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Grief: A Philosophical Guide
An engaging and illuminating exploration of grief―and why, despite its intense pain, it can also help us grow
Experiencing grief at the death of a person we love or who matters to us―as universal as it is painful―is central to the human condition. Surprisingly, however, philosophers have rarely examined grief in any depth. In Grief , Michael Cholbi presents a groundbreaking philosophical exploration of this complex emotional event, offering valuable new insights about what grief is, whom we grieve, and how grief can ultimately lead us to a richer self-understanding and a fuller realization of our humanity.
Drawing on psychology, social science, and literature as well as philosophy, Cholbi explains that we grieve for the loss of those in whom our identities are invested, including people we don't know personally but cherish anyway, such as public figures. Their deaths not only deprive us of worthwhile experiences; they also disrupt our commitments and values. Yet grief is something we should embrace rather than avoid, an important part of a good and meaningful life. The key to understanding this paradox, Cholbi says, is that grief offers us a unique and powerful opportunity to grow in self-knowledge by fashioning a new identity. Although grief can be tumultuous and disorienting, it also reflects our distinctly human capacity to rationally adapt as the relationships we depend on evolve.
An original account of how grieving works and why it is so important, Grief shows how the pain of this experience gives us a chance to deepen our relationships with others and ourselves.
Experiencing grief at the death of a person we love or who matters to us―as universal as it is painful―is central to the human condition. Surprisingly, however, philosophers have rarely examined grief in any depth. In Grief , Michael Cholbi presents a groundbreaking philosophical exploration of this complex emotional event, offering valuable new insights about what grief is, whom we grieve, and how grief can ultimately lead us to a richer self-understanding and a fuller realization of our humanity.
Drawing on psychology, social science, and literature as well as philosophy, Cholbi explains that we grieve for the loss of those in whom our identities are invested, including people we don't know personally but cherish anyway, such as public figures. Their deaths not only deprive us of worthwhile experiences; they also disrupt our commitments and values. Yet grief is something we should embrace rather than avoid, an important part of a good and meaningful life. The key to understanding this paradox, Cholbi says, is that grief offers us a unique and powerful opportunity to grow in self-knowledge by fashioning a new identity. Although grief can be tumultuous and disorienting, it also reflects our distinctly human capacity to rationally adapt as the relationships we depend on evolve.
An original account of how grieving works and why it is so important, Grief shows how the pain of this experience gives us a chance to deepen our relationships with others and ourselves.
232 pages, Hardcover
Published January 18, 2022
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October 3, 2024
کتاب رو خیلی خیلی دوست داشتم، کتاب درباره سوگ انواع مختلفش و اینکه سوگ ممکنه سر ما چی بیاره و اینکه چه راهایی هست میتونه ازش عبور کرد و توضیح داده. باید بدونیم که سوگ توی زندگی همه ما هست و بالاخره همه ما به نوعی تجربه اش کردیم. حتی اومده سوگ رو توی داستان هایی مثل هملت هم توضیح داده که البته اکثر داستان های شکسپیر اکثرا با سوگ همراه بوده.سوگ حتی باعث میشه ما سفری رو برای خودشناسی خودمون شروع کنیم.
August 29, 2022
Summary: A philosophical discussion of the nature of grief, why we grieve, and its importance in our lives.
The journey of the last several years has been a time of grief for many of us, losing loved ones to the pandemic or to other causes. A host of books have been written over the years, addressing psychological and spiritual dimensions of grief. What distinguishes this book is that, while referencing this literature, this work is a philosophical discussion that seeks to understand what grief is, who is the object of our grief, and how grief is important within the human experience.
Michael Cholbi observes that in much of the philosophical literature, grief is regarded as shameful, a sign of weakness. Cholbi argues otherwise, getting there through a sustained inquiry into the nature of grief. He admits that this may not help a person amid the tumult of grief, but may help prepare us to understand what is happening and how we may grow through it. He begins by considering for whom we grieve, why we grieve some and not others. He proposes that we grieve those in whom we have invested our practical identities, that is those who play important roles in our lives. He then considers what grief is, arguing that it is not a single emotion but a series of affective states, not necessarily those of Kubler-Ross’s five stages, or in that order. In addition, he suggests that grief is a form of attention, challenging us to interrogate the meaning of our emotions toward the one who has died, and what they reveal about our relation with the one who has died, a relation that has been transformed by death.
