Topper (1937)

Roland Young: Cosmo Topper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cosmo Topper : My wife objects to drinking.

  George Kerby : Then she shouldn't drink.

  Cosmo Topper : She doesn't.

  George Kerby : What's her objection?

• Cosmo Topper : Can't you even *look* like a human being?

  Wilkins : I don't know, sir, I've never tried.

• Marion Kerby : Let's go have some dinner.

  Cosmo Topper : Oh no, we cannot eat on an empty stomach!

  Marion Kerby : Then we better have a few drinks first!

• Cosmo Topper : Clara, we used to play together once, and we could again. We could drive up to Lake Placid, just you and I. Stop at a roadhouse, dinner, and dance.

  Mrs. Topper : Drive in that? You're asking me to drive in a car that looks like a painted Jezebel. And drive it to a roadhouse? Why, it'd be like going to the opera in my night gown!

• Cosmo Topper : Good morning, Clara.

  Mrs. Topper : Good morning, dear. You're late.

  Cosmo Topper : Oh... better late than never. Only 44 seconds, anyhow.

• Marion Kerby : Why don't you stop being a mummy for a few minutes and come to life? Of course, there's nothing wrong with being a mummy if you had any fun getting that way.

  Cosmo Topper : But I... I didn't, you see.

  Marion Kerby : No, I can tell that by the way you're staring at my knees.

• Cosmo Topper : So I'm a ditherer? Well, I'm jolly well going to dither, then!

• [George and Marion watch a drunk Topper laying on the floor, passed out] 

  Marion Kerby : I don't think he's ever had a drink in his life.

  George Kerby : Poor Topper.

  Marion Kerby : Poor Topper.

  Cosmo Topper : [mutters]  Poor Topper.

  George Kerby : You keep out of this.

• Hotel Manager : Perhaps you can explain the red on this cigarette.

  Cosmo Topper : Yes, I... cut my tongue when I was shaving this morning.

• [Topper reading annual report of his bank] 

  Cosmo Topper : Bullion abroad and in transit, thirteen million, two hundred and two thousand, eight hundred and fifty-four dollars and no cents.

  George Kerby : No sense.

  Cosmo Topper : I just said that, Mr. Kerby.

  George Kerby : So did I.

• Cosmo Topper : [to two bewildered onlookers, who've been watching him talk to an invisible Marion]  Well, is it *my* fault there's no one here?

• Cosmo Topper : [drunk]  Well, that's how I dance. How do you like it?

  George Kerby : [smiles and nods politely]  Yes, I thought that was pretty - bad.

• Cosmo Topper : Having a little chair trouble, but, don't pay any attention to it.

• Cosmo Topper : [to George, referring to his wife]  Yes, I'v never - never beaten her.

  [awkwardly] 

  Cosmo Topper : Not... yet, I haven't.

  [pauses, then nods to liquor on the table] 

  Cosmo Topper : Open the other bottle.

• Cosmo Topper : [speaking to George Kerby about Marian Kerby]  Use your influence. If you haven't any, beat her.

• Cosmo Topper : [Changing his mind about refusing a cocktial from Cary Grant]  Maybe I do need a drink. Maybe I've needed a drink all these years and haven't known it!