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Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
End the struggle, speak up for what you need, and experience the freedom of being truly yourself.
Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them–in order to achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family. But what do “healthy boundaries” really mean–and how can we successfully express our needs, say “no,” and be assertive without offending others?
Licensed counselor, sought-after relationship expert, and one of the most influential therapists on Instagram Nedra Glover Tawwab demystifies this complex topic for today’s world. In a relatable and inclusive tone, Set Boundaries, Find Peace presents simple-yet-powerful ways to establish healthy boundaries in all aspects of life. Rooted in the latest research and best practices used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), these techniques help us identify and express our needs clearly and without apology–and unravel a root problem behind codependency, power struggles, anxiety, depression, burnout, and more.
Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them–in order to achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family. But what do “healthy boundaries” really mean–and how can we successfully express our needs, say “no,” and be assertive without offending others?
Licensed counselor, sought-after relationship expert, and one of the most influential therapists on Instagram Nedra Glover Tawwab demystifies this complex topic for today’s world. In a relatable and inclusive tone, Set Boundaries, Find Peace presents simple-yet-powerful ways to establish healthy boundaries in all aspects of life. Rooted in the latest research and best practices used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), these techniques help us identify and express our needs clearly and without apology–and unravel a root problem behind codependency, power struggles, anxiety, depression, burnout, and more.
282 pages, ebook
First published January 1, 2021
About the author
Nedra Glover Tawwab
26 books1,137 followersTherapist, NYT Bestselling Author, and Relationship Expert.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,136 reviews
March 2, 2021
‘Set Boundaries, Find Peace’ should be a required reading before we reach adulthood! Whether it’s through family or social conditioning, the vast majority of us have incorporated poor boundaries into some or all areas of our lives. The cost for us not having healthy boundaries is great! This book will help.
As an individual that has done a great deal of ‘The Work’ to improve my wellbeing, it is rare to find literature in the area of psychology/self-help that strikes such a perfect balance between both addressing complex principles in Psychology and making the content simple to understand and incorporate for the reader. Nedra Glover Tawwab has achieved this balance so elegantly by addressing the origins of poor boundaries, where poor boundaries can exist in our lives (self, family, friends, work, social media, etc.) and coaches the reader as to how to begin creating the type of healthy boundaries required to live a happy life without resentment. Throughout the book Nedra provides detailed examples (anonymized) from her practice to highlight how poor boundaries present themselves in our daily lives, specific actions to begin practicing healthy boundaries and real outcomes from individuals who created healthier boundaries.
If you feel like a victim, have low self-worth, guilt or feel unappreciated in any relationship area (intimate, friend, family, work, etc.), I cannot recommend this book enough to begin creating a healthier, happier life!
As an individual that has done a great deal of ‘The Work’ to improve my wellbeing, it is rare to find literature in the area of psychology/self-help that strikes such a perfect balance between both addressing complex principles in Psychology and making the content simple to understand and incorporate for the reader. Nedra Glover Tawwab has achieved this balance so elegantly by addressing the origins of poor boundaries, where poor boundaries can exist in our lives (self, family, friends, work, social media, etc.) and coaches the reader as to how to begin creating the type of healthy boundaries required to live a happy life without resentment. Throughout the book Nedra provides detailed examples (anonymized) from her practice to highlight how poor boundaries present themselves in our daily lives, specific actions to begin practicing healthy boundaries and real outcomes from individuals who created healthier boundaries.
If you feel like a victim, have low self-worth, guilt or feel unappreciated in any relationship area (intimate, friend, family, work, etc.), I cannot recommend this book enough to begin creating a healthier, happier life!
May 13, 2021
This book is a mixed-bag. It gives specific examples and phrases that can be helpful, but feels disorganized and repetitive. It reads as a series of choppy lists without enough context or depth. I have a job where I educate on boundaries; I work as a domestic violence survivor advocate. I will recommend this to clients who aren't regular readers or struggle with focusing on more dense books, but probably not to those who are ready for something more in-depth on the topic.
July 24, 2022
I’m going to start this review off with the quote that instantly made this a 1 star book for me:
"A recent Charles Schwab study showed that 59 percent of Americans live paycheck to paycheck.
Far too many Americans live without savings, emergency funds, or retirement funds. When they experience a small financial setback, everything can fall apart.
It’s a boundary issue because we lack the willingness to tell ourselves no to whatever we want. But it’s dangerous to say yes to every urge without limits. This doesn’t happen because we want to damage ourselves, but because we lack healthy self-boundaries."
One hundred and fifty MILLION adults in this country living in precarious financial situations is NOT an issue with individual boundaries, Nedra. IT IS SYSTEMIC.
I'm going to intersperse other ridiculous quotes throughout this review.
This book is a capitalist’s wet dream. It repeatedly drills into your head that you are responsible for every aspect of your life if you only take action. If you set boundaries, then your relationships will be healthy. If you don’t talk negatively about yourself, then people won’t talk negatively about you. If you work hard, then you will be rewarded. And I think a big reason this book is so popular is because a large number of people agree with this point of view of the world. They can’t or refuse to see the myriad of factors that affect the life circumstances of every person on this planet.
"The bottom line is that you don’t have to have relationships with types of people you don’t like. Doing so is a choice."
Yes, because no one on Earth is forced to live and interact with their abusive parents or spouse or other relative because they can’t afford not to.
The thing is the author tries to make it seem like she doesn’t agree with this point of view. She acknowledges that trauma, abuse, and neglect affect someone’s abilities to set boundaries, communicate with others in general, and form relationships. But it’s not enough. Her privileged and simplified worldview continuously leaks through via her straightforward, outrageous examples that are magically solved with a communication of a simple boundary impossible for many people. A single mother stressed out from trying to do it all hiring a housekeeper. A man in severe credit card debt telling himself to just stop buying stuff. A man telling his mom he doesn’t want to be her emotional confidant after a lifetime of him parenting her. A man telling his father struggling with alcohol addiction not to drink at a party he’s hosting (even though this man makes no attempt to remove easy access to alcohol at this party). In this simplified view of the world, anyone who disagrees, struggles with, or pushes back on a boundary, or attempts to communicate in one of the “unsuccessful” ways described in this book just doesn’t respect the boundary setter and that’s the only reason. Oh, and they’re definitely a manipulator.
"Examples of Micro Boundary Violations
You’re checking out at the grocery store and notice that the cashier has an attitude. She’s short with you in conversation and bags your food aggressively."
Apparently service workers have to be perfect and nice and friendly all the time and having a bad day is a violation of customers' boundaries.
