User reviews

I played a zombie in BLOOD DINER and believe me when I tell you, it was such a bizarre and sickening experience that I plan to devote an entire chapter to the nightmare in my memoirs. I have worked on a lot of films, and I mean a LOT, and I can say with all confidence that the depravity of the project, inhuman working conditions and incompetence of the production have been unequaled, and will be fresh in my mind if I die of Alzheimer's disease at the age of 300.

So many people walked off the set in the middle of production, that they ended up hiring homeless people and crackheads off the streets of Hollywood to fill in the ranks. They probably even gave some of them lines. Half of the female cast were literally called into casting on the basis of spreads in JUGGS magazine. The writer, who later became a good friend of mine (before I knew he had written the thing), had played Mengele in SURF Nazis MUST DIE (one of my favorite, and the most depraved of all Troma films).

Jimmy Maslon, the producer, has a reputation as one of the cheapest and most thoughtless coke-head producers in Hollywood (he forgot to feed the zombies on so many occasions, that to keep the rest of us from walking off one day, he ran to the store and bought us some generic white bread and baloney, from which we made our own sandwiches).

And don't get me started about Jackie Kong. "The Dragon Lady," as she was known to all who worked with her, will have a special mention in the book.

Suffice to say, that she once spent six hours on a 2 minute dialogue scene, while her zombies were sitting around in cheap gel make-up, which had completely melted off our faces by the time we got around to our scenes.

All that said, it actually is a pretty funny movie. I don't think any of the actors realized it was going to be though. In fact, I don't think anybody did but the zombies, who were all wasted on weed and CLUB margaritas the whole time -hic- ;-)

What was the deal with the horror comedies from the late 80's? Movies like Evil Dead II, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Jason Lives, Sleepaway Camp II, etc. set the standards for slasher comedies but it was too late when these kind of flicks became popular. Dark sense of humor helped this movie to at least be remembered by some people.

BLOOD DINER is a decent little gore flick. With no pretentions, a weak storyline, low budget, but with whacked characters, a weird humor, and lots of blood this is a must see for die hard fans of the genre.

Watch it to witness the 80's madness.

5/10.

Horror-comedy is something very difficult to do. So many films tried this blend of genres in the 1980s and failed miserably: Ghoulies 3, TerrorVision, pretty much anything Troma ever did. And only a few truly brilliant filmmakers were able to really succeed at this: Frank Henenlotter, Peter Jackson, Dan O'Bannon. This film is rare in that it falls generally between these two extremes. It's often very funny, and occasionally creative, but its obvious self-awareness can sometimes be trying.

Two brothers operate a vegetarian restaurant and secretly serve human flesh to their customers. They have an uncle (or what remains of him) who helps them to prepare for the feast of Sheetar by compiling a perfect woman out of assorted body parts. The bones of the plot are borrowed lovingly from H.G. Lewis's Blood Feast, but the majority of the film is pretty unique.

Unfortunately, because of their similarities, Blood Diner will always be compared to Blood Feast, and Blood Diner is just not that caliber of a film. Blood Feast brought on the sickening and sometimes too-real gore; Blood Diner's gore is cartoonish and cheap-looking. Blood Feast was technically flawed, but had enthusiastic performances and unmindfully creative camera work; Blood Diner is slick (as far as 80s horror-comedies go) and very self-conscious, but ultimately soulless in its execution.

The real key to a successful horror-comedy is that little dash of sincerity. You can have your jokes and fun, but a little sincere strangeness (or just plain scares) makes the film all the more real. If you like horror-comedy, and you've already seen Basket Case, Frankenhooker, Return of the Living Dead, Dead Alive, Re-Animator, and Brain Damage, you may want to give this a shot. It's sure as hell better than Troll 2.

Michael and George, owners of the best vegetarian restaurant in their small city, have an interesting social life. Where most people go home and spend time with their loved ones after work, Michael and George hang around with their deceased uncle. That's right, their deceased uncle -- who's actually just a brain and eyes in a jar that's ordering them to rebuild the goddess Sheetar so she can take over the world.

Sound like the perfect B-Movie? Well, in a way, it is. 'Blood Diner' is one of those little gems that takes you quite a while to appreciate. Sure, it's filled with as much low budget gore and cheesy sexist jokes as as Kong could fit into an hour and twenty eight minutes. And sure, there are members of my high school drama class that are better actors than two of the main characters in this film. But that's what makes it fun -- the fact that it was not only made to laugh at, but that you have so many chances to laugh at it.

