plans to annihilate them all before they can collect their share of the loot. Simple set-up, heavy-handed execution. The thing is, though, it works as mindless, forgettable trash. Director Demian Lichtenstein is clearly churning out his Boys Own Gun Movie and he does so with unapologetic enthusiasm and not a single concession to political correctness. Which is refreshing. As usual, Kurt Russell is fine as the guy Costner underestimates and gets a world of trouble from. The climax is predictable, unfortunately, and doesn't leave us with much to chew on, but the overwrought stylings are the thing. The shoot-outs are big and brassy, and there is much collateral damage to be had. The Elvis angle is misleading because it suggests a lighter movie in the "Honeymoon in Vegas" mold; but there is no lightness here, just nihilism and firearm fetishism.

Michael Zane (Kurt Russell) meets Cybil (Courteney Cox) and his thieving kid at a desolate motel. He sleeps with her after 5 1/2 years behind bars. Elvis fanatic Thomas Murphy (Kevin Costner), Hanson (Christian Slater), Gus (David Arquette) and Franklin (Bokeem Woodbine) come to pick him up for a job. They set off to rob the Riviera Casino as Elvis impersonators.

The movie tries so hard to be an edgy crime drama. It starts from the beginning with the CG scorpion battle. It looks cheesy and bad. There is some shoot em up action but not done that well. Too much slow motion is used. Everything is done aggressively that none of it is that compelling. Demian Lichtenstein is simply not at the upper echelon of directors that this movie needs. The kid is so annoying. Some of the characters act stupidly. None of them are likable and there is no rooting interest. It's a slick crime drama but the style doesn't work.

At times this film delivers the high-octane action and intrigue just as promised. Unfortunately, it runs too long in too many directions and loses its "punch". It starts out as a Vegas heist caper. Then it turns into a road movie. Then it tries to be a mystery. Then they pump things back up with some mega-action but by this time they've lost me. It could have been a really satisfying package if they'd wrapped things up a good half hour sooner.

On the plus side, I have to say, this is my favorite Kevin Costner performance. Turns out he's REALLY good at playing the "heavy". Sure hope he does it again, maybe in a tighter movie. I credit him for making the absolute most out of a not-very-good script.

After serving prison time, trouble-seeking Kurt Russell (as Michael "Mike" Zane) joins a gang led by trouble-making Kevin Costner (as Thomas "Murph" Murphy). They rob a casino disguised as Elvis Presley impersonators, during "International Elvis Week" in Las Vegas. But first, Mr. Russell rocks bedsprings with shapely Courteney Cox (as Cybil Waingrow), while her son David Kaye (as Jesse James Waingrow) steals Russell's wallet. Following some misunderstandings and arguments, Mr. Costner wants to kill everyone and take all the money. But, Russell, Ms. Cox, and the kid want the booty too. With $3,200,000, someone could live like a king.

Writer/director Demian Lichtenstein's "3000 Miles to Graceland" is trouble in the form of stylishly cut action and violence. Too bad it's mindless violence based on nothing. Or, perhaps, based on the script hinting the men played by Russell and Costner are the illegitimate sons of Elvis Presley - or, two of 75 DNA testers not ruled out. What all the shooting has to do with Mr. Presley is anybody's guess. No television sets are shot at, and "My Way" lyricist Paul Anka shows up, possibly to make sure "The guys get shirts!" Cox' real life husband David Arquette appears as one of the gang, but Mr. Anka and Jon Lovitz are more fun.

Elvis' excellent, underused "Such a Night" (recorded in 1960, and a hit single in 1964) is the main theme song. In 1954, expressive Johnnie Ray's version was considered too sexually suggestive for US radio. Presley's music mixes well with the modern score.

The film is senseless. There are a lot of Elvis references, mostly centered around Russell. He appeared as a kid extra in "It Happened at the World's Fair" (1963), which is acknowledged when Russell gets kicked by kid Kaye. Also, in an elevator, Russell is asked to autograph an LP soundtrack from the old film. Russell occasionally uses some Presley postures, mannerisms, and talk ("man, watch the hair"). He wears a "TCB" (Taking Care of Business) necklace with the "Captain Marvel Jr." lightning bolt, and he digitally puffs the darker cigarettes Presley smoked. Costner's character is more original and interesting, but unfortunately less developed.