There is no discussion of neurodivergence and other mental or physical illnesses and disabilities besides anxiety and depression that affect boundary setting and meeting. Nor of cultural/societal expectations, drug addiction, or poverty (or god forbid, capitalism). There is no discussion of people desperately trying to meet your boundary and failing, or of people pushing back because your boundary is unreasonable and cannot be met. Not all boundaries are equal. It’s funny because the author even mentions this in the beginning of the book, saying that boundaries can be too rigid as a result of trauma, but then continues the book assuming that all boundaries the reader comes up with are perfectly justifiable. This is a harmful assumption to make. But she spends so little time on the discussion of trauma that it makes sense that she would skip over these nuances, because her main thesis is if you stick to your boundaries, your life will be better and all your relationships will be healthy.
"While picking up groceries, Megan asks the cashier, 'How is your day going?' The cashier starts to tell Megan about an argument she had with her boyfriend about his sex life with his ex-girlfriend. Megan stands there listening to the story, feeling nervous and uncomfortable.
Underlying issue: The cashier’s disclosure is deeply personal and not appropriate for this interaction."
I mean… that’s how her day is going. If you didn’t want to know, why did you ask? So everyone has to understand these unspoken (American) social rules? (This example is a little ridiculous but I hate the forced "how are you"s Americans ask to everyone when they clearly don't care)
There’s also clearly a strong thread running through this book of “if you think about it, you can do it.” All of her solutions to the issues she brings up are along the lines of thinking about things differently and changing your actions because of that. This became most obvious to me in the (very brief) section on time management in part 1, because she brings up phone usage, which contrasts very obviously with the amazing book How to Break Up With Your Phone. That book acknowledges that you may desperately want to “break up” with your phone, but still fail to actually do it, and thus gives you a variety of actionable, concrete steps (like putting a rubber band around your phone for a tactile reminder of your goal). In this crappy book, this author says set boundaries around your time, plan, and you’re good (To be fair, the author does expand upon this topic in part 2, but she completely ignores the fact that social media is engineered to keep your attention, and specifically says technology and social media are not the problems, but "human engagement and consumption" are, showing how little she understands the issue). The time spent on the topic is so brief it makes the entire discussion pointless. And that’s what this entire book feels like! The chapter on trauma is 12 pages long, and most of it is devoted to the example person’s story and explaining what abuse is. Most of the topics are introduced through lists that seem to have come straight from Tawwab’s Instagram page. In fact, one of her most-repeated sources is her Instagram story polls! Never mind the fact that so many of the lists are just obvious.
"A lack of self-discipline is symbolic of the lack of self-boundaries."
No other possible reason behind a lack of self-discipline, nope
I'm almost certain Tawwab does not realize how privileged she is. The entire chapter on work boundaries assumes that you work in an office during 9-5 and have an HR department (never mind the fact that HR always acts in the interest of the employer). Some of her boundaries include taking regular vacations (how many Americans actually have paid time off?) and only taking clients 3 days a week. She also suggested closing your office door to minimize distractions, which was really hilarious to me. I'm now a level 4 engineer with 7 years of experience and I've never once had an office; it's always been a cubicle. She really makes it sound like she cares about (white collar) workers' well-beings, but then in the self-assessment quiz at the end of the book, she classifies this response as having "rigid" boundaries: "No, I never think about work. When I'm off, I check out and I don't care what happens." Apparently not caring about a job that doesn't care about you is unhealthy. And of course she lets the entire concept of spending 40+ hours a week “making a living” go unchallenged, as if you can really uphold boundaries in a situation like this.
"If you don’t have time for something that you want to do, you don’t have healthy boundaries with time."
Like no one has multiple time obligations that leave little room for anything else...
I also found it strange that nearly all of her examples of boundaries are telling what the other person should do. I'm going to share these in Tawwab's favorite format: a list.
- "It isn’t okay for you to keep things from me and share them with your parents."
- "I need you to stick to our drink maximum of three drinks tonight."
- "While we're watching this movie, I'd like you to put your phone down."
- And, the absolute kicker: "In your relationships, it’s essential to consider if your request is reasonable. Requests are unreasonable when the other person can’t meet the need. For example, an unreasonable request could sound like 'You can never bring up the past.' A reasonable request might sound like 'If you bring up the past, I will verbalize that you’re crossing a boundary, and I will redirect the conversation.'" As if these two examples don't accomplish literally exactly the same thing 😭
There were also some examples that weren't egregious but were still telling people what to do. Tawwab says herself to state things with "I first" language, and I guess that only extends to the first word of the sentence lol. But I feel like there are ways to state your need without telling someone exactly what to do to meet that need. Like instead of saying "you can only drink three drinks," say "I want both of us to spend time together fully aware and in the moment" or "I don’t like hanging out with you when you are drunk." Yes, this leaves how to meet the boundary up to interpretation but shouldn't boundaries be a discussion about how two people can meet each other's needs? I feel like it should be a conversation, but Tawwab clearly feels that you should state your needs, not explain yourself, and deal with the fallout, which just seems so miserable to me.
This book is clearly written for a very small subset of the population who are neurotypical, able-bodied, and financially well off who only interact with other neurotypical, able-bodied, and financially well off people. And while this book may even give some good advice to people like this, I cannot in good conscience recommend it because of the clearly individualistic and ignorant views the author so clearly holds and advocates for.
I want to end this review by saying I think we all have an obligation to help others in whatever way we can. This doesn’t mean that we should run ourselves to the ground in the name of altruism, but that we are part of a community. And community is fostered through giving and receiving. It’s important to create that sense of community in a society that tries to push everyone through the meat grinder of capitalism, but I can’t help but think we’d all have more time and energy to help each other if we didn’t have to waste away so much of that time and energy working and adulting in general. This book won’t give you that point of view. This book tells you not to help unless you are asked, never offer your professional services to others for free, ghost people, etc., and will not give you a nuanced view of what boundaries look like.
"A recent Charles Schwab study showed that 59 percent of Americans live paycheck to paycheck.
Far too many Americans live without savings, emergency funds, or retirement funds. When they experience a small financial setback, everything can fall apart.
It’s a boundary issue because we lack the willingness to tell ourselves no to whatever we want. But it’s dangerous to say yes to every urge without limits. This doesn’t happen because we want to damage ourselves, but because we lack healthy self-boundaries."
One hundred and fifty MILLION adults in this country living in precarious financial situations is NOT an issue with individual boundaries, Nedra. IT IS SYSTEMIC.
I'm going to intersperse other ridiculous quotes throughout this review.
