Harrison Muller and Woody Strode are reunited after their triumphant 1982 classic "The Final Executioner" for this completely idiotic Italo action non-epic from certified hack Fernando di Leo.
The film begins in Vietnam, with Muller, Strode (who must be the oldest grunt in cinema history), and platoon leader Henry Silva rescuing some children. Silva is shot and Strode digs the bullet out of his chest with a knife in a scene that must be seen to be disbelieved. Then, out of nowhere, Strode (playing a character named "Polo") sends Muller and Silva on their way, while he stays behind.
Turns out Polo is running some kind of drug and prostitution ring based in Thailand that has ties to the Mafia, the KGB, and the CIA. Silva, now a CIA agent, sends top man and chronic Wrangler-wearer Muller to Thailand to stop Polo's reign of nonsensical terror.
Nothing makes sense: Silva recites his lines like he's talking to a 3-year-old, Muller is glib at all the wrong times (he's strung up and about to be killed by Strode, and he keeps asking for a beer), weeks seem to go by, yet Silva (who, despite his top billing, has hardly any screen time after the opening sequence) and the people at the CIA always seem to be wearing the same wardrobe, and Muller & Silva even kiss at one point.
The most jawdropping aspect of the film has to be the extended climactic siege, where Muller and a prostitute take refuge in a brothel while Strode's army attacks. This portion of the film is more drawn out than the live version of "Stairway to Heaven." The action takes place in a small, enclosed camp, with Muller and the girl running from building to building, yet Strode and the most poorly-trained, inefficient platoon this side of "Gomer Pyle USMC" can't seem to see them, and even when they do, they all run after them one at a time, enabling Muller to easily dispose of them.
Add to that a "surprise" ending without a semblance of coherence or sensibility and you've got something that even bad movie purists won't be able to handle.
