Taxi Driver (1976)

Peter Boyle: Wizard

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Quotes 

• Wizard : All right, look. Look at it this way. You know, a man takes a job, you know? And that job - I mean, like that - you know, that becomes what he is. You know, like - you do a thing and that's what you are. I mean like I've been a cabbie for 17 years. Ten years at night. I still don't own my own cab. You know why? Because I don't want to. That must be what I want. You know, to be on the night shift drivin' somebody else's cab. You understand? I mean, you become - you get a job, you become the job. I mean, one guy lives in Brooklyn. One guy lives in Sutton Place. You got a lawyer. Another guy's a doctor. Another guy dies. Another guy gets well. And, you know, people are born. I envy you, your youth. Go on, get laid, get drunk, you know. Do anything. But, you got no choice, anyway. I mean, we're all fucked. More or less, you know.

  Travis Bickle : I don't know. That's about the dumbest thing I ever heard.

  Wizard : It's not Bertrand Russell. But what do you want? I'm a cabbie, you know. What do I know? I mean, I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about.

  Travis Bickle : I don't know. Maybe I don't know either.

  Wizard : Don't worry so much! Relax, kid, you're gonna be all right.

• Wizard : Get this. In the middle of the Triborough Bridge, and tthis woman is beautiful, she changes her pantyhose.

  Doughboy : No.

  Wizard : Oh, yeah!

  Doughboy : What did you do?

  Wizard : I throw the meter, you know, and I jump in the backseat and I whip it out and I said, "You know what this is?" She says, "It's love!" You know, I fuck her brains out. She goes wild, you know. She said, "It's the greatest single experience of my life." And she gave me a $200 tip and her phone number in Acapulco.

• Wizard : Hey Travis, this here's Doughboy. We call him that 'cause he'll do anything for a buck.

  Doughboy : Hi Travis. Got change of a nickel?

• Wizard : Then I pick up these two fags. You know, they're going downtown. They're wearin' these rhinestone T-shirts. They start arguing. They start yelling. The other says, "You bitch!" - starts beating him on the head. I say, "Look, l don't care what you do in the privacy of your own home, behind closed doors. This is an American free country. We've got a pursuit of happiness thing. You're consenting. You're adult. *But* in, you know, when you're in my fucking cab, don't go busting heads. You know what I mean? God loves you. Do what you want.

  Doughboy : Tell them to go to California. 'Cause out in California, when two fags split up, one's gotta pay the other alimony.

  Wizard : Not bad. They're way ahead out there. You know what I mean? California.

• Doughboy : Midgets are funny. Sometimes, I like to hold a midget.

  Wizard : Yeah?

  Doughboy : I mean, they're funny. They always want to sit in the front seat.

• Wizard : This guy Eddie, the owner-operator, comes up and says, "l wanna swap tires." I said, "Hey, these are new tires. Why don't you throw in something else, like your wife?" His wife was Miss New Jersey of 1957.

• Doughboy : You handle some pretty rough customers, huh?

  Travis Bickle : Yeah, I have.

  Doughboy : You carry a piece?

  Travis Bickle : No.

  Doughboy : You need one?

  Travis Bickle : No.

  Doughboy : If you ever need one, I know a fellow that can get you a real nice deal. Lots of shit around.

  Wizard : I never use mine. I'm conservative, you know. But it's a good thing to have just as a threat.