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A Study in Drowning #1
A Study in Drowning
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Young Adult Fantasy & Science Fiction (2023)Effy Sayre has always believed in fairy tales. Haunted by visions of the Fairy King since childhood, she’s had no choice. Her tattered copy of Angharad—Emrys Myrddin’s epic about a mortal girl who falls in love with the Fairy King, then destroys him—is the only thing keeping her afloat. So when Myrddin’s family announces a contest to redesign the late author’s estate, Effy feels certain it’s her destiny.
But musty, decrepit Hiraeth Manor is an impossible task, and its residents are far from welcoming. Including Preston Héloury, a stodgy young literature scholar determined to expose Myrddin as a fraud. As the two rivals piece together clues about Myrddin’s legacy, dark forces, both mortal and magical, conspire against them—and the truth may bring them both to ruin.
But musty, decrepit Hiraeth Manor is an impossible task, and its residents are far from welcoming. Including Preston Héloury, a stodgy young literature scholar determined to expose Myrddin as a fraud. As the two rivals piece together clues about Myrddin’s legacy, dark forces, both mortal and magical, conspire against them—and the truth may bring them both to ruin.
378 pages, Hardcover
First published September 19, 2023
About the author
Ava Reid
9 books5,528 followersAva Reid is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of gothic fantasies, including A Study in Drowning, Juniper & Thorn, and Lady Macbeth. She lives in California.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 14,494 reviews
December 6, 2023
dnf @ 70%
you could not pay me to care.
you could not pay me to care.
April 11, 2023
Anything can be taken from you, at any moment. Even the past isn’t guaranteed. You can lose that too, slowly, like water eating away at stone.
There is a lot going on in A Study in Drowning. It’s about institutional sexism in academia; about how young women are simultaneously treated as too insipid and frivolous to be of any consequence and yet also held responsible for the predation of the men who demand power over them. It’s about stories and the relationship between author and reader; about who really owns a story and decides what it means. It’s about all the ways your voice can be taken from you - both by others and eaten away at within yourself - and what it takes to get it back, if you can.
All of this is wrapped within a Dark Academia tale of mystery and romance (of the academic rivals variety) in a rotting old house on a cliff, intertwined with themes of the disconnect between religious, superstitious folklore and academic agnosticism. This book will have you questioning perceptions of reality and not knowing who or what to believe.
And all of it works so beautifully. A seamless blend of narrative, characters I absolutely loved, mysteries to unravel, and an ambiguously fantastical setting that you will question again and again. I loved this book so very much.
On the note of characters, I can’t not speak about the main character, Effy.
You don’t have to take up a sword. Survival is bravery, too.
Effy Sayre is for the soft femmes. The anxiety femmes. The “I’ve been rehearsing my Starbucks order since I got in line” femmes. The “life has made my fight or flight response heavily weighted toward flight for my own survival” femmes. I love her. She’s not going to pick up a sword and get a training montage to defeat her enemies on a battlefield, she’s not always going to have the right quip at just the right time, and she’s not always going to have the right answers, but she shows that there’s a strength in softness. That it’s strength enough to survive and that the ways we find to make it through the day are valid. She’s not a perfect character, she has very real flaws beyond the sometimes trite “quirks that a romantic partner will find cute,” and it’s part of what makes her authentic and leaves room through the writing for real growth.
Almost as soon as I started this book I knew there was no chance that I was going to be Normal about it. Effy, has my whole heart. I love her, I feel protective of her, and I will lay down my life for her. (Remember, not going to be Normal about this). She distinctly puts this in the rare category of books that make me feel Seen as a human being, alongside others like VE Schwab’s The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue and John Green’s Turtles All The Way Down. This is personal, it feels very singular (though it definitionally is not), and it absolutely elevates the experience of an already fantastic book. This idea is reflected in the story as well. To paraphrase, “Writing [a book is] like shining a beacon from a lighthouse…Are there any ships on the horizon? Will they signal back…?” It reminds me of the Kazuo Ishiguro quote “In the end, stories are about one person saying to another: This is the way it feels to me. Can you understand what I’m saying? Does it feel this way to you?”
And so, yes, I am the ship on the horizon signaling back. It feels this way to me too. And for that, A Study in Drowning holds a very special place in my heart. Five Stars.
There is a lot going on in A Study in Drowning. It’s about institutional sexism in academia; about how young women are simultaneously treated as too insipid and frivolous to be of any consequence and yet also held responsible for the predation of the men who demand power over them. It’s about stories and the relationship between author and reader; about who really owns a story and decides what it means. It’s about all the ways your voice can be taken from you - both by others and eaten away at within yourself - and what it takes to get it back, if you can.
All of this is wrapped within a Dark Academia tale of mystery and romance (of the academic rivals variety) in a rotting old house on a cliff, intertwined with themes of the disconnect between religious, superstitious folklore and academic agnosticism. This book will have you questioning perceptions of reality and not knowing who or what to believe.
And all of it works so beautifully. A seamless blend of narrative, characters I absolutely loved, mysteries to unravel, and an ambiguously fantastical setting that you will question again and again. I loved this book so very much.
On the note of characters, I can’t not speak about the main character, Effy.
You don’t have to take up a sword. Survival is bravery, too.
Effy Sayre is for the soft femmes. The anxiety femmes. The “I’ve been rehearsing my Starbucks order since I got in line” femmes. The “life has made my fight or flight response heavily weighted toward flight for my own survival” femmes. I love her. She’s not going to pick up a sword and get a training montage to defeat her enemies on a battlefield, she’s not always going to have the right quip at just the right time, and she’s not always going to have the right answers, but she shows that there’s a strength in softness. That it’s strength enough to survive and that the ways we find to make it through the day are valid. She’s not a perfect character, she has very real flaws beyond the sometimes trite “quirks that a romantic partner will find cute,” and it’s part of what makes her authentic and leaves room through the writing for real growth.
Almost as soon as I started this book I knew there was no chance that I was going to be Normal about it. Effy, has my whole heart. I love her, I feel protective of her, and I will lay down my life for her. (Remember, not going to be Normal about this). She distinctly puts this in the rare category of books that make me feel Seen as a human being, alongside others like VE Schwab’s The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue and John Green’s Turtles All The Way Down. This is personal, it feels very singular (though it definitionally is not), and it absolutely elevates the experience of an already fantastic book. This idea is reflected in the story as well. To paraphrase, “Writing [a book is] like shining a beacon from a lighthouse…Are there any ships on the horizon? Will they signal back…?” It reminds me of the Kazuo Ishiguro quote “In the end, stories are about one person saying to another: This is the way it feels to me. Can you understand what I’m saying? Does it feel this way to you?”
And so, yes, I am the ship on the horizon signaling back. It feels this way to me too. And for that, A Study in Drowning holds a very special place in my heart. Five Stars.
February 11, 2024
A Study in Drowning is a swirling tempest of hope, love, and finding a way forward against all odds. Enveloped in folklore and set in a Welsh-inspired fantasy world this book is a balm for every person who has been an outsider in their lives and for those still fighting to have their voice be heard.
My full review can be read here
thank you to edelweiss and the publisher for providing this review copy
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My full review can be read here
thank you to edelweiss and the publisher for providing this review copy
Follow me on Instagram
October 17, 2023
Sigh... so disappointed.
I am super conflicted about this book. On the one hand it deals with extreme misogyny and the effects that it has on its fmc are heartbreaking and relatable. I feel like this book perhaps will be very therapeutic for many women in that regard and I recognize the importance of the messaging in the context that it's set in. The way Effie and another character's trauma is portrayed and how they navigate its effects and fight to overcome the lingering damage to themselves felt personal and emotional.
However, there is also another theme of bigotry and prejudice that runs throughout the book that was not handled well at all and left me feeling very uncomfortable and unable to rate this book higher. Effie the fmc references the conflict between her country of Llyr and the neighboring country of Argant early in the book in and it's repeatedly emphasized that she feels extreme animosity for this other race of people.
"Argant was always claiming that Lyrian treasures and traditions were really their own. Llyr was forever accusing Argant of stealing their heroes and histories."
"that when Llyr's tanks rolled across, that green land, when their rifles peeked up from the trenches they had dug into Argantian soil, it was the magic of the sleepers that protected them. That when Argantian guns jammed or an out-of season fog crept across the battlefield, that was sleeper magic, too."
If the above passage made you uncomfortable bc it signals a specific real-world conflict in a very biased one-sided way, yeah me too. Effie also insults and disparages the mmc quite frequently for being of half Argantian decent. Calling him a carpetbagger, questioning his right to access Llyrian literature bc of his half-Argantian heritage and several other disparaging insults. If she were using this to later in the book dismantle this idea and address her prejudice, I would have been onboard, but she doesn't. Instead, the book seems to take the route of "oh I fell in love with someone representative of my prejudice, so I am absolved" which it absolutely does not. I am left unimpressed and disappointed.
I am super conflicted about this book. On the one hand it deals with extreme misogyny and the effects that it has on its fmc are heartbreaking and relatable. I feel like this book perhaps will be very therapeutic for many women in that regard and I recognize the importance of the messaging in the context that it's set in. The way Effie and another character's trauma is portrayed and how they navigate its effects and fight to overcome the lingering damage to themselves felt personal and emotional.
However, there is also another theme of bigotry and prejudice that runs throughout the book that was not handled well at all and left me feeling very uncomfortable and unable to rate this book higher. Effie the fmc references the conflict between her country of Llyr and the neighboring country of Argant early in the book in and it's repeatedly emphasized that she feels extreme animosity for this other race of people.
