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The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes
"William Ury brings a marvelous blend of experience, insight, integrity and warmth to his work. In this wonderful book he teaches us how to say No--with grace and effect--so that we might create an even better Yes." --Jim Collins, author of Good to Great
No is perhaps the most important and certainly the most powerful word in the language. Every day we find ourselves in situations where we need to say No-to people at work, at home, and in our communities-because No is the word we must use to protect ourselves and to stand up for everything and everyone that matters to us.
But as we all know, the wrong No can also destroy what we most value by alienating and angering people. That's why saying No the right way is crucial. The secret to saying No without destroying relationships lies in the art of the Positive No, a proven technique that anyone can learn.
This indispensable book gives you a simple three-step method for saying a Positive No. It will show you how to assert and defend your key interests; how to make your No firm and strong; how to resist the other side's aggression and manipulation; and how to do all this while still getting to Yes. In the end, the Positive No will help you get not just to any Yes but to the right Yes, the one that truly serves your interests.
Based on William Ury's celebrated Harvard University course for managers and professionals, The Power of a Positive No offers concrete advice and practical examples for saying No in virtually any situation. Whether you need to say No to your customer or your coworker, your employee or your CEO, your child or your spouse, you will find in this book the secret to saying No clearly, respectfully, and effectively.
In today's world of high stress and limitless choices, the pressure to give in and say Yes grows greater every day, producing overload and overwork, expanding e-mail and eroding ethics. Never has No been more needed. A Positive No has the power to profoundly transform our lives by enabling us to say Yes to what counts-our own needs, values, and priorities.
Understood this way, No is the new Yes. And the Positive No may be the most valuable life skill you'll ever learn.
No is perhaps the most important and certainly the most powerful word in the language. Every day we find ourselves in situations where we need to say No-to people at work, at home, and in our communities-because No is the word we must use to protect ourselves and to stand up for everything and everyone that matters to us.
But as we all know, the wrong No can also destroy what we most value by alienating and angering people. That's why saying No the right way is crucial. The secret to saying No without destroying relationships lies in the art of the Positive No, a proven technique that anyone can learn.
This indispensable book gives you a simple three-step method for saying a Positive No. It will show you how to assert and defend your key interests; how to make your No firm and strong; how to resist the other side's aggression and manipulation; and how to do all this while still getting to Yes. In the end, the Positive No will help you get not just to any Yes but to the right Yes, the one that truly serves your interests.
Based on William Ury's celebrated Harvard University course for managers and professionals, The Power of a Positive No offers concrete advice and practical examples for saying No in virtually any situation. Whether you need to say No to your customer or your coworker, your employee or your CEO, your child or your spouse, you will find in this book the secret to saying No clearly, respectfully, and effectively.
In today's world of high stress and limitless choices, the pressure to give in and say Yes grows greater every day, producing overload and overwork, expanding e-mail and eroding ethics. Never has No been more needed. A Positive No has the power to profoundly transform our lives by enabling us to say Yes to what counts-our own needs, values, and priorities.
Understood this way, No is the new Yes. And the Positive No may be the most valuable life skill you'll ever learn.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2007
About the author
William Ury
41 books273 followersWilliam L. Ury co-founded Harvard's Program on Negotiation where he currently directs the Global Negotiation Initiative. He is the author of
The Power of a Positive No How to Say No Still Get to Yes
(2007) and co-author (with Roger Fisher) of
Getting to Yes Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In
, a five-million-copy bestseller translated into over twenty languages. "No other book in the field comes close to its impact on the way practitioners, teachers, researchers, and the public approach negotiation," comments the National Institute on Dispute Resolution. Ury is also author of the award-winning
Getting Past No Negotiating with Difficult People and Getting To Peace
(released in paperback under the title The Third Side).
Over the last 30 years, Ury has served as a negotiation adviser and mediator in conflicts ranging from corporate mergers to wildcat strikes in a Kentucky coal mine to ethnic wars in the Middle East, the Balkans, and the former Soviet Union. With former president Jimmy Carter, he co-founded the International Negotiation Network, a non-governmental body seeking to end civil wars around the world. During the 1980s, he helped the US and Soviet governments create nuclear crisis centers designed to avert an accidental nuclear war. In that capacity, he served as a consultant to the Crisis Management Center at the White House. Most recently, Ury has served as a third party in helping to end a civil war in Aceh, Indonesia, and helping to prevent one in Venezuela.
