The Worst Films of 2018

Imago is as pointless as a sword that has lost its top half, as directionless as a traveler without a destination, as pretentious as an SJW speaking on world politics, and as painfully slow as a bicycle with two flat tyres. Given that the film is based on a student facing huge social anxiety and the bond she forms with a teacher who comes to her rescue, Taare Zameen Par seems like the closest analogy. Only, imagine TZP sans the emotions, bonding, plotting, character arcs, relationship dynamics, or even an iota of engagement, and you get Imago.

0/5 stars (it's extremely rare that I give a film either a '5' or a '0').

No matter how much you camouflage it with arty stuff, freaky porn is still freaky porn; regardless how hard you pretend to take the high road by breaking perceived gender conformities, feminazi toxicity can still be detected by the "trained eye" as feminazi toxicity; and irrespective of how subtly you try to make a point about environmentalism and human excess, a nihilistic perspective will remain a nihilistic perspective. But this is my take on the Cannes-winning Swedish film, Border, based on my understanding of its multiple layers and underlying subtexts, which is why I'm going with the lowest-possible rating for a film that has won over critics across the globe. Those of you who're interested in watching it, should give it a shot and see if it works for y'all. Y'all are also welcome to discuss it with me after watching; would love to brainstorm contrasting thoughts on what's certain to go down in the long run as an immensely polarizing film.

0/5 stars

A simple grindhouse-styled action film, injected with unnecessary arty-farty drivel to make it look more than the sum of its parts, but all that Director and co-writer Panos Cosmatos succeeds in doing is to turn Mandy from what could have been a fun exploitation romp into a soporific mess till the halfway stage, followed by nonsensical trash till the end. Barring a single emotional outburst and mouthing a couple of cool one-liners, Nicolas Cage's talents are criminally wasted in what could well be his most-boring film to date. Sure, Cage has been in some awful stuff of late, completely unbefitting his star status, but could any of those films have claimed to offer a cure for insomnia.

0.5/5 stars

True to its title, The Endless is an 'endless' test of your patience and a never-ending exercise in desperately attempting to masquerade a sci-fi film as an intense character study of a cult and its members, but failing miserably on both counts. Avoid this incoherent mess on all counts.

0.75/5 stars

Mandarin film A Land Imagined, from Singapore, beings with a lot of dialogue that simply drags and takes the film nowhere, followed by a slightly suspenseful turn around the halfway stage, involving a close friend of the hero going missing, only to revert to said hero again talking too much and doing too little to find said friend, culminating in an entirely vague, half-baked, and unconvincing finale. If I ever go missing, I sincerely hope that my friend and family do a better job. Barring a handful of suspenseful moments, this one has precious little else to offer.

1/5 stars

October is too slow and painfully pretentious, with zero screenplay and just random scenes strung together. I've no problem with slow-paced films if they say something and the treatment justifies the pace, but this one is just empty because Shoojit Sircar went overboard to indulge his artiness, making it soulless and mind-numbingly boring. Varun Dhawan is the only saving grace in this celluloid sleeping pill. From audience perspective it has nothing, and the general paying public is likely to feel physically tortured and psychologically ambushed if they muster the courage to sit through this. Even keeping an audience perspective aside, as a critic and a fan, I found nothing to take away from it except Shoojit being pretentious and trying to force art down my throat. And I've really liked all his prior efforts.

1/5 stars

A thriller so insipid, predictable, and lazily plotted that you'd be better off finding steadier direction, sharper writing, and a modicum of suspense in a play by grade-school kids. The only thing Killer Single Dad is capable of killing is your sanity.

1/5 stars

There’s no doubt a decent amount of expectation from Akshay Verma’s directorial debut, considering he wrote one-of-the-funniest, craziest, and zaniest dark comedies of all time in Delhi Belly. Sadly, his foray into direction masquerades as a wannabe of his own masterpiece, without ever even coming close to touching its toes. Kaalakaandi is nowhere near as trippy as Akshay might have intended nor does it offer any slice-of-life moments that we can identify with in a piece of alternate cinema. It’s not even remotely funny to perhaps offer a pleasant deviation from the inexplicable shenanigans that clutter the narrative.

So, is there anything good about Kaalakaandi? Well, nothing much if you leave out Saif’s performance and some of the arresting VFX, used to try and convey the trippy feelings of LSD. More worrying is how the film tries to endorse the message of nihilism in a day and age when callousness, apathy, and devaluation of life – both of oneself and those of others – are exponentially on the rise. At one point in the film, Saif mumbles, "It's all pointless," which about sums up what's on offer. This one isn’t just a total mess, but a nihilistic mess at that.