This book is a capitalist’s wet dream. It repeatedly drills into your head that you are responsible for every aspect of your life if you only take action. If you set boundaries, then your relationships will be healthy. If you don’t talk negatively about yourself, then people won’t talk negatively about you. If you work hard, then you will be rewarded. And I think a big reason this book is so popular is because a large number of people agree with this point of view of the world. They can’t or refuse to see the myriad of factors that affect the life circumstances of every person on this planet.
"The bottom line is that you don’t have to have relationships with types of people you don’t like. Doing so is a choice."
Yes, because no one on Earth is forced to live and interact with their abusive parents or spouse or other relative because they can’t afford not to.
The thing is the author tries to make it seem like she doesn’t agree with this point of view. She acknowledges that trauma, abuse, and neglect affect someone’s abilities to set boundaries, communicate with others in general, and form relationships. But it’s not enough. Her privileged and simplified worldview continuously leaks through via her straightforward, outrageous examples that are magically solved with a communication of a simple boundary impossible for many people. A single mother stressed out from trying to do it all hiring a housekeeper. A man in severe credit card debt telling himself to just stop buying stuff. A man telling his mom he doesn’t want to be her emotional confidant after a lifetime of him parenting her. A man telling his father struggling with alcohol addiction not to drink at a party he’s hosting (even though this man makes no attempt to remove easy access to alcohol at this party). In this simplified view of the world, anyone who disagrees, struggles with, or pushes back on a boundary, or attempts to communicate in one of the “unsuccessful” ways described in this book just doesn’t respect the boundary setter and that’s the only reason. Oh, and they’re definitely a manipulator.
"Examples of Micro Boundary Violations
You’re checking out at the grocery store and notice that the cashier has an attitude. She’s short with you in conversation and bags your food aggressively."
Apparently service workers have to be perfect and nice and friendly all the time and having a bad day is a violation of customers' boundaries.
There is no discussion of neurodivergence and other mental or physical illnesses and disabilities besides anxiety and depression that affect boundary setting and meeting. Nor of cultural/societal expectations, drug addiction, or poverty (or god forbid, capitalism). There is no discussion of people desperately trying to meet your boundary and failing, or of people pushing back because your boundary is unreasonable and cannot be met. Not all boundaries are equal. It’s funny because the author even mentions this in the beginning of the book, saying that boundaries can be too rigid as a result of trauma, but then continues the book assuming that all boundaries the reader comes up with are perfectly justifiable. This is a harmful assumption to make. But she spends so little time on the discussion of trauma that it makes sense that she would skip over these nuances, because her main thesis is if you stick to your boundaries, your life will be better and all your relationships will be healthy.
"While picking up groceries, Megan asks the cashier, 'How is your day going?' The cashier starts to tell Megan about an argument she had with her boyfriend about his sex life with his ex-girlfriend. Megan stands there listening to the story, feeling nervous and uncomfortable.
Underlying issue: The cashier’s disclosure is deeply personal and not appropriate for this interaction."
I mean… that’s how her day is going. If you didn’t want to know, why did you ask? So everyone has to understand these unspoken (American) social rules? (This example is a little ridiculous but I hate the forced "how are you"s Americans ask to everyone when they clearly don't care)
There’s also clearly a strong thread running through this book of “if you think about it, you can do it.” All of her solutions to the issues she brings up are along the lines of thinking about things differently and changing your actions because of that. This became most obvious to me in the (very brief) section on time management in part 1, because she brings up phone usage, which contrasts very obviously with the amazing book How to Break Up With Your Phone. That book acknowledges that you may desperately want to “break up” with your phone, but still fail to actually do it, and thus gives you a variety of actionable, concrete steps (like putting a rubber band around your phone for a tactile reminder of your goal). In this crappy book, this author says set boundaries around your time, plan, and you’re good (To be fair, the author does expand upon this topic in part 2, but she completely ignores the fact that social media is engineered to keep your attention, and specifically says technology and social media are not the problems, but "human engagement and consumption" are, showing how little she understands the issue). The time spent on the topic is so brief it makes the entire discussion pointless. And that’s what this entire book feels like! The chapter on trauma is 12 pages long, and most of it is devoted to the example person’s story and explaining what abuse is. Most of the topics are introduced through lists that seem to have come straight from Tawwab’s Instagram page. In fact, one of her most-repeated sources is her Instagram story polls! Never mind the fact that so many of the lists are just obvious.
"A lack of self-discipline is symbolic of the lack of self-boundaries."
No other possible reason behind a lack of self-discipline, nope
I'm almost certain Tawwab does not realize how privileged she is. The entire chapter on work boundaries assumes that you work in an office during 9-5 and have an HR department (never mind the fact that HR always acts in the interest of the employer). Some of her boundaries include taking regular vacations (how many Americans actually have paid time off?) and only taking clients 3 days a week. She also suggested closing your office door to minimize distractions, which was really hilarious to me. I'm now a level 4 engineer with 7 years of experience and I've never once had an office; it's always been a cubicle. She really makes it sound like she cares about (white collar) workers' well-beings, but then in the self-assessment quiz at the end of the book, she classifies this response as having "rigid" boundaries: "No, I never think about work. When I'm off, I check out and I don't care what happens." Apparently not caring about a job that doesn't care about you is unhealthy. And of course she lets the entire concept of spending 40+ hours a week “making a living” go unchallenged, as if you can really uphold boundaries in a situation like this.
"If you don’t have time for something that you want to do, you don’t have healthy boundaries with time."
Like no one has multiple time obligations that leave little room for anything else...
I also found it strange that nearly all of her examples of boundaries are telling what the other person should do. I'm going to share these in Tawwab's favorite format: a list.
- "It isn’t okay for you to keep things from me and share them with your parents."
- "I need you to stick to our drink maximum of three drinks tonight."
- "While we're watching this movie, I'd like you to put your phone down."
- And, the absolute kicker: "In your relationships, it’s essential to consider if your request is reasonable. Requests are unreasonable when the other person can’t meet the need. For example, an unreasonable request could sound like 'You can never bring up the past.' A reasonable request might sound like 'If you bring up the past, I will verbalize that you’re crossing a boundary, and I will redirect the conversation.'" As if these two examples don't accomplish literally exactly the same thing 😭
There were also some examples that weren't egregious but were still telling people what to do. Tawwab says herself to state things with "I first" language, and I guess that only extends to the first word of the sentence lol. But I feel like there are ways to state your need without telling someone exactly what to do to meet that need. Like instead of saying "you can only drink three drinks," say "I want both of us to spend time together fully aware and in the moment" or "I don’t like hanging out with you when you are drunk." Yes, this leaves how to meet the boundary up to interpretation but shouldn't boundaries be a discussion about how two people can meet each other's needs? I feel like it should be a conversation, but Tawwab clearly feels that you should state your needs, not explain yourself, and deal with the fallout, which just seems so miserable to me.