Ury has taught negotiation to tens of thousands of corporate executives, labor leaders, diplomats and military officers around the world. He helps organizations try to reach mutually profitable agreements with customers, suppliers, unions, and joint-venture partners.
Ury is also co-founder of the e-Parliament, which offers the 25,000 members of congress and parliament around the world an Internet-based forum in which they can learn from one another other about legislative solutions that work and together tackle global problems such as climate change, energy efficiency, and terrorism. His most recent project is the Abraham Path Initiative, which seeks to address the growing chasm between the world of Islam and the West by creating a permanent path of tourism and pilgrimage in the Middle East that retraces the footsteps of Abraham, the unifying figure of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.
Ury is the recipient of the Whitney North Seymour Award from the American Arbitration Association and the Distinguished Service Medal from the Russian Parliament. His work has been widely featured in the media from The New York Times to the Financial Times and from ABC to the BBC.
Trained as a social anthropologist, with a B.A. from Yale and a Ph.D. from Harvard, Ury has carried out his research on negotiation not only in the boardroom and at the bargaining table but also among the Bushmen of the Kalahari and the clan warriors of New Guinea.
Over the last 30 years, Ury has served as a negotiation adviser and mediator in conflicts ranging from corporate mergers to wildcat strikes in a Kentucky coal mine to ethnic wars in the Middle East, the Balkans, and the former Soviet Union. With former president Jimmy Carter, he co-founded the International Negotiation Network, a non-governmental body seeking to end civil wars around the world. During the 1980s, he helped the US and Soviet governments create nuclear crisis centers designed to avert an accidental nuclear war. In that capacity, he served as a consultant to the Crisis Management Center at the White House. Most recently, Ury has served as a third party in helping to end a civil war in Aceh, Indonesia, and helping to prevent one in Venezuela.
Ury has taught negotiation to tens of thousands of corporate executives, labor leaders, diplomats and military officers around the world. He helps organizations try to reach mutually profitable agreements with customers, suppliers, unions, and joint-venture partners.
Ury is also co-founder of the e-Parliament, which offers the 25,000 members of congress and parliament around the world an Internet-based forum in which they can learn from one another other about legislative solutions that work and together tackle global problems such as climate change, energy efficiency, and terrorism. His most recent project is the Abraham Path Initiative, which seeks to address the growing chasm between the world of Islam and the West by creating a permanent path of tourism and pilgrimage in the Middle East that retraces the footsteps of Abraham, the unifying figure of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.
Ury is the recipient of the Whitney North Seymour Award from the American Arbitration Association and the Distinguished Service Medal from the Russian Parliament. His work has been widely featured in the media from The New York Times to the Financial Times and from ABC to the BBC.
Trained as a social anthropologist, with a B.A. from Yale and a Ph.D. from Harvard, Ury has carried out his research on negotiation not only in the boardroom and at the bargaining table but also among the Bushmen of the Kalahari and the clan warriors of New Guinea.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 297 reviews
February 6, 2013
Yes, I know you are here to read a review.
No. I won't write the review you want to read.
Yes, I will still capture my thoughts on the book, but it will not be a review you want to read.
Saying "No" can be nerve-racking. The disapproval and judgement we may receive in saying "No" can deter many people from properly expressing themselves. Why do we feel this? More importantly, is this a problem? It is a problem, in that by not saying "No", you do not stand up for your "Yes". You cannot say "Yes" to all things. You there must say "Yes" to the important things. In doing so, you have to say "No" to the rest.
This book teaches how to say "No", by first understanding what you want to say "Yes" to. When you do, it becomes clear why you MUST say "No". This is the core principal of the book. Once you understand why your "Yes" is important, the rest of the book will fill in the pieces on how to be extremely successful with your "No".
Negotiation is a useful skill to have, and this book is a great teacher of it. It's heavy emphasis on its "Yes, No, Yes" approach does not provide a complete understanding of the negotiation process. Fortunately, it does not take away from it's usefulness. If you need to be more assertive, or want to understand negotiation techniques, I recommend this book to you.
No. I won't write the review you want to read.
Yes, I will still capture my thoughts on the book, but it will not be a review you want to read.