He then turns to some ethical questions. One concerns what he calls the paradox of grief. Grief is both painful and distressing, which seems detrimental to our flourishing and yet also capable of yielding insights and self-knowledge, shaping how we may live, moving forward. Can something so terribly painful be good? Cholbi moves on then and explores the rationality of grief. Instead of considering grief either arational or irrational, he argues that it is contingently rational, that is, it is “rational when we feel the right emotions in the right degree in light of the loss of the relationship with the deceased that we have suffered” (italics in the original). He then considers whether we have a duty to grieve. He argues that we do not have a duty to other grieving persons or to the deceased but to ourselves because of the good of the self-knowledge that may come when we attend to our relationship with the deceased and grow as rational agents. Most intriguing is that he wonders whether C. S. Lewis, at least on the evidence of A Grief Observed, grieved well in terms of growth in self-knowledge.
One of the most interesting questions Cholbi deals with is whether the peculiar “madness” of grief is a type of mental disorder. Cholbi would argue that grief is a human experience rather than a mental disorder, one from which most emerge, often with greater self understanding that shouldn’t be circumvented. Rather than treating grief as a pathology, he would want to treat the instances of pathology that emerge when grief goes awry.
In his conclusion, he distinguishes grief from other traumas, like divorce, contending that the loss of a person is more severe. I’m not so sure–sometimes the loss of a spouse or a parent to divorce is a living wound that never resolves. He also considers whether a considered philosophy of grief may change the experience of grief. While it may offer understanding of what we are undergoing, the emotional experience of grief and its course is unpredictable, nor can it determine what the specific content of our self-knowledge will be.
I suspect this is not the book to give someone amid grief, if one even can read books at some points during the grief process. I found the book helpful in reflecting upon what my experiences of grief have meant for me. I also suspect such a book, with its contention that we ought lean into the paradox of grief with attentiveness, is helpful. I believe attentiveness is the basis of various spiritually formative practices. It seems consistent that this would be so in the practice of grieving the loss of someone significant to us. Also, the careful discussion that distinguishes grief and mourning, that thinks about who we grieve and why, and that normalizes grief as part of the human experience are all important contributions of this work.
____________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher.
The journey of the last several years has been a time of grief for many of us, losing loved ones to the pandemic or to other causes. A host of books have been written over the years, addressing psychological and spiritual dimensions of grief. What distinguishes this book is that, while referencing this literature, this work is a philosophical discussion that seeks to understand what grief is, who is the object of our grief, and how grief is important within the human experience.
Michael Cholbi observes that in much of the philosophical literature, grief is regarded as shameful, a sign of weakness. Cholbi argues otherwise, getting there through a sustained inquiry into the nature of grief. He admits that this may not help a person amid the tumult of grief, but may help prepare us to understand what is happening and how we may grow through it. He begins by considering for whom we grieve, why we grieve some and not others. He proposes that we grieve those in whom we have invested our practical identities, that is those who play important roles in our lives. He then considers what grief is, arguing that it is not a single emotion but a series of affective states, not necessarily those of Kubler-Ross’s five stages, or in that order. In addition, he suggests that grief is a form of attention, challenging us to interrogate the meaning of our emotions toward the one who has died, and what they reveal about our relation with the one who has died, a relation that has been transformed by death.
He then turns to some ethical questions. One concerns what he calls the paradox of grief. Grief is both painful and distressing, which seems detrimental to our flourishing and yet also capable of yielding insights and self-knowledge, shaping how we may live, moving forward. Can something so terribly painful be good? Cholbi moves on then and explores the rationality of grief. Instead of considering grief either arational or irrational, he argues that it is contingently rational, that is, it is “rational when we feel the right emotions in the right degree in light of the loss of the relationship with the deceased that we have suffered” (italics in the original). He then considers whether we have a duty to grieve. He argues that we do not have a duty to other grieving persons or to the deceased but to ourselves because of the good of the self-knowledge that may come when we attend to our relationship with the deceased and grow as rational agents. Most intriguing is that he wonders whether C. S. Lewis, at least on the evidence of A Grief Observed, grieved well in terms of growth in self-knowledge.
