If you only see one rock 'n' roll version of Phantom of the Opera, make it Brian De Palma's excellent Phantom of the Paradise; if you see two, make the second one Phantom of the Paradise as well, 'cos the only other alternative I'm aware of is Phantom of the Ritz, and it is absolute crap!
A prelude set in the 50s sets up the basic premise: horribly burned after a drag racing accident, a young man escapes from hospital and hides himself away in local theatre The Ritz, where he proceeds to terrorise the clientèle. The action then moves to the present day, and sees the now derelict theatre, still occupied by hideously scarred 'phantom', bought by 50s loving entrepreneur Ed Blake (Peter Bergman) who intends to revive his favourite decade with a live rock and roll variety show.
Assisted by girlfriend Nancy (Deborah Van Valkenburgh), project manager Bruno (B.J. McQueen), accountant Sally (Cindy Vincino) and extremely eloquent security man Marcus (Russell Curry), Ed soon whips the theatre into shape, but the phantom, driven crazy by steroids and with a hatred of the decade in which he was disfigured, intends to put a stop to the shows.
Presented as 'horror/comedy', but without a single scare or laugh on offer during the entire running time (unless you count unintentional giggles at the sheer dreadfulness of the whole mess), virtually everything about Phantom of the Ritz is utter garbage: the acting is lousy, the direction pedestrian, there's no gore, and with the majority of the film focusing on the renovation of the theatre and the organisation of the show, those looking for a fun slice of 80s horror cheeze will be sorely disappointed. There's plenty of discussion about colour schemes, a prolonged audition scene during which viewers must endure a plethora of talentless acts going through their routines, and lots of inane chat, but the phantom himself remains out of view until the finalé (save for a few shots of his hands).
After a couple of sell-out shows, during which The Coasters appear to perform their hit 'Yakkity Yak' (don't talk back), the phantom is finally revealed in his entirety (and to be fair, he's a fairly well realised monster) as he grabs Nancy and disappears into the basement, closely pursued by Marcus, Ed and the police. After a struggle, the phantom and The Ritz go up in flames. The End.
2/10 (I find it hard to believe, but I have seen worse!).