Saying "No" can be nerve-racking. The disapproval and judgement we may receive in saying "No" can deter many people from properly expressing themselves. Why do we feel this? More importantly, is this a problem? It is a problem, in that by not saying "No", you do not stand up for your "Yes". You cannot say "Yes" to all things. You there must say "Yes" to the important things. In doing so, you have to say "No" to the rest.
This book teaches how to say "No", by first understanding what you want to say "Yes" to. When you do, it becomes clear why you MUST say "No". This is the core principal of the book. Once you understand why your "Yes" is important, the rest of the book will fill in the pieces on how to be extremely successful with your "No".
Negotiation is a useful skill to have, and this book is a great teacher of it. It's heavy emphasis on its "Yes, No, Yes" approach does not provide a complete understanding of the negotiation process. Fortunately, it does not take away from it's usefulness. If you need to be more assertive, or want to understand negotiation techniques, I recommend this book to you.
November 13, 2018
Like most self-help books, this book didn't need to be this long.
The recommended way to say "no" is as follows: "Yes! No. Yes?"
That is, first state the positive value you're seeking to protect. Next, state plainly and without insult your refusal to do what the other person asks. Then offer an alternative that might be mutually agreeable.
This actually works, and makes sense for a wide range of cases. It allows for the possibility of future cooperation, but also works if no such possibility exists. You can use it equally well with people you love and people you hate. It may help them see your point of view -- and even if they don't, you still get to make your choice.
The recommended way to say "no" is as follows: "Yes! No. Yes?"
That is, first state the positive value you're seeking to protect. Next, state plainly and without insult your refusal to do what the other person asks. Then offer an alternative that might be mutually agreeable.
This actually works, and makes sense for a wide range of cases. It allows for the possibility of future cooperation, but also works if no such possibility exists. You can use it equally well with people you love and people you hate. It may help them see your point of view -- and even if they don't, you still get to make your choice.
February 14, 2019
This is a self-help book in the bad sense of the word. It's too long, repetitive and annoying. With anonomyous examples of John doing this and that. Somewhere in there is a mix of bragging about negotiating international incidents or workforce debates.
The book could have been a paragraph:
Say NO, by first understanding what you want to say YES to. When you do, it becomes clear why you MUST say NO. Don't be emotional while negotiating. Be factual and present your side with keeping in mind the other side's interests. Have a plan B that is completely separate of plan A. Then you can step aside and present the facts: I prefer plan A, but I can also live with plan B - you decide. If rushed, step back and ask for a time out (for 5 minutes, an hour, overnight). Good advice - good luck to everybody with putting it into practice!
The book could have been a paragraph:
Say NO, by first understanding what you want to say YES to. When you do, it becomes clear why you MUST say NO. Don't be emotional while negotiating. Be factual and present your side with keeping in mind the other side's interests. Have a plan B that is completely separate of plan A. Then you can step aside and present the facts: I prefer plan A, but I can also live with plan B - you decide. If rushed, step back and ask for a time out (for 5 minutes, an hour, overnight). Good advice - good luck to everybody with putting it into practice!
May 17, 2009
I read this book after exiting a difficult situation as best I could, yet feeling that I somehow didn't do it as well as I should have. Although I tend to shy away from both business books and self-help books, unless I know the author well, this one just called out to me from the shelf. Thank goodness I snapped it up.
Basically, the book coaches the reader on socially advisable routes to keep yourself and your family well balanced. That's a huge undertaking, but it does it simply by advising on priorities and how to enforce them by recognizing and communicating the larger picture of your own needs and goals. I found the writing to be respectful and heartfelt while remaining powerful and direct. The author sprinkles in examples from his own work and personal life in order to keep things interesting and illustrate the techniques. Let me tell you, this guy has had amazing life including mediating violent international disputes!
This book addresses a range of situations from family obligations to sticky conversations on the job, and does an excellent job. I find myself using the "positive no" structure frequently, and others generally respond well. My partner has used it with me, and I felt respected and content with the results. What higher praise can I give?
Could it have helped me to navigate that past situation better? Yes, it probably could have. The parts that went smoothly happened to match with the author's suggestions, while the parts I messed up could have used his help. Even though I've always been pretty good at asserting myself, I now feel better prepared to face similar situations with grace, confidence and far less panic in the future.
