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Wordslut: A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language
A brash, enlightening and wildly entertaining feminist look at gendered language and the way it shapes us.English is scattered with perfectly innocuous words that have devolved into insults hurled at women. The word “bitch” originally meant male or female genitalia. “Hussy” was simply a housewife, and “slut” was an untidy man or woman.Feminist linguist Amanda Montell explains why words matter and why it’s imperative that women embrace their unique relationship with language. Drawing on fascinating research, and moving between history and pop culture, Montell deconstructs language – from insults and cursing to grammar and pronunciation – to expose the ways it has been used for centuries to gaslight women. Montell’s irresistible intelligence and humour make linguistics not only approachable but downright enthralling.Wordslut gets to the heart of our language, sheds light on the biases that shadow women in our culture and shows how to embrace language to verbally smash the patriarchy.‘An academic’s rigour meets a columnist’s wit, Wordslut is a romp of an introduction to sociolinguistics. This book will have you seething with feminist rage at the way words have been used against women for centuries, but it also gives you the tools to take them back then next time you’re at a dinner party or a political podium. Montell leads the charge for feminist reclamation and declaration.’ —Bri Lee‘I get so jazzed about the future of feminism knowing that Montell’s brilliance is rising up and about to explode worldwide.’ —Jill Soloway‘Montell sets a high bar … Just the kind of sharp, relevant scholarship needed to continue to inspire the next generation of feminist thought.’ —Kirkus‘Blends academic study with pop-culture attitude … At its heart, this work reflects a tenet of sociolinguistic language is not divorced from culture; it both reflects and creates beliefs about identity and power.’ —Library Journal‘An astute and witty dissection of the relationship between feminism and linguistics.'––Emma Harvey, Good Reading
304 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 28, 2019
About the author
Amanda Montell
3 books3,145 followersAmanda Montell is a writer, linguist, and podcast host living in Los Angeles. She is the author of three nonfiction books, Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism, Wordslut: A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language, and The Age of Magical Overthinking: Notes on Modern Irrationality (forthcoming April 9, 2024 from OneSignal). She is also a creator and host of the hit podcast, Sounds Like A Cult. Amanda’s books have earned praise from The Washington Post, The Atlantic, Kirkus Reviews, and more. Cultish was named a best book of 2021 by NPR, was shortlisted for several prizes including the Goodreads Choice Awards and getAbstract International Book Award, and is currently in development for television. Sounds Like A Cult won “Best Emerging Podcast” at the 2023 iHeart Radio Podcast Awards and was named a best podcast of 2022 by Vulture, Esquire, Marie Claire, and others.
Amanda’s essays and reporting have appeared in The New York Times, Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, and elsewhere. She was born and raised in Baltimore, MD and holds a degree in linguistics from NYU. Find her on Instagram @amanda_montell or Substack at amandamontell.substack.com.
Amanda’s essays and reporting have appeared in The New York Times, Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, and elsewhere. She was born and raised in Baltimore, MD and holds a degree in linguistics from NYU. Find her on Instagram @amanda_montell or Substack at amandamontell.substack.com.
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May 9, 2023More or less entirely written about white US people/language. If you're going to talk about 'reclaiming the English language' it's a bit, oh, American-imperialist barely to notice that American English is but one dialect of many. (There are various mentions of AAVE but no sustained look or chapter on non-white, still less non-US, English.) If you're going to do a section on sexual swearing that basically implies women who use 'cunt' are letting the side down by using misogynist terms in an unexamined way, how about talking to some English, Scots, Australians? Or romance / erotica writers, come to that?
It's very internet white feminism. If you can tolerate "folks" as a synonym for people and "dudes" or "bros" for men all the way through the text, or sentences like "You may or may not have heard of a little thing called the patriarchy", you're less irritable than me. Admittedly, this is highly likely. More materially there's no bibliography, no sources, don't get me started on the tiresome claims about languages with grammatical gender, and it's full of unproven assertions (eg a random sentence tells us that prehistoric humans were happily polygamous and female sexuality was then considered "totally normal and great". That's based on what?