This book is clearly written for a very small subset of the population who are neurotypical, able-bodied, and financially well off who only interact with other neurotypical, able-bodied, and financially well off people. And while this book may even give some good advice to people like this, I cannot in good conscience recommend it because of the clearly individualistic and ignorant views the author so clearly holds and advocates for.
I want to end this review by saying I think we all have an obligation to help others in whatever way we can. This doesn’t mean that we should run ourselves to the ground in the name of altruism, but that we are part of a community. And community is fostered through giving and receiving. It’s important to create that sense of community in a society that tries to push everyone through the meat grinder of capitalism, but I can’t help but think we’d all have more time and energy to help each other if we didn’t have to waste away so much of that time and energy working and adulting in general. This book won’t give you that point of view. This book tells you not to help unless you are asked, never offer your professional services to others for free, ghost people, etc., and will not give you a nuanced view of what boundaries look like.
April 13, 2021
Well written, engaging book with lots of useful information and helpful journaling exercises. I appreciate that the author covered the ways trauma and abuse impact our ability to set boundaries, but I felt like I needed a deeper dive and this book just offered an overview. The main shortcoming is that the book doesn’t really discuss how systems impact our ability to set boundaries. I also felt complicated about the insistence that boundaries need to be communicated verbally. On one hand, it was encouraging for me and inspired me to communicate some boundaries immediately around issues that I’d brushed off earlier as insignificant, and on the other hand, it feels important to me to have it affirmed that boundaries can be communicated in nonverbal ways and still need to be respected.
March 26, 2021
Imagine that someone is talking to you about something interesting and helpful, but in a monotone voice with no enthusiasm and with examples so boring they almost seem lazy. That’s how this book reads. It’s not that it was written in an academic style—the language is easy— but the author just reads as a boring person. There are also a lot of lists, but care wasn’t taken to keep them grammatically parallel, which is both annoying and confusing. Anyway, it’s a great subject and I did find some things of value in the book, but I won’t be recommending it as a great read.
November 29, 2021
0.5 stars. The half is because writing a book is hard.
As a therapist I cannot in good conscience recommend this book. This book is NOT trauma informed, rather it blames trauma victims for their struggles with boundaries. She is also often abelist, classist, makes sweeping statements about fat people including the slur ob*sity.
It is also one of the most repetitive books ever - like 200 Instagram posts plopped into a book with zero editor and pure hubris. Tawwab's Instagram is great but this is not.
If you are rich, have ZERO trauma, and gave a lot of really good work benefits... maybe this book will be useful otherwise give it a hard pass.
As a therapist I cannot in good conscience recommend this book. This book is NOT trauma informed, rather it blames trauma victims for their struggles with boundaries. She is also often abelist, classist, makes sweeping statements about fat people including the slur ob*sity.
It is also one of the most repetitive books ever - like 200 Instagram posts plopped into a book with zero editor and pure hubris. Tawwab's Instagram is great but this is not.
If you are rich, have ZERO trauma, and gave a lot of really good work benefits... maybe this book will be useful otherwise give it a hard pass.
August 8, 2021
I follow a bunch of therapists on Instagram because I find their aesthetically pleasing, easily digestible posts really accessible and they come in handy in my work (usually with parents more than young people). Nedra is one of the better ones so I thought I’d check out her book.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace gives a good overview of boundary setting with specific examples and social scripts which I know many people will find helpful, and I liked the connection between (lack of) boundaries and burn out. Overall I think the book is a bit too over simplified and repetitive. I also wonder about the amount of responsibility given to the boundary setter - the book basically says if you set a boundary and others don’t follow it, it’s because you haven’t set the boundary correctly, which simply isn’t true in all situations. Setting boundaries can result in a lot of pain and heartache and this is glossed over which feels a bit irresponsible. Probably one to work through with a therapist helping you make it specific to your needs.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace gives a good overview of boundary setting with specific examples and social scripts which I know many people will find helpful, and I liked the connection between (lack of) boundaries and burn out. Overall I think the book is a bit too over simplified and repetitive. I also wonder about the amount of responsibility given to the boundary setter - the book basically says if you set a boundary and others don’t follow it, it’s because you haven’t set the boundary correctly, which simply isn’t true in all situations. Setting boundaries can result in a lot of pain and heartache and this is glossed over which feels a bit irresponsible. Probably one to work through with a therapist helping you make it specific to your needs.
August 19, 2021
Since when are instagram polls considered acceptable evidence for a psychology book?!
February 22, 2021
*I was lucky and got to read this book early. I, like hundreds of thousands, follow Nedra Glover Tawwab's successful instagram and eagerly jumped at her listserv's opportunity to pre-read. I was neither forced nor guilted to review the work.*
Aptly titled, this book explores how setting boundaries in your various relationships can really increase your sense of peace. What the title doesn't mention is that the specific and ready-to-apply tips within are SOLID GOLD! Many thanks to the author for sifting through challenges experienced by so many clients in order to offer preventative and restorative solutions for readers. Don't be fooled by the author's direct and readable style; Nedra's obvious experience shines in the content.
I was humbled reading this book, y'all! A mental health clinician myself, I knew about boundaries and thought I understood their importance... WRONG! The health of boundaries is a lens through which you can view all discomfort. Learning about these many intersections made me a better therapist (chapter 6 is solutions-focused magic and I've already seen clients reap its rewards!).
Reading about boundaries with work and social media affected me more personally. I'm glad Glover Tawwab can't hear reader as they go... She missed a lot of me calling myself out for regular complaints I make yet have not done anything about. I'm also thankful the author's prose is never judgmental; her words inform but do not presume universal application.
This book is awesome for mental health professionals looking to learn and gain ready supports for clients, people struggling to keep healthy friendships, people seeking examples of how to approach balancing overbearing family relationships, and folks needing to reconcile their own relationship with work.
I can't recommend this read enough. I'm literally buying 5 copies and gifting them, non-passive-aggressively, to those I love.
Aptly titled, this book explores how setting boundaries in your various relationships can really increase your sense of peace. What the title doesn't mention is that the specific and ready-to-apply tips within are SOLID GOLD! Many thanks to the author for sifting through challenges experienced by so many clients in order to offer preventative and restorative solutions for readers. Don't be fooled by the author's direct and readable style; Nedra's obvious experience shines in the content.