Rent this movie if you ever get the chance and if you're into black humour and/or horrible but great films. And make sure to watch out for the biker, wrestling and Vitamin scenes. If you aren't rolling on the floor laughing at the end of it, never rent another B-Movie again.

While I hate to deprecate any low-budget effort that actually gets made, BLOOD DINER, like the refrigerated body parts it delights in, stinks on ice.

I delight in pop culture and can appreciate a good horror spoof more than most, but the whole idea of a satire is to be FUNNY, even if only in silly ways.

I saw this film at a "Grindhouse"-series screening with the equally bloody but vastly superior LA HORRIPILANTE BESTIA HUMANA {NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES}(Mexico-1968), which had the audience in stitches. The writer of BLOOD DINER, who then introduced his film, said BLOODY APES would be "a tough act to follow". His fears proved all too well grounded, as the audience got a master-class on the difference between a hilariously inept film that actually WANTS to be scary and a disastrously inept one that tries for Troma-style archness through gross laughs and mega-splatter but fails to generate a single guffaw.

When the writer, along with a producer and one of the stars, reminisced before BLOOD DINER, it was obvious that they had a wonderful time making the film, despite the difficulties they each had with the reportedly touchy and humorless director, Jackie Kong (who wasn't even TOLD of the screening...lucky lady). Their "we-survived-Jackie" repartee was far funnier than anything in the film itself, which overflows with amateur attempts at comic overacting and with gags, both verbal and visual, that consistently overestimate their ability to shock, amuse or even generate a blip on the audience's EEG. (If this EVER comes out on DVD and someone forces you to watch it, choose the commentary track -- if they're bright enough to record one; the film's actual sound is as poorly recorded as it was written.)

The recently released THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVERA proves that a well-conceived horror satire can be a howl, just as the classic THE REANIMATOR shows that "the-bloodier-the-better" philosophy of film-making can have take an audience beyond fear into helpless laughter. Despite its smugness, BLOOD DINER merely feels desperate, like a 5-year-old trying to tell gross jokes to get attention and failing to make enough impression to even be sent to his room. (Though if he was in the back seat of the car, I probably WOULD say, "Don't make me turn around...!")

On reflection, maybe the smell coming off this film had nothing to do with all the body parts. It was just the collective flop sweat of some seemingly nice guys who wasted their chance by aiming too low with too much contempt for both their subject and their audience. When will people learn that MST-3000 humor actually requires the filmmakers to have more than a collective IQ-80?

I can remember being intrigued by the box of this film for the longest time when I was young, yet for some reason being terrified to rent it. The image of the neon sign with the hand holding the large butcher knife scared me for some reason. However, like most horror films, I eventually got around to watching it; unfortunately, the film was nowhere near as terrifying as I imagine.

First, it is important to realize that this film is definitely more comedy than horror. Granted, it is dark comedy with some gruesome murders thrown in, but still, the comedy outweighs the horror here. This is fine, as I have nothing against horror comedies--if they are done well. This one, however, is not. The premise should be slasher film gold, as the film centers around two psychotic brothers who run an isolated diner. They lure and kill young women in order to use them as a recipe for their various dishes. However, there is a subplot involving the brothers needing to make sacrifices to an long dead Egyptian queen that allows (or forces) the film to grapple with the comedic sub-plot that ultimately is the main downfall of the film. While the film sets up some creative and gory death scenes, they are played more for laughs than horror. The film tries too hard to be funny, and while fans of dark humor may be amused, horror fans will quickly become annoyed as the film ultimately drowns in its silliness.

Maybe my sense of humor is askew, but I did not find this film particularly amusing. Surely, though, there will be those who will, and to them I say more power to you. However, for true horror fans, be warned that this film will more than likely do nothing but frustrate you, Sure, you may get a few chuckles, mainly because of the stupidity of what you are seeing, but if a few chuckles is what you are looking for, turn on an old episode or "Roseanne." You'll be glad you did.

The reviews of this movie honestly befuddle me to no end. The only way the movie could be rated this low by so many people, is that somehow, for some reason, they were expecting a serious film of some sort or another. Assuming the title itself didn't give them a rather obvious clue that this was to be a Herschell Gordon Lewis homage. And if they were..... well, if the first 5 minutes of the movie didn't serve them notice that they were dealing with a movie reveling in a flamboyant sense of camp and bad taste, then perhaps they would have been better off watching some pretentious art film. 'Twould serve them right for taking themselves sooooo very, very seriously.