***** 3000 Miles to Graceland (2/20/01) Demian Lichtenstein ~ Kurt Russell, Kevin Costner, Courteney Cox, David Kaye

Scrolling through the 135+ comments, I'm amazed at how outraged so many viewers are at the "excessive violence," "explicit sex," "foul language," etc., etc., etc. C'mon. A film is advertised as Elvises robbing a Las Vegas casino during an Elvis convention. How much more lead in do you want? You expect, action, thrills and ... content? Amazing. Listen. This is one of the funniest, outrageous films I've seen in a long time. Yes. The story's incredible. But, in any film, we have to consider the level at which we're willing to "buy in." I mean, some people were outraged at the farting scenes in Shrek. Now, they're complaining because Russell and Costner-- especially the latter-- are too violent. Well, let's go back a year or so when Russell and Costner both made Wyatt Earp films, playing the title roles. From my view, both vehicles were ghastly but entertaining. So, I submit that what we have here is the COSTNER and RUSSELL Revenge vehicle. Costner is always on the leafy edge, whether he's dancing with wolves, building baseball fields for ghosts or water-skiing as bait for sea monsters. Russell, whose track record in shoot 'em-ups is no less than Stallone or Arnie, is likewise coming off some hound dog roles, such as being an automated soldier, a remake of his Escape from New York (LA? Why'd anyone want to go there in the first place?) and the sci-fi Stargate. Now, we get these two guys in a mindless, black comedy, full of S&V-- the most since the cult film Thursday-- with quirky twists and turns. Mindless violence? Yes. Gratuitious sex? Yes. Entertaining? Yes-- but only if you don't take it too seriously. I loved it.

I'm sure we've read enough bad reviews for this movie, so I'm gonna give everyone a little variety. It's time like these I feel sorry for movie critics. People always complain that they take movies too seriously, and they gotta learn to have fun at the movies.

I've heard more regular audience members b*tch about this movie than professional critics. As a matter of fact, Richard Roeper gave it a thumbs up! He knew how to have fun with the movie!

I'm proud to have "3000 Miles" as part of my DVD collection, because it's one of those great guilty-pleasure popcorn flicks. You can attack it on so many levels, artistically. Its director, Demian Lichtenstein, is a first-time director, only having directed music videos in the past. So the whole film plays out like a music video, with nonstop use of quick cutting. But in a bizarre way it works, considering the film's lightning-fast pace. The story at times makes no sense. The music (going back to the director's history in making videos) seems to upstage the action in many circumstances. Nevertheless, I love the music in this movie, whether or not the songs fit the tone of each scene.

Yes, Kevin Costner's performance is overstated, to say the least. Who cares? This ain't "Remains of the Day." This is a comic-book-style action movie meant to entertain and entertain only. His character is almost like a comic book villain. He's not meant to have a human side. And Costner's performance was perfect in the context of the character, and he seemed to be having tons of fun. When you have the joy of performance, you don't need much else. I always love seeing Kurt Russell. The rest of the actors, except for Kevin Pollak and Thomas Haden-Church, give decent but throwaway performances.

One complaint about this movie was the endangering of children during several scenes. There's one thing people forgot to throw in: Kevin Costner's THE VILLAIN! His violence against children works within the context of the character; it's not in any way exploiting it. If that's the case, we can blame "The Silence of the Lambs" for exploiting cannabilism. Admittedly, Costner's character did have some cool elements to him, but not in a way that you want to be just like him and start hurting children.

There's some real cool lines of dialogue, which I enjoy reciting on a regular basis. Overall, it's not an art film by any means, but it makes damn fine entertainment! As long as you set aside all pretentions, you should enjoy this movie. But it's still a matter of taste. Just don't speak out against the film 'cause you want to be part of the bandwagon.

My score: 7 (out of 10)

This turkey of an action flick kills anything that moves including the careers of some established actors. The screenplay for this mindless mayhem is horrendous, and one can only wonder what kind of blackmail was used to get Costner and Russell to agree to appear. The story isn't just weak, it is absurd. The dialogue is nauseatingly bad. Most B movie producers would have burned this script after reading about five pages. How it managed to procure a $62 million budget is a wonder of modern filmmaking.