I was humbled reading this book, y'all! A mental health clinician myself, I knew about boundaries and thought I understood their importance... WRONG! The health of boundaries is a lens through which you can view all discomfort. Learning about these many intersections made me a better therapist (chapter 6 is solutions-focused magic and I've already seen clients reap its rewards!).
Reading about boundaries with work and social media affected me more personally. I'm glad Glover Tawwab can't hear reader as they go... She missed a lot of me calling myself out for regular complaints I make yet have not done anything about. I'm also thankful the author's prose is never judgmental; her words inform but do not presume universal application.
This book is awesome for mental health professionals looking to learn and gain ready supports for clients, people struggling to keep healthy friendships, people seeking examples of how to approach balancing overbearing family relationships, and folks needing to reconcile their own relationship with work.
I can't recommend this read enough. I'm literally buying 5 copies and gifting them, non-passive-aggressively, to those I love.
August 17, 2023
This book will definitely cause you to think about the boundaries you have and which ones you need to make less rigid. I like that there was a self-assessment at the end of the book, it allows you to think about which boundaries you need to work on. As I was reading, I became aware of the boundaries I need to establish as well as the ones I do already. I especially resonated with sections of the book where Tawwab talks about saying "No" more to people. The social media chapter also spoke to me.
February 18, 2023
Overall, I found this unhelpful at best and slightly harmful at worst.
I follow Nedra Tawwab on ig and generally found her posts around boundaries helpful to aid daily reflections, as someone who is actively working on my boundaries. I understand that she is a licensed social worker but primarily has qualifications and experience in therapy, so I was looking forward to more of her writing and insights.
Her insights, I realise however, may be best given as a therapist, where she would work with each person's individual needs in depth and length, or as an ig influencer, where her soundbites can resonate with more people. Somehow, they do not translate well into a book, where to write one, one would need nuance, clear writing, deeper exploration of a topic, and consideration of a larger audience with different expectations.
The book outlined a few aspects of boundaries to be discussed - the impact of poor boundaries, types of boundaries, boundary violations, expressing your boundaries, and so on. It seems like it was meant to be a quick and simple guide for you to be able to practice your boundaries. This is also unfortunately where the book fails. Interpersonal relationships are never that simple; boundaries are but one out of many aspects of navigating relationships with others and yourself. It is important to consider nuance when trying to distill this down to a simple guide.
For example, one of the situations given were that someone's father had a drinking problem and consistently is verbally abusive and disruptive when he drinks at family events. The suggestion given was for the son to set the boundary for his father not to drink at family events. I am curious to know what else has been tried - some of which has been discussed in the example - but I would like to know if the father has sought help? Has the family decided that having an alcohol-free event might be helpful to his health, or just not inviting him to these events, and if so, what were the reasons for not employing these strategies instead? Is the father aware and pro-active in suggesting his own behavioural changes or not? How has this worked over time - were there lapses, did they use and discard strategies? Has anyone considered a more drastic boundary (like cutting him off) and what were some considerations and pains to that? Are there any safety issues such as retaliation or escalation of violence?
Another aspect of interpersonal relations quite egregiously missing in this guide is the consideration of power dynamics. Tawwab did briefly mention that if you are in an abusive situation, you may find it hard to draw boundaries and to seek professional support, but I feel like this only shows that her extensive experience with working with individuals as a therapist may be limited to a very particular demographic.
In my work with domestic violence survivors, we had to strategise on what the best ways are to keep a survivor safe and yet allow them to regain some control over the situation, and the solutions that often come of that aren't perfect. I recall once that a mother had allowed herself to be shouted at daily rather than to take away her husband's alcohol because she knows that there will be an escalation of violence.
It becomes very clear that such negotiations happen and discussions on boundaries should happen in these areas once you take into account the lived realities of many people in very different situations. Someone who is disempowered by systemic issues will have to make these concessions daily.
Another example where this was not considered. A given example of a micro breach was when a cashier started bagging someone's groceries in an aggressive way. While I agree that mishandling of one's possessions is a breach of boundaries, it was a really oddly specific example, and it is not mindful of the fact that often it is service staff whose boundaries get breached everyday by the sheer fact that they are not the ones in a position of power in this interaction.
Finally, it was a little confusing as to where one's boundaries end and where dictating another's behaviour begins. Some of the suggestions Tawwab gave were things like stating that someone can only have three drinks. There was no context to this and also, you cannot dictate someone else's behaviour. I was confused as to whether I should head this advice or not before deciding to disregard it completely.
Honestly would not recommend.
I follow Nedra Tawwab on ig and generally found her posts around boundaries helpful to aid daily reflections, as someone who is actively working on my boundaries. I understand that she is a licensed social worker but primarily has qualifications and experience in therapy, so I was looking forward to more of her writing and insights.
Her insights, I realise however, may be best given as a therapist, where she would work with each person's individual needs in depth and length, or as an ig influencer, where her soundbites can resonate with more people. Somehow, they do not translate well into a book, where to write one, one would need nuance, clear writing, deeper exploration of a topic, and consideration of a larger audience with different expectations.
The book outlined a few aspects of boundaries to be discussed - the impact of poor boundaries, types of boundaries, boundary violations, expressing your boundaries, and so on. It seems like it was meant to be a quick and simple guide for you to be able to practice your boundaries. This is also unfortunately where the book fails. Interpersonal relationships are never that simple; boundaries are but one out of many aspects of navigating relationships with others and yourself. It is important to consider nuance when trying to distill this down to a simple guide.
For example, one of the situations given were that someone's father had a drinking problem and consistently is verbally abusive and disruptive when he drinks at family events. The suggestion given was for the son to set the boundary for his father not to drink at family events. I am curious to know what else has been tried - some of which has been discussed in the example - but I would like to know if the father has sought help? Has the family decided that having an alcohol-free event might be helpful to his health, or just not inviting him to these events, and if so, what were the reasons for not employing these strategies instead? Is the father aware and pro-active in suggesting his own behavioural changes or not? How has this worked over time - were there lapses, did they use and discard strategies? Has anyone considered a more drastic boundary (like cutting him off) and what were some considerations and pains to that? Are there any safety issues such as retaliation or escalation of violence?
Another aspect of interpersonal relations quite egregiously missing in this guide is the consideration of power dynamics. Tawwab did briefly mention that if you are in an abusive situation, you may find it hard to draw boundaries and to seek professional support, but I feel like this only shows that her extensive experience with working with individuals as a therapist may be limited to a very particular demographic.
In my work with domestic violence survivors, we had to strategise on what the best ways are to keep a survivor safe and yet allow them to regain some control over the situation, and the solutions that often come of that aren't perfect. I recall once that a mother had allowed herself to be shouted at daily rather than to take away her husband's alcohol because she knows that there will be an escalation of violence.