This movie is a cheaply made gore fest, masquerading as a comedy, no excuses. Not that that's a bad thing, mind you. Sort of Grand Guignol in fish net stockings and garters. Evoking screams even as you laugh at it's over the top absurdity. Is it for all tastes? No, certainly not. But at what it tries to do, it succeeds at, for the most part. For me, at least, the movie struck a delicate balance between horror and comedy, two extremes that are fairly difficult to make work very effectively together, though it must be said, it succeeded far better with the latter than the former.

If you liked this genre (splatter comedies.... a rather narrow genre of film-making, to say the least), check out any one of the following, 2001 Maniacs, Frankenhooker, Psychos In Love, Bloodsucking Freaks, The Toxic Avenger, and Brain Damage. All cut from the same bolt of bloody cloth. And all equally worthwhile in their own way. Just try not to confuse any of them with Gandhi, okay? Class dismissed.

I expected this film to be an actual serious one. What I got wasn't what I expected, but still the same it was different. Two cannibalistic brothers open this new diner, their Uncle's brain, still functioning, is kept in a jar in the backroom. He was a knife wielding maniac shot at the film's start when taken refuge in the home of their nephews making inventive dishes from putty. Many years later, the boys dig their uncle up as a part of a sacrifice to create this goddess Sheeitah. That may all be well, but this film is an exercise in bad taste, seriously. Like Motel Hell, the ingredients the boys put into their food is not always genuine, where these boys make a rapid turn over. The much better looking guy falls in love with the girl of a cheer leading team who is later all shot to s..t before being cut up, one ingredient necessary at their Uncles request in Sheeitah's creation. Two detectives working this massacre come across similar crime scenes later, and they are pretty gruesome. The male detective is fun to watch, like when trying to come onto his partner with suggestive mouth gestures, like the waggle of his tongue, etc. The female, is a serious straight down the line cop. This horror film is gruesome and will feed horror lover's appetites, but really it just comes off as plain stupid bottom grade trash that is likable, but on a plain surface this is just bad. And what's with the repetition of the line, "Stop screwing around George". Ha ha, I'm really laughing.

I loved this sick and twisted horror satire right away; from the early moment when the following announcement can be heard over a police radio: "Escaped lunatic Anwar Tutman has been spotted with a meat cleaver in one hand and his own genitalia in the other!" How seriously messed up is that? Okay granted, "Blood Diner" is a pretty lousy and incompetent film, but at the same time it's GREAT to see that the spirit of Hershell Gordon Lewis was still very much alive during the late 80's. "Blood Diner" is kind of like a tribute/unofficial sequel to his "Blood Feast"; the very first gore-flick ever made and still one of the most legendary cult movies ever. This demented movie by Jackie Kong ("The Being") borrows the main storyline of Lewis' classic as well as multiple side elements like the talking brain in a jar, etc… By the command of their dead uncle, the vegetarian restaurant owning siblings Michael & George attempt to resurrect the evil ancient Egyptian Goddess Sheetar. They require the body parts of slutty girls to put her together and a pure virgin for the essential blood sacrifice. "Blood Diner" is deliciously over-the-top in every department and therefore VERY entertaining to watch! The gore-effects are cheesy and tasteless (decapitations, severed limbs, crushed heads…) and the gags are extremely absurd (Nazi-wrestlers, ventriloquist cooks, disco-dancing zombies), and yet this movie is overall a lot more tolerable than, say, the oeuvre of Troma Productions. The acting performances are terrible; especially the duo of cops, and Jackie Kong seems to avoid logic and continuity on purpose! Judging by the overall very negative reactions of other reviewers around this site, I should probably consider it as one of my guilty pleasures. Well, so be it. "Blood Diner" is a whole lot of FUN!