Occasionally it descends into just being...wrong about language.
This is using 'you know' in completely different ways. The first is vocal filler that softens the message slightly (something that's well discussed earlier in the section), but the second is a way of emphasising that the speaker either does or ought to realise the thing isn't fair. That 'you know' is a rebuke. The actual comparison here should be between "It's not, you know, fair?" and "It's not, you know, fair." Except that just demonstrates that things said in a questioning tone sound more like questions than things that aren't.
There is also an incredibly embarrassing passage in which she and her brother agree that when they say "How are you?" and the reply is, "I'm well," rather than "I'm good", that's a "common grammatical infraction" that makes them "reflexively cringe". This is because it's a case of hypercorrection, she asserts without explanation. It has to be unexplained because it's wrong: the Montells are mistaking 'well' in "I'm well" for the adverb 'well' (he cooks well), whereas it's obviously the adjective 'well' meaning 'in good health' (he was unwell for a while but now he's well again). "Everyone loves that gotcha feeling that comes with catching someone in a grammar violation, especially when you know the speaker was trying to sound smart," she writes proudly. Ooof.
There are lots of good things in here, especially the analysis of 'like'. There's an interesting section on how women talk amongst themselves (much more collaborative than men, 'horizontal' rather than 'vertical' structured conversations) which would have been a lot more interesting with a bit more depth. How do trans women, nonbinary people, people who belong to a third or fourth or fifth gender in societies that have them, speak among themselves? We don't know because despite a section on how there aren't just Men and Women, and a chapter on queer speech, we hear very little about anyone except Men (dudes, bros) and Women throughout the book.
There's plenty of interest to say on the subject: a much more stringent edit and more rigorous approach would have really helped.
It's very internet white feminism. If you can tolerate "folks" as a synonym for people and "dudes" or "bros" for men all the way through the text, or sentences like "You may or may not have heard of a little thing called the patriarchy", you're less irritable than me. Admittedly, this is highly likely. More materially there's no bibliography, no sources, don't get me started on the tiresome claims about languages with grammatical gender, and it's full of unproven assertions (eg a random sentence tells us that prehistoric humans were happily polygamous and female sexuality was then considered "totally normal and great". That's based on what?
Occasionally it descends into just being...wrong about language.
When used with a rising, question-like intonation 'you know' does indeed connotate hesitancy or doubt ("It's not, you know, fair") but when spoken with a flat intonation ("It's not fair, you know") it does just the reverse.
This is using 'you know' in completely different ways. The first is vocal filler that softens the message slightly (something that's well discussed earlier in the section), but the second is a way of emphasising that the speaker either does or ought to realise the thing isn't fair. That 'you know' is a rebuke. The actual comparison here should be between "It's not, you know, fair?" and "It's not, you know, fair." Except that just demonstrates that things said in a questioning tone sound more like questions than things that aren't.
There is also an incredibly embarrassing passage in which she and her brother agree that when they say "How are you?" and the reply is, "I'm well," rather than "I'm good", that's a "common grammatical infraction" that makes them "reflexively cringe". This is because it's a case of hypercorrection, she asserts without explanation. It has to be unexplained because it's wrong: the Montells are mistaking 'well' in "I'm well" for the adverb 'well' (he cooks well), whereas it's obviously the adjective 'well' meaning 'in good health' (he was unwell for a while but now he's well again). "Everyone loves that gotcha feeling that comes with catching someone in a grammar violation, especially when you know the speaker was trying to sound smart," she writes proudly. Ooof.
There are lots of good things in here, especially the analysis of 'like'. There's an interesting section on how women talk amongst themselves (much more collaborative than men, 'horizontal' rather than 'vertical' structured conversations) which would have been a lot more interesting with a bit more depth. How do trans women, nonbinary people, people who belong to a third or fourth or fifth gender in societies that have them, speak among themselves? We don't know because despite a section on how there aren't just Men and Women, and a chapter on queer speech, we hear very little about anyone except Men (dudes, bros) and Women throughout the book.