One of the most interesting questions Cholbi deals with is whether the peculiar “madness” of grief is a type of mental disorder. Cholbi would argue that grief is a human experience rather than a mental disorder, one from which most emerge, often with greater self understanding that shouldn’t be circumvented. Rather than treating grief as a pathology, he would want to treat the instances of pathology that emerge when grief goes awry.
In his conclusion, he distinguishes grief from other traumas, like divorce, contending that the loss of a person is more severe. I’m not so sure–sometimes the loss of a spouse or a parent to divorce is a living wound that never resolves. He also considers whether a considered philosophy of grief may change the experience of grief. While it may offer understanding of what we are undergoing, the emotional experience of grief and its course is unpredictable, nor can it determine what the specific content of our self-knowledge will be.
I suspect this is not the book to give someone amid grief, if one even can read books at some points during the grief process. I found the book helpful in reflecting upon what my experiences of grief have meant for me. I also suspect such a book, with its contention that we ought lean into the paradox of grief with attentiveness, is helpful. I believe attentiveness is the basis of various spiritually formative practices. It seems consistent that this would be so in the practice of grieving the loss of someone significant to us. Also, the careful discussion that distinguishes grief and mourning, that thinks about who we grieve and why, and that normalizes grief as part of the human experience are all important contributions of this work.
____________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher.
August 2, 2023
پشت جلد کتاب اومده:"چلبی با بهره جستن از روانشناسی،علوم اجتماعی،ادبیات و البته فلسفه نشان می‌دهد..."
اما بیش از ۹۰ درصد کتاب فلسفیه.درواقع حتی اشاره ی به هملت شکسپیر هم برای تبیین فلسفه‌ست.حتی بخش روانشناسی هم درواقع فلسفه ی روانشناسی(فلسفه ی بیماری)و چیزهایی ازین دسته.
این به نظرم مهم ترین نکته‌ایه که اگر میخواید کتاب رو بخونید باید بهش توجه کنید.
--
به نظرم یکی از مشکلات کلی نویسنده اینه که سعی کرده قاعدع‌ی کلی برای سوگ پیدا کنه.خودش میگه ما برای دوست و دشمن،خانواده و سلبریتی ممکنه سوگوار بشیم.بعد هی استدلال ها یا تبیین های مختلف رو رد میکنه چون مثلا نمیتونه سوگ دشمن رو توصیف کنه.در نهایت چه اتفاقی میفته؟اینکه نقطه ی اشتراک دوست و دشمن و معشوق و خانواده میشه "خود"ما که داریم سوگ رو احساس میکنیم.پس سوگ تبدیل میشه به چیزی که برای ماست و برای ما مفیده و برای ما معنی داره...
این جمله در نتیجه گیری کتاب رو ببینید:
"ما هویت عملی‌مان را به شکلی تغییر می‌دهیم که آن خلا دیگر ارزش ها،دغدغه ها و اهدافمان را به خطر نمی‌اندازد"
ما در طول این کتاب مدام درگیر همین هستیم که یک شخص عزیز رو از دست دادیم و حالا هویت عملی‌مون دچار مشکل شده و باید تغییرش بدیم.
میفهمم که بررسی عقلانی بوده اما شما تصور کنید که امروز مثلا مادرتون رو از دست میدید و دغدغه‌تون اینه که هویت عملیم دچار مشکل شده باید بازتعریفش کنم تا از این سوگ بگذرم.
--
و بعد سوگ تبدیل میشه به موهبت.تبدیل میشه به فرصت عالی.اوایل کتاب نویسنده میگه زندان هم ممکنه خوبی هایی داشته باشه اما ما برای عزیزانمون در هیچ صورت آرزو نمیکنیمش.ولی به نظر میاد با نقش عظیمی که به سوگ میده تلویحا حتی سوگ رو برای دیگران آرزو میکنه.