I'll get straight to the point. Do not rent this movie! Do not buy this movie! Do not watch this movie! I rented this thinking that it would be good, the beginning was promising giving us a warning about how bad and scary it is, that's just to draw you attention though! It's really not very good at all. The story is about 2 kids that study voodoo and black magic. They're russian uncle is a convict that carries a butcher and was shot down in their house at the beginning of the movie. They dig up his dead corpse and take his brain (which by the way is very fake looking) and the brain talks to them, out loud! It's horrible! They kids then open up a restaraunt and slaughter people and serve them. At one scene a stuffed dummy (much like the ones that people sit out for Halloween, but worse!) Starts talking to the people in the restaraunt. The voice sounds like Bob Sagget's voice did while immitating little kids in "America's Funniest Home Videos" not them I'm putting Bob Sagget down, this movie is supposed to be a HORROR film and it is anything but. Not scary at all! I give this movie a 1/2 out of 10 just because of the warning at the beginning of the video. HORRIBLE! Do not rent this if you know what's good for you! Two Thumbs Down!

This movie is the classic old tale of two men trying to construct an Egyptian goddess for their castrated uncle from the severed body parts of young women.

This is one of those rare unknown cinema gems that reminds you of what 80's horror/slasher movies were all about and why video cameras were ever invented in the first place. It also contains the best movie line ever written: "On that night, on this mission, I lost my gentitals and my life." And yes, Uncle Anwar really says "gentitals".

The plot of this movie is thrown together as loosely as the body parts used to construct Shiitar. The movie is lightly based on Blood Feast with some horrible special effects and 80's hairdos thrown in.

There are more classic moments in Blood Diner than there are in most B horror movies combined. You'll be laughing all the way to the blood buffet from the weird stuffed talking dummy in the rival diner to the guy getting his head smashed by a car with hydraulics which causes an onlooker to ask "hey man, you OK?". The movie even has token 80's horror flick nudity when the brothers go into a topless aerobics class (don't ask why) and mow everyone down with a machine gun. Hey, it happens. Another epic scene is when a fat guy driving a van and listening to mambo music repeatedly runs over a dude in a failed yet hilarious attempt to kill him.

If you haven't seen this movie I suggest you quit your job and study it for the next few months. You'll be swinging a meat cleaver screaming SHIIIIIITAAAAAAAR!!!!! before you know it.

This is a movie that I feel like I remember it existing, but not fully sure how. I do know that I learned more about it after seeing Blood Feast as this movie is a loose remake. I'll get into that more with my breakdown of the movie though. What finally pushed me into seeing this as this is the only movie as part of the Blood Feast series that I hadn't seen according to Letterboxd. The synopsis is two brothers are entrusted by their uncle to uphold the ritualistic cannibalism of the ancient cult of Sheetar. To do so, they have to prepare a feast of sacrifice for the resurrection of their goddess.

We start this movie in 1962. The brothers from the synopsis are playing while their mother is leaving them for a bit. Michael (Roxanne Osco) is practicing his ability to hypnotize while George (Sir Lamont Rodeheaver) is making food from Play-doh. This is coupled with a Point of View shot and we hear over the radio that a crazed man is on the loose. This person tries to come into the house and ends up breaking down the door. It is their uncle, Anwar (Drew Godderis). He imparts them with information before he's killed.

The movie then shifts 20 years into the future. Michael (Rick Burks) and George (Carl Crew) are now adults. They dig up Anwar and take his brain. In the process they also kill the graveyard's security guard. These two own a health food restaurant where they're putting something other than plants in the food. They perform a ritual in the back that makes Anwar's brain come back to life. They've been studying the ritual to bring forth Sheetar and they need their uncle's help. He's memorized what they need and he sends his nephews to collect it.

Part of what they must do is construct a body of loose women so that Sheetar can inhabit it. They also need a virgin for the body to eat as its first meal. Michael is the suave brother and he sets his eyes on Connie Stanton (Lisa Elaina). As the bodies pile up, this draws the attention of detective Mark Shepard (Roger Dauer). His is assigned a new partner, Sheba Jackson (LaNette La France). She has experience in tracking down serial killers from what I gather. There are other things that complicate what Michael and George are trying to do, including a rival chef, Stan Saldin (Bob Loya). Anwar won't be stopped this time in completing this ritual. His nephews aren't the greatest at what they do, but they're determined to make their uncle's dream come true.

That is where I'm going to leave my recap and where I want to start is that this movie is absurd. A few years ago, I did hear an interview with the director Jackie Kong and she talked about this one a bit. When this film was made, there weren't a lot of women directors, so she had trouble getting it put together. Being a woman is something that I'll get back to with social commentary, but I wanted to bring this up here. Apparently, this screenplay was intended to be a sequel to Herschell Gordon Lewis' Blood Feast. It was shopped around until Kong got ahold of it and she was the one that reworked this into a remake of sorts. She also decided to make this more of a comedy. I'll be honest, I wish that she hadn't though. I think it makes what we are getting is easier to digest, no pun intended, but it also makes me lose interest a bit.

