- Paul Blake: You're hurt. You're tired. You're bleeding. I'm gonna make you a promise. We get into that endzone, you're not gonna feel any pain.
- [Halftime of final game]
- Coach Rig: Now, let's analyze what's been working for us.
- [Long pause]
- Coach Rig: NOT A GOD DAMN THING'S been working for us. Like this goddamn suit doesn't work for me... and this stinking tie... and this goddamned shirt. IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME. YOU KNOW HOW TO PLAY WINNING HARD-NOSED FOOTBALL? YOU PLAY FOOTBALL LIKE ED GENERRO PLAYED FOOTBALL. A guy who gave his life for this football team. He was a 140-pound halfback, and HE PLAYED LIKE A GODDAMN WILDMAN! NO! LIKE A GODDAMN RAMPAGING BEAST! And that's the way you got to do it! YOU GO OUT THERE! YOU TEAR THEIR FUCKING HEADS OFF, AND YOU SHIT DOWN THEIR NECKS! Let us pray.
- Coach Rig: I don't wanna put any undue pressure on you guys, but Coach Gennero's last words were, win or I'll die.
- Coach Rig: Not much of a crowd.
- Coach Gennero: Well, at least we have the home field advantage.
- Coach Rig: The Alamo was the home field.
- Football Player: Welcome to football!
- Lucy Draper: Welcome to foot... BALL!
- [She kicks him in the crotch; he lets out a soprano wail]
- Jarvis Edison: How many timeouts do we have left?
- Paul Blake: Three.
- Jarvis Edison: Can we take 'em all now?
- Coach Rig: Ok Banks. Ready, Hut! Come on, Banks, you're supposed to be hitting a sled, not humping a butterfly! I want you mean, I want you nasty! I want you to eat raw meat! Get your ass outta here! Alright, Next!
- Coach Rig: [as Andre readys himself to hit the blocking sled] Ready, Hut!
- [Andre knocks Coach Rig off the sled]
- Andre Krimm: Andre does not eat raw meat. 'Cause Andre is a vegetarian.
- Coach Rig: Eat whatever the hell you want Andre!
- Chuck Niederman: The Blake man pitches to Sarge, The Sargester bumps into his own man. It's a fumble! FUMBLAYA! Sargie "Fumblina" Wilkerson fumbles the ball!
- Andre Krimm: The next time I invite you out with the guys keep your white butt at home.
- Paul Blake: But I thought you said you wanted to Paaar-teee?
- Chuck Neiderman: I hope you stay tuned for our halftime extravaganza, as the Texas State marching band does its salute to gun racks and open beverage containers; which is only legal in Texas.
- Dean Elias: [Dean Elias arrives at the bar and see's nothing is going on] Sheriff, Im Dean Elias I heard about the brawl on my beeper. So where's the brawl?
- Sheriff Woods: Brawl? They ain't no brawl.
- Dean Elias: Number one There isn't any brawl. Number two what do you mean THEY AIN'T NO BRAWL!
- Coach Gennaro: Dean Elias, for someone who hates football you sure spend alot of time watching the sport.
- Dean Elias: Eternal vigilance is the price of integrity, Coach Gennaro.
- Coach Rig: [quietly] What an asshole.
- Coach Gennero: Get up, Wally, people are watching. Not many... but they're watching.
- Coach Rig: If this wasn't friggin astro-turf, I'd dig a grave for myself.
- Chuck Neiderman: [after Manumana's tackle] BIIIIGGG sack by Manumana the Slender! Who does his "I'm gonna go out and get some POI" sack celebration dance!
- [Popki hits a man during a bar brawl]
- Featherstone: Hey Popki, you finally threw something that connected!
- [as Paul, who is 34 years old, approaches]
- Coach Gennero: Wally, did you hire an Assistant Coach without telling me?
- Coach Rig: No, I found a Quarterback without telling you.
- Coach Gennero: Well, I hope he gets younger as he gets closer.
- McKenzie: [after Lucy is brought in as the team's kicker] Will ya look at that, they're putting a bloody Sheila on the team!
- Sargie: We'll be the laughing stock of college football.
- Charlie Banks: What do you think we are now?
- [after a running play fails]
- Coach Gennero: What happened, who missed their assignment?
- Coach Rig: Everybody missed their god-damn assignment!
- Paul Blake: What's with all the attention?
- Manumana: Where I come from, Mr. Blake, we're taught to respect our elders.
- Paul Blake: Oh yeah? Well, I'm not that *eld*, alright?
- Flat-top: I've been waiting for you!
- Andre Krimm: You should be waiting for the guy that cut your hair!
- Paul Blake: You alright?
- Andre Krimm: Oh, I'm doing fine; except for the fact somebody hit me with a chair.
- Lucy Draper: I'm an Armadillo just like the others.
- Manumana: You're an Armadillo, but not like the others.
- Lucy Draper: You're alright Manu.
- [a racquetball that Suzanne hits ricochets and hits Paul in the head]
- Suzanne Carter: Oh my God, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
- Paul Blake: No, actually. I just got hit in the head by a racquetball.
- [During practice in the gym, Popki throws a wild pass that bounces off the rim of the basketball hoop]
- Coach Rig: How about that, he stinks at two sports.
- Coach Gennero: I can work with him, just butt out of my offense.
- Coach Rig: If you can build an offense around a guy who throws like Edward Scissorhands, we're going to be playing a hell of alot of defense.
- Coach Rigg: Papke, what kind of defense are they using?
- papke: A double double.
- Coach Rigg: A double... double, well it doesn't matter anyways.
- Billy Bob's Announcer: Welcome to Billy Bob's. The only bar with its own indoor bull ridin' arena.
- Suzanne Carter: What are you doing here?
- Paul Blake: Well, I'm kinda bleeding in your doorway. Can I come in?
- Suzanne Carter: Sure. Didn't I tell you to wear a helmet?
- Paul Blake: Manu, snap me the ball.
- Coach Rig: SNAP THE BALL DAMN IT!
- Paul Blake: Manu, Manu hike me the ball.
- [Manumana snaps the ball poorly]
- Lucy Draper: Relax big guy; you've already got the job.
- Coach Gennero: Wally call me crazy but I've got a funny feeling about tonight's game. Maybe we've got a shot.
- [thunder sounds and clouds cover the sun]
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