La bestia nello spazio

This cheesy slice of Italian B-movie schlock has all the production value and style of a trashy 80s sci-fi series rapidly approaching cancellation (think Buck Rogers in the 25th Century at the end of its second season), with cheap and nasty costumes, crappy set design, terrible special effects, two-dimensional comic-book heroes, dastardly villains and attractive women in sexy but impractical outfits. But where the titillation in a programme like Buck Rogers always ended with just a tantalising glimpse of cleavage or thigh, Beast in Space goes much further, punctuating its silly space fantasy action with bouts of porn, starting off soft-core, but eventually progressing to the harder stuff.

The risible plot sees Vassili Karis as starship captain Larry Madison, who leads a mission to the remote planet Lorigon where there reputedly exists a sizable deposit of the rare element Antalium. Once on the planet, Madison and his crew (three of whom are sexy blonde women) explore a castle where they are welcomed by the planet's ruler Onaph (Claudio Undari), who takes a keen interest in the female crew-members, particularly the insatiable Lt. Sondra Richardson (Sirpa Lane).

In the relaxing atmosphere of Onaph's castle, the crew begin to enjoy themselves, perhaps a little too much: after witnessing two horses mating in a stable, they begin to get fruity with each other and give in to their desires, participating in an orgiastic display of wanton carnal lust (phew!). Even Onaph joins in on the fun, revealing himself to be a well-endowed faun like creature and pursuing Sondra through the woods with the intent of getting busy. It's not long before the woods are alive with the sound of humping.

However, all is not as it seems: In reality, Onaph is the physical manifestation of a powerful supercomputer named Zocor, which protects its Antalium supply by controlling the minds of anyone who should visit the planet. Luckily, roguish merchant Juan Cardoso (Venantino Venantini), who is also after the valuable mineral, is immune to Zocor's mind control thanks to special tablets that cancel out the computer's hypnotic effect; after dosing up Madison and his crew (who actually seem grateful to be released from their endless ecstasy), Juan joins forces with them to destroy Zocor and steal its Antalium.

As a big fan of both garish disco-era sci-fi and exploitative Italian trash cinema, I found Beast in Space a rather enjoyable way to pass the time, the nutzoid script, naff set design, dreadful acting, gratuitous nookie, and blatant steals from Star Wars (check out the dreadful laser swords wielded by Zocor's golden robot guards) being just the sort of nonsense I look for in my Z-grade entertainment. Obviously, this kind of thing doesn't qualify for a ridiculously high rating, but I certainly had enough fun for it to warrant a 6/10.