I loathed the very existence of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I knew I would hate it, but somehow managed to go in hoping for the best with lowered expectations. It made things worse. After surviving that obnoxiously loud and repugnantly offensive film, I figured I could make it through anything. Even something as silly looking as Ninja Assassin. But sadly, I was incorrect.
After a ridiculously awesome and gory opening scene setting the stage for what is to come, Ninja Assassin jumps headfirst into the story of Raizo (Rain), a ninja living in Berlin who wants to claim revenge on the makeshift ninja orphanage that raised him. Through mindlessly edited flashbacks sequences, the audience discovers how he became the ninja he is, and why he seeks revenge. And there is even a subplot about Europol agents trying to find ninja gangs, corrupt governments, and kinds of other ideas better stuffed down the rabbit hole.
In a word, Ninja Assassin is just awful. I realize action flicks are usually left mindless for a reason, but this film brings the word mindless to a new level. The confusing plot line is held together by mere threads throughout the film with no semblance of even attempting to try and make sense of itself. I realize I managed a description of the film, but trying to piece together motivations, actions, and reactions is simply an exercise in futility. There is simply no point. And even looking at it simply as a genre flick made simply for people to either laugh at its stupidity during a drinking game at home, or the type of movie people go to see to be wowed by the sheer amount of carnage on screen, it simply fails to live up to any measure of decency that any good movie should.
I was impressed by how much story the filmmakers manage to stuff into the film, but after an hour of watching a half baked storyline padded out with heavily effects driven action sequences, the film just became more boring than anything else. And for a movie that practically drowns in how much blood is spilled, that says a lot. After the opening scene, the film just fails to live up to its own desire to be a ridiculous actioner. It knows it has the ability to be the film that brings ninjas back to the box office in droves, but it lacks the capacity to go the distance and truly be that film. Some scenes are just so horribly written that one wonders why anyone ever thought it was a good idea to make this movie.
For anyone who argues that the action sequences that drive the film are what make the film acceptable, think again. These scenes are so effects heavy, so filled to the brim with CGI that I began questioning if Rain was a CGI character or not. I realize it is hard to make throwing stars fly through the air and look realistic when impaled into someone's chest or eye, but there must have been a much better way to put some of these action scenes together than like this. It just feels so haphazard, so badly choreographed. Remember when Bruce Lee and his stuntmen could pull sequences like these off in real life, without the aid of a computer? Remember when the Wachowskis made The Matrix back in 1999, with all the fight scenes and sparingly used CGI (well, at least in comparison to its two effects happy sequels)? Ninja Assassin is nothing like either of those examples, and it is a real disappointment as a result. Some of the movements and money shot-style deaths are simply incredible, but they lose their lasting effect because of how silly and fake some of the effects look.
Worse yet is the extremely obscene use of blood. Now I am not one to wince or be disgusted at the sight of a film simply filled to the top with blood. I adore Kill Bill: Volume 1 and had a great time watching the absurdly no-holds-barred ending of Rambo. But even at their silliest, the blood in those films stayed remotely realistic (key word being remotely), and was not overdone, as much of an oxymoron as that sounds. But Ninja Assassin cakes on the blood in every scene, ridiculously shooting out of every possible angle, in every possible direction. And none of it looks real. The scars and after effects of what causes the injuries this blood spills from are really well done, but every cause of injury is not. The blood is just too digitally animated for this kind of movie. It needs more in the way of realism, in these wonderful makeup effects. Hell, some of the shots are so dark and so quickly edited that it attempts to mask how horrible some of the blood effects look. Sure there are plenty of wow moments, but not enough for any of this overused CGI to be acceptable.
Getting into any pretense of discussing the acting is to acknowledge that there is, in fact, acting occurring during the film. Yes, Rain surprised me, but only because he spends most of the film grunting, yelling or staying mute. As for the rest of the cast, they either look uninterested, confused, or doing the same thing as Rain.
It simply boggles my mind to think Ninja Assassin was ever made at all. It has a really bad ass opening sequence, a few cool moments of action, but no other redeeming qualities. It does not even become so bad that it becomes good. It quite honestly, wallows away in silliness from beginning to end. I wish I could say this car crash of a film kept me mildly entertained, but even that is giving it too much credit.
