Hudson Hawk (1991)

Lorraine Toussaint: Almond Joy

Photos 

Quotes 

• [to a waiter at a classy restaurant in Rome] 

  Butterfinger : C'mon, Pierre! Read my lips: steak burger! French Fries? This is France, you gotta have French Fries.

  Almond Joy : Actually, it's Italy, Butterfinger... she said, as if it made a difference.

  Butterfinger : Ah, to be in "Paree" and in love!

• Hudson Hawk : [after throwing Butterfinger head first into the phone booth]  Want a little more, Jumbo? I'll kick your big flabby ass!

  George Kaplan : Impressive, Hawk. Enjoying Italy?

  Hudson Hawk : [rubs his chin after being hit in the face]  Yeah.

  George Kaplan : Yes, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Rome. I did my first bare-handed strangulation here. Communist politician.

  Hudson Hawk : Why George, you big softie.

  George Kaplan : God, I miss Communisim. The Red Threat, people were scared... the agency had some respect, and I got laid every night. Snickers, brief him.

  Snickers : Good news Hawk, the Mayflowers have moved up the timetable, you're hitting the Vatican tonight.

  Hudson Hawk : Oh no! No no, hold on, no way! The timing is off, I'm underequipped, and besides that, I've got a date.

  Almond Joy : [grabs Hudson's list and reads it]  Grapple, biker's bottle, pocket fisherman, olive oil, 100 stamps? Gee stud, this's going to be some date! No Harvey's Bristol Cream?

  George Kaplan : Snickers, make that list happen. Oh, and Hawk, it's one thing to mess with the Mayflowers, but we're sore losers. We blow up space shuttles for breakfast. You and your friend Tommy are nothing more than... a late afternoon Triscuit. Ciao.

  [He and Snickers walk away] 

  Hudson Hawk : Hey! Old man! Yeah, you! You come back here without your little Cub Scout army, and I'll kick your Centrally-Intelligent Ass up one side of the piazza and down the other!

  [Kit Kat has been standing behind him, mimicking his tirade. Hawk finishes, and elbows Kit Kat in the face. Kit Kat hands Hawk a card] 

  Hudson Hawk : [reading]  "Beware the blue wire."

  [Hawk looks up and does a double take to see Kit Kat has disappeared, and Butterfinger handing him 100 stamps] 

  Butterfinger : Hey Mr. Hawk, I got your stamps.

  Hudson Hawk : [imitating BooBoo]  Good, Yogi.

• [Kit Kat rappels down next to Hawk and holds an index card in front of his face, on which is written: "MY NAME IS KIT KAT. THIS IS NOT A DREAM." Then he chops Hawk on the back of the neck and walks off. Next, Snickers appears and shocks Hawk with a taser] 

  Hudson Hawk : OW! What the fuck is the matter with you?

  Snickers : Name's Snickers. Your plane leaves in forty.

  [He walks off. A crate falls open and a woman appears] 

  Almond Joy : Almond Joy. Get it? Candy bars. It's better than when we first started out, our code names were diseases. Do you know what it's like being called Chlamydia for a year? Whoops, forgot.

  [She backfists Hawk in the face and walks off. Then a huge man steps out of a port-o-potty, catches his jacket in the door and tips the port-o-potty over trying to get free] 

  Butterfinger : The name's Butterfinger.

  Hudson Hawk : No shit.

  George Kaplan : [appears]  Do you like the Company's new look? I call them the MTV-IA.

  Almond Joy : George, you promised: no old CIA/new CIA jokes.

  George Kaplan : Punks. They think that the Bay of Pigs is an herbal tea and that the Cold War has something to do with Penguins.

  Hudson Hawk : Don't I know you?

  George Kaplan : The last time you saw me, I was bald, with a beard and no mustache, and I had a different nose. So if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended.

  Hudson Hawk : My high school science teacher?

  George Kaplan : [laughs]  I'm the guy who tricked you into robbing the government installation, and then had you sent to prison for it.

  Hudson Hawk : George Kaplan.

  [Hawk rushes toward him to strangle him, and is instantly surrounded by guns] 

  Hudson Hawk : Ha-ha... I'm not the type to hold a grudge, George.

• Almond Joy : This is what I get for darting a nun!

• Snickers : Guys, we got some good news and some bad news.

  Almond Joy : The good news is, you'll be completely un-paralyzed in about two minutes.

  Snickers : The bad news is, that only leaves you five seconds to defuse the bombs.

  Hudson Hawk , Tommy Five-Tone : "Bombs"?

  [Snickers fires a time bomb at the wall, it starts counting down from 2:05. He and Almond Joy laugh] 

  Snickers : I'm so glad it had to end like this. I'll just shoot one in the kitchen for good measure...