Writer/Director/Producer Demian Lichtenstein seems so intent on presenting graphically violent images without regard to plausibility that he completely incinerates any vestige of credibility the screenplay might have contained. Lichtenstein shows promise with some effective camera work and generally good cinematography, but these skills without the slightest understanding of storytelling technique, continuity and actor direction make him better suited to be shooting commercials. The music by George Clinton is awful, again below B movie standards.

The acting is mediocre, although even brilliant performances would have been wasted on this script. Kevin Costner, a paragon of good guy roles, attempts to play a badder-than-bad super sociopath, and while it is a decent performance, the character is so one dimensional that it allows for no nuance. This combined with Costner's having to force himself to overcome his naturally nice demeanor makes the character extremely unbelievable.

Kurt Russell doesn't fare much better. He does his best to portray his character as a hard boiled criminal with a soft heart, but comes off as too much of a sap, doing obviously stupid things repeatedly because he can't resist the charms of the scheming Cybil (Courtney Cox) and her underhanded kid (David Kaye). Christian Slater, David Arquette, Jon Lovitz, and Ice-T are thrown in just to beef up the celebrity body count.

This film is a dreadfully violent massacre of celluloid, with a story so brainless and unbelievable that it insults all but the most Neanderthal of viewers. I rated it a 3/10. Let this one gather dust on the rental shelves.

I saw elements of "Out of Sight" and "Honeymoon in Vegas" in this action movie. The film deals with a heist pulled off by thieves posing as Elvis impersonators during a convention, and their following dillemas afterwards. The film becomes fairly predictable and unbelievable in the ensuing chaos, as most of the action takes place in showdowns between Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner's characters, the latter of whom claims to be an illegitimate child of Elvis. I thought it was a pretty good movie, and you might find something you like in it.

** 1/2 out of ****

This is a remarkable film in the sense that some Nutmeg connected to producing it walked away and lost interest in it. Whatever he was suffering from infected everyone else on the crew and they decided to play it for laughs, and maybe that was the best thing to do. There was probably seven scripts and 301 re-writes and total chaos on the sets, the action was so trigger happy that Jesse James, Wes Hardin and Bonnie and Clyde would have complained to the censors if they were around. The stars of the show Russel and Costner looked totally lost, has-beens from yesterdays box office. This film was saved by Courtney Cox and the Kid who played her son. If I was re-writing it I would have made it a film centred on these two - a mother and son film who robbed a casino to raise bail money to get Russell out of jail, Costner could have played the crooked Sherriff who wants a share of the loot but gets his just deserts. The Oscar goes to Courtney Cox, and the Kid mentioned gets the Shirley Temple Prize for Best Performance by an under age juvenile.

My re-write would have saved $30 m dollars in production costs and the weapons and bullets saved could have been used on another two films. Was it a good film, No, Did I enjoy it, Yes, the Golden Snip scissors could have shortened it by 30 minutes and no one would have known. The scenery was great, some of the stunts were hard work, but the script was even harded, 5 stars, 10 stars to Cox.

3000 MILES TO GRACELAND

It was quite good.

I wasn't expecting too much because I had not heard much about it... even when it was first released.

The film is about a gang of criminals that does an armed robbery at a casino in Vegas. They are all dressed as Elvis as it is Elvis week. The problem is, once they get out of there... they can't trust each other as they all want the money.

The story was not very original... It was similar to other robbery movies I have seen, but it was entertaining. It kept me glued to the screen. What I liked most about it was, you could not trust anyone... just when you think you trust a character, they do something that you don't really expect. I don't want to rip off a famous saying from a classic TV show... but in this case this phrase is true... Trust no-one!

The casting was not great... there were some great choices, but also some mistakes. Kurt Russell is the main character. He did a fantastic job. I think he is such a great actor. He has made so many classic films. But he will never beat Big Trouble in Little China in my opinion. I love that movie. Kevin Costner is the other main character. This was a bad choice. Kevin has always been a very hit and miss actor for me. He has made some great movies and he clearly can act... but in some movies the characters just do not suit his style of acting. Unfortunately, this is one of those characters. Half of the movie he did well. He was believable in his role, but then there would be quite a few scenes where he seemed very out of place and you could tell he was acting... badly. Courtney Cox was also cast in this movie... she was a great choice. She made this just after Scream 3 and whilst she was in the middle of filming Friends. She is a good actress, and she has proved she can play straight roles as well as comedy. This was a very good performance from her. Other cast members were David Arquette, Christian Slater, Kevin Pollak & Jon Lovitz. There was also a little cameo by Ice-T... but this was another mistake. This role was not good for him. I don't really rate him as an actor anyway, but this is a film he should have stayed away from.