There's plenty of interest to say on the subject: a much more stringent edit and more rigorous approach would have really helped.
June 27, 2019
disclaimer: I am an anthropology major who did a focus in linguistics. This book is so up my alley that it isn't really an alley anymore, it's a highway. Or a field? I don't know, you get my metaphor.
OKAY FRIENDS everyone needs to pick this up an give it a whirl. Here are my top reasons why:
1. This book clearly and definitively supports an academic reason for the existence of my "suck my clit" cross stitch. Is it lewd? Yes. It is also a totally legit form of descriptive sociolinguistic shift? Hell yeah.
2. I earned 100 points for identifying a singular "they" which I would now like to redeem for a cookie or, like, a hug or something. I've defended singular they for years and boy am I validated.
3. If you read it, you too can feel empowered to use language to fight your battles. I learned small corrections that I can use ("hey folks" instead of "hey guys", etc) and feel more comfortable with how I already speak. Which is, like, totally girly ok?
OKAY FRIENDS everyone needs to pick this up an give it a whirl. Here are my top reasons why:
1. This book clearly and definitively supports an academic reason for the existence of my "suck my clit" cross stitch. Is it lewd? Yes. It is also a totally legit form of descriptive sociolinguistic shift? Hell yeah.
2. I earned 100 points for identifying a singular "they" which I would now like to redeem for a cookie or, like, a hug or something. I've defended singular they for years and boy am I validated.
3. If you read it, you too can feel empowered to use language to fight your battles. I learned small corrections that I can use ("hey folks" instead of "hey guys", etc) and feel more comfortable with how I already speak. Which is, like, totally girly ok?
December 27, 2021
Gendered language has bothered me since I was a child; maybe because I was a voracious reader and noticed it in some books and not in others, or maybe I was sensitive to it because I have four brothers. I still bristle at the use of certain words, such as “mistress” to mean a female partner of an illicit love affair: Don’t get me started.
I’m interested in how word-usages evolve, such as with “stupid.” When the characters of Austen (and other 18th- and 19th- century writers) use it, they mean “dull” and not the (U.S. American) connotation “stupid” has today. And by “dull,” I don’t mean the usual way we think of that word, as in “boring.” The same kind of evolution (and worse) happened to words like “slut.”
Before reading the book, I listened to an interview with Montell. She’s personable and engaging, and the book is written in much the same way as she talks. It was fun to hear that her mom is from New Orleans, so she uses and loves the word “y’all,” as opposed to a word like “guys,” for a mixed-gender group. “Folks” also works for her.
In her book Montell doesn’t employ the adage “Knowledge is power,” but that’s what she gives the reader in case you want to counteract and/or combat any gendered language/usage you hear in the wild. There’s also some interesting stuff about who is at the forefront of new language usage, as well as why there’s always initial pushback at these changes and by whom. The book makes for an irreverent, informative, and entertaining read.
I’m interested in how word-usages evolve, such as with “stupid.” When the characters of Austen (and other 18th- and 19th- century writers) use it, they mean “dull” and not the (U.S. American) connotation “stupid” has today. And by “dull,” I don’t mean the usual way we think of that word, as in “boring.” The same kind of evolution (and worse) happened to words like “slut.”
Before reading the book, I listened to an interview with Montell. She’s personable and engaging, and the book is written in much the same way as she talks. It was fun to hear that her mom is from New Orleans, so she uses and loves the word “y’all,” as opposed to a word like “guys,” for a mixed-gender group. “Folks” also works for her.