و این دیدگاه اساسا مورد پذیرش من نیست.شما فرض کنید که زلزله و در نتیجه‌ی اون آوار شدن خانه‌ها،فرصت مناسبی برای ساختن یک شهر به شکل مدرن باشه.چطور میشه رنج و درد حاصل از اون زلزله رو نادیده گرفت و فقط به این فرصت طلایی اشاره کرد؟
البته پاسخ به حرف من میتونه این باشه که سوگ و مرگ تقریبا غیرقابل اجتنابه و در زمان حیات هرکسی اتفاق میفته.اما نویسنده حتی به همین هم اشاره نمیکنه که ازین فرصت سخت استفاده کنیم.فقط خوشحاله که این فرصت پیش میاد.بدون دیدن رنج هاش
--
در بخش روانشناسی اخر کتاب هم باز حرف ها سسته.نویسنده انقدر به سوگ بها داده که حالا ناراحت میشه اگه سوگ طولانی مدت رو به عنوان اختلال در نظر بگیرن.درحالی که خیلی از اختلال ها خط اول درمانش رواندرمانیه.چه اشکالی داره سوگی که طولانی شده و به زندگی فرد اسیب زده همراه بشه با گفتگوی اون فرد با درمانگر؟درمانگر هدفش کمک کردنه دیگه.
بعد میگه اینکه لیبل بزنیم بهش بده.ولی چند خط قبل خودش از بهبود شرایط الکلی ها بعد از اختلال دونستن الکلیسم گفته.
میگه قبلا فک میکردن کمبود کنترل شخصی و بی فکر بودن باعثشه و الکلیا حس بدی داشتن ولی الان از نظر جامعه هم پذیرفته شده ترن.
و در نهایت میگه که درسته زندگی رو خراب میکنه ولی باید ازش کمک بگیریم و به خودشناسی برسیم.واسه همین نباید اختلال بدونیمش.با این استدلال خب تجاوز هم میتونه مارو به خودشناسی برسونه پس ازش استفاده کنیم به درمانگرم مراجعه نکنیم.
این بخش بیشتر استدلالاش سست بود واقعا.
--
از خوبیای کتاب این بود که فصل ها منظم بود،مقدمه داشت و نمای کلی فصل رو در مقدمه میگفت و در نهایت هم جمع بندی و نتیجه گیری داشت که خیلی ارزشمند بود.
--
در کل خیلی مفید نمیدونمش به عنوان یه بحث منطقی اگر علاقه دارید مثلا شاید خوب باشه
اما بیش از ۹۰ درصد کتاب فلسفیه.درواقع حتی اشاره ی به هملت شکسپیر هم برای تبیین فلسفه‌ست.حتی بخش روانشناسی هم درواقع فلسفه ی روانشناسی(فلسفه ی بیماری)و چیزهایی ازین دسته.
این به نظرم مهم ترین نکته‌ایه که اگر میخواید کتاب رو بخونید باید بهش توجه کنید.
--
به نظرم یکی از مشکلات کلی نویسنده اینه که سعی کرده قاعدع‌ی کلی برای سوگ پیدا کنه.خودش میگه ما برای دوست و دشمن،خانواده و سلبریتی ممکنه سوگوار بشیم.بعد هی استدلال ها یا تبیین های مختلف رو رد میکنه چون مثلا نمیتونه سوگ دشمن رو توصیف کنه.در نهایت چه اتفاقی میفته؟اینکه نقطه ی اشتراک دوست و دشمن و معشوق و خانواده میشه "خود"ما که داریم سوگ رو احساس میکنیم.پس سوگ تبدیل میشه به چیزی که برای ماست و برای ما مفیده و برای ما معنی داره...
این جمله در نتیجه گیری کتاب رو ببینید:
"ما هویت عملی‌مان را به شکلی تغییر می‌دهیم که آن خلا دیگر ارزش ها،دغدغه ها و اهدافمان را به خطر نمی‌اندازد"
ما در طول این کتاب مدام درگیر همین هستیم که یک شخص عزیز رو از دست دادیم و حالا هویت عملی‌مون دچار مشکل شده و باید تغییرش بدیم.
میفهمم که بررسی عقلانی بوده اما شما تصور کنید که امروز مثلا مادرتون رو از دست میدید و دغدغه‌تون اینه که هویت عملیم دچار مشکل شده باید بازتعریفش کنم تا از این سوگ بگذرم.
--
و بعد سوگ تبدیل میشه به موهبت.تبدیل میشه به فرصت عالی.اوایل کتاب نویسنده میگه زندان هم ممکنه خوبی هایی داشته باشه اما ما برای عزیزانمون در هیچ صورت آرزو نمیکنیمش.ولی به نظر میاد با نقش عظیمی که به سوگ میده تلویحا حتی سوگ رو برای دیگران آرزو میکنه.
