Cairo (1942)

Homer Smith : Have you ever been in San Francisco?

Marcia Warren : Yes, once with Gable and Tracy - and the joint fell apart!

Marcia Warren : This room positively reeks of cheap, vulgar perfume.

Homer Smith : Well, it's yours.

Marcia Warren : Oh.

Homer Smith : I spilled it on me.

Marcia Warren : [he sneezes] Bless you.

Homer Smith : Thanks. I guess I must be catching cold. I'm soaking wet.

Marcia Warren : I haven't *that* much perfume.

Homer Smith : No, it's from standing under the shower.

Marcia Warren : With your clothes on?

Homer Smith : Well, I was putting out the fire.

Marcia Warren : [doubtingly] What fire?

Homer Smith : The one I started in here.

Marcia Warren : The shower's not in here.

Homer Smith : No, I carried the fire into the bathroom.

Marcia Warren : [condescendingly] I see.

Marcia Warren : Tell me, Mr. uh...

Homer Smith : Jones.

Marcia Warren : Couldn't you do better than that? You might as well have said Smith.

Homer Smith : No, it is Jones. Uh, eh, Juniper Jones.

Marcia Warren : Uh, tell me, uh, Mr. Jones, what part of America are you from?

Homer Smith : California.

Marcia Warren : Weeeelll! Southern California?

Homer Smith : Nooo! Northern California.

Marcia Warren : Ohhh.

Homer Smith : Whadda you mean, oh?

Marcia Warren : I mean, oh - you come from Northern California not Southern California.

Homer Smith : Well, you sound as if there's something wrong about coming from Northern California instead of Southern California.

Homer Smith : My name is Homer.

Philo Cobson : Not really? I could've sworn you were dead.

Homer Smith : Oh, you're thinking of the old Greek poet. He's dead. My name's Homer Smith.

Marcia Warren , Homer Smith : Do you drink a lot?

Homer Smith : I never touch alcoholic liquor.

Marcia Warren : Frisco, huh, you can have it.

Homer Smith : Don't you call it Frisco - it's San FRANcisco.

Marcia Warren : Frisco!

Homer Smith : San FRANcisco.

Marcia Warren : Frisco!

Homer Smith : San FRANcisco.

Marcia Warren : Frisco!

Homer Smith : San FRANcisco.

[Fades out as Cleona closes the door]

Cleona Jones : [to waiting butler applicants downstairs] You gentlemen can all return to the central casting. We've got just the man we've been looking for.

Mrs. Morrison : He told you who he was?

Homer Smith : [Whispering to her] British intelligence.

Mrs. Morrison : Oh, well, that wasn't very intelligent for that particular person, I must say.

Homer Smith : Sunshine! Sunshine! Sunshine! Day in and day out. It stupefies your brain. It thins out your blood. It, it withers everything it touches.

Marcia Warren : Hasn't withered Lana Turner.

Philo Cobson : Who are you?

Italian Officer : We are Italians. We surrender.

Philo Cobson : But you can't surrender to us - we're not soldiers.

Italian Officer : But we do surrender.

Homer Smith : Look here, we don't wanna capture you. What would we do with you?

Italian Officer : Turn us over to the British.

Mrs. Morrison : As a writer and a man of imagination, Mr. Smith, if you were a spy and wanted a profession that gave you freedom of movement, and access to important men with important information...

Homer Smith : Yeah, being a beautiful movie star would be ideal. But, Marcia Warren - why she's as American as... . As a matter of fact, she's been out of the country for three years, ever since she made that picture in England.

Homer Smith : Southern California, the desert of human thought. Fruit without flavor. Flowers that don't smell.

Marcia Warren : You don't have that trouble up north - everything smells. Fog! Fog! Day in and day out. Straightens out your hair like it's been pressed. Fog in your lungs. Fog in your clothes. Dripping off the building!

Homer Smith : It's romantic!

Marcia Warren : Oh, what's romantic about not being able to see your hand in front of your face? You can't tell whether you're on the street or a Turkish bath.

Marcia Warren : Who do you think you're kidding, bub?

Homer Smith : Kidding?

Marcia Warren : Oh, stop it. You're awful. If there's anything you learn from making musical pictures it's how to recognize BAD acting.

Homer Smith : You're an Englishman aren't you?

Philo Cobson : How did you guess it?