2.5/10.
After a ridiculously awesome and gory opening scene setting the stage for what is to come, Ninja Assassin jumps headfirst into the story of Raizo (Rain), a ninja living in Berlin who wants to claim revenge on the makeshift ninja orphanage that raised him. Through mindlessly edited flashbacks sequences, the audience discovers how he became the ninja he is, and why he seeks revenge. And there is even a subplot about Europol agents trying to find ninja gangs, corrupt governments, and kinds of other ideas better stuffed down the rabbit hole.
In a word, Ninja Assassin is just awful. I realize action flicks are usually left mindless for a reason, but this film brings the word mindless to a new level. The confusing plot line is held together by mere threads throughout the film with no semblance of even attempting to try and make sense of itself. I realize I managed a description of the film, but trying to piece together motivations, actions, and reactions is simply an exercise in futility. There is simply no point. And even looking at it simply as a genre flick made simply for people to either laugh at its stupidity during a drinking game at home, or the type of movie people go to see to be wowed by the sheer amount of carnage on screen, it simply fails to live up to any measure of decency that any good movie should.
I was impressed by how much story the filmmakers manage to stuff into the film, but after an hour of watching a half baked storyline padded out with heavily effects driven action sequences, the film just became more boring than anything else. And for a movie that practically drowns in how much blood is spilled, that says a lot. After the opening scene, the film just fails to live up to its own desire to be a ridiculous actioner. It knows it has the ability to be the film that brings ninjas back to the box office in droves, but it lacks the capacity to go the distance and truly be that film. Some scenes are just so horribly written that one wonders why anyone ever thought it was a good idea to make this movie.
For anyone who argues that the action sequences that drive the film are what make the film acceptable, think again. These scenes are so effects heavy, so filled to the brim with CGI that I began questioning if Rain was a CGI character or not. I realize it is hard to make throwing stars fly through the air and look realistic when impaled into someone's chest or eye, but there must have been a much better way to put some of these action scenes together than like this. It just feels so haphazard, so badly choreographed. Remember when Bruce Lee and his stuntmen could pull sequences like these off in real life, without the aid of a computer? Remember when the Wachowskis made The Matrix back in 1999, with all the fight scenes and sparingly used CGI (well, at least in comparison to its two effects happy sequels)? Ninja Assassin is nothing like either of those examples, and it is a real disappointment as a result. Some of the movements and money shot-style deaths are simply incredible, but they lose their lasting effect because of how silly and fake some of the effects look.
Worse yet is the extremely obscene use of blood. Now I am not one to wince or be disgusted at the sight of a film simply filled to the top with blood. I adore Kill Bill: Volume 1 and had a great time watching the absurdly no-holds-barred ending of Rambo. But even at their silliest, the blood in those films stayed remotely realistic (key word being remotely), and was not overdone, as much of an oxymoron as that sounds. But Ninja Assassin cakes on the blood in every scene, ridiculously shooting out of every possible angle, in every possible direction. And none of it looks real. The scars and after effects of what causes the injuries this blood spills from are really well done, but every cause of injury is not. The blood is just too digitally animated for this kind of movie. It needs more in the way of realism, in these wonderful makeup effects. Hell, some of the shots are so dark and so quickly edited that it attempts to mask how horrible some of the blood effects look. Sure there are plenty of wow moments, but not enough for any of this overused CGI to be acceptable.
Getting into any pretense of discussing the acting is to acknowledge that there is, in fact, acting occurring during the film. Yes, Rain surprised me, but only because he spends most of the film grunting, yelling or staying mute. As for the rest of the cast, they either look uninterested, confused, or doing the same thing as Rain.
It simply boggles my mind to think Ninja Assassin was ever made at all. It has a really bad ass opening sequence, a few cool moments of action, but no other redeeming qualities. It does not even become so bad that it becomes good. It quite honestly, wallows away in silliness from beginning to end. I wish I could say this car crash of a film kept me mildly entertained, but even that is giving it too much credit.
2.5/10.