It becomes very clear that such negotiations happen and discussions on boundaries should happen in these areas once you take into account the lived realities of many people in very different situations. Someone who is disempowered by systemic issues will have to make these concessions daily.
Another example where this was not considered. A given example of a micro breach was when a cashier started bagging someone's groceries in an aggressive way. While I agree that mishandling of one's possessions is a breach of boundaries, it was a really oddly specific example, and it is not mindful of the fact that often it is service staff whose boundaries get breached everyday by the sheer fact that they are not the ones in a position of power in this interaction.
Finally, it was a little confusing as to where one's boundaries end and where dictating another's behaviour begins. Some of the suggestions Tawwab gave were things like stating that someone can only have three drinks. There was no context to this and also, you cannot dictate someone else's behaviour. I was confused as to whether I should head this advice or not before deciding to disregard it completely.
Honestly would not recommend.
July 9, 2021
For all that I enjoy Tawwabs content, for all that the premise of this book is right up my alley, this just doesn’t do it for me. It is a poorly executed book. It lacks a functional structure, it is repetetive to the extreme, and it reads in a staccato way.
I have followed Tawwab on instagram for quite a while, and I appreciate her content and was looking forwards to seeing it elaborated in a book. But the book is a big disappointment, it is filled to the rim with lists, the same lists many of us has already read on instagram. When she is going a little in depth, it doesn’t really feel like an elaboration there either. The paragraphs are short, and they don’t flow together. There is a red thread alright, boundaries, but the paragraphs seem too boundaried to call this good writing. How does this compare to that? How does this work together? Even when she doesn’t use lists, it reads like lists. And like my university supervisor told me «The worst thing I see is when you recite all the things you know like a list». Good writing in book format needs more glue. When you’ve learnt to get rid of unnecessary filler words and sentences, you need to fill it up again with the necessary glue words and sentences.
Halfway through I wanted to quit it. I was thinking to myself «Do I lack boundaries when I continue reading a book that mostly give me frustration?». I continued on for the hope of some gems. And there are gems. There is a lot of valuable and enriching content. But when you’re annoyed and a bit dozed of reading it because you want to skim through the repetitions it ruins the learning moments. It’s not just that the structure is completely lacking, some topics being repeated many times in different places in the book, even the exact same thing is written out at different places. Did this book miss the edit?
I have followed Tawwab on instagram for quite a while, and I appreciate her content and was looking forwards to seeing it elaborated in a book. But the book is a big disappointment, it is filled to the rim with lists, the same lists many of us has already read on instagram. When she is going a little in depth, it doesn’t really feel like an elaboration there either. The paragraphs are short, and they don’t flow together. There is a red thread alright, boundaries, but the paragraphs seem too boundaried to call this good writing. How does this compare to that? How does this work together? Even when she doesn’t use lists, it reads like lists. And like my university supervisor told me «The worst thing I see is when you recite all the things you know like a list». Good writing in book format needs more glue. When you’ve learnt to get rid of unnecessary filler words and sentences, you need to fill it up again with the necessary glue words and sentences.
Halfway through I wanted to quit it. I was thinking to myself «Do I lack boundaries when I continue reading a book that mostly give me frustration?». I continued on for the hope of some gems. And there are gems. There is a lot of valuable and enriching content. But when you’re annoyed and a bit dozed of reading it because you want to skim through the repetitions it ruins the learning moments. It’s not just that the structure is completely lacking, some topics being repeated many times in different places in the book, even the exact same thing is written out at different places. Did this book miss the edit?
May 10, 2021
Some really good insights in the first couple chapters, but like most books in this genre, I felt like the rest of the book just repeated itself with different examples (though I suppose the specific examples might be helpful to some people who are in those particular situations).
April 1, 2022
"Gimana sih kak Hesti bisa kerja full time & tetap punya side hustle?"
Nggak cuma sekali, tapi berkali-kali ditanya hal serupa. Selain jadi mbak kantoran, aku juga mengelola komunitas, & (otw) menjadi kreator konten buku/bookfluencer.
Jawabannya adl pengaturan waktu. Yang mana artinya mengkomunikasikan batasan/boundaries dgn baik.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace direkomendasikan @thebibliothetic . Katanya, aku bakal suka. Pada saat yang bersamaan, aku jg tengah menggemari topik membahas relasi (romantis) manusia. (Because I'm 1000% manifesting my current lovey-dovey partnership and I want this to work 🥺.)
Dengan dugaan kalau aku akan menemukan cara menyampaikan batasanku & bagaimana kami mengelola batasan itu, ternyata buku ini melebihi ekspektasi. Nedra Glover Tawwab memberikan penjelasan yang bisa diaplikasikan dalam hubungan kerja dan keluarga (anak-orangtua).
Aku bersyukur "didoktrin" oleh ayah & mamaku kalau sudah berada pada usia legal (17 tahun) berarti sudah bertanggung jawab atas hidupku sendiri. They are not trying to drive my life. Aku pun berkomunikasi dengan mereka bisa cuma sebatas FYI. Contohnya bilang, "Mam, aku pindah kerja."
Karena pondasi itu pula, aku terbiasa mengatakan "tidak" & menyampaikan batasanku kepada kolega. Menolak pekerjaan yg melawan "moral compass" hingga menyatakan kalau nggak bisa "diganggu" di luar jam kerja memang terkesan arogan kalau nggak tahu cara menyampaikannya. Tapi, kalau kita nggak belajar buat "saying in the right tone", ya orang lain akan merasa bebas "to violate our boundaries."
Buku ini bagus. Aku sudah suka sejak bagian kata pengantar. Setiap babnya terdiri dari studi kasus, penjelasan, hingga latihan yg bisa dilakukan agar tidak jadi "yes man" terus.
Joke aside, aku tergelitik bikin Reels bertemakan buku yg harus dibaca para bos boomers 😂 Dan aku akan memasukkan judul ini.
Oh kabarnya, @bukugpu @bincangbuku akan menerbitkan terjemahannya lho! 💖
Nggak cuma sekali, tapi berkali-kali ditanya hal serupa. Selain jadi mbak kantoran, aku juga mengelola komunitas, & (otw) menjadi kreator konten buku/bookfluencer.
Jawabannya adl pengaturan waktu. Yang mana artinya mengkomunikasikan batasan/boundaries dgn baik.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace direkomendasikan @thebibliothetic . Katanya, aku bakal suka. Pada saat yang bersamaan, aku jg tengah menggemari topik membahas relasi (romantis) manusia. (Because I'm 1000% manifesting my current lovey-dovey partnership and I want this to work 🥺.)