"Argant was always claiming that Lyrian treasures and traditions were really their own. Llyr was forever accusing Argant of stealing their heroes and histories."
"that when Llyr's tanks rolled across, that green land, when their rifles peeked up from the trenches they had dug into Argantian soil, it was the magic of the sleepers that protected them. That when Argantian guns jammed or an out-of season fog crept across the battlefield, that was sleeper magic, too."
If the above passage made you uncomfortable bc it signals a specific real-world conflict in a very biased one-sided way, yeah me too. Effie also insults and disparages the mmc quite frequently for being of half Argantian decent. Calling him a carpetbagger, questioning his right to access Llyrian literature bc of his half-Argantian heritage and several other disparaging insults. If she were using this to later in the book dismantle this idea and address her prejudice, I would have been onboard, but she doesn't. Instead, the book seems to take the route of "oh I fell in love with someone representative of my prejudice, so I am absolved" which it absolutely does not. I am left unimpressed and disappointed.
February 4, 2024
4.5 estrellas. Me gustó mucho, aunque el inicio es muy lento.
September 23, 2023
4.2⭐️ best gift ever bitches 🥺
✔️ rivals-to-lovers
✔️ gothic mystery
✔️ haunting, dreamlike atmosphere
✔️ feminist themes
✔️ author's YA debut
the vibes in the book is nothing short of eerie, gorgeous and amazing! our fmc, Effy (a student of architecture) sets out to help renovate an old mansion of her all-time award winning, favorite author.
She finds a literature scholar, Preston got there ahead of her and is investigating a mystery that is going to question and possibly destroy the longtime admiration that Effy has for her literary hero as well as this author's legacy.
***
OMFGGHGGGGG- a good friend of mine bought me a copy and had it delivered as a surprise so it reasons that i have read it rtfn 😭😭🔫
Effy almost rolled her eyes—who called their own work groundbreaking?✔️ historical fantasy
the answer? Preston mf Héloury ✋🏽😏
✔️ rivals-to-lovers
✔️ gothic mystery
✔️ haunting, dreamlike atmosphere
✔️ feminist themes
✔️ author's YA debut
the vibes in the book is nothing short of eerie, gorgeous and amazing! our fmc, Effy (a student of architecture) sets out to help renovate an old mansion of her all-time award winning, favorite author.
She finds a literature scholar, Preston got there ahead of her and is investigating a mystery that is going to question and possibly destroy the longtime admiration that Effy has for her literary hero as well as this author's legacy.
***
OMFGGHGGGGG- a good friend of mine bought me a copy and had it delivered as a surprise so it reasons that i have read it rtfn 😭😭🔫
June 7, 2024
3.5 ⭐️!! so beautifully written. loved the ending 🌊
March 3, 2024
You could not have paid me to care, this was so boring.
Also, if you're going to have enemies to lovers, maybe make the love interest an actual 'enemy' and not just having the MC be prejudiced against him because he's from a different country. Is the 'enemies to lovers' in the room with us? For example, Preston asks her to put a seat belt on, and Effy cynically tells us that he is treating her like a child. Preston checks out books from the library, and Effy felt entitled to them first.
So again I ask - where was the enemy? A one-sided prejudiced rivalry does not an enemies-to-lovers make.
Also, if you're going to have enemies to lovers, maybe make the love interest an actual 'enemy' and not just having the MC be prejudiced against him because he's from a different country. Is the 'enemies to lovers' in the room with us? For example, Preston asks her to put a seat belt on, and Effy cynically tells us that he is treating her like a child. Preston checks out books from the library, and Effy felt entitled to them first.
So again I ask - where was the enemy? A one-sided prejudiced rivalry does not an enemies-to-lovers make.
October 11, 2024
This fascinating gothic mansion/haunted house theme has a twisty mystery and powerful feminist vibes! The horror, mystery, enemies-to-lovers romance, paranormal, and psychological thriller genres are perfectly blended at the same portal. The riveting mystery makes you guess until the end as the spine-tingling, eerie, drowning house pushes you to hide under blankets. You're drawn into the unreliable narration of the traumatized heroine and complex storytelling. But this book is more than a dark academia, paranormal fantasy, or bone-chilling horror novel! This is also a thought-provoking, bold, profound, and empowering story about women with #MeToo movement representation. That's what makes it unique, brave, and more powerful! I devoured it in a few hours! The execution of the story was well-crafted. The myths, folklore, urban legend parts, and shocking, challenging backstory make the book extra captivating and unputdownable!
The story revolves around young Effy Sayre, who is delicate and dealing with hallucinations of the Fairy King since her childhood. She is the only woman student in the architecture department, even though she dreamed of focusing her studies on literature: she can recite the entire words of Emrys Myrddin's Angharad. She is socially outcasted after rumors about her involvement with her adviser professor. She is so close to getting dropped from the faculty, failing from classes, and her neglectful, alcoholic mother has no intention of doing anything with her. Her favorite author, Myrddin's death, also affected her deeply. The book he has written is the only thing that can empower her to fight against her nighttime terrors.
When she applied with her project to redesign Myrddin's estate, Hiraeth Manor, which resides in a very dangerous part of the country, she didn't expect to be chosen for this impossible task. But she gets an invitation telling her that all of her expenses will be covered for six weeks, including her travel fees.
When she arrives at the dilapidated house, which is hardly affected by the last drowning and crumbling into pieces, she not only meets Myrddin's eccentric son, but she also finds out that a literature scholar, Preston Heloury, also works with the letters and manuscripts of the late author with a secret agenda.
He rubs her the wrong way because this condescending, stubborn, pragmatic boy is a literature scholar even though he's Argentinean, while she was rejected from the same faculty because she's female! When she finds out Preston is conducting a secret investigation to prove that Myrddin is a fraud because there are inconsistencies with his signature on the letters written for the publisher, and he didn't have a background as an uneducated fisherman's boy to write an epic masterpiece, Effy becomes livid.
But Effy's nightmares about the Fairy King increase. The awkward manners of Myrddin's son, the ill widow who is locked in her room they didn't see, and the secret passages of the manor increase her suspicions as well. She teams up with Preston to find out the truth about the manor and Myrddin, not only for her curiosity but also to end her misery about her biggest childhood mystery!
Overall, this book is scary, ominous, intense, moving, bold, and one of the best reads I've had lately!
Many thanks to NetGalley and HarperCollins Children's Books/HarperTeen for sharing this amazing book's digital reviewer copy with me in exchange for my honest thoughts.
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The story revolves around young Effy Sayre, who is delicate and dealing with hallucinations of the Fairy King since her childhood. She is the only woman student in the architecture department, even though she dreamed of focusing her studies on literature: she can recite the entire words of Emrys Myrddin's Angharad. She is socially outcasted after rumors about her involvement with her adviser professor. She is so close to getting dropped from the faculty, failing from classes, and her neglectful, alcoholic mother has no intention of doing anything with her. Her favorite author, Myrddin's death, also affected her deeply. The book he has written is the only thing that can empower her to fight against her nighttime terrors.
When she applied with her project to redesign Myrddin's estate, Hiraeth Manor, which resides in a very dangerous part of the country, she didn't expect to be chosen for this impossible task. But she gets an invitation telling her that all of her expenses will be covered for six weeks, including her travel fees.
When she arrives at the dilapidated house, which is hardly affected by the last drowning and crumbling into pieces, she not only meets Myrddin's eccentric son, but she also finds out that a literature scholar, Preston Heloury, also works with the letters and manuscripts of the late author with a secret agenda.
He rubs her the wrong way because this condescending, stubborn, pragmatic boy is a literature scholar even though he's Argentinean, while she was rejected from the same faculty because she's female! When she finds out Preston is conducting a secret investigation to prove that Myrddin is a fraud because there are inconsistencies with his signature on the letters written for the publisher, and he didn't have a background as an uneducated fisherman's boy to write an epic masterpiece, Effy becomes livid.
But Effy's nightmares about the Fairy King increase. The awkward manners of Myrddin's son, the ill widow who is locked in her room they didn't see, and the secret passages of the manor increase her suspicions as well. She teams up with Preston to find out the truth about the manor and Myrddin, not only for her curiosity but also to end her misery about her biggest childhood mystery!
Overall, this book is scary, ominous, intense, moving, bold, and one of the best reads I've had lately!
Many thanks to NetGalley and HarperCollins Children's Books/HarperTeen for sharing this amazing book's digital reviewer copy with me in exchange for my honest thoughts.
Follow me on medium.com to read my articles about books, movies, streaming series, astrology:
medium blog
September 15, 2023
this book has taken me over a month to finish, which is incredibly rare for me. i found this to be an odd book to review and rate, because from the perspective of a literature graduate with special interest in the Gothic in all its forms, this was layered and enthralling, clearly a lot of effort has gone into crafting this story. the gothic aspect was phenomenal, truly. but from a reader’s perspective? someone who just wants to sit and enjoy a book?
despite my mixed feelings for this book, Ava Reid has a talent for writing and a deep love for literature— the story almost has a “story within a story” format, so it was very clear to me Reid loves storytelling and words and the power they hold; authorship and identity clearly matter to her, too. i could really see what she was attempting to do. she crafted this with delicate intricacy which i couldn’t help admire. yet, it’s what also heightened my frustrations with the book because while the writing style and the craftsmanship was amazing, i feel as though, by doing so, Reid sacrificed character depth and ingenuity in favour of her research and the “messages” she was trying to get across to the reader.
the two main characters, Effy and Preston were so severely bland to me that i really don’t have anything of value to say about them. Preston literally could have been anyone— anyone. he was so distant and anonymous, almost mechanical in nature. there was zero depth, charisma or really anything truly unique about him, so rooting for him and Effy was impossible. i truly had no desire to see them as a romantic pairing because he’d have to have a personality for that. and calling this an academic rivals to lovers is honestly an insult to the entire trope— sincerely where was the academic rivalry? they meet and Effy doesn’t like him for the dumbest read possible, and then soon enough they decide to team up together to investigate Preston’s thesis.
