NewsRadio (1995–1999)
Phil Hartman: Bill McNeal
Photos
Quotes
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Bill : Oh, I remember one time my father came home from a night on the town, which of course had turned into a week, and my mother said, "John, is there anything you won't drink?" and my father shot back, "Poison! I'm saving it for you!"
[laughs]
Bill : And I and my brother, who's now an alcoholic himself, just about died laughing.
Lisa : And this is a happy memory for you?
Bill : Of course! Another time I was cut from the high school football team, and my mother said, "Central's lost a fullback, but the McNeals have gained a daughter."
[laughing]
Bill : In front of the other players, too! Priceless!
[laughs]
Bill : Good times.
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[reading cards from the complaint box]
Dave : "You suck." "You suck." "Howard Stern rules." "If you can read this you are a dork." "Coupon for one free kiss from Joe if you are a girl." "We need more complaint cards." "Coupon for one free kiss from Joe if you are a guy."
Joe : Hey.
Dave : [pulling out a fortune cookie slip] "You will go on a journey, happy long time." "Matthew is a moron." "No I'm not." "Yes you are." "No I'm not infinity." "Yes you are infinity plus one." And this one, "I have doobie in my funk," which I assume is some sort of reference to the Parliament Funkadelic song, "Chocolate City." Uh, "You got peanut butter in my chocolate. You got chocolate in my peanut butter. Together they taste like crap." "Matthew has been staring at me all day... and I like it." I don't think I get this one, it says, "I try to be good hard-worker-man, but refrigemater so messy, so so messy."
Lisa : I think that one's probably from Milos, the janitor.
Dave : Oh. Refrigem... oh, then that one's legitimate.
[continues reading the complaint cards]
Dave : Uh, "Who's the black private dick who's the sex machine with all the chicks."
Bill , Beth , Lisa , Matthew , Joe : SHAFT.
Bill : I thought we'd all enjoy that.
Dave : [reading one last card] And, "Help, I'm being held prisoner in a complaint box," which is actually kinda funny.
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Bill : In the future, it might help if you located the source of your rage before you unleashed it on the world.
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Jimmy James : Hold it, Bill. I've heard Penthouse letters that were more plausible than this.
Bill : So have I. But the fact is the woman wanted me, and the fact that she couldn't have me made her insane with what the great poets have called "manimal lust."