Basically, the book coaches the reader on socially advisable routes to keep yourself and your family well balanced. That's a huge undertaking, but it does it simply by advising on priorities and how to enforce them by recognizing and communicating the larger picture of your own needs and goals. I found the writing to be respectful and heartfelt while remaining powerful and direct. The author sprinkles in examples from his own work and personal life in order to keep things interesting and illustrate the techniques. Let me tell you, this guy has had amazing life including mediating violent international disputes!
This book addresses a range of situations from family obligations to sticky conversations on the job, and does an excellent job. I find myself using the "positive no" structure frequently, and others generally respond well. My partner has used it with me, and I felt respected and content with the results. What higher praise can I give?
Could it have helped me to navigate that past situation better? Yes, it probably could have. The parts that went smoothly happened to match with the author's suggestions, while the parts I messed up could have used his help. Even though I've always been pretty good at asserting myself, I now feel better prepared to face similar situations with grace, confidence and far less panic in the future.
February 11, 2021
Үгүй гэж хэлэхэд хүртэл учир байдаг ажээ. Үүнд нь ямар үед товчоор хариулах, ямар үед яагаад татгалзаж байгаа тайлбарлах, ямар үед татгалзаж байгаадаа хүлцэл өчих зэрэг нөхцөлүүдийг хүртэл задлаад биччихсэн байх юм. Сонсоход, бодоход нээрээ л тийм дээ гэмээр санаанууд их орж ирлээ. Цаашид үгүй гэж хэлэхдээ өөрийхөө цаад зорилгоо тодохойлчихсон, бусдыг хүлээн зөвшөөрсөн өнцгөөс хэлэх болноо.
June 1, 2022
“There is a saying that half our problems today come from saying Yes when we should be saying No.”
This self-help book is too long and often too repetitive, but I still like how it stayed true to its premise.
“Yes! No. Yes?” is the best approach in delivering a positive No. Determine your underlying yes that will serve your interests. Underscore your no to assert your power and create boundaries. Further your relationship with a second yes by proposing an alternative that is still aligned with your values and needs.
This self-help book is too long and often too repetitive, but I still like how it stayed true to its premise.
“Yes! No. Yes?” is the best approach in delivering a positive No. Determine your underlying yes that will serve your interests. Underscore your no to assert your power and create boundaries. Further your relationship with a second yes by proposing an alternative that is still aligned with your values and needs.
March 3, 2024
The key concepts will be familiar to fans of Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communications (and related works). What makes this book so compelling is the clarity of the writing and the breadth of examples, some of which are captivating stories in their own right. (In the room during the Cuban missile crisis?)
Extremely practical and useful as well as engaging.
Extremely practical and useful as well as engaging.
December 19, 2009
Can "no" actually mean "yes"? Yes, it can, according to William Ury in The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes. I read his book Getting to Yes about a year ago and feel, as a mediator, this book is much more helpful and practical because it focuses on the importance of relationship over that of reaching a "deal."
This paragraph in the final chapter sums up the author's message:
This paragraph in the final chapter sums up the author's message:
The great problem today is that we have divorced our Yeses from our Nos. Yes without No is appeasement, whereas No without Yes is war. Yes without No destroys one's own satisfaction, whereas No without Yes destroys one's relationship with others. We need both Yes and No together. Yes is the key word of community. No, the key word of individuality. Yes is the key word of connection, No the key word of protection. Yes is the key word of peace, No the key word of justice.A positive, easy read I would recommend to everyone.
September 29, 2019
Provides a framework for how to say No in a Positive manner. Good points, examples to support concepts, just a bit long.
November 19, 2022
Not as straightforward as I had expected unfortunately
It wasn't engaging enough and I got super bored at the second half
It wasn't engaging enough and I got super bored at the second half
June 25, 2022
Repetitive, but helpful.
It's probably a TED Talk, not a 270 page book, but still very helpful advice in negotiation.
It's probably a TED Talk, not a 270 page book, but still very helpful advice in negotiation.
November 16, 2018
No it’s a powerful word, the building blocks of life have inherent “no” in them. Permeable membrane are a no with conditions.
So I found myself in a lurch after the presidential election of 2016 in the United States. There was a change of power in my department as well as shifting social tensions in my area, and all of that resulted in the realization that I needed to be a better leader. I needed to use the authority that I had within my spheres of influence and start in my space and the people around me - so I did.
I formed a research lab, and I started thinking a lot more about intrinsic motivation in relation to education environments. I started thinking about cooperative/collaborative learning structures, as well as initiating and cultivating feedback loops that promoted sustainable growth.