Now I've teased a few things here, so I'll start with positives. If I didn't know that Kong was a woman, then I'd say this movie is misogynistic. Anwar is using some harsh words to describe women in this movie and his nephews don't treat them well. Since this movie is a satire, I'm getting the idea that this is done for us to not like Michael, George or Anwar. They're bad people and the movie is going over the top with it. Part of it is for laughs. Going along with this, Mark is misogynistic in how he talks to Sheba. She puts him in his place. She is also the best cop in the movie, which makes it interesting in that she is a black woman. The rest are all white men. Credit here to Kong for how she handled this.

Something else I liked here is the cult and the ritual. I'm a sucker for this in movies. This is also my favorite part of the original movie as well. It does get a bit confusing, as part of this cult seems to be Egyptian. If memory serves, Sheetar is a play on Ishtar, who was a god in ancient religion. I'm assuming here they altered the name to put she in front of it. There is a moment that cleared up some things for me where Mark and Sheba go to an expert who explains this was a cult that living at the time of Atlantis. Followers were thought to have survived. We do get some things that Michael and Anwar say that get contradicted later, but I can overlook that due to this being a comedy.

That is where I'll go next, the comedy. I don't like this being the route they took. I don't find this movie to be all that funny. I'm not shocked to see that this came out in the late 1980's. This is a slasher movie of sorts and we were getting more comedy around that time. I do believe that they went this route as that made it easier to get out in front of a bigger audience or something along those lines. This feels like a National Lampoon's movie with things that are happening. It just doesn't mesh as well in my opinion.

Going along with this, I'll go to the acting next. Despite me not liking the comedy, I do think that Burks and Crew were solid. They are distinct characters and how they play it worked for me. Dauer and La France also play well off each other. La France is probably one of the best performances in the movie overall. Elaina is solid as the mousey Connie. Godderis is fine as the uncle. There were bits of comedy with his character for sure. Everyone else was fine as well. Many of them are playing caricatures which fit for what the movie needed. We do get quite a bit of nudity as well.

Finally, this will take me to the effects, cinematography and the soundtrack. For the former, they did some good things. The blood was good. I like what they did with the body parts as well. They went practical there. Some of this goes over the top, which again, as a comedy that works. I like what they do when they bring Sheetar (Tanya Papanicolas) to life. Her teeth were creepy and her chest vagina was interesting. I'd also give credit here to the cinematography. This movie looks solid. That will take me to the soundtrack. I'm torn here. I like that they use upbeat songs for violent things happening on screen as well as the dichotomy it brings. I just don't know if it always fit. It was hit or miss for me.

In conclusion, this movie has some good elements and some that didn't work for me. I like the updating the movie Blood Feast. It just didn't work for me to go comedy as much as they did. The cult and ritual are interesting. I think the acting for the most part was solid. We get some good effects and the cinematography was well done. We are also getting some interesting social commentary that is vailed in there. This just didn't come together was well as I think they thought it would. I would say that after this first viewing, this movie is over average for me. There are too many things for me to go higher though.

My Rating: 6 out of 10.

.... no matter how bad your film is, there is a chance someone will pick it up for distribution. Jackie Kong has really outdone himself with this one. Some of his other movies that utterly fail as horror flicks are at least good low-brow humour (e.g. The Being, with a good number of so-dumb-that-its-funny scenes). This one, Blood Diner, that supposedly has a comedic element, fails in this regard as well.

Given an Ed Wood, John Waters, or Terry Gilliam kind of approach, this could have been a more deliberate kind of farce, and could possibly have actually turned into something that was at least mildly amusing to someone over the age of 12, which would be ahead of the game for Kong. I kept waiting for one redeeming scene or at least a good chuckle, but no luck. If this film was a little better it might be up to snuff for a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 kind of treatment.

I understand that there are references to other films in the "classic gore" genre, and having spent too long in film school myself, there is always the temptation to wax analytical about possible deeper content of a story. However, once a film is sufficiently lacking in merit, going that direction is rather like treating a manure pile as if it were a diamond mine.

