Culpa mía

"-A ver si te enteras de una vez...-me dijo por encima del hombro y al girarse vi que su semblante estaba tan frío como una estatua de hielo-No pienso dejar que me hables como lo has hecho; me importas una mierda, y me trae sin cuidado dejarte aquí tirada; pide un taxi o llama a tu madre, yo me largo. Dicho eso se metió en el coche y lo puso en marcha"

"Normalmente no me las podía sacar de encima, simplemente les dirigía una mirada y ya las tenía pegadas a mi cuerpo deseosas de complacerme. Me había ganado una reputación a pulso, las mujeres me respetaban y me adoraban al mismo tiempo; yo las complacía y ellas respetaban mi espacio, siempre había sido así, desde que tenía catorce años y descubrí lo que las mujeres son capaces de hacer ante un rostro y un cuerpo atractivo"

"Yo le observé con indiferencia, aunque volví a maravillarme ante su aspecto, en cambio, él me fulminó con sus ojos claros y se giró hacia su novia, amiga, amante, puta, o lo que fuera"

"¿Era idiota o qué? ¿Por qué no se ponía hacer sus guarradas en su habitación; o en cualquiera de los miles de lugares que la casa podía ofrecerle? ¿Por qué se ponía justamente en la cocina y justamente a la hora de cenar?-Llévate a tu puta..."

"-¿A eso lo llamas tú bailar?-le dije destilando rabia con cada una de mis palabras. En aquel instante estaba demasiado cabreado para controlar lo que decía y demasiado borracho para
sopesar las consecuencias-Parecías una puta de..."

"-De todo-me contestó haciendo que se me fuera todo el color del rostro-Te viole como unas veinte veces y cuando me cansé le dejé a todos los de la fiesta que hicieran lo mismo... creo que también lo hicieron los de la gasolinera cuando me detuve allí-dijo y empecé a notar el sarcasmo en su vos-Y si también contamos al vigilante de fuera..."

"Noah era totalmente diferente a todas ellas. No caía rendida a mis pies, no le temblaban las rodillas porque tan solo la mirara, no se amilanaba cuando la desafiaba sino que me contestaba aún con más fiereza que yo"

"No quería hacer ese tipo de cosas con alguien que ni siquiera era mi novio, podéis llamarme mojigata o lo que sea, pero no me sentía bien conmigo misma, más bien me sentía como una guarra total"

”I’d do it all with you, Noah, you know that…but I won’t do anything until the fear disappears from your eyes.”

His lips kissed mine, gently but with the full force of the love that had grown between us. The kind of love that happened only once in a lifetime, the kind of love that touched your heart and never left you, the kind of love nothing else compared to, a love we sought, a love we may even have hated, but that made us alive, that made us need each other, that turned us into something the other person couldn’t live without…the love that I had just found.

Noah had changed my life, had made it more interesting, had made me want to fight for something and not just give up—for her. I wanted her.
I was going to change, I was going to be a better person, and I was going to treat her the way she deserved, no matter the cost. I wasn’t going to stop till I had her.

“I love you. I loved you from the very first time you told me you hated me.”

“Do you have a girlfriend, Nick?”
For no apparent reason, Noah’s face appeared in my mind. I didn’t have a girlfriend, but I would have liked to do with her the things you did with a girlfriend. Jesus—what the hell was I thinking?

If she wasn’t who she was, I’d have taken her straight to the back seat of my car. If she wasn’t so damn hard to put up with, I’d have given her the best night of her life. If she wasn’t…if she wasn’t turning my whole world upside down…

She didn’t throw herself at my feet, she didn’t get weak in the knees when she looked at me, she didn’t back down when I challenged her, no—she’d answer back, and her reactions were fiercer than mine. It was exasperating…and exciting at the same time.

I never, and I mean never, cried in front of anyone. Crying was for weaklings, people who can’t control their feelings. I was someone who’d cried so much in the course of my life that I’d decided never to shed another tear.

My mother didn’t understand how hard this was for me. She was starting a new life with a new husband she supposedly loved. But what about me?

I looked at the clouded-over sky and asked myself how everything could change so fast. One minute you were one person, the next minute you were a different one.

I liked variety, and I ran away from commitment with all my might. No woman deserved more attention than I felt like giving, and I’d never let anyone control me or my decisions. I did what I wanted with whomever I wanted.

Women were only good for one thing. If you let it go past that, you’d have problems. I knew what I was talking about from experience.

But that sorrow had soon turned to hatred toward my mother and women in general.

“I’d let my hatred for my mother get the better of me, and I’d treated all women the same even when there were some who were incredible—in my case, one in particular I had to make mine no matter what.”

I didn’t know when things had changed so much or when I’d passed from hating her to feeling what I felt now, but all I knew was I didn’t want to lose her.

I’d always liked having control over everything, especially the women around me.

I’d been happy for the first time in years, and all of it was thanks to that incredible girl who for some reason had chosen me…

“Let me go, Nicholas.” My body wanted that contact, but my mind shouted Danger! Danger!
But he kept kissing me, my ear, my neck.

“Don’t make me tell you again,” I said. “Stay away from me.”
In a rage, he came close and grabbed me. I stood still, trying to control my breathing and my fear.
“You better get this through your head. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you, and when you’re ready to tell me what the hell happened to you, you’ll realize you were making a serious mistake trying to push me away.”
I shoved my way past him. Thankfully he didn’t resist.
“You’re wrong. I don’t need you,” I said, grabbing my things off the ground.
I slammed the door on my way out.

I looked down involuntarily at her cleavage, wet from the pool, and at her tattoo, which drove me completely wild.

She hardly spoke to me. I’d hurt her, and I deserved to be pushed away, but I couldn’t let anything bad happen to her. I needed to protect her from that son of a bitch Ronnie, even if that meant following her around or watching her in secret.

It was uncomfortable, hellishly uncomfortable, and frustrating, especially since I couldn’t stand her. Why did she have to be so goddamn attractive?

“I won’t stop talking to you, and I will get you to change your mind about me,” he said, bring his face closer to mine than was appropriate. “I want you for myself, Noah, and I won’t stop until I have you.”

At least I could be sure she liked me and I still had some influence over her—or over her body, to be more precise.

“Stop, please,” I asked him, but he didn’t care.