1.15/5 stars

A bunch of losers keep lamenting their circumstances for all their shitty decisions in life when they're not trying to skateboard their problems away. If that's not bad enough, then the editing will leave you disoriented and the direction will put you to sleep. There were far better documentaries (Strokes of Genius, Three Identical Strangers, Fahrenheit 11/9, Won't You be My Neighbor to name a few) this year than Minding the Gap, which deserved an Academy Award nomination. Thank heavens that it didn't go on to win the Oscar, which would have been nothing short of a travesty.

1.25/5 stars

In its quest to look and feel as real as possible, American Animals abandons all the thrill, tension, uncertainty, and peril that goes with a heist film. Ironically, the realistic approach and docu-drama style (best left to biopics and intense dramas) are actually what dehumanizes the film's central characters and robs it of all the danger and trauma essential to a heist, cinematic or otherwise.

1.25/5 stars

When a Director who’s made some of the best horror films in Indian cinematic history (Razz, Hauted 3D, and 1920 - the first entry in the very franchise which this awful third installment belongs to), and who’s previously proved his versatility with classics in other genres like Ghulam and Awara Paagal Deewana, makes a film that isn’t even a pale shadow of his erstwhile brilliance, you not only feel infuriated at the work on display, but also experience sadness at how far a once great filmmaker has fallen; and we say fallen because of the dismal pattern he’s shown in all his recent works.

The scares of 1921 are never scary; the romance is far from romantic; the story never draws you in; and the overall setting appears too fake to do justice to the ethos of its era. Are there any redeeming qualities? Well, Zareen endeavors hard to keep the film afloat, and though she fails, we, guess, the only good point is the realization that the lass actually has untapped talent. Beyond that, there’s nothing to take away from this snooze-fest of a creep-show, unless you consider a promising beginning that deceives you into believing that Vikram Bhatt could be back to his comfort levels in the genre that made him a household name. Other than these factors, you’re left yawning or fidgeting a lot throughout the film, and pondering how the once mighty have fallen.

1.25/5 stars

Bhavesh Joshi Superhero is too dull to be enjoyable as a superhero film and too muddled to be taken seriously as a vigilante drama. And Harshvardhan Kapoor carrying a film...well...well...well...let it be.

1.5/5 stars

LoveYatri teaches you how to clear visa interviews doing Garba, wearing red-hued clothing, and keeping lucky nuts in your pockets. The impact of this is so profound that the whole of London ends up doing Garba by the time the climax rolls. What more do you need laugh your ass off at a film that's an ideal candidate for the "so bad that it's good" tag.

1.5/5 stars

Little Sunny Pawar can certainly rivet you to the screen more than many actors thrice his age, and that puppy is too adorable for words, but these sweet aspects alone aren't enough to save Chippa, which meanders aimlessly, completely losing the plot and the points it starts out with.

1.5/5 stars

What sets out as an unabashed, unapologetic marriage between Indian cinematic masala and a Hollywood-styled space adventure, with an outrageously daring heist, set in the stars, thrown in for good measure, takes a rapidly deteriorating farcical flight midway, when Tik Tik Tik's bunch of misfit heroes shoot into space for the actual mission, and the part of the film that matters the most. Everything that serves as awkward entertainment till that point swiftly switches to bizarro territory. The outrageous turns into the outlandish; amusement becomes absurd; and harmless fun spirals down a painfully unfunny path, where everything from the laws of physics to space travel to deadly nuclear-powered weaponry is fair game for asinine mutilation. A very good idea ruined by half-hearted research, half-baked application, and extremely poor execution. On the bright side, the film could attain one of those infamous cult statuses down the years for being so bad that it's good, particularly the second half.

1.5/5 stars

Arshad Warsi is on fire in Bhaiaji Superhit. Sadly the rest of the film is complete bollocks, and a talented veteran cast, including stars like Sunny Deol and Preity Zinta, are criminally wasted by Director Neerraj Pathak.

1.5/5 stars (of which 0.5 stars are solely for Warsi)

Stereotypes and nostalgia are all well and good and could even be funny if they aren’t played out in overdose and certainly aren’t the sole reason to make a film. Why would icons like Dharamendra and Sunny Deol agree to themselves being caricatured to such unbearable effect is beyond me, and for all the effort Bobby Deol has put into his comeback, the projects he’s landed so far aren’t doing him any favors. Kriti Kharbanda, too, is way more talented than the films she’s getting. I love the Deols and their humility to bits, but no amount of love I have for them or their nature could make me like Yamla Pagla Deewana Phir Se even a little bit. This one makes the bland second installment actually seem a tad funny, and all but washes away the fond memories of the genuinely funny first part. Disheartened more than disappointed.

