- [first lines]
- Mayor of West Rome: As mayor of West Rome, it gives me great pleasure to welcome you and to introduce our first citizen, Warren Fenwick Cooper!
- Warren F. Cooper: Thank you, mayor. Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. Heh, heh, you see I know my Roman history.
- [last lines]
- Old Woman in West Rome: Yes, sir. We'd still be living in the streets if it wasn't for Eddie.