So, long story short, I had to interact with people more.
While there was a specific reason to start reading these books when I did, they had been on my radar for some time. I thought that I was going to be reading this in order to learn how to negotiate. That is not the intent of this text, rather the series of texts.
Getting to yes, is not about winning an argument,
it’s about identifying principals that generate interests,
it’s about communicating and respecting one another’s principle driven interests.
In this way, you can circumnavigate arguments before they even occur, and as tensions rise you can revisit the shared interests for both parties.
Metaphorically, you do not sit across from me but you sitting next to the individual you are working with.
The above is a primer. But power is a relation, and action upon action. There is nothing black-and-white, and so the rest of the texts give conceptual frameworks that become tools to help align and sit next to your your partners.
My favorite takeaways are general:
Best alternative to a negotiated agreement: BATNA
Simply put before going into any negotiation, do your homework. Understand options that viably give you alternatives to any negotiated outcome. This way there is less pressure and anxiety for you to “win.” I took this as a way to circumnavigate unilateral power relations. The trick is to not delude your self into thinking that unsustainable alternatives are preferred. There is a tendency to convince one self that all options are viable. Rather make selections based on the longest term of self perpetuating growth that matches principled interests.
Go to your balcony
You do not get angry. Rather anger, An affective response to stimulus, As a visitor to your being. This realization is huge. Cortisol and Adrenaline form a cocktail that results in fight or flight, and lack of empathy. One simply cannot make proper decisions with their system is so impacted.
So, when anger or or really any emotion is overwhelming, the authors suggest “go to the balcony.” This metaphor helps people gain perspective on both their emotions – by removing oneself from the situation our system naturally move towards homeostasis. The metaphor also means giving yourself time To evaluate what is occurring through the lens of your principled interests.
Build a golden bridge
Essentially, if a more powerful stubborn partner does not seem to want to budge, you build a logic bridge for them to cross they work in laterally to eliminate The viability of their alternatives, apply pressure in the form of incentives in front, and apply pressure in the form of Coalition power behind.
There stubbornness is the chasm, the bridge is your desired outcome above all other potential outcomes, the incentive matches their interests, in the coalition of powers that support your interests augment your argument.
This is the tactic that is suggested when and asymmetrical power structure is involved.
Consider their victory speech
Everybody has a boss, a board, or constituents. Consider with the outcome of your agreement would look like as it’s reported buy your partner to these types of people. While you may feel great in the moment for pulling the wool over someone’s head and walking away with a much better deal, that will likely be the last deal you ever make with that individual.
it is more sustainable to understand what your partner needs to say, and how they need to see it, and presents these as incentives.
All in one
When multiple parties, and multiple principal to interests are needed to form an agreement – propose a system, the channel, and layout the principles of each constituent. If the system is accepted, develop shared interests from overlapping principles, And give everyone an opportunity to share their voice in the channel. Identify criteria for evaluation that is common and potentially based upon precedent. Not moments of tension revisit interests, and restate objectives.
Respect
To re-speck something is to look twice. This idea of listening to the idea of the proposal, but then searching for other queues to understand the comment, content, context, or tack is super important to being a good partner.
Repeat and seek clarity
So if I am hearing you correctly...
OK, allow me to repeat that, and correctly there I’m wrong...
In an effort to make sure that I understand you...
(Repeat) Am I hearing that right?
There was a story that in early parliament,Before countering an argument the individual must repeat the point of the argument in such a way that demonstrated their understanding. I cannot tell you how many times since learning this I have used this strategy for the betterment of my life and those in it. This along with respect has dramatically changed my ability to understand and partner up
Reality check
This is a quick strategy that as a follow-up to the repeat and seek clarity, contextualizing the argument as a way to illuminate the lack of president or illustrate the unsustainable potential by relating it to specific scenarios.
Positive No:
Say yes to your self, no to the proposal, and seek ways to say yes in the future as long as the proposal matches principled interests. This eliminates stress, illuminates purpose, and builds better partnerships.
Well reading his books I could not help but think of past arguments, current objectives, and how I wish everybody knew these tactics.
So I found myself in a lurch after the presidential election of 2016 in the United States. There was a change of power in my department as well as shifting social tensions in my area, and all of that resulted in the realization that I needed to be a better leader. I needed to use the authority that I had within my spheres of influence and start in my space and the people around me - so I did.
