Jason Robards: Raymond Paine
Photos
Quotes
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Rachel Schpitendavel : I'm some handy for dancing.
Raymond Paine : I'll bet. Hey, ummm, what kind of dancing are you handy for?
Rachel Schpitendavel : I dance stories from the Bible.
Raymond Paine : From the Bible?
Professor Spats : It's a book civilians read on Sundays.
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Chick Williams : [Raymond and Chick enter the Deli] Raymond, this is stupid. May I have your attention please.
Raymond Paine : Louder.
Chick Williams : May I have your attention please. Announcing the presence, in your midst, of America's number one straight man, top personality in Burlesque, the inimitable... Raymond Paine.
Raymond Paine : [prompting Chick] Applause, applause.
Raymond Paine : [Chick applauds, alone] Ah, thank you, friends. Thank you, and may I say, your sincerity is exceeded only by your vulgarity. Hi ya, Billy. Hello, Mr Minsky.
Billy Minsky : [Raymond and Chick sit down at Billy and Louis Minsky's table] Look, I pay you to be funny, not nauseating. That was nauseating.
Chick Williams : I'm sorry, Billy, I just lost a bet.
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Chick Williams : [Haggling with junk dealer Fliegelmann over a prop snake they need for the show] He's got one snake left. Six bucks.
Raymond Paine : [preoccupied with Rachel] Great, let's take it. He can send it to the theater.
Chick Williams : [bargaining light-heartedly] I think six is too much. You're too high, Fliegelmann, I will not pay it.
Raymond Paine : You tell him, Chick.
Mr. Flegelman : I get six for them all the time.
Chick Williams : It's not worth more than four. Down the street, I saw it for three.
Mr. Flegelman : Well, so, go buy it down the street.
Chick Williams : I would, but they're all out.
Mr. Flegelman : If I was all out, you could have it for two. Heh, heh. Here, I'll tell you what I'll do. Five.
Chick Williams : Four.
Mr. Flegelman : Look at the workmanship. Ten days it takes to make such a snake.
Chick Williams : Ten days! It only took six days to make the world!
Mr. Flegelman : But look at the way this is made. Is that seam perfect?
Chick Williams : The seam's perfect.
Mr. Flegelman : And look at the world!
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Raymond Paine : Ha, ha, ha, ha, you've met a girl. Ah, Chick, my boy, when it comes to girls you have three qualities that are far worse than being short and funny-looking. You have the curse of the three D's: you are decent, devoted and dependable. Good qualities in a dog, disastrous in a man. Women like bastards.
Chick Williams : No wonder they *love* you.
Raymond Paine : Yes, I'm a BFC - Bastard First Class.
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Rachel Schpitendavel : [about Raymond's apartment] My, how warm and how small it is.
Raymond Paine : [laughing] Yeah, so small, I have to go out into the hall to change my mind.
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Rachel Schpitendavel : [Raymond is moving fast to seduce Rachel before he has to go on stage again] One thing I wish only. But then it is asking too much.
Raymond Paine : What?
Rachel Schpitendavel : I dreamed that the first time, there would be a sign to tell me it is right.
Raymond Paine : A sign?
Rachel Schpitendavel : From Him. A sign. The Lord moves in wondrous ways.
Raymond Paine : Yeah, well, uh, why do you want to talk about things like that? We're not here to pray.
[Rachel stiffens, and pulls away]
Raymond Paine : Hey, look, I've heard of everything, but a man and a woman with normal desires hanging around waiting for a sign...
Rachel Schpitendavel : Did I say to wait? Did I?
Raymond Paine : No. But you've got that stained-glass look in your eye.