I stand somewhere in the middle on Blood Diner (1987). It has everything I want from a B-grade horror flick. Tons of T&A, really cheesy acting, a paper thin plot, over the top (almost comical) gore. But somehow it just can't shake it's cheap production values and almost retarded direction. Blood Diner was developed as a sequel to Blood Feast (1963) but ended up being a stand alone film with emphasis on comedy/dark humor. Anyone expecting a riveting, well acted film is obviously going to be let down. If you expect that kind of film from a movie titled "Blood Diner", then I hate you. Blood Diner is a cool flick to check out cause it features some really entertaining scenes. Such as a naked chick performing karate on her attacker, a topless aerobics class getting machined gun down, deep fried body parts, tons of 80's T&A, and a talking brain with eyeballs. It's a cheesy film that doesn't try to be anything but outrageous and comedic. Blood Diner is best viewed under the influence of a few brewskies. Check it out for cheap but don't spend $ on it.

I don't understand the high ratings for this film. A direct rip off of Herschel Gordon Lewis. Everything about this film is bad. If the makers where trying to make a horror comedy they failed on both accounts. Some of the acting was ok but the sound editing was horrible. The Special FX were lame. If you're into b type films I guess this is for you but if you take your horror straight up, pass this one by.

I love that the starring characters are also the villans. Its different. Everything is all over the top, yes i like that. But the more this flick progresses the cheaper it becomes. It becomes so unbearable bad that i dont get the appeall for it.

In comparision: low budget, clichés all over the place yet cool and entertaining? Chopping Mall.

I mean, in comparison, this film Blood Diner probably was a no-budget film.

Its really not good. Not even so bad that its good bad.

Skip this one. Thank me later.

First of all, I love 80's horror flicks. Sometimes the cheesier, the better.

This film takes cheesy 80's horror flick to a new level. The whole time through this movie, I was asking myself what the heck I was watching. It's about 2 clown brothers that are into black magic and want to bring an Egyptian goddess to life. She's far from a goddess though and why that's so important to these 2 brothers is beyond me. Oh I forgot to mention they are guided by their dead uncle's talking brain in a jar throughout the process. Just seems like a horror flick made for wacky doofuses. No offense to anyone who likes this. Just the vibe I get. I gave it 3 stars because it was entertaining enough to make it to the end. Barely though.

I've seen my fair share of Troma films and even though this is not, it has that same vibe to it. There's one word to describe Troma films.....wacky. The one Troma film I'll make an exception to is Toxic Avenger.

I guess watch this film if you want to poop in your pants and run around with a big smile on your face. If you find that entertaining, you will find this movie entertaining.

Originally intended as a sequel to the landmark Herschell Gordon Lewis splatter flick "Blood Feast", "Blood Diner" ends up as more of a loving homage to that film, with some key plot elements borrowed from it (with a little bit of "Pieces" thrown into the mix).

Two demented brothers are fiercely devoted to their homicidal uncle Anwar, so much so that 20 years later, they resurrect Unc (his brain and eyes, anyway) and follow his instructions to create the ultimate Lemurian feast, and bring their god Sheetar to life.

Working from a fun screenplay by Michael Sonye, cult director Jackie Kong ("The Being", "Night Patrol") makes this all very deliberate in terms of its cheesiness, trashiness, and camp factor. It's never at any time meant to be taken seriously, and in fact is quite an uproarious comedy at times. Granted, some viewers may find it merely stupid, instead of so stupid it's fun, but those who treasure utter schlock will find it a real hoot. Several actresses fulfil the nudity requirement, or at least bare their breasts, the gore is of the irresistibly tacky variety, and the special effects are always quite amusing. Sonyes' dialogue contains some real gems, such as "I lost my gentitals...and my life!" The acting is all of the obviously amateurish variety, with those who are required by the film to go truly over the top coming off the best, especially Drew Godderis as the maniacal Anwar. He's a riot as he harangues his dim bulb nephews as they, in turn, bungle their way through their depraved deeds. Rick Burks as Michael and Carl Crew as George are fun as the gleeful antagonists of the story. Max Morris likewise tickles the funny bone with his way OTT performance as the bizarrely accented police chief, while the very pretty LaNette La France gamely keeps a straight face as a detective on the case. Several Troma-esque highlights include the fate of a bouncer and the demolition of a victim set to a mambo number.

The movie doesn't quite sustain itself for the entire time; even at 88 minutes it's a little over extended, but fortunately the momentum created early on is regained for a very bright and insane finale. (One's gotta dig those weird musical acts.)