I formed a research lab, and I started thinking a lot more about intrinsic motivation in relation to education environments. I started thinking about cooperative/collaborative learning structures, as well as initiating and cultivating feedback loops that promoted sustainable growth.
So, long story short, I had to interact with people more.
While there was a specific reason to start reading these books when I did, they had been on my radar for some time. I thought that I was going to be reading this in order to learn how to negotiate. That is not the intent of this text, rather the series of texts.
Getting to yes, is not about winning an argument,
it’s about identifying principals that generate interests,
it’s about communicating and respecting one another’s principle driven interests.
In this way, you can circumnavigate arguments before they even occur, and as tensions rise you can revisit the shared interests for both parties.
Metaphorically, you do not sit across from me but you sitting next to the individual you are working with.
The above is a primer. But power is a relation, and action upon action. There is nothing black-and-white, and so the rest of the texts give conceptual frameworks that become tools to help align and sit next to your your partners.
My favorite takeaways are general:
Best alternative to a negotiated agreement: BATNA
Simply put before going into any negotiation, do your homework. Understand options that viably give you alternatives to any negotiated outcome. This way there is less pressure and anxiety for you to “win.” I took this as a way to circumnavigate unilateral power relations. The trick is to not delude your self into thinking that unsustainable alternatives are preferred. There is a tendency to convince one self that all options are viable. Rather make selections based on the longest term of self perpetuating growth that matches principled interests.
Go to your balcony
You do not get angry. Rather anger, An affective response to stimulus, As a visitor to your being. This realization is huge. Cortisol and Adrenaline form a cocktail that results in fight or flight, and lack of empathy. One simply cannot make proper decisions with their system is so impacted.
So, when anger or or really any emotion is overwhelming, the authors suggest “go to the balcony.” This metaphor helps people gain perspective on both their emotions – by removing oneself from the situation our system naturally move towards homeostasis. The metaphor also means giving yourself time To evaluate what is occurring through the lens of your principled interests.
Build a golden bridge
Essentially, if a more powerful stubborn partner does not seem to want to budge, you build a logic bridge for them to cross they work in laterally to eliminate The viability of their alternatives, apply pressure in the form of incentives in front, and apply pressure in the form of Coalition power behind.
There stubbornness is the chasm, the bridge is your desired outcome above all other potential outcomes, the incentive matches their interests, in the coalition of powers that support your interests augment your argument.
This is the tactic that is suggested when and asymmetrical power structure is involved.
Consider their victory speech
Everybody has a boss, a board, or constituents. Consider with the outcome of your agreement would look like as it’s reported buy your partner to these types of people. While you may feel great in the moment for pulling the wool over someone’s head and walking away with a much better deal, that will likely be the last deal you ever make with that individual.
it is more sustainable to understand what your partner needs to say, and how they need to see it, and presents these as incentives.
All in one
When multiple parties, and multiple principal to interests are needed to form an agreement – propose a system, the channel, and layout the principles of each constituent. If the system is accepted, develop shared interests from overlapping principles, And give everyone an opportunity to share their voice in the channel. Identify criteria for evaluation that is common and potentially based upon precedent. Not moments of tension revisit interests, and restate objectives.
Respect
To re-speck something is to look twice. This idea of listening to the idea of the proposal, but then searching for other queues to understand the comment, content, context, or tack is super important to being a good partner.
Repeat and seek clarity
So if I am hearing you correctly...
OK, allow me to repeat that, and correctly there I’m wrong...
In an effort to make sure that I understand you...
(Repeat) Am I hearing that right?
There was a story that in early parliament,Before countering an argument the individual must repeat the point of the argument in such a way that demonstrated their understanding. I cannot tell you how many times since learning this I have used this strategy for the betterment of my life and those in it. This along with respect has dramatically changed my ability to understand and partner up
Reality check
This is a quick strategy that as a follow-up to the repeat and seek clarity, contextualizing the argument as a way to illuminate the lack of president or illustrate the unsustainable potential by relating it to specific scenarios.
Positive No:
Say yes to your self, no to the proposal, and seek ways to say yes in the future as long as the proposal matches principled interests. This eliminates stress, illuminates purpose, and builds better partnerships.
Well reading his books I could not help but think of past arguments, current objectives, and how I wish everybody knew these tactics.