Homer Smith : Well, I sort of train myself to notice things.

Marcia Warren : Tell me now, what made you think I'd be insane enough to think you were British?

Homer Smith : Well, I thought there'd be a better chance of getting a job.

Marcia Warren : You are Philo Cobson, the British intelligence says so.

Homer Smith : That's a lie. British intelligence says you're head of the big six.

Marcia Warren : What's the big six?

Homer Smith : Oh, as if you didn't know.

Homer Smith : [to the Cairo theater doorman] Look, uh, when those two ladies I was with come back, tell 'em, uh, tell 'em I was sick and had to leave.

Female Theatre Attendant : [after Homer leaves, to the doorman] The young man who came with the two ladies - you are to tell him that they took suddenly ill and had to leave.

Fat Doorman in Cairo Theatre : Hmmm. Epidemic.

Marcia Warren : [Sniffing] Have you a woman accomplice with you?

Homer Smith : Not that I know of.

Marcia Warren : This room positively wreaks of cheap, vulgar perfume.

Homer Smith : Well, it's yours.

Marcia Warren : Oh!

Homer Smith : I spilled it on me.

Marcia Warren : Then, who's Cobson?

Homer Smith : He's from British intelligence. He told me so himself.

Marcia Warren : Where, on that raft?

Homer Smith : No, just after we captured the Italian soldiers.

Marcia Warren : That's it, brother.

Marcia Warren : You think you can confuse me by calling me a Nazi, you Nazi.

Homer Smith : Don't you call me a Nazi, you Nazi.

Marcia Warren : You mean to say you're not Philo Cobson?

Homer Smith : Oh, Cobson, Cobson, I wish I'd never let him on my raft.

Marcia Warren : Oh, a raft?

Homer Smith : That's where I met him - on a raft in the Mediterranean.

Marcia Warren : Tell me honestly - are you Yehoodi?

Homer Smith : [Not laughing] Hah! Hah! Hah! I'm Homer Smith from Cavity Rock, California.

Marcia Warren : [Not laughing] Ah, hah, hah.

Homer Smith : Go ahead, turn me over to the Nazis. I'd a lot rather die as a hick newspaperman than live as a famous Nazi movie star.

Homer Smith : It wouldn't look right for you to go walking with a butler.

Marcia Warren : You're no butler.

Marcia Warren : Uh, have you an old operation that's bothering you?

Homer Smith : Oh, heh, it's my money belt. I... keep my money in it.

Marcia Warren : [to Cleona] Well, that settles it. If I met an absolute stranger and he wore a money belt, I'd know he was a spy.

Homer Smith : Well, I'm no thief, miss Warren.

Marcia Warren : Frankly, Juniper, I'm going nearly crazy trying to figure out just what you are.

Marcia Warren : No, darling, no. We'll always play our close shots profile to profile.

Homer Smith : What about when we kiss?

Marcia Warren : Oh, there'll be no difficulty with that at all. Of course, in the picture I'll have my face nearer the camera because I'm your wife and I love you.

Homer Smith : Yeah, well get your hand down. You're spoiling my closeup.

Homer Smith : More than anybody else, I'm glad that you're not a spy.

Marcia Warren : Ohh, that's a very nice compliment, Homer.

Homer Smith : I've been a dope long enough. Anybody with a half a brain could have seen you were a Nazi.

Fat Doorman in Cairo Theatre : How fortunate for us that you have such a limited supply.

Homer Smith : Well, do you think I'm a spy?

Marcia Warren : Heh, right now, Juniper - or Homer, I wouldn't think you were a spy if I personally caught you going through President Roosevelt's pockets.

Homer Smith : Well, somebody is.

Marcia Warren : Why is it better for a woman to go walking with their maid, than with their butler?

Homer Smith : Because a maid is a female, and the butler is a male.

Marcia Warren : Sometimes, I wonder about that too.

Cleona Jones : Imagine, nothing to your name, but a belt full of c-notes.

Marcia Warren : C-notes?

Homer Smith : They're $100 bills. They're also called yards. That's, uh, gangster language.

Marcia Warren : Ah-oh! Well, I, uh, I think, I prefer c-notes. It's, uh, more my type. Don't you think?

Homer Smith : You see, you used to be...

Marcia Warren : Yes?

Homer Smith : I mean...

Marcia Warren : Yes, Homer?