- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: ...and this fellow actually came to the Viceroy's party wearing suede shoes.
- D'Arcy Davenport: Good grief.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Imagine turning up to ride an elephant wearing suede shoes.
- D'Arcy Davenport: Revolting. He was asked to leave of course?
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Of course!
- Michael Gore-Brown: I'll just get with the manager and tell him I'm selling the place out.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: It won't be a manager, you know?
- Michael Gore-Brown: What'll it be then?
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: A manageress.
- Michael Gore-Brown: [Clowning with Henry] Henry!
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Yeah?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Is my slip showing?
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: What?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Excuse me, are you the manageress?
- Lady Manbury-Logan-Manbury: Do I look like the manageress?
- Michael Gore-Brown: [as Lady Manbury walks off in a huff] I mean, I'm so sorry that no one ever insulted you before.
- Eileen Grahame: It might interest you to know that her name is Lady Manbury-Logan-Manbury.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Oh. It may interest you to know that my name is mud.
- Eileen Grahame: Come this way. What is your name besides mud?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Michael. What's yours?
- Eileen Grahame: Mine?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Yes.
- Eileen Grahame: Eileen Grahame.
- Michael Gore-Brown: With an "E" at the end?
- Eileen Grahame: With an "E" on the end.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Ah, Eileen Grahame. That fits you perfectly. Don't let them do a thing to it.
- Eileen Grahame: Thank you. I have no intention of letting anyone do anything to it.
- Eileen Grahame: What is your name besides Michael?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Gore-Brown.
- Eileen Grahame: With an "E" at the end?
- Michael Gore-Brown: No. It's a tragedy, there's no "E" at...
- Eileen Grahame: Gore... Gore-Brown. Oh, are you our Mr. Gore-Brown?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Yes, I hope so.
- Eileen Grahame: Oh, we were expecting you. Come this way.
- Michael Gore-Brown: No thanks. Uh, I think it's very comfortable here.
- Eileen Grahame: Well, I think you'll be more comfortable in the office.
- Michael Gore-Brown: I don't think so. You see, I'm a little bit scared of meeting the old battle-ax.
- Eileen Grahame: What old battle-ax?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Oh, the manageress.
- Eileen Grahame: Oh, I see. Oh well, follow me.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Oh, I suppose it's best to get it over with.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Hey. What's her name? Will I stand at attention and call her "sir?"
- Eileen Grahame: Her name is Grahame. Uh, with an "E."
- Michael Gore-Brown: Not Eileen Grahame?
- Eileen Grahame: Yes. I am the manageress, Mr. Gore-Brown.
- Lady Leveson: Won't you sing just one more song for me? Just a little one?
- D'Arcy Davenport: Oh, my voice is so tired. You really must excuse me.
- Lady Leveson: Oh, of course. We mustn't overwork that glorious organ of yours, must we?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Oh, Miss Grahame. Just one last question. Uh, where do I keep my petty cash?
- Eileen Grahame: [Points to the desk drawer] You, uh, you will make a note of what you take won't you Mr. Gore-Brown?
- [He empties the cash box in his pocket]
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: [Walks into office] You know, I've been waiting here for nearly an hour? What've you been doing?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Henry, we're in the rag trade.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: What?
- Michael Gore-Brown: We are dressmakers.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Now that's a rotten thing to say, isn't it?
- Michael Gore-Brown: You may know all about figures, but nothing about haute couture.
- Michael Gore-Brown: [D'Arcy is singing in his salon across the street] Great Scott, what's that?
- Eileen Grahame: That's Sir D'Arcy Davenport, our most serious opposition. His salon is just across the way.
- Michael Gore-Brown: It's a bit late for his bath, isn't it?
- Eileen Grahame: Sir D'Arcy always sings to his clients. He says it breaks down sales resistance.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Seems a bit unethical to me.
- Eileen Grahame: It's very successful.
- Eileen Grahame: [Referring to D'Arcy] Extremely good dressmaker.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Sweeney Todd wasn't a bad barber.
- Nightclub doorman: [Eileen and Michael get out of taxi] Excuse me, Miss Grahame, but didn't I just see you come out?
- Eileen Grahame: Don't apologize, Jimmy. You did.
- Nightclub doorman: [after Eileen goes in with Michael, to himself] Party swap? None of my business.
- Nigchtclub doorman: [Eileen and Michael have just hurried out of the club] Why, Miss Grahame, didn't I talk to you just...
- Eileen Grahame: Yes, Jimmy, you did.
- Nigchtclub doorman: Thought so. Taxi sir, or are you going back again?
- Michael Gore-Brown: No, we just came out.
- Eileen Grahame: I suppose you do know I work for my living?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Oh, don't worry about that. I'll have a word with your boss. I know him well.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Gore-Brown, when you first lured me into this business, I thought I was going to like it.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Well?
