Quotes

Steel Magnolias

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Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood 40 years!

Clairee: Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small child or something?

Clairee Belcher: Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

Clairee Belcher: Ouiser, I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer.

Clairee: I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park.
Truvy: Yeah, how did that go?
Clairee: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.
Truvy: Was she hurt?
Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.

Clairee Belcher: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

M'Lynn: [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
[screaming]
M'Lynn: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
[in a firm tone]
M'Lynn: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!
[continues sobbing]
Clairee: Here!
[grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn]
Clairee: Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!
Ouiser Boudreaux: [taken aback and confused] Are you crazy?
Clairee: Hit her!
Ouiser Boudreaux: Are you *high*, Clairee?
Truvy: [in a frightened tone] Clairee, have you lost your mind?
Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!
Annelle: [in a scared tone] Ms. Clairee, enough!
Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!
Ouiser Boudreaux: [snatches away] Let go o' me!
Clairee: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!

M'Lynn: I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh god. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.

Truvy: Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

Drum: Ouiser, can we call a truce long enough for me to get a piece of cake?
[Ouiser slices him the tail piece of an armadillo cake]
Drum: Aww, thanks Ouiser. Nothin' like a good piece of ass.

Shelby: Pink is my signature color.

Truvy: Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face.

[Referring to her daughter's many pink wedding decorations]
M'Lynn: That sanctuary looks like it's been hosed down with Pepto-Bismol.

Truvy: There's so much static electricity in this room, I pick up everything but boys and money.

Truvy: Well, these thighs haven't gone out of the house without lycra on them sice I was 14.
Clairee: You were brought up right.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.
Annelle: I suspected this all along!
Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!
Annelle: Not on your first visit!
Clairee Belcher: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

Clairee Belcher: Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.

Ouiser Boudreaux: I am just about at the end of my rope with you.
Drum: Well, then why don't you tie a noose and slip it 'round your head?

Truvy: Smile! It increases your face value.

Truvy: What are your colors, Shelby?
Shelby: My colors are "blush" and "bashful."
M'Lynn: Her colors are "pink" and pink."
Shelby: My colors are "blush" and "bashful" Mama!
M'Lynn: How precious is this weddin' gonna get, I ask you?

Drum: Ouiser you look like hammered shit.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Don't you talk to me like that!
Drum: Oh,I'm sorry you look like regular shit.

Ouiser Boudreaux: A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Ouiser Boudreaux: You are evil, and you must be destroyed.
Clairee Belcher: Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.

Truvy: You are playin' hard to get!
Clairee Belcher: At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.

Truvy: Louie brought his new girlfriend over, and the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos are spelled correctly.

Annelle: We are in the house of the Lord!
Clairee Belcher: Oh like she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.

Shelby: Remember what Daddy always says - an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure!

Clairee: [after Shelby said she almost called off the wedding] Shelby, you scared us. That wasn't a nice thing to do to your mama. Never say that to a woman who's marinating 50 pounds of crab claws.

Shelby: I am going to be very, very careful, nobody is going to be hurt or disappointed or even inconvenienced.
M'Lynn: Least of all Jackson, I'm sure.
Shelby: You're jealous, because you no longer have a say so in what I do and that drives you up the wall. You're ready to spit nails because you can't call the shots.
M'Lynn: I did not raise my daughter to talk to me like this.
Shelby: Yes, you did.
M'Lynn: Oh no, I didn't.
Shelby: Whenever any of us asked you what you wanted for us when we grew up what did you say?
M'Lynn: Shelby, I'm not in the mood to play games.
Shelby: Just tell me what you said, Mama, what did you say?
M'Lynn: The only thing I have ever said to you, ever, is that I want you to be happy.
Shelby: Okay, the one thing that would make me happy is to have a baby. If I could adopt one I would, but I can't. I'm going to have a baby, and I wish you'd be happy too.
M'Lynn: I'll tell you what I wish. Well, I don't know what I wish.
Shelby: Mama, I don't know why you have to make everything so difficult. I look at having a baby as the opportunity of a lifetime. Sure there may be risk involved, but that's true for anybody. But you get through it and life goes on. And when it's all said and done there will be a little piece of immortality with Jackson's good looks and my sense of style, I hope. Please, please I need your support. I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

Clairee Belcher: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I couldn't help myself.

