Soapdish (1991)

Arne Nannestad: Burton White

Quotes 

• [Reading unrehearsed lines off the TelePrompTer] 

  Celeste Talbert : [as Maggie]  Dr. Randall, what a surprise! Are you having lunch here?

  Jeffrey Anderson : [as Dr. Randall]  I will if it's that sample. Huh... I wish it was that simple.

  Edmund Edwards : [offstage]  This guy never heard of contact lenses?

  Jeffrey Anderson : [as Dr. Randall]  The test results have come back.

  Celeste Talbert : [as Maggie]  And?

  Jeffrey Anderson : [as Dr. Randall]  And I'm afraid the results are very disturbing. It seems that Angelique has a rare case of brake fluid...

  [pause] 

  Jeffrey Anderson : Bran... fluid. Bran flavor.

  Burton White : What the hell?

  David Barnes : [offstage]  Brain fever!

  Edmund Edwards : [offstage, loudly]  Say it!

  Celeste Talbert : [as Maggie]  Brain fever!

  Jeffrey Anderson : [as Dr. Randall]  Yes. Brain fever. Or what we call in Austria...

  [they both goggle at the word] 

  Jeffrey Anderson : Kopfgeschlagen. At the current rate of inflation, her brain will laterally explore the...

  Celeste Talbert : [as Maggie]  Literally explode?

  Jeffrey Anderson : [as Dr. Randall]  Exactly, within the next three houses.

  Celeste Talbert : [as Maggie]  Hours?

  Jeffrey Anderson : [as Dr. Randall]  Yes, will literally explode within next three hours. I would suggest leaving the restraint.

  Celeste Talbert : [as Maggie]  Restaurant?

  Jeffrey Anderson : [as Dr. Randall]  Restaurant, yes.

  Celeste Talbert : [as Maggie]  Her brain will actually explode?

  Jeffrey Anderson : [as Dr. Randall]  Yes, yes, I've, um, seen it happen. It's a dreadful, dreadful thug. Thing.

• Betsy Faye Sharon : She came in yesterday. I don't know who the hell she is. Her name is Naven, Maven, Slaven... Claven... there's no agent.

  David Barnes : Find her.

  Betsy Faye Sharon : Well, what if she can't act?

  Burton White : That never stopped us before!

  [Barnes snaps his fingers] 

  Betsy Faye Sharon : What?

  David Barnes : [snap, snap, snap, snap, snap]  We make her mute!

  Burton White : What?

  David Barnes : If she doesn't speak, we don't have to pay her as much. A homeless deaf-mute: what could be more pathetic? God, I'm good.

• Burton White : [watching the live episode unfold]  At last, DRAMA!

• [Jeffrey is about to prepare the brain transplant] 

  Lori Craven : MOTHER!

  [Celeste sits up] 

  Lori Craven : No, I can't let you do this!

  Burton White : She spoke?

  Jeffrey Anderson : She spoke!

  Montana Moorehead : Sudden speech, the last stages of brain fever! She can blow up any moment!

  Lori Craven : I can always speak! Mother...

  Montana Moorehead : She's MY mother!

  Celeste Talbert : MONTANA, SHUT UP!

• Burton White : When the soup lady arrives, something inside of you *snaps*. Something mental.

  Lori Craven : A crack-up.

  Burton White : Exactly! Exactly. It's all gotten to you. The grinding poverty. The deprivation. The peeing in the streets.

• Burton White : Okay, boys and girls, we're going to tape this rehearsal. And remember, poverty, depression, society's ills. We are making a statement here. So, let's not underline the statement. Let's just make it!

• Lori Craven : It's really big!

  Burton White : Well, um, it looks smaller on the screen.

• Burton White : David, you know, I don't think we have really established Maggie in the soup kitchen milieu.