1.55/5 (solely for the courtroom scene at the end)

There are poorly made films, and then there are boring films. The two don't necessarily go along with each other as a poor film need not always put you to sleep while a technically decent film with a believable plot could be told so lackadaisically that it robs you of any interest whatsoever. However, Fanney Khan combines the worst of all worlds (read narratively insipid, technically haphazard, and just plain boring) to dish out a film that lacks any redeeming aspects, and takes the crutch of a troublesome message to boot. Plus, the point it tries to make about body-shaming is so shoddy, contains so many factual innacuracies, and is delivered through so many plot loopholes that it leaves you more annoyed than anything else. Coming to the performances, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan is strictly one-note, the new girl Pihu Sand gets on your nerves, and both Anil Kapoor and Rajkummar Rao try their best, but have been infinitely better in several films before. When a masterpiece like Secret Superstar, based on a similar concept, arrived only a year ago, why would anybody want to put themselves through this painful experience.

1.65/5 stars

The initial 30-40 minutes of Savita Damodar Paranjpe are quite good, but it's all downhill from thereon. The wafer-thin plot is stretched to the end of its tether, the film becomes overly long and extremely tedious, and the denouement desperately tries to look shocking, but only ends up being lazy at best, and flawed at worst. Neither have I seen the play the film is based on, nor do I have a clue about it, but going by all the praise it's received down the years, I doubt the cinematic version has done it justice. A rare sloppily written and shoddily directed film in Marathi cinema.

1.65/5 stars

Boring, disjointed, and pointless. No suspense, no chills, no eeriness, no mystery, no intrigue, very few scares, and whatever actual horror there is, arrives so late that you've lost all interest by that time.

1.75/5 stars

Aravindha Sametha is a complete mess of a masala family entertainer, and even quite soporific in parts, despite Jr NTR's best efforts. Young Tiger fans (myself included) will remain captivated by his riveting screen presence, power-packed dialogue delivery, and absorbing expressions, but take him out of the frame, and there's precious little to hold your attention. Director Trivikram Srinivas jostles aimlessly from rural family feuds, urban romance, and bumbling lawyers to random buddy types, inexplicable bodyguard assignments, and long-drawn messages about war and peace, wherein the familiarity of the plot on hand isn't as much the culprit as the unimaginative execution or... surprise... surprise...lack of enough mass moments. Easily one of Trivikram's worst outings while calling the shots and a sheer waste of Tarak's (Jr. NTR) talents. But, hey, the film has minted money like anything at the box-office both domestically and overseas. So, don't take my word about it, especially if you're an #NTR or Trivikram fan, and check it out for yourself.

1.75/5 stars

True to its title, Spanish film The Warning delivers a major "warning" on why any film trying to be too smart for its own good will eventually fall flat on its face. After a premise that's brilliantly set up at the start, it's all one-way traffic downhill, where the proceedings become progressively mired by gobbledygook, the characters look confused, and their actions end up making no sense whatsoever. Director Daniel Calparsoro's narration becomes so convoluted after a point that you wonder whether the hero is an accomplished mathematician or a soothsayer.

1.75/5 stars (only for the setup in the beginning)

Despite a few good ideas and and a slightly interesting final 20 minutes or so, Unfriended: Dark Web is a pale shadow of a sequel to Unfriended — a trailblazer of the social-media horror/thriller — disjointed, random, incoherent, and minus any of the ingenious, intriguing, and devilishly twisted games that had made its predecessor a truly fearful experience for those who love their lives online.

1.75/5

The kid in the eponymous role is cute and spunky, and her arc had a nice neighborhood detective touch and old-world charm to it, but soon other characters, with sketchy back-stories and sketchier arcs, begin popping up, and the narrative gets blander as Kid West regresses into absurd-ville, with plot-holes larger and bumpier than potholes found during the monsoons in Bombay.

1.85/5 stars

Race 3 is mildly thrilling in parts, somewhat intriguing in pieces, and features a couple of decent action scenes and twists in bits and places. But nothing about it gels as a whole nor does it come across as that proper event package people expect of a Salman Khan film every Eid. Can only be enjoyed by Bhai and Bobby Deol (yes, he makes a pretty good comeback) fans.

1.95/5 stars