Effy would say “you’re rude / patronising” to him and they’d lightly bicker, but there was truly no real heat behind anything either of them said. there was no chemistry whatsoever. academic rivals doesn’t even make sense, to be honest, since they weren’t rivals in their field. they weren’t competing with one another for anything. and then they decide to team up where their “rivalry” is put aside (footnote — there was no rivalry). they didn’t even have any truly romantic moments between one another either. they dance once with no tension nor chemistry or pining. they share a bed with no tension nor chemistry or pining. he cleans a wound of hers… and yep! you guessed it! no tension nor chemistry or pining.
i wouldn’t even consider this a romance in any capacity. Preston and Effy co-exist in the same environment… that’s about it. i was reading and truly wondering “is the romance in the room with us right now??”
and like Preston, Effy also felt quite distant (it’s probably why i didn’t care about the romance since both of them were boring). she didn’t feel all that distinct to me— the book is written from her perspective entirely but in third person, and while i think single third person POV can be done right, it wasn’t done right for me here. Effy doesn’t really have her own unique, distinct voice through the third person POV. she’s intentionally supposed to be a bit turbid due to the medication she takes and her past trauma, but it just made it difficult to latch onto something tangible about her that i could connect with and root for. i truly couldn’t have cared less about her :/
and it’s frustrating because there was a lot to unpack with her — family trauma, her relationship with her mother, the misogyny she faced being the only woman in her college… but all of these things were written in a way where we could only take them at face value. it was just a brief interjection into Effy’s inner monologue and then she’d swiftly move on, and id just sit there and think “what is the point?” in the end, Effy didn’t feel all that different to me. she goes on a journey, sure, but due to the vagueness of her character, it was difficult to see her undergo any type of character development.
ultimately, the best way i can describe my feelings about the book, is that A Study in Drowning lacked life. it felt so distant and impersonal, despite Reid’s attempts at making aspects of this emotional (mainly with Effy’s upbringing and trauma). everything felt stagnant and stilted, i craved vibrancy and feeling, something tangible to latch onto and reel me in. i wanted something sharp and messy, something to cut me and make me feel as i read. but i couldn’t have been more indifferent if i had tried because the characters maintained that indifference, too.
the only time i actually felt this excited fire inside of me for Effy and her character was at 98%
i was so mad😭😭 you’re telling me, NOW i am finally invested??? with 8 pages to go until the end???? this was the one instance where i was rooting for Effy, thinking “wow, yes she’s changed! she’s stood up for herself! i like this girl”. but getting a brief glimpse of this version of her at the end was a bummer because i wanted hints of this character development a lot earlier. from page one to roughly 90%, Effy felt the same to me. and ultimately in the end, she still felt like a vague, incorporeal person that i still knew very little about. i couldn’t even tell you what her personality / temperament is like, to be honest. she was just a hazy name in a book with no real identifying features.
now, the plot is what initially made me realise i wasn’t enjoying the book. i gave Effy and Preston the benefit of the doubt for the majority of the book. but the plot, world-building and storytelling aspect? hmmm.
honestly? i think Reid is lacking the skill to truly establish and flesh out her storytelling. she can write like no tomorrow, her atmospheric setting and the ideas she had were fascinating, but when it came down to the actual plot, it’s momentum and pacing? it was just all over the place, the coherency was difficult to follow.
the plot really has no sense of urgency, no real action for the most part. there’s a loose plot there, but nothing substantial that pushes you forward, where one event links to the next and you can follow the thorough thread tying the story together. Reid seems to want to maintain the mystique of the story, to create an ominous dark-academic atmosphere throughout, and in doing so withholds so much information that i could never truly get to the nitty gritty depths of this story (and i think it’s why Effy felt so distant to me, she was always withholding so much information about herself). everything felt like such a mystery to me, but not in a way that motivated me to continue reading.
it just confused me and ruined any potential attachment to the characters, but specifically Effy that i craved.
the elegant, superfluous writing style and the themes she was emulating ultimately take precedent over the depth of the storytelling and characterisations of Effy and Preston. it’s clear Reid knew her own world building immaculately— it felt like there was depth here, but her execution was lacking, if that makes sense? she doesn’t explain the world building well. she doesn’t unpack the nuances and instead just talks about the world, it’s lore and history, as though i should already know what she’s talking about. mainly the political and historical aspects of the book.
i do not, in fact, know what Ava Reid was talking about.
the story felt layered and intelligent but she doesn’t explain anything all that well. it’s almost like she states fact of her world like we also live in this world too… i just couldn’t get a clean nor clear grasp of the world building, especially the era/time period.
it felt very Arthurian and High Romance like that of Boccacio’s Decameron or Spenser’s The Faerie Queen. i loved this aspect, you could tell Reid enjoyed her research and making the story feel ancient and magical, but these themes had no real depth to them beyond creating a mystical dark atmosphere.
so i originally thought this was set in medieval adjacent type era, with the years being 190-220 AD for example. but then the characters drink coffee and smoke cigarettes, go to a cafe called the Drowsy Poet, drive cars, have telephones (but not mobile phones), there are media tabloids and publishing houses, so it would suddenly shift and feel incredibly modern, and it was so jarring and out of place. then because of these features, it felt almost Edwardian at times, maybe post-WWI… i just wanted to feel grounded in the story and i truly couldn’t because i felt as though i was missing so much of the story.
the fictional country is also at war (with another country or civil war with itself, im still not sure) but the politics of this aren’t explained— Effy is from one country and Preston is from another, and there are hostilities between their nations and cultures that they constantly talk about, but the root of WHY these hostilities exist aren’t explained? i didn’t see the need to add war as a background (and incredibly vague) subplot because nothing was done with it nor was it ever talked about. it was only brought up to book end the story, like Reid was reminding us “oh yes by the way! the country is as war! don’t forget” because she’d not mentioned it throughout the rest of the book.
there was just no logic or coherency to the world building. it’s fine if your world building is simple, just make it make sense.
i just… eurgh, this has the potential to be that bitch for me, but everything was too flimsy and rushed and surface level to impact me in any way shape or form. her themes and research are clearly unique and interesting but they just aren’t utilised enough for me to truly care or feel moved by the story. the feminine rage of Effy was truly lacklustre and disappointing. there was no desperation to her, no fire, no grit.
i can see Reid’s vision, i know what she was trying to do here but… sadly it just wasn’t executed effectively therefore i had little to no interest in the story.
im bummed because i have been excited for this since Ava announced this book and all we had was a title nearly two years ago. i truly think parts of this read like a draft and is in dire need of editing.
thank you to NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review!
despite my mixed feelings for this book, Ava Reid has a talent for writing and a deep love for literature— the story almost has a “story within a story” format, so it was very clear to me Reid loves storytelling and words and the power they hold; authorship and identity clearly matter to her, too. i could really see what she was attempting to do. she crafted this with delicate intricacy which i couldn’t help admire. yet, it’s what also heightened my frustrations with the book because while the writing style and the craftsmanship was amazing, i feel as though, by doing so, Reid sacrificed character depth and ingenuity in favour of her research and the “messages” she was trying to get across to the reader.
the two main characters, Effy and Preston were so severely bland to me that i really don’t have anything of value to say about them. Preston literally could have been anyone— anyone. he was so distant and anonymous, almost mechanical in nature. there was zero depth, charisma or really anything truly unique about him, so rooting for him and Effy was impossible. i truly had no desire to see them as a romantic pairing because he’d have to have a personality for that. and calling this an academic rivals to lovers is honestly an insult to the entire trope— sincerely where was the academic rivalry? they meet and Effy doesn’t like him for the dumbest read possible, and then soon enough they decide to team up together to investigate Preston’s thesis.