و این دیدگاه اساسا مورد پذیرش من نیست.شما فرض کنید که زلزله و در نتیجه‌ی اون آوار شدن خانه‌ها،فرصت مناسبی برای ساختن یک شهر به شکل مدرن باشه.چطور میشه رنج و درد حاصل از اون زلزله رو نادیده گرفت و فقط به این فرصت طلایی اشاره کرد؟
البته پاسخ به حرف من میتونه این باشه که سوگ و مرگ تقریبا غیرقابل اجتنابه و در زمان حیات هرکسی اتفاق میفته.اما نویسنده حتی به همین هم اشاره نمیکنه که ازین فرصت سخت استفاده کنیم.فقط خوشحاله که این فرصت پیش میاد.بدون دیدن رنج هاش
--
در بخش روانشناسی اخر کتاب هم باز حرف ها سسته.نویسنده انقدر به سوگ بها داده که حالا ناراحت میشه اگه سوگ طولانی مدت رو به عنوان اختلال در نظر بگیرن.درحالی که خیلی از اختلال ها خط اول درمانش رواندرمانیه.چه اشکالی داره سوگی که طولانی شده و به زندگی فرد اسیب زده همراه بشه با گفتگوی اون فرد با درمانگر؟درمانگر هدفش کمک کردنه دیگه.
بعد میگه اینکه لیبل بزنیم بهش بده.ولی چند خط قبل خودش از بهبود شرایط الکلی ها بعد از اختلال دونستن الکلیسم گفته.
میگه قبلا فک میکردن کمبود کنترل شخصی و بی فکر بودن باعثشه و الکلیا حس بدی داشتن ولی الان از نظر جامعه هم پذیرفته شده ترن.
و در نهایت میگه که درسته زندگی رو خراب میکنه ولی باید ازش کمک بگیریم و به خودشناسی برسیم.واسه همین نباید اختلال بدونیمش.با این استدلال خب تجاوز هم میتونه مارو به خودشناسی برسونه پس ازش استفاده کنیم به درمانگرم مراجعه نکنیم.
این بخش بیشتر استدلالاش سست بود واقعا.
--
از خوبیای کتاب این بود که فصل ها منظم بود،مقدمه داشت و نمای کلی فصل رو در مقدمه میگفت و در نهایت هم جمع بندی و نتیجه گیری داشت که خیلی ارزشمند بود.
--
در کل خیلی مفید نمیدونمش به عنوان یه بحث منطقی اگر علاقه دارید مثلا شاید خوب باشه
May 23, 2024
کتابی در باره کاوش مفهوم سوگ، که بیشتر منحصر به مرگ شده تا انواع دیگری از سوگواری
مفاهیم کتاب به اندازه کافی تامل برانگیز هستند اما گویا مترجم محترم کتاب خواسته بر پیچ و خم نثر فلسفی اضافه کند و خوانشی چندان دلچسب و روانی از این کتاب نخواهید داشت!
اما جدا از معایب، برای کسانی که درگیر و دار پذیرفتن از دست دادن رابطه، شی، یا هر گونه کیفیتی که دلبستگی به آن داشتند مفید است. جای خالی جهان بینی روانشناختی نسبت به این پدیده، در کنار نگاهی فلسفی احساس می شد...
در نهایت انتظار نداشته باشید که برای فقدان خود ، مرهمی محکم بیابید
چرا که همیشه، مزه از دست دادن درد و غم است...
مفاهیم کتاب به اندازه کافی تامل برانگیز هستند اما گویا مترجم محترم کتاب خواسته بر پیچ و خم نثر فلسفی اضافه کند و خوانشی چندان دلچسب و روانی از این کتاب نخواهید داشت!
اما جدا از معایب، برای کسانی که درگیر و دار پذیرفتن از دست دادن رابطه، شی، یا هر گونه کیفیتی که دلبستگی به آن داشتند مفید است. جای خالی جهان بینی روانشناختی نسبت به این پدیده، در کنار نگاهی فلسفی احساس می شد...
