- Fraser: She shot my hat, Ray.
- Ray Vecchio: [incredulous that this matters] She shot you in the hat?
- Fraser: [very serious] I can feel air coming in through the hole.
- Ray Vecchio: [serious] She shot you in the hat.
- Fraser: How does it look?
- Ray Vecchio: Doesn't look good.
- Fraser: We'll have to go home and get my other one.
- Ray Vecchio: We can do that, Fraser.
- Fraser: Thanks, Ray.
- Fraser Sr.: February 13 - Ten years ago I would never have walked into something like this. A bear trap so poorly camouflaged a child would have seen it but I didn't. I pried it open and got my leg out but there was no way I could make it back. I was prepared to die out here. And to be honest, I felt I deserved it. A man gets too old for a job he should know it, and stop. But then Buck found me. I don't know how. No one knew where I was going but he found me and carried me back. Three days over terrain a mule couldn't navigate. Laughing his ass off the entire way. Riding like that, completely helpless, slung over Buck's shoulder and staring down his back I came to understand two things. One, at a certain point in life a man's hips spread and there's nothing you can do about it and two, there's a very easy way to define friendship. A friend is someone who won't stop until he finds you and brings you home.
- Benton Fraser: Geiger was an escaped convict sworn to vengeance on a legendary Mountie who bore an uncanny resemblance to the Canadian actor and comedian, Leslie Nielsen.
- Robert Fraser's ghost: Who has yet to receive the Order of Canada.
- Benton Fraser: Long overdue.
- Ray Kowalski: You don't have a gun?
- Benton Fraser: Well, obviously you weren't fully briefed. I'm not licensed to carry a firearm.
- Ray Kowalski: And you didn't bother telling me before?
- Benton Fraser: Well, it didn't seem germane at the time.
- Ray Kowalski: What the hell kinda word is that?
- Robert Fraser's ghost: We have to find somewhere to live.
- Benton Fraser: What do you mean, "we"?
- Robert Fraser's ghost: That's a cruel joke, son. I've been thinking about an office. I think I need an office.
- Benton Fraser: What the hell would you do with an office?
- Robert Fraser's ghost: Office work, memoirs, catch up on my taxes. . .
- Benton Fraser: You've been dead for two years.
- Robert Fraser's ghost: Oh, they find you, son. They find you.
- Ray Kowalski: Look, we're hundreds of miles from nowhere in a frozen wasteland and you're grinning like an idiot.
- Benton Fraser: I'm home.
- Torrance: What is a Mountie doing here, anyway?
- Ray Kowalski: His name is Constable Benton Fraser. He first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of his father, and for reasons that do not need explaining at this juncture, he has remained a lesion...
- Benton Fraser: Uh, liaison, Ray. Attached as liaison with the Canadian consulate.
- Landlady: So what's your story? You work in a circus?
- Benton Fraser: Uh, no, ma'am, Royal Canadian Mounted police. I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my father, and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture I've remained, attached as liaison with the Canadian Consulate.
- Landlady: [after long pause] Don't take anything.
- Benton Fraser: Understood.
- Ray Kowalski: You know, Fraser, when they offered me this assignment, they made it sound kind of normal. They say, "Hey, Ray, here's a chance to start over, ditch the past." "What's the catch?" I say. "Oh, your partner's Canadian." Canadian? I got nothing against Canadians, except for the time when they won the World Series.
- Benton Fraser: Two times.
- Ray Kowalski: Which I'm willing to overlook.
- Benton Fraser: Thank you.
- Ray Kowalski: But at no time did they say, "you'll be working with a Mountie who's got a wolf that's a florist".
- Benton Fraser: You know, Ray, my father once told me that the sky isn't just above you, that if you look at the horizon you'll see that it actually touches the ground. So if you think about it, wherever you go, you are actually walking in the sky.
- Ray Kowalski: You're a freak.
- Benton Fraser: Understood.
- Benton Fraser: Sir, I wonder if I might ask a question.
- Kevin Spender: Sure, if you can tell me how a Mountie fits into this.
- Benton Fraser: My name is Constable Benton Fraser...
- Lt. Welsh: He originally came to Chicago on the trail of his father's killer...
- Ray Kowalski: And for a whole bunch of reasons he's decided to stick around...
- Benton Fraser: Attached as liaison with the Canadian Consulate.
- Robert Fraser's ghost: Now this is where you need the Yank, so he can threaten them with force, tell them he's going to kick 'em in the head or jump Bogart all over them or one of those other colorful expressions he's so fond of.
- Benton Fraser: I can do that.
- Robert Fraser's ghost: Oh, they would never believe you, son.
- Benton Fraser: They might.
- [repeated line]
- Benton Fraser: I first came to Chicago on the trail of my father's killers, and for various reasons remained here a liaison to the Canadian consulate.
- Ray Vecchio: Does the word "incarcerate" mean anything to you?
- Fraser: Well it's from the Medieval Latin, "incarcerata..."
- Ray Vecchio: Medieval Latin? You let a perp go and you're giving me Medieval Latin?
- Fraser: Actually, "perpetrator" is also Latin, from "perpetrare..."
- Ray Vecchio: Shut up, ok? Just shut up.
- Fraser Sr.: [voice over] They say that every man has a price at which he'll do anything. I like to think it's the other way around; every man has a line, a line he won't cross over, no matter what the cost.
- Francesca: He was born on the tundra; that's where he belongs. You'll kill him if you take him to Toronto.
- Margaret Thatcher: That's a bit drastic, don't you think?
- Francesca: Look, I've been to Toronto. Trust me, nothing can survive there.
- Fraser: [Ray is driving] You really should be setting an example, Ray, I mean, you stand for the rule of law and...