Effy would say “you’re rude / patronising” to him and they’d lightly bicker, but there was truly no real heat behind anything either of them said. there was no chemistry whatsoever. academic rivals doesn’t even make sense, to be honest, since they weren’t rivals in their field. they weren’t competing with one another for anything. and then they decide to team up where their “rivalry” is put aside (footnote — there was no rivalry). they didn’t even have any truly romantic moments between one another either. they dance once with no tension nor chemistry or pining. they share a bed with no tension nor chemistry or pining. he cleans a wound of hers… and yep! you guessed it! no tension nor chemistry or pining.
i wouldn’t even consider this a romance in any capacity. Preston and Effy co-exist in the same environment… that’s about it. i was reading and truly wondering “is the romance in the room with us right now??”
and like Preston, Effy also felt quite distant (it’s probably why i didn’t care about the romance since both of them were boring). she didn’t feel all that distinct to me— the book is written from her perspective entirely but in third person, and while i think single third person POV can be done right, it wasn’t done right for me here. Effy doesn’t really have her own unique, distinct voice through the third person POV. she’s intentionally supposed to be a bit turbid due to the medication she takes and her past trauma, but it just made it difficult to latch onto something tangible about her that i could connect with and root for. i truly couldn’t have cared less about her :/
and it’s frustrating because there was a lot to unpack with her — family trauma, her relationship with her mother, the misogyny she faced being the only woman in her college… but all of these things were written in a way where we could only take them at face value. it was just a brief interjection into Effy’s inner monologue and then she’d swiftly move on, and id just sit there and think “what is the point?” in the end, Effy didn’t feel all that different to me. she goes on a journey, sure, but due to the vagueness of her character, it was difficult to see her undergo any type of character development.
ultimately, the best way i can describe my feelings about the book, is that A Study in Drowning lacked life. it felt so distant and impersonal, despite Reid’s attempts at making aspects of this emotional (mainly with Effy’s upbringing and trauma). everything felt stagnant and stilted, i craved vibrancy and feeling, something tangible to latch onto and reel me in. i wanted something sharp and messy, something to cut me and make me feel as i read. but i couldn’t have been more indifferent if i had tried because the characters maintained that indifference, too.
the only time i actually felt this excited fire inside of me for Effy and her character was at 98%
i was so mad😭😭 you’re telling me, NOW i am finally invested??? with 8 pages to go until the end???? this was the one instance where i was rooting for Effy, thinking “wow, yes she’s changed! she’s stood up for herself! i like this girl”. but getting a brief glimpse of this version of her at the end was a bummer because i wanted hints of this character development a lot earlier. from page one to roughly 90%, Effy felt the same to me. and ultimately in the end, she still felt like a vague, incorporeal person that i still knew very little about. i couldn’t even tell you what her personality / temperament is like, to be honest. she was just a hazy name in a book with no real identifying features.
now, the plot is what initially made me realise i wasn’t enjoying the book. i gave Effy and Preston the benefit of the doubt for the majority of the book. but the plot, world-building and storytelling aspect? hmmm.
honestly? i think Reid is lacking the skill to truly establish and flesh out her storytelling. she can write like no tomorrow, her atmospheric setting and the ideas she had were fascinating, but when it came down to the actual plot, it’s momentum and pacing? it was just all over the place, the coherency was difficult to follow.
the plot really has no sense of urgency, no real action for the most part. there’s a loose plot there, but nothing substantial that pushes you forward, where one event links to the next and you can follow the thorough thread tying the story together. Reid seems to want to maintain the mystique of the story, to create an ominous dark-academic atmosphere throughout, and in doing so withholds so much information that i could never truly get to the nitty gritty depths of this story (and i think it’s why Effy felt so distant to me, she was always withholding so much information about herself). everything felt like such a mystery to me, but not in a way that motivated me to continue reading.
it just confused me and ruined any potential attachment to the characters, but specifically Effy that i craved.
the elegant, superfluous writing style and the themes she was emulating ultimately take precedent over the depth of the storytelling and characterisations of Effy and Preston. it’s clear Reid knew her own world building immaculately— it felt like there was depth here, but her execution was lacking, if that makes sense? she doesn’t explain the world building well. she doesn’t unpack the nuances and instead just talks about the world, it’s lore and history, as though i should already know what she’s talking about. mainly the political and historical aspects of the book.
i do not, in fact, know what Ava Reid was talking about.
the story felt layered and intelligent but she doesn’t explain anything all that well. it’s almost like she states fact of her world like we also live in this world too… i just couldn’t get a clean nor clear grasp of the world building, especially the era/time period.
it felt very Arthurian and High Romance like that of Boccacio’s Decameron or Spenser’s The Faerie Queen. i loved this aspect, you could tell Reid enjoyed her research and making the story feel ancient and magical, but these themes had no real depth to them beyond creating a mystical dark atmosphere.
so i originally thought this was set in medieval adjacent type era, with the years being 190-220 AD for example. but then the characters drink coffee and smoke cigarettes, go to a cafe called the Drowsy Poet, drive cars, have telephones (but not mobile phones), there are media tabloids and publishing houses, so it would suddenly shift and feel incredibly modern, and it was so jarring and out of place. then because of these features, it felt almost Edwardian at times, maybe post-WWI… i just wanted to feel grounded in the story and i truly couldn’t because i felt as though i was missing so much of the story.
the fictional country is also at war (with another country or civil war with itself, im still not sure) but the politics of this aren’t explained— Effy is from one country and Preston is from another, and there are hostilities between their nations and cultures that they constantly talk about, but the root of WHY these hostilities exist aren’t explained? i didn’t see the need to add war as a background (and incredibly vague) subplot because nothing was done with it nor was it ever talked about. it was only brought up to book end the story, like Reid was reminding us “oh yes by the way! the country is as war! don’t forget” because she’d not mentioned it throughout the rest of the book.
there was just no logic or coherency to the world building. it’s fine if your world building is simple, just make it make sense.
i just… eurgh, this has the potential to be that bitch for me, but everything was too flimsy and rushed and surface level to impact me in any way shape or form. her themes and research are clearly unique and interesting but they just aren’t utilised enough for me to truly care or feel moved by the story. the feminine rage of Effy was truly lacklustre and disappointing. there was no desperation to her, no fire, no grit.
i can see Reid’s vision, i know what she was trying to do here but… sadly it just wasn’t executed effectively therefore i had little to no interest in the story.
im bummed because i have been excited for this since Ava announced this book and all we had was a title nearly two years ago. i truly think parts of this read like a draft and is in dire need of editing.
thank you to NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review!
Read
November 3, 2023dark academia novels really have the best titles
more facts about the book!
- it's upper YA (the MC is 18 and in her first year of uni)
- Ava considers it a 'true' romance book
- it's set in a secondary fantasy world based on mid 20th-century England/Wales and influenced by Welsh mythologyf*ck yeah welsh mythology on the rise
- it fits in the dark academia subgenre
- the journey to writing this book began with an interest in anti-Stratfordian theory (basically the theory that Shakespeare was a fraud)
- and "I wrote this one for survivors - for the people who aren’t believed, who don’t have ownership over their own narrative, who tell themselves stories in order to cope."
from here!
more facts about the book!
- it's upper YA (the MC is 18 and in her first year of uni)
- Ava considers it a 'true' romance book
- it's set in a secondary fantasy world based on mid 20th-century England/Wales and influenced by Welsh mythology
- it fits in the dark academia subgenre
- the journey to writing this book began with an interest in anti-Stratfordian theory (basically the theory that Shakespeare was a fraud)
- and "I wrote this one for survivors - for the people who aren’t believed, who don’t have ownership over their own narrative, who tell themselves stories in order to cope."
from here!
March 12, 2024
i fear this did not eat
December 14, 2023
a study in snoring
March 6, 2024
The writing and atmospheric vibes were NICE.
The story was MID
The two MC's were BLAND
I'll elaborate more later 🫡
The story was MID
The two MC's were BLAND
I'll elaborate more later 🫡
November 30, 2023
We get it, she can take her tablets dry.
April 18, 2024
For the Illumicrate September read-along.
This turned out to be another one of Reid’s superficial yet superfluous attempts at tackling complex subjects, complete with a tacky coating of “pop-feminism” and a forced romance arc. Don’t get me started on the clunky writing and ridiculous similes that pepper this book: if I tried to list them all here, I would be quoting the entire book. Some of my "favorite" passages are:
Why is this pitched as Dark Academia? Because they’re both college students? Because it's a popular genre? I don’t think I even understand what “Dark Academia” is anymore—but my friend jokes that is when PhDs engage in knife fights with each other over who’s getting that sweet grant money. I’ll take that over whatever this trend has become.
Why is this pitched as Gothic? Because that’s what’s popular right now too. The Crimson Peak is gothic (deliciously so), this is just a sad imitation of the aesthetic.
Why is this pitched as (academic) rivals to lovers? They aren't even studying the same subject. This is a one-sided rivalry where Effy hates the guy because he’s from another country and is constantly trying to put him down because how dare he, a dirty Argantian, be interested in a Llyrian national author; meanwhile, Preston is nothing but polite and apologetic towards her. That said, I don’t mind if she has this flaw—it makes her feel less vapid, a bit more real—but I wish it was actually addressed in the narrative and contributed something to it.
I’m convinced no one truly wants to write the actual trope, they really just wanna ride the coattails of its popularity.
In this upside-down world, apparently, Natural Philosophy hasn’t been “invented” yet, and Literary analysis (NOT Philosophy) seems to be the most prestigious thing one can study, while architecture is seen as the lower-status field. It’s honestly utter nonsense if one looks at history, but Reid hand-waves it as something that has to do with the magic in this world.
It’s also obvious Reid did not research architecture or technical drawing. Even someone like me who took only a semester of Technical Drawing in High School (I wanted to go into chemical engineering before deciding I liked biochemistry more) realizes she has no idea what an architect actually does or the tools they use. The narrative makes it sound like Effy is always just sketching or doodling as if she’s taking art classes: there’s no mention of trigonometry, geometry, or algebra, not even in passing.
I know these days all you need to do to get glowing GR reviews is write a "relatable" character and a half-baked romance. Still, every time someone praises Reid or similar writers for writing "non-average" heroines/protagonists I want to introduce them to genres outside of YA/Fantasy/Romance. The truth is your universe is small, and you're pretending somehow her books are refreshing and revolutionary because you don't know anything else. The books you're looking for exist, and they're actually well-written. Some of them are even considered feminist classics.