Dengan dugaan kalau aku akan menemukan cara menyampaikan batasanku & bagaimana kami mengelola batasan itu, ternyata buku ini melebihi ekspektasi. Nedra Glover Tawwab memberikan penjelasan yang bisa diaplikasikan dalam hubungan kerja dan keluarga (anak-orangtua).
Aku bersyukur "didoktrin" oleh ayah & mamaku kalau sudah berada pada usia legal (17 tahun) berarti sudah bertanggung jawab atas hidupku sendiri. They are not trying to drive my life. Aku pun berkomunikasi dengan mereka bisa cuma sebatas FYI. Contohnya bilang, "Mam, aku pindah kerja."
Karena pondasi itu pula, aku terbiasa mengatakan "tidak" & menyampaikan batasanku kepada kolega. Menolak pekerjaan yg melawan "moral compass" hingga menyatakan kalau nggak bisa "diganggu" di luar jam kerja memang terkesan arogan kalau nggak tahu cara menyampaikannya. Tapi, kalau kita nggak belajar buat "saying in the right tone", ya orang lain akan merasa bebas "to violate our boundaries."
Buku ini bagus. Aku sudah suka sejak bagian kata pengantar. Setiap babnya terdiri dari studi kasus, penjelasan, hingga latihan yg bisa dilakukan agar tidak jadi "yes man" terus.
Joke aside, aku tergelitik bikin Reels bertemakan buku yg harus dibaca para bos boomers 😂 Dan aku akan memasukkan judul ini.
Oh kabarnya, @bukugpu @bincangbuku akan menerbitkan terjemahannya lho! 💖
March 15, 2021
Disclaimer: I received an advance copy of this book as part of the launch team, but I was not required to write a positive review. My thoughts are my own.
This is a practical guide to boundaries - what they are, how to set them, and how to navigate them. Nedra Tawwab takes you through boundaries in every way: different types of boundaries, boundary violations, communicating and upholding boundaries, places in life you need boundaries, and much more. Each chapter has stories that illustrate the topic, as well as an exercise to put the principles into practice. She also asks several sets of questions throughout the book to make you reflect on the topic at hand, and provides lists that serve as relevant examples of the point being made. (If you've ever seen her Instagram, you'd be familiar with her lists.)
This is a good, modern take on boundaries (there's even a chapter on technology/social media), that will be very helpful to folks navigating the process of setting good boundaries, especially if you haven't thought about this before. Her perspective is that a lot of relationship issues that people have are actually boundary issues, and that is evident by the breadth of relationships covered by this book.
This is a practical guide to boundaries - what they are, how to set them, and how to navigate them. Nedra Tawwab takes you through boundaries in every way: different types of boundaries, boundary violations, communicating and upholding boundaries, places in life you need boundaries, and much more. Each chapter has stories that illustrate the topic, as well as an exercise to put the principles into practice. She also asks several sets of questions throughout the book to make you reflect on the topic at hand, and provides lists that serve as relevant examples of the point being made. (If you've ever seen her Instagram, you'd be familiar with her lists.)
This is a good, modern take on boundaries (there's even a chapter on technology/social media), that will be very helpful to folks navigating the process of setting good boundaries, especially if you haven't thought about this before. Her perspective is that a lot of relationship issues that people have are actually boundary issues, and that is evident by the breadth of relationships covered by this book.
November 29, 2021
What I liked is the author’s clear thinking and her diagnosis of a very common problem people have: having a consistent framework of what they want / don’t want, vis a vis their external relationships, to help make sure those relationships are productive for them. “Boundaries” is a useful shortcut for that and the book on those grounds is worth a quick skim.
What I didn’t like was the way the author belabored the point, and simultaneously stretched the concept behind its utility point (stretching it to cover self-control and discipline, I.e. dealing with social media addiction), while never going deeper into the “what” are you creating boundaries around? How precisely do you muster up the very elusive ability to expressly set boundaries? Or the contrarian: what boundaries of other people do you violate? (One disservice many self help books do is to implicitly or explicitly define a sort of victim/perpetrator dynamic and not challenge the reader to question whether they might be a perpetrator!)
What I didn’t like was the way the author belabored the point, and simultaneously stretched the concept behind its utility point (stretching it to cover self-control and discipline, I.e. dealing with social media addiction), while never going deeper into the “what” are you creating boundaries around? How precisely do you muster up the very elusive ability to expressly set boundaries? Or the contrarian: what boundaries of other people do you violate? (One disservice many self help books do is to implicitly or explicitly define a sort of victim/perpetrator dynamic and not challenge the reader to question whether they might be a perpetrator!)
April 12, 2021
This book is so useful!!!!!! Wow I can set boundaries with myself????? So many examples in here, you will gain a wealth of knowledge from reading this book
June 4, 2021
This author made a name for herself on Instagram and that’s exactly what this book was: an Instagram story. It’s full of “advice” but offers little by way of analysis or effective strategy.
May 21, 2021
Life-changing, especially for a people-pleaser with unhealthy boundaries in several areas. So glad I ordered a hard copy because this is one of those books to refer to again and again. If you feel resentful about your current state of boundaries with work, family, friends, yourself, and even social media, start here. Highly accessible language and actionable.
November 14, 2021
This book seems like it would be better as a series of Instagram posts... Which makes since, since she's an influencer therapist.
April 5, 2023
This is an excellent introduction to boundaries, but still useful and informative if you're further in your understanding of boundary setting, a must read!
May 4, 2022
This book was a 2.5 stars for me. While I fully support the understanding that setting boundaries is an essential piece of self care- many of the boundary setting examples actually included statements to try and control the behaviour of someone else. For example- “when you are with me you need to put down your phone, you cannot have more than three drinks when we are together”. This overlooks the essential understanding that we can only control ourselves and our boundaries need to be self- focused. Flip it to “I feel ignored when you are on your phone when we are together so I am going to make other plans tonight”. Or “I feel uncomfortable around you when you drink so I am not coming to the party”. Missed opportunity to focus on what we can actually control.
May 22, 2022
As someone who’s done prior personal work with boundary setting, I found the content of this book to be incredibly rudimentary (and also extremely repetitive). There was nothing shared here that brought a fresh perspective to the topic.
March 9, 2021
As a male, I think oftentimes subject areas involving self-care can be considered taboo. Boundaries is an area I don't have much knowledge in so reading through the chapters was extremely eye-opening. The book is an extremely easy read and can be easily finished in a few sittings. Nedra throughout the book offers tips and guidance on how to strengthen your boundaries but also to handle certain situations that can occur from boundary violations. Each chapter also offers reflection questions that allow you to dig deeper into the area discussed. I found myself become much more aware of myself and how boundaries affect my life. If you're interested in learning more about boundaries, how they impact your life, and how effectively managing(or mismanaging) your boundaries can change your life this is a great read.