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June 13, 2024die book review ist fertig🥳
February 10, 2022
It's mostly just a philosophical approach to grief. So yeah, rather scholarly and unemotive. Does raise some good questions to think through.
March 6, 2024
Academic but Irrelevant to those who seek to understand grief
I have read nearly every text going on grief - from grief memoirs (of which there are dozens) to philosophical texts (of which there are few). This book, seeking to show that grief is something rational - and weirdly using Camus’ Mersault (the protagonist who famously fails to cry at his mother’s funeral and is later executed for this character flaw) vs CS Lewis, A Grief Observed - attempts to make a case for good grief (Lewis) vs bad grief (Camus). As if any of us know about another’s relationship with the deceased or as if there is a right way of grieving (which the author claims). He also speaks at length of the attempted medicalisation of grief. But to show how poorly researched this book is, fails to mention cases of euthanasia in the Netherlands where the bereaved - affected by ‘unbearable suffering’ - are put to death by the state! All in all this book is very slight - its references to philosophers and famous passengers on actual grief - practically non-existent - which is weird, considering he’s an academic. I gave the book two stars because the conclusion is rather good - picking up ideas worth exploring - on the difference say between grief and divorce. Now, that would have been worth a chapter in its own right.
I have read nearly every text going on grief - from grief memoirs (of which there are dozens) to philosophical texts (of which there are few). This book, seeking to show that grief is something rational - and weirdly using Camus’ Mersault (the protagonist who famously fails to cry at his mother’s funeral and is later executed for this character flaw) vs CS Lewis, A Grief Observed - attempts to make a case for good grief (Lewis) vs bad grief (Camus). As if any of us know about another’s relationship with the deceased or as if there is a right way of grieving (which the author claims). He also speaks at length of the attempted medicalisation of grief. But to show how poorly researched this book is, fails to mention cases of euthanasia in the Netherlands where the bereaved - affected by ‘unbearable suffering’ - are put to death by the state! All in all this book is very slight - its references to philosophers and famous passengers on actual grief - practically non-existent - which is weird, considering he’s an academic. I gave the book two stars because the conclusion is rather good - picking up ideas worth exploring - on the difference say between grief and divorce. Now, that would have been worth a chapter in its own right.
July 26, 2023
"Because we are not transparent to ourselves, we need grief to bring that self-knowledge within closer reach."
A helpful exploration of the purpose of grieving and why we humans must experience it.
A helpful exploration of the purpose of grieving and why we humans must experience it.
July 9, 2023
Slow and rigorous, but contained some invaluable insights. The premise is this: grief is active emotional attention towards a relationship transformed by death, which results in self-knowledge.
Here are some memorable quotes/annotations
“I wrapped my face in my cloak and wept for myself; for it was not for him that I wept, but for my own misfortune in being deprived of such a friend.” Plato on Socrates.
Emotions are signals to pay closer attention to the events which prompted them.
When someone dies, the play of your relationship does not end, it enters its next act.
Grief looks backward, at the past, to make sense of what has been lost. It looks forward, at the future, to what will never be.
Memory is “a mirror in which we are invisible except for our emotions.”
The desire to be loved is the desire to be known. Knowing someone else doesn’t help us love them better, it is loving them.
Avoidant attachment leads to avoidance in grief.
“No casket is impervious to the ravages of time.”
We recover from grief not by filling the gap someone left behind, but by reshaping ourselves so that the gap no longer needs filling.
The deaths of others remind us of our vulnerability—all that matters to us is susceptible to decay or destruction.
Here are some memorable quotes/annotations
“I wrapped my face in my cloak and wept for myself; for it was not for him that I wept, but for my own misfortune in being deprived of such a friend.” Plato on Socrates.
Emotions are signals to pay closer attention to the events which prompted them.
When someone dies, the play of your relationship does not end, it enters its next act.
Grief looks backward, at the past, to make sense of what has been lost. It looks forward, at the future, to what will never be.
Memory is “a mirror in which we are invisible except for our emotions.”
The desire to be loved is the desire to be known. Knowing someone else doesn’t help us love them better, it is loving them.
Avoidant attachment leads to avoidance in grief.
“No casket is impervious to the ravages of time.”
We recover from grief not by filling the gap someone left behind, but by reshaping ourselves so that the gap no longer needs filling.