While not quite as much fun as this viewer would have liked, it's still endearing stuff that delivers a respectable amount of good laughs.

Seven out of 10.

This is literally the weirdest movie I have ever seen. It's like a 13 year old wrote and directed it. I cant believe I actually watched the whole thing. Really just an awful, awful movie.

Two brothers are working to awaken the soul of an ancient goddess- the Goddess of Immorality- named Shitar.

They are doing this to fulfill the dying mission of their serial killer uncle- or, well, for the brain of their uncle...which they keep in a jar and communicate with telepathically.

First, they need to fashion Shitar a body...compiled of pieces, taken from women of immoral standing.

Then, they need the necessary components for a blood sacrifice. Mostly the internal organs of sluts, and a virgin for Shitar to consume during the blood feast.

So...they set it up...a Lemurian feast...the first one in 5 million years...and they invite all the vegetarians of ill repute they can find.

Even though the brothers were putting the bodies of the women they killed in their food, and selling it as vegetarian food at their diner.

The blood feast is actually pretty bad ass.

I was expecting less from what leads up to it...which is an absolute cheese fest. But it does have it's charm- in a Peter Jackson meets Henenlotter sort of way. All the characters are purposefully over-acted. Giving the whole thing a surreal vibe. And there's lots of gore! It's really budget...sometimes humorously so, but it works. And when it counts...the special effects are excellent.

I really think director Jackie Wong sets you up to be disappointed- with all the cheese- only to blow you away with the kickass character at the end! Sure, it's not wholly original. But it's still pretty awesome.

I really enjoyed this film. It's a twisted, culty cheese-fest done right! And it's a helluva lot of fun.

Definitely worth a watch.

6.5 out of 10.

Look what's on the menu at the Blood Diner: an all you can eat buffet of hokey joke-shop dismemberment and gore, followed by a main course of sick humour and a side order of gratuitous nudity, all topped with a generous serving of 80s cheese. Sounds tasty, huh?

Well, director Jackie Kong's Blood Diner sure sounds like mouth-watering stuff for fans of silly low budget schlock-horror—but, unfortunately, despite having all the correct ingredients, what Kong serves up is an overcooked mess, and I found I lost my appetite pretty quickly.

The story—a kind of unofficial sequel to H. G. Lewis's gore classic Blood Feast—follows two brothers as they set about preparing an all meat buffet (made from the body parts of immoral women) in preparation for the revival of an ancient Egyptian goddess. With the help of their Uncle Anwar (a talking disembodied brain in a jar), they gather the special ingredients needed for their ritual. Meanwhile, a couple of cops attempt to find out who is responsible for the spate of grisly murders that have been happening in the area.

With shockingly awful acting from all involved, bags of unconvincing gore, and some of the most unbelievably insane and random 'comedy' imaginable (topless aerobics, a ventriloquist chef, a Hitler impersonating wrestler) Blood Diner is certainly a 'unique' viewing experience, but it isn't one that I found very enjoyable (and I'm usually rather partial to bad films).

By the final scene—in which the audience at a bizarre rock concert (where an absurdly bequiffed singer is supported on stage by, amongst others, a pantomime horse and two trumpet-playing 'hitlers'!!) turn into zombies and feed upon the buffet of human flesh, thereby reviving the ancient goddess—I had had more than enough of this garbage! The dreadfully puerile humour, thoroughly annoying characters, and bargain basement effects made this crap-fest as hard to stomach as some of Troma's worst efforts. And that's saying something!

you guys need to lighten up! this movie was one of the funniest horror movies i have ever seen. this is not serious horror, but more a black comedy. go hushpuppy woman!!!!!! the bad dubbing and even worse acting makes this movie hilarious! i think that miss jackie kong should have done more with the horror genre. she has cult status in my book! i gave blood diner a 10/10 because this is a one of a kind movie. i have not seen anything like this since bloodsucking freaks and hard rock zombies. go hushpuppy woman!!!!!! one of my all time favorites, i would love to have the soundtrack. anyone who has seen this movie, or thought about seeing this, make sure to enjoy the 'shake it out' song in the club dread, awesome!!!!!! definately, one of the best horror movies of the eighties! also check out stan and his doll, hilarious! 'don't do it stan, stan you'll get in trouble...' enjoy!!!!!! funny, funny, funny 10/10