Truvy: Oh sweetheart don't. Please don't cry or I will too. I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Don't try to get on my good side, Truvy. I no longer have one!

Annelle: Sammy Wayne Desoto, what is this in my Frigidaire?
Sammy: Beer.
Annelle: I don't care what you do with your refrigerator, but you will not keep liquor in mine.
[dumps the beer out in the yard]
Sammy: Oh, Annelle, for Christ's sake!
Annelle: Who? Who did you say?
Sammy: Christ, Christ, Christ!
Annelle: Are you speaking of our Lord? Is that whose name you're taking in vain?
Sammy: That's the one.
Annelle: Well, I'm sorry, Sammy. But I am not about to spend the next fifty years of my life with someone I'm not gonna run into in the hereafter.
Sammy: Oh, Annelle, goddammit!
Annelle: I think we should pray.
Sammy: Oh, I'd rather eat dirt!

Annelle: Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair.

Truvy: I don't like her. I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it's natural.

Truvy: In a good shoe, I wear a size six, but a seven feels so good, I buy a size eight.

M'Lynn: We have this new psychiatrist that comes in two days a week and of course I pick her name out of the grab bag, I have to pick something up for her tomorrow. Would you put that on the list, I have no idea what to get your father. What's Jackson giving you, do you know?
Shelby: Furniture.
M'Lynn: Furniture, well, my. Must be nice to be married to a rich lawyer. What's it for, the living room?
Shelby: No, for the nursery.
[seeing M'Lynn's stricken look]
Shelby: We wanted to tell you when you and daddy were together, but you're never together so it's every man for himself. I'm pregnant.
M'Lynn: I realize that.
Shelby: Well is that it? Is that all you're gonna say?
M'Lynn: What do you want me to say?
Shelby: Well, something along the lines of congratulations.
M'Lynn: Congratulations.
Shelby: Would it be too much to ask for a little excitement, not too much I wouldn't want you to break a sweat or anything. It's in July. Oh Mama, you have to help me plan. We're gonna get a new house. Jackson and I are going house hunting next week. Jackson loves to hunt for anything.
M'Lynn: What does Jackson say about all of this?
Shelby: He's so excited. He says he doesn't care whether it's a boy or a girl, but I know he really wants a son so bad he can taste it. He's really cute about the whole thing. It's all he can talk about: Jackson Latree, Jr.
M'Lynn: Does he ever? Listen, I mean when doctors and specialists give you advice. Does he listen? I know you never do, does he? Huh? What? Well, I guess since he doesn't have to carry the baby it really isn't any of his concern.
Shelby: Mama, I want a child.
M'Lynn: What about adoption? You've filled out all the applications.
Shelby: Mama, no judge is gonna give a baby to someone with my medical records. Jackson even put out feelers about buying one.
M'Lynn: People do it all the time.
Shelby: Listen to me. I want a child of my own. I think it would help things a lot.
M'Lynn: I see.
Shelby: Mama, you worry too much. In fact I never worry 'cause I always know you're worried enough for the both of us. Jackson and I have given this a lot of thought.
M'Lynn: Has he really? Well, there's a first time for everything.
Shelby: Don't start on Jackson.
M'Lynn: Your poor body has been through so much. Why would you deliberately do this to yourself?
Shelby: Diabetics have healthy babies all the time.
M'Lynn: You are special Shelby. There are limits to what you can do.

[Sammy is wearing an Easter bunny contume]
Annelle: We'll talk about uncomfortable when you're nine months pregnant!

Ouiser Boudreaux: I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! And I don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries.

M'Lynn: Oh Ouiser, Drum would NEVER point a gun at a lady!
Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! He's a real gentleman! I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he PEES in it!