In her book Montell doesn’t employ the adage “Knowledge is power,” but that’s what she gives the reader in case you want to counteract and/or combat any gendered language/usage you hear in the wild. There’s also some interesting stuff about who is at the forefront of new language usage, as well as why there’s always initial pushback at these changes and by whom. The book makes for an irreverent, informative, and entertaining read.
July 16, 2021
In Wordslut, Amanda Montell takes you on a journey through the English language and the many ways it upholds and reinforces the patriarchy. As our May Book Club pick for my Patreon Book Club, I read it closely with a fine-toothed comb. I found myself highlighting passages on almost every page and felt Montell's writing was both humorous and informative.
While this book sparked a lengthy and fascinating discussion, I found myself frustrated by the lack of citations or sources for the information being shared. I have been unable to find even a list for further reading, which is quite disappointing for a book built upon the work of many sociolinguists who preceded it.
Wordslut also lacked in diversity of representation for both BIPOC and the LGBTQIA+ community. While there was an attempt to include some diverse perspectives, Montell didn't go nearly deep enough and missed the mark in several areas.
Finally, as with all "pop science" literature in my experience, there were a plethora of conclusions drawn and generalizations made without evidence or cause.
Ultimately, I believe Wordslut to be a thought-provoking introductory jumping-off point for those interested in feminist sociolinguistics, but it is certainly not comprehensive, intersectional, or conclusive.
VIDEO REVIEW: https://youtu.be/y5sRzlqgopM
You can find me on...
Youtube | Instagram | Twitter
While this book sparked a lengthy and fascinating discussion, I found myself frustrated by the lack of citations or sources for the information being shared. I have been unable to find even a list for further reading, which is quite disappointing for a book built upon the work of many sociolinguists who preceded it.
Wordslut also lacked in diversity of representation for both BIPOC and the LGBTQIA+ community. While there was an attempt to include some diverse perspectives, Montell didn't go nearly deep enough and missed the mark in several areas.
Finally, as with all "pop science" literature in my experience, there were a plethora of conclusions drawn and generalizations made without evidence or cause.
Ultimately, I believe Wordslut to be a thought-provoking introductory jumping-off point for those interested in feminist sociolinguistics, but it is certainly not comprehensive, intersectional, or conclusive.
VIDEO REVIEW: https://youtu.be/y5sRzlqgopM
You can find me on...
Youtube | Instagram | Twitter
December 21, 2021
tldr: interesting topic but too gaslight gatekeep girl boss for me
my problems with this book can really be split into two main things
1. the books premise is to be an introduction to feminist sociolinguistic theory. at least my understanding was that it would introduce the reader to ways we can think about language and our wording to be more equitable and intentional. With the understanding that this should be an educational book, I had serious issues with the authors citations (or lack thereof) and her frequent tendency to put her social media polls on the same level as peer reviewed sociolinguistic studies. It is so much work to do academic survey work on people; you have to have people fill out all this ethical survey consent paperwork, you go through this huge process to make sure you're asking unbiased questions, you have to characterize the background of the participants. its a lot of work. this established, verified work should not be put remotely on the same level as the response from an upper middle class white girls Facebook post asking about vagina slang terms. it makes me question the authors integrity as a researcher, her knowledge of the field, and the validity of the other work she presented herein by the constant inclusion of her Facebook and Twitter activity as "evidence" of a phenomenon
2. the feminist theory here was... surprisingly third wave for a book published squarely during the midst of 4th wave feminism. the discussion rarely talks about the intersection of identities when evaluating word chloice, and broadly prescribed behaviors for all women which just seems too naive at best and ignorant and arrogant at worst. The selection of examples (ex, for choosing famous modern women leaders, the author selected only white women war criminals(or dubiously close to war crimes; margaret thatcher, Hilary Clinton what a #girlboss move there)) further reiterated what seemed like a criminally unaware perspective on modern feminism from the author. As a queer person, the chapter on gay voice and lesbian history was particularly difficult to read. the author presents a quote that there was no lesbian culture pre sexual revolution bc it was hard for lesbians to exist, when any queer historian knows this is provably untrue. Finally, the constant quips about wanting a men free world were crimgey at best. I truly do not understand how you can be aware of the gender spectrum and still make comments about hating all men when gender is so complicated you have to put 400 qualifiers on the type of man (cis/straight/abled) and it should really serve to show you hate types of behaviors/toxic masculinity and not just men.