September 17, 2009
I really like William Ury as an author. He founded the Harvard Negotiation Project and writes good negotiation books. His first book Getting to Yes, is a good book on negotiation theory. His second Getting past no, talks about difficult negotiations. His third, the power of the positive no could really be the first in the series with self analysis of what you really want before you negotiate.
I should have read this book years ago! I like his idea that no is really yes to what you really want. He takes complex subjects and makes them very easy to read with lots of good examples. This book has been on my shelf since last year and I just pulled it out.
Great book!
I should have read this book years ago! I like his idea that no is really yes to what you really want. He takes complex subjects and makes them very easy to read with lots of good examples. This book has been on my shelf since last year and I just pulled it out.
Great book!
August 22, 2010
Heaven knows I needed the information from this book, however, it could and should have been covered in 4-5 chapters instead of 12. The author's main contribution is helping the individual recognize and feel good about a proper no with his yes, no, yes formula. Yes to my underlying need/value, no to the current proposition, and Yest to opening further dialogue.
October 30, 2012
Excellent book for leaders and team members at any level to read. Ury draws on historical events to demonstrate the importance of saying no by demonstrating the results and consequences. He makes it abundantly clear that the use of "no" is critical to success in both business and personal relationships.
October 20, 2020
More than 20 years ago, I was introduced to William Ury's concepts of "Getting Past No" and "Getting to Yes" during conflict negotiation and mediation - and several of his key phrases have stuck with me ever since. I'd still like to re-read each of those books as well, but noticed my library had this on audio so I grabbed it. It's an excellent read, and I highly recommend it.
March 1, 2019
was an okay book, a bit too much description and examples, but thats how they explain it right
August 7, 2020
This book outlines a reliable formula for telling people "no" without ruining your relationship with them. Mr. Ury's strategy focuses on articulating your personal priority or value that overrides your willingness to help someone. For example, "I have been working a lot recently and promised my family that I'd spend the weekend with them, so I can't help you move on Saturday." And then to follow that up with something you can offer to do for them in the future, such as, "But can I stop by once you're settled in and help you rearrange furniture if you want."
March 16, 2018
This is "must read" for everyone. More important than getting to yes, is being able to say no to all of the things that prevent you from accomplishing the things you say yes to. Doing this in a graceful way is even harder. Saying yes when you really mean no means being a pushover. Saying a blunt no can hurt feelings and close doors. So how do you do this in a graceful way? The key is by balancing what would appear to be contradictory characteristics and this book shows how to do this.
January 23, 2022
This contained lots of good points and advice. However, I wasn’t engaged enough because the examples used weren’t relatable. Most of them were corporate or political examples. It was also very repetitive which made it long-winded. Also, to be successful in asserting No depends on the person’s vocabulary. Although Ury provided things to say in certain situations, I don’t think it was enough. I’m skeptical that people with lack of vocabulary would find it easy to express their No. Even I find it hard to find words to express my feelings.
April 10, 2024
Great use and wide variety of anecdotal stories. He uses his own personal examples, other world examples, and hyper-localized household examples too. I liked the overall format and the repetitive nature. Many great takeaways and a book I'd like to purchase physically so I can annotate.
July 23, 2024
This is a book every adult should read..... whether a young adult, parent, teacher, friend, business owner, partner, spouse, business owner, employee, negotiator, lawyer, judge... anybody who interacts with someone else. Saying "No" without feeling hateful and making enemies is achievable!
May 13, 2020
Outstanding book on how to negotiate yourself towards declining things that take up your life, and how to make it not backfire.
4.3/5
4.3/5
March 28, 2019
پیشنهادم اینه که این کتاب با کتاب هنر گشمده گوش دادن بخونید. باز پیشنهادم اینه که اول اون کتاب بخونید بعد این کتاب.
کتاب های نشرهورمزد کتاب های خوبی اند اما گاها مترجم حوصله اش از ترجمه سرمی رود و ترجمه کتاب سلیقه ای میشود.
مطالب خوبی ازش یاد گرفتم.
باز پیشنهادم اینه که برای حفظ محیط زیست رویکردتون استفاده از اپ های کتابخوان مثل فیدیبو و طاقچه باشه. کم کم به این سمت حرکت کنیم
کتاب های نشرهورمزد کتاب های خوبی اند اما گاها مترجم حوصله اش از ترجمه سرمی رود و ترجمه کتاب سلیقه ای میشود.