I honestly think Reid took the criticisms of her first protagonist to heart ("Évike is too mean! She's too violent! She doesn't cower enough as a survivor should!") and tried to over-correct: bought into the idea that the solution to this was writing now two books about the same "fragile white woman" whose problems get magically solved by the love of a man who happens to be "Not like those other evil men" (not groundbreaking stuff but, to be fair, still preferable over those abusive love interests that permeate YA and Romance). Évike wasn't multifaceted, and her romance didn't have depth, she was angry and, most of the time made some pretty dumb decisions but she actually had a spark of personality buried deep down. Effy, on the other hand, is a blank slate, and only seems to have a backbone and a voice when goading or being xenophobic towards Preston, the only male character in this world who is not a misogynist; when she's not screaming at her love interest, Effy's constantly blushing, on the verge of crying or whining, playing her “fragile white female” part. There's zero chemistry between Effy and Preston outside of some forced banter, quoting perfectly book passages from memory and pseudo-intellectual discussions. Their relationship comes across as juvenile infatuation.
I also firmly believe Reid is writing her self-insert/trying to tell her story, but at this point, she should stick to an autobiography. As someone who is a survivor and has "drowned" in depression all of her life, I'm willing to call her out on how depression manifests in many forms, not just crying and "feeling numb" (while Effy does show anger at times, it is only directed at Preston); and it's certainly not healed by having sex with a pretty white boy. Sex that, while consensual, is still called a "tender assault", in yet another pointless simile that only makes the scene come across as creepy, instead of "empowering".
This book is not about "Female empowerment".
If you're claiming your book is a Very Important Work and an honest exploration of mental illness, women existing in a misogynistic world and women reclaiming their voice at least be actually nuanced about it; if you touch on female empowerment as a writer then actually commit to it. Don't spit on my face and tell me it's raining.
No, I did NOT find Effy relatable at all. I found her insipid. I just hope Reid doesn't come at me for writing a 1-star review.
Ava Reid wrote the same book again: pretty white girl suffers. No one understands her yet she's so relatable. She’s weak and pathetic until she has sex with a pretty white man, and then suddenly everything is fine. This is very feminist you see because she never touches an icky sword. Or has any type of meaningful relationship with another woman. Female empowerment!
This turned out to be another one of Reid’s superficial yet superfluous attempts at tackling complex subjects, complete with a tacky coating of “pop-feminism” and a forced romance arc. Don’t get me started on the clunky writing and ridiculous similes that pepper this book: if I tried to list them all here, I would be quoting the entire book. Some of my "favorite" passages are:
"The edges were curling in on themselves -either shyly or protectively, as if the parchment had a secret to hide."
“She stared down, instead, at the bleeding ink on the back of her hand. The words were starting to blur, as if the address were a spell, one with a tauntingly short life span.”
"She pried open her purse and dug for the small glass bottle, uncapped it and poured out a single pill. It was the rosy color of an unopened flower bud, dead before it would ever bloom.”
"His eyes were the color of sea glass, a matte and cloudy green."
“His shoulder was pressed against her chest, their faces close enough that Effy could see the muscle feathering in his jaw."
Why is this pitched as Dark Academia? Because they’re both college students? Because it's a popular genre? I don’t think I even understand what “Dark Academia” is anymore—but my friend jokes that is when PhDs engage in knife fights with each other over who’s getting that sweet grant money. I’ll take that over whatever this trend has become.
Why is this pitched as Gothic? Because that’s what’s popular right now too. The Crimson Peak is gothic (deliciously so), this is just a sad imitation of the aesthetic.
Why is this pitched as (academic) rivals to lovers? They aren't even studying the same subject. This is a one-sided rivalry where Effy hates the guy because he’s from another country and is constantly trying to put him down because how dare he, a dirty Argantian, be interested in a Llyrian national author; meanwhile, Preston is nothing but polite and apologetic towards her. That said, I don’t mind if she has this flaw—it makes her feel less vapid, a bit more real—but I wish it was actually addressed in the narrative and contributed something to it.
“You want be the first to tell his life story,” she said. “You’re—you’re just the academic equivalent of a carpetbagger.” An Argantian trying to write the narrative of a Llyrian icon’s life—of Myrddin’s life—it was so aberrant that she was at a loss for further words.
“No one owns the right to tell a story,” he said flatly. “Besides, I’m not pushing any particular agenda. I’m just here for the truth.”
I’m convinced no one truly wants to write the actual trope, they really just wanna ride the coattails of its popularity.
In this upside-down world, apparently, Natural Philosophy hasn’t been “invented” yet, and Literary analysis (NOT Philosophy) seems to be the most prestigious thing one can study, while architecture is seen as the lower-status field. It’s honestly utter nonsense if one looks at history, but Reid hand-waves it as something that has to do with the magic in this world.
It’s also obvious Reid did not research architecture or technical drawing. Even someone like me who took only a semester of Technical Drawing in High School (I wanted to go into chemical engineering before deciding I liked biochemistry more) realizes she has no idea what an architect actually does or the tools they use. The narrative makes it sound like Effy is always just sketching or doodling as if she’s taking art classes: there’s no mention of trigonometry, geometry, or algebra, not even in passing.
I know these days all you need to do to get glowing GR reviews is write a "relatable" character and a half-baked romance. Still, every time someone praises Reid or similar writers for writing "non-average" heroines/protagonists I want to introduce them to genres outside of YA/Fantasy/Romance. The truth is your universe is small, and you're pretending somehow her books are refreshing and revolutionary because you don't know anything else. The books you're looking for exist, and they're actually well-written. Some of them are even considered feminist classics.
The word “girlboss” has done irreparable damage in understanding the nuances of female characters & any female character that dares to show anger, isn’t some martyr, and wants revenge is being dismissed as a “girlboss”
I honestly think Reid took the criticisms of her first protagonist to heart ("Évike is too mean! She's too violent! She doesn't cower enough as a survivor should!") and tried to over-correct: bought into the idea that the solution to this was writing now two books about the same "fragile white woman" whose problems get magically solved by the love of a man who happens to be "Not like those other evil men" (not groundbreaking stuff but, to be fair, still preferable over those abusive love interests that permeate YA and Romance). Évike wasn't multifaceted, and her romance didn't have depth, she was angry and, most of the time made some pretty dumb decisions but she actually had a spark of personality buried deep down. Effy, on the other hand, is a blank slate, and only seems to have a backbone and a voice when goading or being xenophobic towards Preston, the only male character in this world who is not a misogynist; when she's not screaming at her love interest, Effy's constantly blushing, on the verge of crying or whining, playing her “fragile white female” part. There's zero chemistry between Effy and Preston outside of some forced banter, quoting perfectly book passages from memory and pseudo-intellectual discussions. Their relationship comes across as juvenile infatuation.
I also firmly believe Reid is writing her self-insert/trying to tell her story, but at this point, she should stick to an autobiography. As someone who is a survivor and has "drowned" in depression all of her life, I'm willing to call her out on how depression manifests in many forms, not just crying and "feeling numb" (while Effy does show anger at times, it is only directed at Preston); and it's certainly not healed by having sex with a pretty white boy. Sex that, while consensual, is still called a "tender assault", in yet another pointless simile that only makes the scene come across as creepy, instead of "empowering".
”A combination of the Whispering Dark and Divine Rivals mixed with some Barbie movie America Ferrera speech messaging about sexism (imo for 5 year olds but yymv bc some girlies loved that)"
This book is not about "Female empowerment".
If you're claiming your book is a Very Important Work and an honest exploration of mental illness, women existing in a misogynistic world and women reclaiming their voice at least be actually nuanced about it; if you touch on female empowerment as a writer then actually commit to it. Don't spit on my face and tell me it's raining.
August 7, 2024
"i will love you to ruination." this is exactly how i feel about this book.
April 2, 2024
"i will love you to ruination."
"yours or mine?"
ava reid is just one of those authors where i feel like i'm falling slowly into the book, enveloped by my own senses as the her masterful imagery illustrates her story. it's a slow lull that draws you in, like waves rising on the shore that before you know it, you've reached high tide.
"it began as all things did: a girl on the shore, terrified and desirous."
effy sayre is timid, unassuming, and afraid. she desperately wants to break out of her shell, to spill out the words and dreams inside her, but is paralyzed by fear. she yearns to be a writer, but is resigned as a woman to study architecture instead (as the only woman in her college, it was enough of a fight for that alone). reid cleverly likens the dissociation one may experience post-trauma to being underwater - effy struggles to swim, and her anxiety comes in waves.
the story is about her finding her voice again and breaking to surface, learning to not let herself drown.
the only enemy is the sea.
"it's terrifying."
"most beautiful things are."
reid's use of the sea as a supernatural force, an ever-present threat, a means of escape, and, later, a symbol of peace is poetic and powerful. the storms make for an ominous atmosphere, with saltwater's ability to erode land, ships, and man. but there is also a mystical element, a way of cocooning or stepping out of reality when effy disconnects. the idea of drowning - how one can suffer, silently. "it can take 10 minutes to drown" ianto tells her. that sometimes people pass away weeks later from the after effects of drowning. but some people drown for a whole lifetime.
i didn't know how to do anything but wait and drown.
she wondered if you could love something out of ruination, reverse that drowning process, make it all new again.
perhaps a romance is a story with no end at all; where the end is but a wardrobe with a false back, leading to stranger and more merciful worlds.
the romance between effy and preston was a delightful surprise for me. i went into this book as blind as i could be, though i had some preconceived notions about the tone and vibes from art and just seeing posts around. but i hadn't realized there would be such friction between the two of them from the start, effy rebuffed at being stuck in proximity with a literature student (and the envy she felt, only doubled by the fact he borrowed all the books she wanted lol). their banter was delightful, the small seeds and buds of effy effortlessly blooming back into herself. she's never afraid to speak up around him, and the gentleness preston provides her lets her continue to grow and build trust with him. he's the only character who really sees her.