The movie had a few comedy moments in there, but they were not laugh out loud funny. There was scene in particular which was just out of place. It did not belong in the film because it was just silly. Kevin Costner pretended to be a baseball fan... but he was dressed in this stupid costume which just didn't fit in the film at all.

I will give this film 7 out of 10.

Entertaining, unpredictable and fun. It is worth watching if you want a good crime chase film.

"Either quit smoking, or get a new lighter!"

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When I first learned of this movie and discovered both Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner starred together in this film, I knew I had to watch it. I never imagined these two great actors ever being in a movie together, so for me it was a must see. But this was going back some years when I learned of this movie and I was only 13 or 14 years old when I finally saw it. And I loved it. Afterwards I then did my research on the film, and I was shocked at the amount of poor reviews it received.

Now I'm 10 years older and a little wiser (I'd like to think) I can see why this film didn't do very well. In my overall opinion I think it simply tried too hard. But does that mean I now dislike the movie? Not at all. I still enjoy it. You got a hell of a lot of action, lots of violence and a great cast. I'm a simple guy who can enjoy a movie despite it's flaws. I can definitely point out things in the movie they could have changed which may have made this movie better (for me) and possibly better received. But no point in thinking "what if?"

I still enjoy the movie for what it is. Full of action and entertaining. As I mention above, has it's flaws but still enjoyable.

Notice the Elvis Presley album cover that Kurt Russell signs when he is dressed as Elvis in the elevator for the hot girl. Don't think it was a coincidence that it was "It Happened At The World's Fair" For people who don't know Kurt was the kid in the movie who kicked Elvis in the shins after Elvis paid him to do it. Wonder how many Elvis or Kurt fans caught that in the movie. I wonder whose idea it was. The director or maybe Kurt himself to see if anyone catches it. I thought that was a funny sideline to this movie. AS for the movie itself, it is a good but not great film. Kurt is the only actor to work with Elvis in a film then play him in a movie (Elvis)

After ridiculous MTV-like opening credits sequence, "Graceland" picks up a bit as Kurt Russell joins a slick gang of crooks for a casino heist in Vegas. So far so good... Yet, after the plan goes awry and double-dealings begin to pile up as high as the body-count, I sensed a schizophrenic at the steering wheel. Right about the time Kevin Costner meets up with shady/wimpy antiques dealer Jon Lovitz, I felt the picture really lose its bearings. And after that, the bottom does indeed fall out. "Graceland" is an unapologetically amoral action-thriller that doesn't care about right and wrong, but is so conventional in its set-up that the slick film-making just looks shallow. I lost count of all the plot-holes in the scenario, and Costner just looks silly, posturing instead of acting. Kurt Russell and Courteney Cox are very good, but can't save the picture by themselves. *1/2 from ****

Without a doubt Costner´s best work. I have seen this film most likely over 20 times. Not that the story is that fantastic, but just the lingo, and the tough guy attitude of the whole thing.

Dig it!

Blah, Blah, Blah. Yes, there is a lot of violence and foul language in this movie. If that is the sort of thing that offends you than don't see this movie. If not, this was a great action movie. I was really surprised because of negative reviews. I wanted to see it in the movie theater, but couldn't find anyone else to go. I regret now not seeing it at the theater. Costner was EXCELLENT as the bad guy. Russell was good too. And there was an excellent supporting cast. You will see this movie and after you were done with it you will say this movie was different than I thought - guaranteed. This is a perfect example of critics killing a great movie (it was the violence and language). One of the best action movies I have ever seen.

I owe Roger Ebert an apology regarding this film. I was surprised by his review trashing it. What did he call it? "Mean spirited," I believe. He also described a few plot points that I had trouble believing. I thought, "He must be joking. They couldn't possibly have done something THAT stupid."

Then I saw the film. So now, I apologize to Roger Ebert for not believing him. In fact, I thought he was being kind.

Now, I'm determined that someone owes me an apology for having made that piece of garbage, and for making me wish I'd stayed home to watch XFL football instead.