- [Ray turns a corner without indicating]
- Fraser: There! You just did it again.
- Ray Vecchio: Did What?
- Fraser: You know perfectly well what.
- Ray Vecchio: No, I don't.
- Fraser: You just made a turn without indicating.
- Ray Vecchio: I wouldn't do that.
- Fraser: You just did.
- Ray Vecchio: You're seeing things.
- Fraser: I'm not seeing things, Ray. You made a left hand turn at that intersection and you didn't use your...
- [Ray turns another corner without indicating]
- Fraser: There! You just did it again.
- Ray Vecchio: Did what?
- Fraser: You know, perhaps I'm reading too much into matters but it would appear you're doing this on purpose.
- Ray Vecchio: Ah, really annoys you, doesn't it?
- Ray Vecchio: So you're me.
- Ray Kowalski: And you're not you.
- Ray Vecchio: That's a good one. Unlike the clothes.
- Ray Kowalski: Something wrong with them?
- Ray Vecchio: Well, nothing if you're a ... bag lady. You see, I had a rep. I was a slick dresser.
- Ray Kowalski: Oh yeah, like a style pig, you mean.
- Louis Gardino: If we arrested everybody who hated you, we'd pretty much have to shut down this city.
- Fraser: Yes, officially it is off the record but I thought you'd be concerned.
- Ray Vecchio: I never get unofficially concerned.
- Benton Fraser: Have you seen Ray?
- Francesca: Yeah, he said he was going some place to think. Whatever mythical place that might be.
- Ray Kowalski: Can you get out? I need the room.
- Constable Turnbull: No, no, Ray. In Canada if we wish someone to leave the room we say "Could you please leave the room?"
- Ray Kowalski: Could you please leave the room...before I punch you in the head?
- Ray Vecchio: [to Diefenbaker] What is the most unglamorous, unromantic place you could possibly take a woman?
- [a garbage truck drives past and Diefenbaker gives chase]
- Ray Vecchio: Oh, come on! A garbage truck? Not even Fraser's that... Hold on Benny!
- [Ray runs after the truck]
- Ray Kowalski: What is the name, Frannie?
- Francesca: It's on the pop sheet there.
- Ray Kowalski: You mean rap sheet.
- Francesca: Okay, rap, pop, country, classical...
- Ray Vecchio: Please tell me this doesn't involve sub-zero temperatures or Inuit legend.
- Fraser: No, it does not.
- Ray Vecchio: Of course it does. It always does.
- Ray Vecchio: How do I get out of this town?
- Woman behind counter: Left at the corner.
- Ray Vecchio: Well, I don't have a car.
- Woman behind counter: Then you have a problem.
- Ray Vecchio: You have no idea. Is there a car rental agency?
- Woman behind counter: Apollo 13 rentals.
- Ray Vecchio: How about a bus?
- Woman behind counter: Last one went through an hour ago.
- Ray Vecchio: Does the space shuttle fly over any time soon?
- Woman behind counter: Ask Bob.
- Ray Vecchio: I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a dull spoon.
- [the woman offers Ray a plastic spoon]
- Ray Vecchio: No, no, it's just an expression.
- Colonel Shank: [to Fraser and Ray] Now you have been spared the full weight of these penalties thanks to the intercession of the city of Chicago and the government of Canada. Both of whom have requested leniency, claiming, er, diminished mental capacity.
- Ray Kowalski: D'you find me attractive?
- Benton Fraser: In what sense?
- Ray Kowalski: In the sense of... you know, being a woman.
- Benton Fraser: Do I think you're an attractive woman?
- Ray Kowalski: Oh, great, what, we got the alderman on attempted suicide?
- Benton Fraser: Inducement to suicide is still a crime in the state of Illinois.
- Ray Kowalski: Got the death penalty for that?
- Benton Fraser: Well I don't imagine the death penalty would be an effective deterrent for potential suicides.
- Ray Kowalski: Right. Got a point there.
- Fraser: Grace loves the opera but she can't afford to sit close.
- Ray Vecchio: Yeah, but she's deaf.
- Fraser: Well, that doesn't mean she can't enjoy good music.
- Ray Vecchio: Really? Oh, I thought it did.
- Dawn Charest: Has anyone ever told you, you have phenomenal bone structure?
- Fraser: Yes, a starving Inuit.
- Robert Fraser's ghost: Close the door, son. Anyone would think you were born in a barn.
- Benton Fraser: I was.
- Benton Fraser: Tell me where my partner is...or I shall kick you in the head.
- Larry: Really?
- Benton Fraser: Ah, no.
- Benton Fraser: Ray, you know, you really should try to keep your things a little more organized.
- Ray Kowalski: Look, Fraser, this is the wrong time for advice on neatness.
- Benton Fraser: It may be the wrong time for advice, Ray, but it's never the wrong time for neatness.
- [Fraser and Ray are being questioned by a gang of criminals.]
- Muldoon: Perhaps he should talk. Don't I know you?
- Benton Fraser: Not directly, no. I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my -
- Ray Kowalski: Fraser, not now.
- Ray Vecchio: [voice over from sewer] This is a swill pit. You brought me into a swill pit.
- Fraser: [voice over from sewer] No, it's not a swill pit, Ray. First of all, swill entails a more pungent odour and a pit is generally a circular indentation with only one entrance from the top. This however fits the definition of a tunnel. A long, straight...
- Ray Vecchio: [thud]
- [voice over from sewer]
- Ray Vecchio: Ow!
- Fraser: [voice over from sewer] Correction, a long, meandering tunnel.
- Fraser: It takes seven fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown. Save your energy, you're going to need it in your child bearing years.
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