"you'd be surprised how much cognitive dissonance people are capable of."
he hadn't touched her, but saints, she wanted him to.
"you took away all other wanting from me."
ava loves motif and imagery. preston and his glasses, the indents. his cigarettes. the fairy king's dark hair, echoed on master corbenic's arms, as well as ianto's. corbenic's large hands to preston's slim, smooth fingers. angharad's blond hair mixing into the fairy king's dark locks. clear eyes, murky eyes. and water, the ever-present sea. the ceilings leak. the water rises. effy's stomach churns like a violent riptide. reid leaves breadcrumbs for you to trail and mull over. the wavering connection between reality and fable keeps you guessing at what is the truth - and what exactly is truth.
i was a woman when it was convenient to blame me, and a girl when they wanted to use me.
it's very hard to believe something when it feels like the whole world is trying to convince you otherwise.
at the heart of this story is a feminist commentary on academics, literature, and society as a whole. women are expected to be meek and unassuming, they are thought to be too capricious and silly for deep thinking, philosophizing, and even storytelling. they are not listened to and when they are, not believed. they are thought to be too childish, but also too tempting. this is a fantasy piece that follows in the footsteps of the #MeToo movement and its lasting effects during the years since.
effy and her story is one that resonated greatly with me. after ASID and lady macbeth, reid is well on their way to securing themselves as a spot as one of my favorite authors.
but if fairies and monsters were real, so were the women who defeated them.
"yours or mine?"
ava reid is just one of those authors where i feel like i'm falling slowly into the book, enveloped by my own senses as the her masterful imagery illustrates her story. it's a slow lull that draws you in, like waves rising on the shore that before you know it, you've reached high tide.
"it began as all things did: a girl on the shore, terrified and desirous."
effy sayre is timid, unassuming, and afraid. she desperately wants to break out of her shell, to spill out the words and dreams inside her, but is paralyzed by fear. she yearns to be a writer, but is resigned as a woman to study architecture instead (as the only woman in her college, it was enough of a fight for that alone). reid cleverly likens the dissociation one may experience post-trauma to being underwater - effy struggles to swim, and her anxiety comes in waves.
the story is about her finding her voice again and breaking to surface, learning to not let herself drown.
the only enemy is the sea.
"it's terrifying."
"most beautiful things are."
reid's use of the sea as a supernatural force, an ever-present threat, a means of escape, and, later, a symbol of peace is poetic and powerful. the storms make for an ominous atmosphere, with saltwater's ability to erode land, ships, and man. but there is also a mystical element, a way of cocooning or stepping out of reality when effy disconnects. the idea of drowning - how one can suffer, silently. "it can take 10 minutes to drown" ianto tells her. that sometimes people pass away weeks later from the after effects of drowning. but some people drown for a whole lifetime.
i didn't know how to do anything but wait and drown.
she wondered if you could love something out of ruination, reverse that drowning process, make it all new again.
perhaps a romance is a story with no end at all; where the end is but a wardrobe with a false back, leading to stranger and more merciful worlds.
the romance between effy and preston was a delightful surprise for me. i went into this book as blind as i could be, though i had some preconceived notions about the tone and vibes from art and just seeing posts around. but i hadn't realized there would be such friction between the two of them from the start, effy rebuffed at being stuck in proximity with a literature student (and the envy she felt, only doubled by the fact he borrowed all the books she wanted lol). their banter was delightful, the small seeds and buds of effy effortlessly blooming back into herself. she's never afraid to speak up around him, and the gentleness preston provides her lets her continue to grow and build trust with him. he's the only character who really sees her.
"you'd be surprised how much cognitive dissonance people are capable of."
he hadn't touched her, but saints, she wanted him to.
"you took away all other wanting from me."
ava loves motif and imagery. preston and his glasses, the indents. his cigarettes. the fairy king's dark hair, echoed on master corbenic's arms, as well as ianto's. corbenic's large hands to preston's slim, smooth fingers. angharad's blond hair mixing into the fairy king's dark locks. clear eyes, murky eyes. and water, the ever-present sea. the ceilings leak. the water rises. effy's stomach churns like a violent riptide. reid leaves breadcrumbs for you to trail and mull over. the wavering connection between reality and fable keeps you guessing at what is the truth - and what exactly is truth.
i was a woman when it was convenient to blame me, and a girl when they wanted to use me.
it's very hard to believe something when it feels like the whole world is trying to convince you otherwise.
at the heart of this story is a feminist commentary on academics, literature, and society as a whole. women are expected to be meek and unassuming, they are thought to be too capricious and silly for deep thinking, philosophizing, and even storytelling. they are not listened to and when they are, not believed. they are thought to be too childish, but also too tempting. this is a fantasy piece that follows in the footsteps of the #MeToo movement and its lasting effects during the years since.
effy and her story is one that resonated greatly with me. after ASID and lady macbeth, reid is well on their way to securing themselves as a spot as one of my favorite authors.
but if fairies and monsters were real, so were the women who defeated them.
December 16, 2023
✎𓂃
“I will love you to ruination”
Well.
This book WAS my ruination. TY my friends for sticking with me through it all 🫠
☆1: This felt unnecessarily long
These chapters. Ugh I am not a long chapter person at all. HATE them with every fiber of my being!! Each one in this book was about 20-30min on my kindle, and if I’m not excited about a book? It draaaaaaags. 373 pages ended up feeling more like 600. 😴 Honestly still surprised I didn't DNF! Every other page had me goin, "IMMA DNF (but maybe the next page will be ok)". Nope. It wasn't.
☆2: Found it lacking all the things
From the characters, to the plot, to the world this book is set, there was no depth across the board. There is a whole lotta misogyny, AND they need to research this famous author, AND there’s a Fairy King Effy may or may not be able to see? All of these plot points were battling for my attention, and not a single one broke the surface level. It severely needed direction, and a more seamless way to get there. Also was the Fairy King even needed????
Effy could have been a much stronger character. And yes, she has her moment towards the end, but her unreliability as a main character got on my nerves. Is what she’s seeing real, or not? Is she just naive? What is her fascination with older men with a hell of a lot of arm hair??? (Yes, that last one I get, but I couldn’t get over how it’s the first thing she notices. Don't mind me over here gagging from the thought 🤢).
Between the lack of depth and the writing style (on the side of poetic, but The Sheperd King series does it so much better), I felt like this book didn’t stir any sort of emotion in me. I promise it doesn’t take much–I LOVE to scream at a book when characters are wronged or are being stupid, when the twist is dropped, or esp. when the leads *finally* get to the action. But even the romance wasn’t romantic! There was such a slow build (like everything else) and then BAM. It wasn’t earned, and tbh along with the rest of the book, it was just boring. I never want to leave a book feeling indifferent, but here I am…
A Study in Drowning had so much potential to be so much more. Effy and Preston’s banter, the overall intrigue, even the gothic creepiness of Ianto and the house, it all needed the dial RAMPED UP on drama meter. Then, and only then would I give this book a try.
☆3: But my fav part?
Effy’s roommate names all the spiders they find in their dorm after men. After someone asks her roomie why, this is her response:
“Because then it feels more satisfying to squish them.”
(Not me using this strategy from now on and naming all spiders after my shitty exes)
OKAY MATT I SEE YOU ON THE WALL THERE 👀
Well.
This book WAS my ruination. TY my friends for sticking with me through it all 🫠
☆1: This felt unnecessarily long
These chapters. Ugh I am not a long chapter person at all. HATE them with every fiber of my being!! Each one in this book was about 20-30min on my kindle, and if I’m not excited about a book? It draaaaaaags. 373 pages ended up feeling more like 600. 😴 Honestly still surprised I didn't DNF! Every other page had me goin, "IMMA DNF (but maybe the next page will be ok)". Nope. It wasn't.
☆2: Found it lacking all the things
From the characters, to the plot, to the world this book is set, there was no depth across the board. There is a whole lotta misogyny, AND they need to research this famous author, AND there’s a Fairy King Effy may or may not be able to see? All of these plot points were battling for my attention, and not a single one broke the surface level. It severely needed direction, and a more seamless way to get there. Also was the Fairy King even needed????
Effy could have been a much stronger character. And yes, she has her moment towards the end, but her unreliability as a main character got on my nerves. Is what she’s seeing real, or not? Is she just naive? What is her fascination with older men with a hell of a lot of arm hair??? (Yes, that last one I get, but I couldn’t get over how it’s the first thing she notices. Don't mind me over here gagging from the thought 🤢).
Between the lack of depth and the writing style (on the side of poetic, but The Sheperd King series does it so much better), I felt like this book didn’t stir any sort of emotion in me. I promise it doesn’t take much–I LOVE to scream at a book when characters are wronged or are being stupid, when the twist is dropped, or esp. when the leads *finally* get to the action. But even the romance wasn’t romantic! There was such a slow build (like everything else) and then BAM. It wasn’t earned, and tbh along with the rest of the book, it was just boring. I never want to leave a book feeling indifferent, but here I am…
A Study in Drowning had so much potential to be so much more. Effy and Preston’s banter, the overall intrigue, even the gothic creepiness of Ianto and the house, it all needed the dial RAMPED UP on drama meter. Then, and only then would I give this book a try.
☆3: But my fav part?
Effy’s roommate names all the spiders they find in their dorm after men. After someone asks her roomie why, this is her response:
“Because then it feels more satisfying to squish them.”