January 24, 2022
Easy read and very informative on how to set boundaries. I highly recommend this to everyone. Especially if you are like myself and suffer from the need to please.
September 16, 2021
As someone who struggles with boundaries, I found this book incredibly helpful and enlightening as it helps things make sense for why I struggle with boundaries so much. I've been following Tawwab on Instagram for the last year or so and I have enjoyed her posts and find her words encouraging so I decided to start reading her books. Boundaries are something that many people struggle with and that struggle begins in their environment and how they raised and that follows people in adulthood and comes out in behaviors such as having hard time say no, ignoring your own needs for others, people pleasing among others. I found her words, examples, stories that she used throughout the book very relatable and real and I did learn more about myself and how I can do this without feeling guilty. That is something that I've been trying to work on my my whole life and all we can do is take one day at a time and embrace growth.
June 12, 2024
Nedra executed this book fairly well!💫
•
This book was such a game changer and peacemaker 🕊️❤️ I felt like I was in weekly therapy sessions during some parts because, they really hit home. Nonetheless, I needed to read it and feel it. It never dawned on me just how much a lack of fixed boundaries with all the people I interact with was causing so many random episodes of chaos within myself. Pretty much suffering in silence. I say all this to say that, “You don’t have to be boundaryless to be loved.”
•
The goal is to be more assertive instead of passive aggressive or simply passive when people overstep the boundaries that we’ve set for them. Boundaries are not meant to be flexible because, that’s the equivalent to saying that you don’t take yourself serious. If you don’t take yourself serious or simply respect your own boundaries, other people probably won’t either.
•
Another reminder: “Boundaries are not walls. A wall keeps people out, while boundaries show people how to exist in a relationship with you.”✨
•
This book was such a game changer and peacemaker 🕊️❤️ I felt like I was in weekly therapy sessions during some parts because, they really hit home. Nonetheless, I needed to read it and feel it. It never dawned on me just how much a lack of fixed boundaries with all the people I interact with was causing so many random episodes of chaos within myself. Pretty much suffering in silence. I say all this to say that, “You don’t have to be boundaryless to be loved.”
•
The goal is to be more assertive instead of passive aggressive or simply passive when people overstep the boundaries that we’ve set for them. Boundaries are not meant to be flexible because, that’s the equivalent to saying that you don’t take yourself serious. If you don’t take yourself serious or simply respect your own boundaries, other people probably won’t either.
•
Another reminder: “Boundaries are not walls. A wall keeps people out, while boundaries show people how to exist in a relationship with you.”✨
January 14, 2024
หนังสือแนะนำวิธีการกำหนดขอบเขตความเป็นส่วนตัว
คนเราจะกำหนดขอบเขตที่เหมาะสมได้มาจากส่วนประกอบหลายอย่าง หลัก ๆ คือการเลี้ยงดูในวัยเด็กที่ส่งผลต่อการเห็นคุณค่าของตนเอง เกรงใจไปก็ไม่ดี แข็งมากไปก็กลายเป็นไม่ยืดหยุ่นเผลอทำร้ายผู้อื่น
เล่มนี้เริ่มต้นด้วยการเล่าว่าขอบเขตคืออะไร จะกำหนดขอบเขตได้อย่างไร จะรับมือหลังกำหนดขอบเขตอย่างไร โดยแบ่งเป็นวิธีการวางขอบเขตในด้านครอบครัว คนรัก มิตรภาพ งาน โซเชียลมีเดีย
จริง ๆ เนื้อหาดี แต่น้ำเยอะมากกกกก พูดเรื่องเดิมซ้ำวนไปมา ถ้าเรียบเรียงใหม่ ความหนาของหนังสืออาจจะลดเหลือครึ่งเดียว
แต่ถ้าเป็นคนที่อ่านหนังสือเกี่ยวกับความสัมพันธ์มาบ้างก็อาจจะรู้สึกไม่ค่อยมีอะไรใหม่
คนเราจะกำหนดขอบเขตที่เหมาะสมได้มาจากส่วนประกอบหลายอย่าง หลัก ๆ คือการเลี้ยงดูในวัยเด็กที่ส่งผลต่อการเห็นคุณค่าของตนเอง เกรงใจไปก็ไม่ดี แข็งมากไปก็กลายเป็นไม่ยืดหยุ่นเผลอทำร้ายผู้อื่น
เล่มนี้เริ่มต้นด้วยการเล่าว่าขอบเขตคืออะไร จะกำหนดขอบเขตได้อย่างไร จะรับมือหลังกำหนดขอบเขตอย่างไร โดยแบ่งเป็นวิธีการวางขอบเขตในด้านครอบครัว คนรัก มิตรภาพ งาน โซเชียลมีเดีย
จริง ๆ เนื้อหาดี แต่น้ำเยอะมากกกกก พูดเรื่องเดิมซ้ำวนไปมา ถ้าเรียบเรียงใหม่ ความหนาของหนังสืออาจจะลดเหลือครึ่งเดียว
แต่ถ้าเป็นคนที่อ่านหนังสือเกี่ยวกับความสัมพันธ์มาบ้างก็อาจจะรู้สึกไม่ค่อยมีอะไรใหม่
September 5, 2023
"The journey toward healthier boundaries is worth the discomfort of setting them"
I really liked this book! I appreciated that the author discussed how to set boundaries with family, in romantic relationships, with friends, with work, with technology, and even with yourself. She provides concrete examples of what boundary-setting in different circumstances can look like, and offers possible scripts. Some parts were a bit repetitive but it was super valuable overall!
I really liked this book! I appreciated that the author discussed how to set boundaries with family, in romantic relationships, with friends, with work, with technology, and even with yourself. She provides concrete examples of what boundary-setting in different circumstances can look like, and offers possible scripts. Some parts were a bit repetitive but it was super valuable overall!
April 3, 2021
4.5/5. I think this is going to be one of the most important self-help books. Took off a star because there were parts of the book that focused on hyper-responsibility of the individual and willpower - specifically the “social media” and “work” chapters. There’s plenty of research on the so called “willpower” and we now know a lot more about how social media works (and the ethical issues behind it). Also, work environments often put all the responsibility on the individual and disregard how the company contributes to the toxicity of the work place, and I found that the message of the chapter reinforces that view. Given that the author is a therapist, I expected to see at least a paragraph that talks about how the system(s) in place contribute to the issue.
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