Scott Thompson: Baxter, Mrs. Hurdicure, Wally, Malek, The Queen, Big Stummies Scientist, Raj, Clemptor
Photos
Quotes
-
Wally : Doctor, why do those types
[motions with hands]
Wally : keep thinking that I'm one of them?
Psychiatrist : Well, Wally, because you *are* one of them. You are gay. You are gay. You are a homosexual. The opposite of straight, you're gay. I know it. Your family knows it. DOGS know it! Everyone seems to know it except you.
-
[after being brought home by the police]
Wally : There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this.
Wally's wife : Please don't.
Wally : Well, I was out driving. 'Cause you know how much I love driving. When suddenly, I had to take the *biggest pee in the world*! So I went to this washroom...
[Wally's family goes inside and locks him out]
Wally : ...but it was full of those *types*! You know. QUEERS and QUEENIES and...
-
Scientist : [as he's dragged away] It was only a couple of flipper-babies!
-
Drill sergeant : You... are... scum! Do you hear me soldier?
Wally : Yes, sir!
Drill sergeant : Do you know what we are going to be doing today?
Wally : No, sir!
Drill sergeant : We are going to be doing push-ups all day, you and me, all day!
[Wally smiles]
Drill sergeant : Do you think that's funny soldier?
Wally : No, sir!
Drill sergeant : Well, just for that, you are going to be doing those push-ups with me lying on your back! You are going to discover muscles, you never knew you had! Big... muscles, hard... muscles!
Wally : Oh, yesss, sir!
-
Placebo Patient : No. It's been two weeks and I don't feel any different. All I've done is gain eight pounds. Now, what's in this?
Baxter : Oh, a little of this and a little of that. Open
Placebo Patient : It's sugar isn't it?
[shouts]
Placebo Patient : I'm in the placebo group.
-
Wally : No Secrets between Sailors!
-
Mrs. Hurdicure : [looking at drug] What will this do?
Dr. Cooper : Well, it reaches into your brain "chemically," and then it locates your happiest memory "chemically," then it locks onto that emotion and freezes it "chemically," and then it keeps you happy, happy.
Baxter : Chris? She's depressed, not stupid!
-
Homeless Windowshopper : Smile, it's free!