(Not me using this strategy from now on and naming all spiders after my shitty exes)
OKAY MATT I SEE YOU ON THE WALL THERE 👀
April 8, 2024
“𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓂𝑒, 𝒷𝑒𝒶𝓊𝓉𝒾𝒻𝓊𝓁 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒸𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓈, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝒸𝓇𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝑜𝒻 𝓅𝒶𝓁𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒷𝓁𝒶𝒸𝓀 𝒽𝒶𝒾𝓇.”
🌟🌟🌟🌟.25
A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid is a beautifully written atmospheric novel. The writing is lush and poetic making you feel like you are inside of a dark fairytale. The title of the book plays a significant role throughout the story—drowning can be physical, mental or metaphorical.
What to Expect
🤍atmospheric, descriptive writing
🤍mystery
🤍letters
🤍dark fairytale
🤍misogyny
🤍tender romance/rivals to lovers
🤍superstitions/folklore
🤍haunted house
🤍dark academia
🤍coming of age
“𝐼 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓃’𝓉 𝒶 𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒸.” “𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈𝓃’𝓉,” 𝒫𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓃 𝓈𝒶𝒾𝒹, 𝒸𝒽𝑒𝑒𝓀𝓈 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓅𝒾𝓃𝓀. “𝒰𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓁 𝓎𝑜𝓊.” 🥹🥹😭🫶🏼
Main Characters
Effy is shy, timid, anxious and honestly seems to be afraid of her own shadow most of the entire book. At first it was annoying because I’m going to admit I love a confident badass FMC. However, after learning about her trauma and past I completely understood and felt sorry for her. When she stood up for herself at the end of the book I was so clapping and jumping up and down 👏🏼👏🏼 She discovers her voice and starts feeling comfortable in her own skin.. I was so happy to watch the transformation.
Preston is so sweet and caring. I loved the care he took with Effy. It warmed my heart 🥹🥹 I have no words. I loved how he supported her and stood by her side..He shows a real man doesn’t have to be always be macho or broody.
Their romance was sweet and tender which I think is different from what I normally read but I loved them for each other.
Overall thoughts: I would recommend this book. It’s not fast paced and it’s a lot going on even though it’s not much happening.. trust the process. It’s a story that will stay with me and I will think about in the future. Questions still on my mind:
Was the fairy king real or did he represent the evil/envy in some men?
Are ghosts real or are they figments of our imagination, trauma and/or fears?
If you read feel free to message me… I think this is a book that has many layers
🌟🌟🌟🌟.25
A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid is a beautifully written atmospheric novel. The writing is lush and poetic making you feel like you are inside of a dark fairytale. The title of the book plays a significant role throughout the story—drowning can be physical, mental or metaphorical.
What to Expect
🤍atmospheric, descriptive writing
🤍mystery
🤍letters
🤍dark fairytale
🤍misogyny
🤍tender romance/rivals to lovers
🤍superstitions/folklore
🤍haunted house
🤍dark academia
🤍coming of age
“𝐼 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓃’𝓉 𝒶 𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒸.” “𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈𝓃’𝓉,” 𝒫𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓃 𝓈𝒶𝒾𝒹, 𝒸𝒽𝑒𝑒𝓀𝓈 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓅𝒾𝓃𝓀. “𝒰𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓁 𝓎𝑜𝓊.” 🥹🥹😭🫶🏼
Main Characters
Effy is shy, timid, anxious and honestly seems to be afraid of her own shadow most of the entire book. At first it was annoying because I’m going to admit I love a confident badass FMC. However, after learning about her trauma and past I completely understood and felt sorry for her. When she stood up for herself at the end of the book I was so clapping and jumping up and down 👏🏼👏🏼 She discovers her voice and starts feeling comfortable in her own skin.. I was so happy to watch the transformation.
Preston is so sweet and caring. I loved the care he took with Effy. It warmed my heart 🥹🥹 I have no words. I loved how he supported her and stood by her side..He shows a real man doesn’t have to be always be macho or broody.
Their romance was sweet and tender which I think is different from what I normally read but I loved them for each other.
Overall thoughts: I would recommend this book. It’s not fast paced and it’s a lot going on even though it’s not much happening.. trust the process. It’s a story that will stay with me and I will think about in the future. Questions still on my mind:
Was the fairy king real or did he represent the evil/envy in some men?
Are ghosts real or are they figments of our imagination, trauma and/or fears?
If you read feel free to message me… I think this is a book that has many layers
December 31, 2023
“You don’t have to take up a sword. Survival is bravery, too.”
this is an dark academia story, set in a historical but different world than our own, where two regional factions (north and south) are at war with one another, and two students who are from different sides (and who attend the same university) are tasked with different academic missions at a very remote sea side manor that is falling into the sea. this is also a story about storytelling and finding safety and comfort and escapism in words and tales and myths. even if this story at the heart of this is about a fae king who will stop at nothing to take and take and take what his entitled self views as his.
this is very atmospheric and the writing is so very good. i loved the themes of this story and the emphasis on power in regards to reclaiming your life and agency and voice after really horrible things happen to you. and how there is so much power in knowing you aren’t alone, and that there is power in giving a voice to not only yourself but the others who were silenced before you, and the power of just knowing that people believe you.
but sadly, i just didn’t love the actual story of this one, even though it had so much that i did love. it felt very long and tedious to read, and it was so very predictable in every way. i don’t want to call this book boring, because it just seems wrong with all the aspects that i enjoyed, but i really had to force myself to pick this one up each night for some reason. maybe i just had too high of hopes for it and it really hindered my reading experience? ultimately, i just couldn’t connect with this story or the characters, even if i really respect the themes of this book and the care the author put into this story. but i also know this book will be very powerful to a lot of readers, so please know that i still recommend this and very much implore you to look at other reviews!
i just want to also note - the last line of this book is very powerful. i think it’s been a long while since the last sentence of a book made me pause the way this one did (and then the last acknowledgement being to zelda… was everything). very powerful, and i hope everyone reading this can feel lighter and safer and drown all their demons, too.
trigger + content warnings: predatory behavior, abuse of power, power imbalances, grooming, gaslighting, mentions of sexual assault, unwanted touching, sexism + misogyny, panic attacks, ptsd, nightmares, mention of war, spider mention, death, blood mentions, mention of loss of parent in past, car accident in past, abandonment, grief, incorrect medical diagonis, bad parenting, mention of parent abusing alcohol, a lot of talk of medication, a lot of smoking, blood mentions, mention of a dead animal, torture descriptions in past, talk of child death/sacrifice in past in a myth/story, and drowning
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July 4, 2024
pre read.
iso has good taste and this is a good 3 stars (affectionate)
꒰📓 ᝰ.ᐟ — queen isoldatron kindly threatened me to read this so here i am (she's in my walls rn)
iso has good taste and this is a good 3 stars (affectionate)
꒰📓 ᝰ.ᐟ — queen isoldatron kindly threatened me to read this so here i am (she's in my walls rn)
July 17, 2024
a study in blandness
March 23, 2024
“I will love you to ruination.”
2.75 stars
i don’t know how i feel about this. for some positives, i loved the writing and the vibes this gave off. i think this was a unique storyline with a lot of potential. i do think the pacing was a bit off.
the start was slow, the middle was somewhat going by fast and then towards the end it just started to drag a bit! i wanted to love this sooo much but i just couldn’t.
i wouldn’t say this was bad but i also am unsure if i would recommend this. i can enjoy a slower-low stakes fantasy from time to time and i honestly really didn’t mind this but i did expect a lot better.
i hated all the men in here besides preston, he’s a gentleman in world of boys. the romance was heavily on the back burner but i also didn’t mind that. i do love the ending of this, but i kinda wish we got more but overall, this was mid.
quotes
We must discuss, then, the relationship between women and water. When men fall into the sea, they drown. When women meet the water, they transform. It becomes vital to ask: is this a metamorphosis, or a homecoming?
“That's all I wanted, you know," she said. "When I was young-when I was your age.
I wanted just one girl, only one, to read my book and feel that she was understood, and I would be understood in return.
Writing that book was like shining a beacon from a lighthouse, I suppose.
Are there any ships on the horizon?”
December 16, 2023
in a world of boys
preston héloury
is a gentleman 🫶🏻
November 7, 2024
˖ ࣪ ⟡˚ 5 stars ˚⟡ ࣪ ˖
i wasn’t expecting to like this book so much, but wow, it really hit home.
it may seem like a dark academia, spooky fairy tale book on the outside, but in reality it discusses so many important topics like: misogyny, sexism, classism, women’s bodies, sexual assault + more.
ᝰ characters ⊹.˚
⭒ Effy, was such an incredible character. she made me feel so seen. i related to her thoughts, behaviors, and coping mechanisms so much, as i’ve experienced similar things she did in this book.
i’ve seen people call her bland, but in my opinion she’s just a very realistic character and the depiction of what women go through every single day.
⭒ Preston, is the definition of a gentleman and what the standard for men should be. it was such a delight to read about him. his relationship with Effy was everything and i wish more books showcased the type of love they had for each other, instead of the typical lusty, smutty, boring, and borderline toxic ones we see in books nowadays.
ᝰ favorite quote ⊹.˚
“I was a woman when it was convenient to blame me, and a girl when they wanted to use me.”
i wasn’t expecting to like this book so much, but wow, it really hit home.
it may seem like a dark academia, spooky fairy tale book on the outside, but in reality it discusses so many important topics like: misogyny, sexism, classism, women’s bodies, sexual assault + more.