مطالب خوبی ازش یاد گرفتم.
باز پیشنهادم اینه که برای حفظ محیط زیست رویکردتون استفاده از اپ های کتابخوان مثل فیدیبو و طاقچه باشه. کم کم به این سمت حرکت کنیم
January 13, 2022
This was a really interesting book in how to say no to someone while still leaving all of the doors open for the relationship to continue (and possibly even improve). My only complaint is that I felt it could've been more concise, but the content was fantastic.
February 26, 2018
great book
January 5, 2019
I love this book. It's so practical and it will definitely benefit me and other readers. Time management techniques can't help you if you keep saying 'yes' to all requests. But how do we say 'no' without losing the good relationship. Read this book and you will find the answer.
April 7, 2023
Good book, simple, effective & useful. Certainly helps to have an actual negotiator as the author! Funny aside: he and his first wife amicably divorced w/out kids, then went on to remarry & rear kids, and the two couples now are linked together and their kids are friends w/each other. Only a negotiator can do that! Indeed, a substantial degree of Ury's advice sounds like it'd work only for guys like him who have a natural foundation of tolerance & patience, guys who are calm & collected by default. I'm not sure that this book can actually be practiced by folks who truly run hot, or who just resolve to walk away from conflicts & disagreements. And yet, we live in a world where you can't really do that, and that is where this book has true value, in acknowledging that most people don't get along on deeper levels and only work well in shallow waters (i.e. we don't talk about politics or religion, we talk sports & trends instead). The book's not about metaphysics or challenging one another's philosophies or political stances, but rather about moving forward, making progress, getting outta doldrums & standstills. Lastly, this read is fantastic for schoolteachers who are constantly navigating ways to Say No and Still Get to Yes!
April 15, 2008
No. Such a simple word yet it's so hard to use. Most of us take on far too much because we are afraid to say no and for good reason. We've all had experiences were we did actually muster the courage to say no and felt extremely guilty afterwards. Moreover, the person who we said no to often gets mad at us and that simple word starts a huge drama. In the end, it would have been much easier just to shut our mouths.
Evidentially, our problem wasn't saying the word but in how we go about saying No. The Power of a Positive No states that No actually starts with a Yes. Sounds confusing? Not really. This Yes is basically an affirmation of what you want to do rather than focusing on the negative. I want to spend time with my family at the beach rather than doing overtime this weekend. Thus, your aim now becomes how to get that time with your family. After that realization, the whole tone of the conversation changes. You can be more open and respectful of the other person while still being strong in what is most important to you. Some very useful skills to possess.
Evidentially, our problem wasn't saying the word but in how we go about saying No. The Power of a Positive No states that No actually starts with a Yes. Sounds confusing? Not really. This Yes is basically an affirmation of what you want to do rather than focusing on the negative. I want to spend time with my family at the beach rather than doing overtime this weekend. Thus, your aim now becomes how to get that time with your family. After that realization, the whole tone of the conversation changes. You can be more open and respectful of the other person while still being strong in what is most important to you. Some very useful skills to possess.
July 13, 2014
Yes. No. Yes.
That pretty much sums up this book. My entire grad school negotiation course was based on Ury's first book "Getting to Yes", so, I figured I'd give this one a try too. I was extremely pleased with the book. I did not realize how many times in a day this would come in handy. It is nice to be able to confidently say no to people without having it be confrontational. Or, even worse caving in just to try and keep the other party happy. The book uses the phrase "How can I stand on my feet without stepping on others toes" which is a good metaphor to remember when having to tell people no.
This was a great refresher on all the knowledge gained from "Getting to Yes", but can also stand alone as a solid read. We all know those rare people who can tell us no, but we still walk away feeling ok about it, my guess is many of them have read this book.
That pretty much sums up this book. My entire grad school negotiation course was based on Ury's first book "Getting to Yes", so, I figured I'd give this one a try too. I was extremely pleased with the book. I did not realize how many times in a day this would come in handy. It is nice to be able to confidently say no to people without having it be confrontational. Or, even worse caving in just to try and keep the other party happy. The book uses the phrase "How can I stand on my feet without stepping on others toes" which is a good metaphor to remember when having to tell people no.
This was a great refresher on all the knowledge gained from "Getting to Yes", but can also stand alone as a solid read. We all know those rare people who can tell us no, but we still walk away feeling ok about it, my guess is many of them have read this book.
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