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: I don't like it.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Quiet, Henry. I'm busy with my crayon.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: How can you sit there with your crayon while the whole shop is full of grassy elephants and slime frogs and green toads and dregs of wine all over the carpet?
- Michael Gore-Brown: [Lunges into taxi beside Eileen] Hello. Mind if I share your taxi?
- Eileen Grahame: You haven't given me much choice, have you? Where can I drop you?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Oh, I don't wanna be dropped.
- Eileen Grahame: Don't you?
- Michael Gore-Brown: No. That's why I'm here.
- Eileen Grahame: Then you can drop me.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Oh, that's not a good idea either.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Did you hear that loud, roaring, rushing noise?
- Eileen Grahame: No. What was it?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Me, starting to breathe again.
- Eileen Grahame: How often do you stop breathing?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Very seldom.
- Michael Gore-Brown: [Pointing to Eileen's apartment number, 13A] Oooh! Ouch! Look!
- Eileen Grahame: My lucky number.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Are you superstitious?
- Eileen Grahame: Me? Aren't you?
- Michael Gore-Brown: No. It's unlucky to be superstitious.
- Mrs. Anstruther: [a heavy-set salon client, having watched a slim model with a white outfit] Well, I don't know. It seems to lack something.
- Priscilla: [Miss Miller] Perhaps madam would like to think about it.
- Michael Gore-Brown: [Has been watching this client] Thinking about it won't help one bit. Take my tip, madam, and forget the whole thing.
- Mrs. Anstruther: I beg your pardon.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Well, this won't do, will it. I mean, uh... two into one won't go.
- Mrs. Anstruther: Two into... how dare you! Send for Miss Grahame immediately.
- Michael Gore-Brown: You see, I just know that white isn't your color. I remember an old aunt of mine telling me once - we were at the circus...
- Mrs. Anstruther: I'm not interested in your aunt.
- Michael Gore-Brown: You would be if you knew her... She says, "Michael, dear, an ordinary elephants is just as presentable, but a white elephant is carrying things just too far."
- Mrs. Anstruther: [as Eileen walks up] Miss Grahame, who is this man?
- Michael Gore-Brown: But...
- Mrs. Anstruther: Will you be quiet?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Will you...
- Eileen Grahame: Well, Mrs. Anstruther, this is Mr. Gore-Brown, the new owner of this business.
- Mrs. Anstruther: Oh, is he?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Yes. Our new policy is honesty above everything.
- Mrs. Anstruther: Good morning, Miss Grahame. You needn't proceed with my order. Perhaps Major Davenport will be more appreciative of my patronage.
- Eileen Grahame: [Following Mrs. Anstruther as Michael slinks away up the stairs] But Mrs. Anstruther Mr. Gore-Brown really doesn't understand.
- Eileen Grahame: Mr. Gore-Brown, I feel you should know that in the last few minutes, your gross income has dropped 1,200 pounds a year.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Why?
- Eileen Grahame: Mrs. Anstruther.
- Michael Gore-Brown: I'm sorry, but she looked terrible. My old Aunt Prudence used to say...
- Eileen Grahame: Whatever your old Aunt Prudence said, if Mrs. Anstruther thinks she looks wonderful in white, she looks wonderful in white.
- Michael Gore-Brown: I only intended to help. I'd do the same for a lame dog...
- Eileen Grahame: It's quite apparent that you do not approve of the old-fashioned policy of this establishment. Though we find that the customer can never be wrong under any circumstance.
- Eileen Grahame: The important thing is the skirt. Now that's our top secret. Our skirts are going to be 13 inches from the ground.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: [Entering the office] I say, that sounds rather unlucky, doesn't it? Well, what's the matter?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Henry, don't ever do that again. Men have been shot for less.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: I merely said the...
- Michael Gore-Brown: You're spying.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: I rather resent that.
- Eileen Grahame: Henry, did you overhear what I was saying?
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Well, I heard you say something about skirt length being 13 inches off...
- Michael Gore-Brown: [and Eileen] Ssshh!
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Well, for goodness said. What difference does it make whether skirts are 13 or 30 inches off the ground?
- Michael Gore-Brown: You'd be surprised.
- Eileen Grahame: Henry, can you keep your mouth shut?
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: I think I'm...
- Eileen Grahame: Sorry! I'm sure you can.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: ...It might interest you to know that my great grandfather was known to his intimates...
- Michael Gore-Brown: I know. The original Clam Chowder.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Yes. And I shall be grateful if you would avoid linking my great grandfather with this rag trade.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Well, you linked him first.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Oh, did I?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Yes.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: He'll never forgive me.
- Eileen Grahame: Oh, you don't know anything about me.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Yeah, that's quite true. Then, on the other hand, Stanley didn't know much about Livingston. But he knew him when he found him.
- Eileen Grahame: And they happened to be alone in the jungle at the time - it helped.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Yes, that's quite so.