ᝰ characters ⊹.˚
⭒ Effy, was such an incredible character. she made me feel so seen. i related to her thoughts, behaviors, and coping mechanisms so much, as i’ve experienced similar things she did in this book.
i’ve seen people call her bland, but in my opinion she’s just a very realistic character and the depiction of what women go through every single day.
⭒ Preston, is the definition of a gentleman and what the standard for men should be. it was such a delight to read about him. his relationship with Effy was everything and i wish more books showcased the type of love they had for each other, instead of the typical lusty, smutty, boring, and borderline toxic ones we see in books nowadays.
ᝰ favorite quote ⊹.˚
“I was a woman when it was convenient to blame me, and a girl when they wanted to use me.”
October 1, 2023
Review to come!
Going to pretend that the gorgeous nature of this cover will in no way influence my opinions of this novel.
*Many thanks to the publisher for providing my review copy.
Going to pretend that the gorgeous nature of this cover will in no way influence my opinions of this novel.
*Many thanks to the publisher for providing my review copy.
October 25, 2023
“I will love you to ruination.”
This book was so good! This was a mysterious and dark historical fantasy about power, misogyny, love, and finding yourself. A Study in Drowning follows Effy, is an architecture student at a prestigious college who has a chance to redesign her favorite author's estate. When she arrives Preston, a student from the literature school is trying to find evidence that her favorite author is a fraud. Effy soon discovers dangerous secrets that will change her view on the world.
"You're not just one thing. Survival is something you do, not something you are. You're brave and brilliant. You're the most real, full person I've ever met."
It took me a little while to become immersed in this book, but once I did I fell in love with the characters and the gothic world. The writing is beautiful and very lyrical. The plot was interesting and engaging, although it was predicable. I loved the gothic and dark academic vibes, it's the perfect read for a rainy fall day. The world building was very interesting, but it was confusing to me at first. I enjoyed the incorporation of a fairy tale into the story. The author did an excellent job of discussing misogyny and showing that women are not treated fairly compared to men. This book's message of inequality is very important and relatable in the real world. I really enjoyed the ending, it resolved the story and made me proud. I appreciated how the author discussed anxiety, several people in my family have anxiety and the author showed it in a realistic way.
I love Effy, she is brave, smart, resilient, ambitious and kind. I just wanted to protect her and I was so proud of her for standing up for herself. I can relate to Effy, I have a softer side and I can get anxious when meeting new people. Effy's character development was excellent, Effy became more confident in herself throughout the book. I really liked Preston, he is smart, ambitious, hardworking and helpful. I liked how he treated Effy, he was kind to her and wasn't overbearing. I felt that the chemistry between Effy and Preston was lacking, I didn't feel their connection till the very end of the book. I liked that academic rivalry, but I was hoping for more banter. I did like that both Effy and Preston could be themselves around each other and neither tried to change the other person.
This book was so good! This was a mysterious and dark historical fantasy about power, misogyny, love, and finding yourself. A Study in Drowning follows Effy, is an architecture student at a prestigious college who has a chance to redesign her favorite author's estate. When she arrives Preston, a student from the literature school is trying to find evidence that her favorite author is a fraud. Effy soon discovers dangerous secrets that will change her view on the world.
"You're not just one thing. Survival is something you do, not something you are. You're brave and brilliant. You're the most real, full person I've ever met."
It took me a little while to become immersed in this book, but once I did I fell in love with the characters and the gothic world. The writing is beautiful and very lyrical. The plot was interesting and engaging, although it was predicable. I loved the gothic and dark academic vibes, it's the perfect read for a rainy fall day. The world building was very interesting, but it was confusing to me at first. I enjoyed the incorporation of a fairy tale into the story. The author did an excellent job of discussing misogyny and showing that women are not treated fairly compared to men. This book's message of inequality is very important and relatable in the real world. I really enjoyed the ending, it resolved the story and made me proud. I appreciated how the author discussed anxiety, several people in my family have anxiety and the author showed it in a realistic way.
I love Effy, she is brave, smart, resilient, ambitious and kind. I just wanted to protect her and I was so proud of her for standing up for herself. I can relate to Effy, I have a softer side and I can get anxious when meeting new people. Effy's character development was excellent, Effy became more confident in herself throughout the book. I really liked Preston, he is smart, ambitious, hardworking and helpful. I liked how he treated Effy, he was kind to her and wasn't overbearing. I felt that the chemistry between Effy and Preston was lacking, I didn't feel their connection till the very end of the book. I liked that academic rivalry, but I was hoping for more banter. I did like that both Effy and Preston could be themselves around each other and neither tried to change the other person.
September 23, 2023
” you don’t have to take up a sword. Survival is bravery too ”
I’ve been waiting for this book for so long. Every-time i saw TikTok video or a review of someone who got an arc my envy level was ↗️↗️↗️
It was very beautifully written, very poetic. I loved the dark atmosphere and the gothic horror vibes. It was very refreshing especially in this weather 🫶🏻 i liked the plot of the story it was very predictable but the massage behind it was very important and touching. It left me aching for effy and Angharad and everyone else involved ❤️🩹 the misogyny and the way men was treating women in here was very provoking and real i wanted to to kill all the men on earth. I was very satisfied and proud with how everything ended.
” “I was a woman when it was convenient to blame me, and a girl when they wanted to use me.”
effy
if effy has one fan, i’m that one fan. I would gladly spend the rest of my life defending/protecting her from everything. She touched me so deeply. She didn’t know who she really is because everyone was doing that for her. They made her believe that she was insane and . Not normal while she was the only normal person between them. She was S’A by her professor, abounded by her father, neglected by her mother, judged by her colleagues. She was drowning and no one noticed, no one helped. She’s so relatable and i found myself in her so many times. She deserves the whole world 🫂
preston
He’s cute. Very polite and understanding. I loved he was always there for effy. And how he was disgusted by the way men looked at women. His story with his father was really sad 🫂❤️🩹.
“I love you.” Effy pressed her forehead against his. “I love you,” Preston said, voice wavering. “I’m so sorry it’s ruined us both.”
effy & preston
this was the downfall of this book. The romance didn’t gave what it was supposed to gave. Their rivalry banter was so bland or i’m just so stupid to understand it idk. But I didn’t feel the chemistry. Or the romance between them until i was like 84% into the book 🤡 i was very disappointed.
quotes
“But stories were devious things, things with agendas. They could cheat and steal and lie to your face. They could crumble away under your feet.”
“The only reason anything matters is because it ends,” he says. “I wouldn’t hold you so tightly now if I thought we could be here forever.”
““I wish I could see you more clearly right now. But even blurry you’re so beautiful.”
“You’re not just one thing. Survival is something you do, not something you are. You’re brave and brilliant. You’re the most real, full person I’ve ever met.”
Effy’s breath caught, and when she tried to speak, she found that no words would come. She wanted to say I don’t believe you. She wanted to say thank you. She wanted to say tell me more about who I am because I don’t know anymore.”
“‘I will love you to ruination.’”
I’ve been waiting for this book for so long. Every-time i saw TikTok video or a review of someone who got an arc my envy level was ↗️↗️↗️
It was very beautifully written, very poetic. I loved the dark atmosphere and the gothic horror vibes. It was very refreshing especially in this weather 🫶🏻 i liked the plot of the story it was very predictable but the massage behind it was very important and touching. It left me aching for effy and Angharad and everyone else involved ❤️🩹 the misogyny and the way men was treating women in here was very provoking and real i wanted to to kill all the men on earth. I was very satisfied and proud with how everything ended.
” “I was a woman when it was convenient to blame me, and a girl when they wanted to use me.”
effy
if effy has one fan, i’m that one fan. I would gladly spend the rest of my life defending/protecting her from everything. She touched me so deeply. She didn’t know who she really is because everyone was doing that for her. They made her believe that she was insane and . Not normal while she was the only normal person between them. She was S’A by her professor, abounded by her father, neglected by her mother, judged by her colleagues. She was drowning and no one noticed, no one helped. She’s so relatable and i found myself in her so many times. She deserves the whole world 🫂
preston
He’s cute. Very polite and understanding. I loved he was always there for effy. And how he was disgusted by the way men looked at women. His story with his father was really sad 🫂❤️🩹.
“I love you.” Effy pressed her forehead against his. “I love you,” Preston said, voice wavering. “I’m so sorry it’s ruined us both.”
effy & preston
this was the downfall of this book. The romance didn’t gave what it was supposed to gave. Their rivalry banter was so bland or i’m just so stupid to understand it idk. But I didn’t feel the chemistry. Or the romance between them until i was like 84% into the book 🤡 i was very disappointed.
quotes
“But stories were devious things, things with agendas. They could cheat and steal and lie to your face. They could crumble away under your feet.”
“The only reason anything matters is because it ends,” he says. “I wouldn’t hold you so tightly now if I thought we could be here forever.”
““I wish I could see you more clearly right now. But even blurry you’re so beautiful.”
“You’re not just one thing. Survival is something you do, not something you are. You’re brave and brilliant. You’re the most real, full person I’ve ever met.”
Effy’s breath caught, and when she tried to speak, she found that no words would come. She wanted to say I don’t believe you. She wanted to say thank you. She wanted to say tell me more about who I am because I don’t know anymore.”
“‘I will love you to ruination.’”
November 10, 2024
''crumbling estate filled with disturbing secrets'' should be on a plaque outside my room.
I, too, would like to be loved to ruination.
I, too, would like to be loved to ruination.
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