Review of Die Another Day

I absolutely love the Bond movies, however, as a devoted fan of the series, I acknowledge that the films vary dramatically in terms of artistic quality. Die Another Day is one of the stupidest 007 movies, I have ever saw. It's the 'Moonraker' of the modern era. A over the top escapism film that try too hard to be young and hip, that it tire itself out, with its old and heavily clichéd premise. Not only did, this movie derailed the spy franchise for years to come, it also put the franchise in so much deep ice, that 2006's Casino Royale had to come and reboot it with its Jason Bourne like realistic style. While, I wouldn't say, it's the worst Bond movie, ever. I do have to say, that the movie is so bad, it's kinda good, in how entertaining bad it was. However, that doesn't make it, a good movie. Directed by Lee Tamahori, the movie tells the story of James Bond (Pierce Brosnan), being sent to South Korea to investigate the connection between a North Korean terrorist named Colonel Moon (Will Yun Lee) & a diamond mogul, Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens). It's there, that he find out, that both are funding the development of an international space weapon call Icarus that could wipe South Korea from the face of the earth using concentrated sunlight. Can Bond stop this weapon from doing that, or will the villains gain the upper-hand? Watch the movie to find out, if you want to! Without spoiling the movie, too much, I have to say, the whole kill sat plot is nothing new. This is fourth time, a Bond movie use the killer satellite plot, after 1971's Diamonds are Forever, 1979's Moonraker and just recently, 1995's GoldenEye! Honestly, in my opinion, these killer sat plots are just really ridiculous, and childish. It's almost borderline into self-parody. You would think, they would have learn, their lesson, after seeing 1999's Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, lampoon the idea, to the ground; but no, they still thought, it was a good idea. Like really, what was Moon's plan should the good guys attack during night? I ask this, because Earth's shadow extends far enough into space to eclipse the Moon! No viable orbit would be high enough to ensure that Icarus always had sunlight to reflect. I don't think the writers for this movie, Neal Purvis & Robert Wade thought of that. They're so idiotic. Not only that; but a lot of the crazy sci-fi elements, they wrote, fail to impress me. Among them is "The Vanquish" cloaking car, in which the filmmakers already forgot how it works after explaining it. It's clear by what they wrote, that if objects pass, beside the car, it would appear on the other side, making it visible. So they isn't anywhere, Bond could honestly hide, besides going in. Another sci-fi element that seem unbelievable, is the DNA restructuring sub-plot. While, the science for it, seem off the wall, impossible, because how bone marrow and voice therapy honestly works; that isn't my main problem with it. Honestly, I found the whole subplot, somewhat offensive. The reason why, is because I felt like the writers only brought this sub plot up, because the filmmakers must have, thought that the Asian actor, they hired, didn't seem very appealing or believable as a main 'Bond' villain to the mostly white English people. So they hired an English Caucasian actor to replace him in most of the film. I call it as it is, it's the filmmakers having cold feet and playing to stereotypes that Asians actors cannot act. Anyways the twist that came with this move, was very predictable, lame and not really needed. Don't get me wrong, Toby Stephens is a fine actor, but his character is one of the weaker James Bond villains, I ever saw. I found his henchman, Zao (Rick Yune), to be more appealing. However, that diamonds still sticking to Zao's skin doesn't make much sense, in the long run, if the villains are trying to change his face. Anyways, the worst sci-fi gadget, this movie adds is the virtual-reality simulator. Not only does it has nothing to do with the main plot, it felt like a 'Bobby Ewing in the Shower' cop out. Those trolling action scenes are just filler, at best. Talking about action, I have to say, it's a mixed bag for me. I kinda do like the Iceland car chase, in the middle of the film, however, the CGI parasailing surfing on a tidal wave, heart stopping sequence, ice palace melting and cyborg suit is a serious no-no for me. There were all badly done. And while we're at it, the hovercraft chase and disintegrating airplane scene had some really blatantly obvious green screen as well. It was a bit jarring to watch. But by far, the worst thing about this film is the opening torturing scenes, with the title music by Madonna. I hate the horrific auto tune and repetitive lyrics. Still, I have to say, that Pierce Brosnan in his last appearance as the character was alright for the most part, however it's clear that he can't do much, realistic stunts, as he used to. About Halle Berry being the bond girl, Jinx; she was believable in the action scenes, however her sassy acting is really bad. 100 percent line readings, pointless whining, and awkward blaxploitation one-liners like lame 'yo mamma' jokes made her, very unwatchable. Thank god, that Jinx never got her own spin-off film series. I like Rosamund Pike as bond girl, number 2, Miranda Frost in her film debut over her. She was amazing. Still, the age-gap between Pierce Brosnan and her, is somewhat alarming, and disturbing. They also don't have any chemistry together on screen. Overall: I found the movie to be subpar. The 50th anniversary of the first novel, and the 40th anniversary of the film canon, deserve better than this. Check 2012's Skyfall, instead.