Sixteen Candles (1984)
Anthony Michael Hall: Geek
Photos
Quotes
-
The Geek : [to Samantha] Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?
-
The Geek : Damn Mom, I've got my headgear on!
Caroline : [annoyed] Will you wake up?
The Geek : [opens eyes] Where the hell am I?
Caroline : I'll, uh, tell you where you are, if you tell me who you are.
The Geek : I'm Farmer Ted.
Caroline : You're in the parking lot across the street from my church.
The Geek : You own a church?
-
The Geek : By night's end, I predict me and her will interface.
-
The Geek : Relax, would you? We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens.
-
Jake : I'll make a deal with you.
[holds up the panties]
Jake : Let me keep these; I'll let you take Caroline home. But you gotta make sure she gets home. You can't leave her in some parking lot somewhere. Okay?
The Geek : Jake, I'm only a Freshman.
Jake : So? She's so blitzed she won't know the difference.
The Geek : Jake, I don't have a car.
Jake : You can take mine.
The Geek : Jake, I don't have license.
Jake : I trust you...
The Geek : Jake, I'd love to... I can't.
[holds out a bowl]
The Geek : Want a pretzel?
Jake : You sure?
[takes the bowl and sets it down on the counter]
The Geek : Positive.
-
The Geek : [Farmer Ted is in Jake's dad car. Jake just saw Caroline and him kissing] I'm dead.
[the car phone rings and he answers it]
The Geek : Hello?
Cliff : [voice] Ted, you never called us back. What happened?
The Geek : Look, wheez, I told you not to call me here.
Cliff : [voice] Ted, we're dying, what happened?
The Geek : You wanna know what happened? Buy the book!
[hangs up]
-
The Geek : Come on, what's the problem here? I'm a boy. You're a girl. Is there any thing wrong with me trying to put together some kind of relationship between us? Okay, look, I know you haven't been - just answer me one question.
Samantha : Yes, you're a total fag.
The Geek : [laughs] That's not the question. Am I turning you on?
-
The Geek : I know I came on kinda like a poozer on the bus tonight and everything. But... that's just so my friends won't think, you know, I'm a jerk.
Samantha : But they're all pretty much jerks, though, aren't they?
The Geek : Yeah, but, the thing is, I'm kinda like the leader, you know? Kinda like the king of the dipshits.
Samantha : Well, that's pretty cool. Hey, but a lot can happen over a year. I mean, you could come back next Fall as a completely normal person.
-
The Geek : Nice ma - nice manners, babe!
-
The Geek : [noticing the car Jake puts Caroline in] This, uh, your car, Jake?
Jake : No, this is my dad's car. You said you couldn't drive a stick.
The Geek : This is a mother - ! This is a Rolls-Royce, Jake.
Jake : So?
The Geek : SO? So? I hear the grill ALONE costs five grand on this. Five grand! Do you have five grand? I don't have five grand!
Jake : Then don't hit anything.
The Geek : [incredulous] Ha ha! Don't hit anything.
-
The Geek : Will you shut up? People around here work, alright? And will you hurry it up? I'm breaking like 30 major laws here.
-
The Geek : Do you know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Y'know, any halfway decent girl can rob me blind, because I'm too torqued up to say no.
-
Caroline : [after they wake up in the Rolls Royce] I never went out with a freshman. Not even when I was a freshman.
The Geek : Me either.
Caroline : You were pretty crazy.
The Geek : I was?
Caroline : Yeah. You know what I like best?
The Geek : My clean, close shave?
[Background music: The clean, close shave]
Caroline : No. Waking up in your arms.
The Geek : These things?
[They start kissing, then Jake shows up]
-
Jake : You better not be dickin' me around. It'd be a major downer to try and get together with this girl and find out that she really does think I'm a slime.
The Geek : Jake, would I dick you? Let me put it to you this way, what happens to me if I dick you?
Jake : I'll kick your ass.
The Geek : Right! So why would I lie? But I feel compelled to mention to you, Jake, I mean, if all you want of the girl is a piece of ass, I mean, I'll either do it myself, or get someone bigger than me, to kick your ass. I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today, would give their underwear to help a geek like me.
Jake : I can get a piece of ass anytime I want. Shit, I've got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.
The Geek : [almost chokes on a pretzel] What are you waiting for?
Jake : I don't know. She's beautiful, and she's built and all that.
[sighs]
Jake : I'm just not interested anymore.
The Geek : Does that really matter, guy?
Jake : Yeah, it matters. She's totally insensitive. Look what she did to my house. She doesn't know shit about love. Only thing she cares about is partying. I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?
[Spits]
The Geek : That's beautiful, Jake. I think a ton of guys feel the same way as you do.
Jake : Really?
The Geek : Yeah. It's just they don't... They don't have the balls to admit it. You know? They're just... They're wimps.
-
[repeated line to his friends]
The Geek : Take those ridiculous things off!
-
Jake : [Jake is now holding Samantha's panties] These are really hers?
The Geek : Yeah.
Jake : How did you get 'em?
The Geek : She gave 'em to me.
Jake : Did you...?
The Geek : No! No, Jake. She's cranked for you. I told her you asked about her, right? The girl freaked. She had a hissy. She thinks you're the cats meow!
Jake : Really? She came up to me in the gym tonight. She looked at me like I was a leper.
The Geek : Girls will do that, Jake. You know? You see, they know guys are like in perpetual heat, right? They know they shit, and they enjoy pumping us up. It's pure power politics. I'm telling ya.
Jake : I thought she hated my guts.
The Geek : Games, Jake. Silly torturous games. You know how many times I've gone without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Any halfway decent girl can rob me - blind! Because I'm too torqued up to say no. It's heinous, I'm telling you.
-
Randy : Geek, can I be honest with you?
The Geek : Not if you're gonna insult me.
[Randy laughs as does Jimmy and Samantha sitting nearby]
The Geek : So? Shoot. Out with it.
Randy : [hard and firm tone] Get the hell out of here!
The Geek : Hey! Nice manners, babe!
Jimmy Montrose : She's totally serious, asswipe!
The Geek : Chill.