- Eileen Grahame: Really, I wouldn't quite know how to behave in the jungle.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Wouldn't you? Oh, it's as easy as pie. I'd just come up to you and raise my pith helmet and say, "Miss Eileen Grahame, I presume? I've been looking at you for a long, long time."
- Eileen Grahame: What'll I say?
- Michael Gore-Brown: For instance...
- Michael Gore-Brown: Oh, I'm so sorry. Yes, never play a love scene on an empty stomach.
- Eileen Grahame: Is this a love scene?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Oh, yeah. 'Tis where I'm sitting.
- Michael Gore-Brown: May I ask you an outrageous question?
- Eileen Grahame: [Looks at him askance] Yes.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Well, how do you feel about D'Arcy?
- Eileen Grahame: I've known him a long time.
- Michael Gore-Brown: That all?
- Eileen Grahame: Yes, that's all. Except of course, every time I meet him, he offers me a partnership.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Business or domestic?
- Eileen Grahame: Business.
- Eileen Grahame: Well, what will you have?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Oh, uh, what are you gonna have?
- Eileen Grahame: Nothing in your line.
- Michael Gore-Brown: How do you know?
- Eileen Grahame: I'm gonna have a nice cup of tea.
- Michael Gore-Brown: ...Oh, that's just my cup of tea.
- Eileen Grahame: All right.
- Michael Gore-Brown: But I was thinking. I know all about making tea.
- Eileen Grahame: You do?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Yes, yes, you use some tea and add some water.
- Eileen Grahame: Well, what a mouthful. I've never heard of tea made that way before.
- Michael Gore-Brown: I think you have a friend of mine in cold storage.
- Inspector: Oh, he's a friend of yours, is he? I had to put him in the cells. It was the only way to stop him from talking. Bring the body in here, officer.
- Michael Gore-Brown: [Looking around the police station] The old place hasn't changed much, I see.
- Inspector: Now, I thought we wasn't strangers to each other.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Uh, no, we have met before.
- Inspector: When was it?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Well, the day April the Fifth won the derby.
- Inspector: Ah, I remember that. And you broke the heartstrings of the heiress in with you.
- Michael Gore-Brown: What's the trouble with my friend?
- Inspector: Trouble. He talks too much. Did he ever tell you the story of the two soldiers?
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Will you lend me a razor?
- Michael Gore-Brown: Oh, don't worry about shaving.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: I wasn't going to shave.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Well, cutting your throat won't do anybody else any good.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: Oh, after all the work she's done... no, I can't bear it. Gore-Brown, if you won't lend me your razor, please lend me another.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Unhappily, mine's electric.
- Sir Henry Hazelrigg: A direct descendent of old Clam Chowder, a blabber and a fifth columnist. If this comes out, you know. I shall be ruined.
- D'Arcy Davenport: Orchids and ermine. Exquisite! Oh, oh, I must sing.
- Eileen Grahame: No, D'Arcy. Please don't sing.
- D'Arcy Davenport: Not sing?
- Eileen Grahame: N... no, I... I implore you not to sing.
- D'Arcy Davenport: Well, why not?
- Eileen Grahame: Well, you might wake people up and...
- D'Arcy Davenport: Oh, darling, didn't you know. Nobody ever sleeps in Paris.
- [He starts playing the piano and singing]
- D'Arcy Davenport: Amour, amour...
- Michael Gore-Brown: [From the hallway outside Eileen's suite door, in a very high-pitched tone] Amour, amour...
- D'Arcy Davenport: Will you stop that and behave like an Englishman?
- Michael Gore-Brown: [Starts speaking in cockney] Englishman? Eyow, ah right. Miss Grahame, I wonder if you'd mind just turning around, I want...
- [He turns her by the shoulders, wraps his arms around her and gives her a big kiss then walks out of the room]
- D'Arcy Davenport: Gore-Brown, you're a cad.
- D'Arcy Davenport: Eileen. Did my eyes deceive me, or did that fellow actually kiss you?
- Eileen Grahame: There's nothing wrong with your eyesight, D'Arcy.
- Eileen Grahame: [as they walk through the jail] Quite a place you have here, inspector.
- Inspector: Yes. All the rooms are booked just now. But if you'd care to pay us a visit, we'll find accommodations for you - if you just give us notice.
- Michael Gore-Brown: [In his jail cell, drawing a wedding dress on the wall, as Eileen and the inspector enter] Hello. They got you too?
- Eileen Grahame: Not yet. But I got an invitation from the inspector.
- Eileen Grahame: According to the Dresser's Record this morning, the new colors this autumn are going to be Elephant's Breath, uh Toad Brown, Moth's Slime, Frog Green and Drink of Wine.
- Eileen Grahame: Well, I'm leaving you.
- Michael Gore-Brown: Leaving me?
- Eileen Grahame: Yes. You can run this place yourself. Or better still, have a loud speaker to do it for you. You'll find that even more effective.
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