Bowfinger (1999)

Steve Martin: Bowfinger

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [on filming an actor without his giving permission to be filmed] 

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Did you know Tom Cruise had no idea he was in that vampire movie till two years later?

• Robert K. Bowfinger : We are finished! We are over!

  Daisy : How come?

  Robert K. Bowfinger : You had sex with Jiff.

  Daisy : So?

  Robert K. Bowfinger : I never thought of it that way.

  Daisy : I'll see you tonight?

  Robert K. Bowfinger : What time?

• Dave : But movies cost millions of dollars to make.

  Robert K. Bowfinger : That's after gross net deduction profit percentage deferment ten percent of the nut. Cash, every movie cost $2,184.

• Robert K. Bowfinger : Do you have any experience in motion pictures?

  Jiff Ramsey : Uh, well, yeah, quite a bit, actually, I have quite a bit of experience. I'm an active, uh, renter at Blockbuster, and I, um, attend the filmed cinema, uh, as much as possible, weekly, bi-weekly, inter-week-... intermediately.

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Would you be willing to cut your hair?

  Jiff Ramsey : [sighs]  Oh, yes, but, uh, it's usually better if someone else does it. I've had a few... accidents.

• Robert K. Bowfinger : ...but what are some of your favorite TV shows?

  Daisy : I love the Flintstones.

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Oh I love the Flintstones too, that's so good, do you like that? Now, okay, do you like walks in the park?

  Daisy : In the rain!

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Oh God, you know what, I want you to see the Music Man, because...

  Daisy : I've seen that! I love the Music Man!

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Isn't Robert Preston good?

  Daisy : He's so good! Do you LOVE Smashing Pumpkins?

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Are you kid - I LOVE to do that!

• Kit : [looking around]  Hey! Freddy?

  Slater : You heard me Kincade, don't act dumb! Where's the plutonium?

  Kit : Hey, the plutonium is mine, its been registered for religious purposes!

  Slater : [confused]  You, you actually have some plutonium?

  Robert K. Bowfinger : [listening]  He's got *plutonium*?

• [Bowfinger shows Stricter the footage of Kit exposing himself to the Laker Girls] 

  Terry Stricter : You realize there's not a court in the country that wouldn't consider this blackmail.

  Robert K. Bowfinger : You know what? I don't know anything about blackmail... 'cause I'm just a guy, a guy with a great film in the can. All I really need is a shot of Kit saying, "Gotcha, suckas" and a couple of close-ups. Or we've to tag our film with a shot of Kit wagging his thing at the Laker Girls. Which is a great ending. I mean, who wouldn't wanna see that? Although technically, it's not such a good ending for Kit... because it could sort of stop his money flow... and possibly make that family film he's about to do, just pff-ff!

  Terry Stricter : We'll have to think about it.

  [beat] 

  Terry Stricter : I mean, we'll have to think about it... for Kit.

  [Bowfinger muses, acts like he's checking his watch] 

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Now that you and your colleagues here at Mindfu-- head have had a chance to think, what do you say?

• [Interviewing Jiff for the movie] 

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Would you be willing to cut your hair?

  Jiff Ramsey : Well, yeah, but it would probably be better if someone else did it. I've had a few... accidents.

• Robert K. Bowfinger : Think of this as an errand. Your errand is to run across the freeway until I yell, "Cut!"

• Robert K. Bowfinger : And why is this going to work? Because Afrim here is a damn fine screenwriter, as well as accountant and part time receptionist. I said to Afrim "If you can write half as well as you can add-" Well I didn't even have to finish my sentence. Twelve days later he hands me this, this masterpiece. Afrim, tell them what it's called.

  Afrim : Chubby Rain.

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Tell them why!

  Afrim : Because when the aliens come down to earth, they come inside raindrops, making the rain chubby. Chubby rain!

• [after seeing Dave's camera which he borrowed without permission] 

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Good camera.

  Dave : Yeah. I gotta have it back in every night, or it's a felony. Years you get.

  Robert K. Bowfinger : [pats Dave on the shoulder]  You'd get.

• Robert K. Bowfinger : [of a prolonged kissing scene audition]  Let's try it one more time, uh, Slater, this time *without* the erection.

• Robert K. Bowfinger : This film is only for Madagascar and Iran, neither of which follow American copyright law.

• Robert K. Bowfinger : We need a guy with a fabulous ass! And mine is the wrong color!

