Grottmorden (1989 TV Movie)
5/10
Watchable Swedish Horror/Action Garbage
3 July 2006
Yes this is one of the most amusing films ever made, and amusing for the wrong reasons of course. It's a hybrid horror thriller/action adventure film with a psycho killer, a deformed mutant cave monster, Swedish mobsters running around dressed up like Devo and the most improbable film hero ever in stuntman turned leading pretty boy & producer A.R. Hellquist, a 5'7" ball of fire who has hair like a bad 80s arena rock bassist, runs around in those white canvas painter pants that were so fashionable at one time, and is a TV reporter who apparently has had training in guerrilla warfare. Everyone in the film has big hair, wears those block color futuristic fashions that went out of style in about 1988 (nobody told the Swedes until well into the 1990s), and awful synthesizer rock soundtrack typical of the period, wooden acting, improbable plotting, stiffly choreographed action sequences, and really buff Swedish meatballs who wander around shirtless carrying machine guns for the movie's concluding half hour.

In other words this is one of those "Wtf?" movies, were you just sort of have to wonder just what were people *THINKING* when they came up with it? I hate movies that sort of wear their purpose on their sleeve like a badge and prefer films that sort of make the viewer think why anyone would consider making such a movie in the first place. The film has the story pattern of a late 1980's teen horror thriller adding the action element in a manner that reminded me a lot of the cult favorite SCARECROWS. Where that film was influenced by ALIENS, this one was obviously a product of RAMBO fever as Mr. Hellquist's "Pete Savage" apes Sly Stallone as best he can even though he's about five inches too short.

And yet the film does have something going for it beyond the sheer novelty of being a Swedish made American teen horror action thriller hybrid: The scenes down in the Forgotten Wells of the title are pretty interesting, the duel between the film's two monsters and the added element of machine gun toting thugs with some sort of organized crime connection creates an odd tension. The production standards are low and the director & his 11 writers did a good job of making the most of whatever resources they had. There are a few too many tense telephone conversations but you know whatever: Not everybody gets to make a movie and 9 times out of 10 if the do it turns out to be boring junk. This is junk but it sure isn't boring and for horror fans looking for something different I'd recommend a look. There's no real gore or nudity but there are some pretty grim death scenes, an interesting atmosphere, a respectable body count and plenty of attractive Swedish babes. Get some beer and kiss an otherwise unremarkable evening goodbye watching something that nobody's probably ever heard of.

5/10
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