"Never Say Die" is a very good early Bob Hope comedy. It's just the fifth feature film for Hope and the third in which he had the male lead. Martha Raye is billed ahead of him, reflecting her longer tenure and cinematic popularity at the time.
The film is very funny and has touches of satire throughout. The first is in its portrayal of an Alpine spa somewhere is Switzerland or Bavaria. The opening scene has some spoofing of names - the village of Bad Gaswasser, and the Kurhotel Edelweiss. And it shows a worker in the bowels of the place adding Epsom salts, bi-carbs, plum extract and Sulphur dioxide, and then turning on the water supply for the hotel's natural springs.
In this setting is American millionaire, John Kidley, played by Hope. He is a hypochondriac who has come to Bad Gaswasser for two reasons - a cure or treatment for all that ails him, and to escape the clutches of a gold-digger he had met in Paris. Mrs. Juno Marko, played by Gale Sondergaard, is pursing Kidley to tie the knot with him. But Kidley has more than one reason to be leery of the woman who seems to lose husbands in strange ways.
At the same time, a new oil-rich Texan, Jasper Hawkins (Paul Harvey) is there with his daughter, Mickey (Martha Raye). Dad has her engaged to marry into European royalty - namely, Prince Smirnov, played by Alan Mowbray. He's willing to sacrifice his daughter on the altar of love for the prestige that will open the doors to him at the country club back home. That bit of satire is fueled by Mickey's intended groom, Prince Smirnov (Alan Mowbray). He is marrying only for the money to pay off the debts owed to the high society collector hounding him.
Of course, Mickey doesn't go for the forced marriage. Her heart belongs to Henry Munch (Andy Devine) back home. Even if she weren't to marry the prince, dad Jasper can no longer tolerate the hick, Henry, since coming into their wealth. Henry is a lowly mailman. But, he pines for Mickey and eventually shows up himself in Bad Gaswasser - having taken a cattle boat across the ocean.
These characters should be enough to stir the imagination of any movie goer as to how this story plays out. Any crazy plot is possible. And an extended cast of top supporting actors of the day adds to the humor. They include Sig Ruman, Monty Woolley, Ernest Cossart, Frances Arms, Ivan Simpson and many more.
One of the funniest segments is a duel that reminds one of a scene in the 1956 "Court Jester" that starred Danny Kaye. A tongue-twister scene in that film has "the vessel with the pestle" and the "flagon with the dragon." One wonders if the writers of that later comedy didn't get an idea or two from this film. In the scene of a duel, Hope's and Mowbray's characters have to try to remember which weapon to choose, as told them secretly by the loader.
As they walk to face each other and select their weapon, they repeat the confidant's direction: "There's a cross on the muzzle of the pistol with the bullet and a nick on the handle of the pistol with the blank." It turns into gibberish by the time they meet, and Prince Smirnov has just said to himself, "There's a noss on the crizzle of the mistol with the pillet, and a pullet on the nozzle of the nickel with the blank."
The preposterous ending to this film is a fitting finish to a very funny, nonsensical comedy and spoof. Here are some favorite lines from this film.
Concierge, "Ah, good morning. And how is poor, dear Mr. Kidley?" Jeepers, Kidley's valet, "His gall bladder spent a rather peaceful night... However, he complains of a shooting pain in his sacroiliac."
Hotel Proprietor, "Ah, Jeepers, good morning. How is Mr. Kidley this morning?" Jeepers, "Up and down-ish, thank you, sir. His liver was a bit squeamish during the night."
Mrs. June Marko, "Mr. Kidley staying here?" Doorman, "Yes, madam. Rooms 201, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7."
John Kidley, "Oh, yes, the one they said you shot." Mrs. Marko, "It's not true! It's a wicked, slanderous lie!" Kidley, "Oh, I should say it is. Just because you were there and there were holes in him, Mrs. Marko, is no reason why people should..." Mrs. Marko, "I was acquitted. Just because I'm impulsive and quick tempered, people talk." Kidley, "Yes, and with you being an Olympic pistol champion...." Mrs. Marko, "You too?"
John Kidley, "Poor Pierre? What happened to him?" June Marko, "He fell off the Matterhorn." Kidley, "Oh, that's too... That's a mountain!" Mrs. Marko, "Thirteen thousand, six hundred and sixty-nine feet. He was never found." John Kidley, "Did they look? Were you there, Mrs. Marko?" June Marko, "I saw it all. It was horrible. And when it happened, I... I wasn't a foot behind him." Kidley, "Think of that. I'll bet you could've reached right out and touched him, eh, Mrs. Marko?" June Marko, "Easily."
Jeepers, "The coward dies a thousand deaths, the hero dies but once."
Dr. Schmidt, "You are the first human dog."
Mickey Hawkins, "Oh, Henry, that moon. Look at the moon." Henry Munch, whittling a piece of wood, "Yeah, it's big."
Dr. Schmidt, "I'll call it Schmidt's disease." Associate Doctor, "After you?" Dr. Schmidt, "After me."
Dr. Schmidt, "Side by side, we will live through all eternity. Schmidt and his disease," pointing to Kidley.
Henry Munch, "Well, I can't get it outta my mind that I'm kissin' somebody else's wife. Makes me feel like one of them playboys."
Mickey Hawkins, "No, no. And a nick on the pullet of the whistle with the blank."