The deaths of others remind us of our vulnerability—all that matters to us is susceptible to decay or destruction.
February 2, 2023
Grief: A Philosophical Guide by Michael Cholbi
For a heavy topic, this was a delightful, interesting read. Cholbi dedicates the book to developing a philosophical account of grief, which involves identifying its scope, differentiating it from other emotions, articulating how it can contribute to our well-being, whether or not it is rational, whether we have a duty to grieve, and how it should (or more accurately shouldn’t) relate to mental health. This is a cogent, well-written book that covers a lot of ground. Cholbi argues that grief is ultimately rooted in how our practical identity is partially determined by our relationship to others, and that the emotion of grief involves gaining self-knowledge that allows us to make peace with and develop a new relationship to the deceased. It’s surprisingly optimistic and wholesome.
This is a philosophy book, so it’s not offering any self-help advice. (Though I certainly think it’s helpful for understanding grief.) It’s academic in nature. But the ideas are accessible and sometimes even poetic! I’d recommend for non-fiction readers.
📖: (5/5) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
For a heavy topic, this was a delightful, interesting read. Cholbi dedicates the book to developing a philosophical account of grief, which involves identifying its scope, differentiating it from other emotions, articulating how it can contribute to our well-being, whether or not it is rational, whether we have a duty to grieve, and how it should (or more accurately shouldn’t) relate to mental health. This is a cogent, well-written book that covers a lot of ground. Cholbi argues that grief is ultimately rooted in how our practical identity is partially determined by our relationship to others, and that the emotion of grief involves gaining self-knowledge that allows us to make peace with and develop a new relationship to the deceased. It’s surprisingly optimistic and wholesome.
This is a philosophy book, so it’s not offering any self-help advice. (Though I certainly think it’s helpful for understanding grief.) It’s academic in nature. But the ideas are accessible and sometimes even poetic! I’d recommend for non-fiction readers.
📖: (5/5) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
June 6, 2022
A very good examination of grief, its purpose for the bereaved, and its place in a larger sociological system. Like it says in the title: it a philosophical (i.e. academic) exploration of grief, not a guide through grief for those who have recently lost someone close to them. I believe that this will have more resonance for someone who has lost someone very close to them, but not recently. You will need a more detached view of your own grief in order to get something out of this book and fresh grief will only serve to make a detached view of the topic that much harder.
August 5, 2023
There are a lot of self-help books out there for a grief but none of them, as far as I've seen, have really ever delved into the philosophy of grief. This book has. Written by a philosopher and if you ever read any books on philosophy you know how philosophers write, but this is actually semi-readable. I mean if you're into this sort of stuff.
I wouldn't really look into this book for help while grieving. That is not the book's intention. So, with that said, it's a lot of really good information in here.
I wouldn't really look into this book for help while grieving. That is not the book's intention. So, with that said, it's a lot of really good information in here.
August 13, 2022
This is not a self-help book and it is not an easy read. However, this has been the most helpful book on grief that I have read so far, after having lost my partner nine months ago. I had to take breaks after each chapter to write a little and ruminate. I should note that I have always read a lot of philosophy.
November 16, 2023
Taught this book in an advanced philosophy seminar this quarter and it sparked a lot of really great discussion with my students. The author says a lot of sensible and helpful things about grief, even if the book as a whole feels a bit too simple and the style a bit too dry and analytical to quite fit the topic. Worked very well as a text for half of a quarter.
March 21, 2022
i little dense in parts, not an easy read, nonetheless good information and plenty of food for thought. especially interesting in light of yesterday's announcement re: the addition of "complicated grief" to latest revision of DSM-5 (which Cholbi argued against).
April 29, 2024
Skimmed after the first two chapters. It doesn't define the set of experiences included in "grief" or the audience (grievers or their community) or the set of priors it extends or rebuts. The thesis is reasonable, but requires the reader to assume a lot of scaffolding.
January 9, 2023
The last two chapters turned this book from three to four stars. I think a good editor could have made this book more accessible and exciting
March 16, 2023
Much much much more needed to be done on the philosophy of grief before this book should have even been considered to be written. Assumes too much in original ideas or simply spouts aboriginal ones.
December 4, 2023
"good grief!" - Charlie Brown
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