• Robert K. Bowfinger : I'm 49 years old. Admittedly, I could get away with 44, 41, *maybe* 38. But when you hit 50 they don't hire you anymore. It's like they can *smell* 50.

• Robert K. Bowfinger : Yes! We'll be just like Bogey and Bacall!

  Daisy : Who?

• Robert K. Bowfinger : I worry about our age difference.

  Daisy : Yeah, but whose business is it really if when I hit my sexual peak you'll be 70?

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Yeah.

• Robert K. Bowfinger : She had the personality of a ZIP code in Kansas.

• Robert K. Bowfinger : See that FedEx truck? Every day it delivers important papers to people all over the world. And one day, it is going to stop here, and a man is going to walk up and casually toss a couple of FedExes on my desk. And at that moment, we - and by we, I mean me - will be important.

• [first lines] 

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Wow. Great script. Great script!

  [to his dog] 

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Betsy? It's now or never. We are gonna make a movie.

• [on the ending of the script Chubby Rain] 

  Robert K. Bowfinger : I mean, at the end of this movie. When our hero, Keith Kincade, looks up at the alien anteanae and says "Gotcha suckas!"... I mean, that is a moment.

• Afrim : These new hot scenes, the ones in which Daisy exposes her breasts, will increase sales in Thailand.

  Bowfinger : Did Daisy agree to this?

  Afrim : That is the key; although, I haven't talked to her.

• Bowfinger : It's all good. It's all good. It's a - this script is butta!

  Kit Ramsey : What?

  Bowfinger : Butta! Butta! This stuff is butta. It's a - it's a - it's a - it's - it's - it's all good! It's a jiggy baby. It's a...

  Kit Ramsey : Wait. Wait. Hold. Hold. Now, how you know it's all good and jiggy baby?

• Bowfinger : We're not doing anything traditional here. We're working in a new style. We're working in - in - eh - Cinema Nouveau.

  Carol : Cinema Nouveau. Ahhh... .

• Bowfinger : Vixen in stretch pants. "What man wouldn't want a hot virgin?" Okay, you'll do this?

  Daisy : Well, if I have to. If it's for the movie and you really, really want me to and if it's not just about nudity; but, if its artistic and it it says something about reality and if its in character and if its for the scene and if its not just a body that...

  Bowfinger : Right, right, right, right, right, right... .

• [Bowfinger has snuck his way onto Kit's property and approaches him with the script for "Chubby Rain"] 

  Kit : Wait, wait, wait. Who are you?

  Robert K. Bowfinger : They just buzzed me in. Script delivery from Paramount.

  Kit : I ain't expectin' no script from Paramount.

  Robert K. Bowfinger : I mean... Universal?

  Kit : [beat]  Maybe so. Come on.

• Bowfinger : Today, I have a very important meeting with Jerry Renfro. If it goes the way I think its going to go, I will see you - at the Oscars.

• Bowfinger : This is one of the *hot* scenes that's about heat and - and - and - chemistry.

  Jiff Ramsey : Oh, it must be the artistic portion of the film.

  Bowfinger : That's right. So, so give her a little room, react normally, be sensitive above all; because, in this scene, Daisy's going to take off her blouse.

• Bowfinger : Do you have any experience in motion pictures?

  Jiff Ramsey : Oh, yeah, I have quite a bit, actually. Quite a bit of experience. I'm active renter at Blockbuster and I attend the film to cinema as much as possible. Weekly, bi-weekly, inter-week - intermediate-ly.

• Daisy : Its so hard to make love. To give yourself to a man because it's the woman who's entered. Its the woman whose violated.

  Bowfinger : I so understand that.

  Daisy : To know that the man inside of you is part of you and that he would not prevent that added scene of yours from being shot.

  Bowfinger : We're doing the scenes.

• Bowfinger : Would you be willing to cut your hair?

  Jiff Ramsey : Yes, but it's usually better if somebody else does it. I've had a few accidents.

• Bowfinger : I promise to never play mind games with your head.

  Daisy : You are so today!

• [in the next Bobby Bowfinger production, "Fake Purse Ninjas", Bowfinger clasps hands with Jiff] 

  Robert K. Bowfinger : Good to see you again, brother!

• [after Bowfinger's scheme has been exposed, his camera team reveals they have caught footage of Kit Ramsey exposing himself to the Laker Girls] 

  Robert K. Bowfinger : [smiling deviously]  I think we just got our permission.