Overall I was excited about the topic, but the poorly sourced material and surface level feminist analysis left me feeling disappointed in the book. If I was to learn more about this field in the future, I would want a book with a lot more academic rigor and a lot less idolatry of Hillary Clinton
my problems with this book can really be split into two main things
1. the books premise is to be an introduction to feminist sociolinguistic theory. at least my understanding was that it would introduce the reader to ways we can think about language and our wording to be more equitable and intentional. With the understanding that this should be an educational book, I had serious issues with the authors citations (or lack thereof) and her frequent tendency to put her social media polls on the same level as peer reviewed sociolinguistic studies. It is so much work to do academic survey work on people; you have to have people fill out all this ethical survey consent paperwork, you go through this huge process to make sure you're asking unbiased questions, you have to characterize the background of the participants. its a lot of work. this established, verified work should not be put remotely on the same level as the response from an upper middle class white girls Facebook post asking about vagina slang terms. it makes me question the authors integrity as a researcher, her knowledge of the field, and the validity of the other work she presented herein by the constant inclusion of her Facebook and Twitter activity as "evidence" of a phenomenon
2. the feminist theory here was... surprisingly third wave for a book published squarely during the midst of 4th wave feminism. the discussion rarely talks about the intersection of identities when evaluating word chloice, and broadly prescribed behaviors for all women which just seems too naive at best and ignorant and arrogant at worst. The selection of examples (ex, for choosing famous modern women leaders, the author selected only white women war criminals(or dubiously close to war crimes; margaret thatcher, Hilary Clinton what a #girlboss move there)) further reiterated what seemed like a criminally unaware perspective on modern feminism from the author. As a queer person, the chapter on gay voice and lesbian history was particularly difficult to read. the author presents a quote that there was no lesbian culture pre sexual revolution bc it was hard for lesbians to exist, when any queer historian knows this is provably untrue. Finally, the constant quips about wanting a men free world were crimgey at best. I truly do not understand how you can be aware of the gender spectrum and still make comments about hating all men when gender is so complicated you have to put 400 qualifiers on the type of man (cis/straight/abled) and it should really serve to show you hate types of behaviors/toxic masculinity and not just men.
Overall I was excited about the topic, but the poorly sourced material and surface level feminist analysis left me feeling disappointed in the book. If I was to learn more about this field in the future, I would want a book with a lot more academic rigor and a lot less idolatry of Hillary Clinton
February 12, 2020
Linguist Amanda Montell grabs the reader by the shirtfront with this book, slapping them with a title that opens the eyes before inundating the mind with so much on the topic of the way English is used and the divide it creates amongst its users. Montell opens her narrative by exploring the role that certain words have had over time in the English language, particularly those of an offensive nature. She points out that many either depict women in the negative or weaker role, thereby turning them into the group at the core of debased or lesser sentiment. How ‘bitch’, ‘whore’, and even that lovely ‘c-you-next-Tuesday’ are meant to depict women in such a negative light, while the worst that many men will receive is ‘dick’ or ‘sissy’. From there, Montell takes the reader through some of the history of words and their connotation have sought to turn women into the fairer and weaker sex by subjugating them to the power of men in the English language. Take, for example, the attempts to offer a degree of formality between the sexes. While men are given ‘sir’, a term that has remained relatively strong and the same for the centuries, women are given ‘Miss’ (sounds too young and flighty), ma’am (sounds too old and crotchety), or ‘madam’ (which has become a sexualized term). There is no inherent explanation, but Montell makes it clear that women are getting the short end of the stick on this one.
Montell shows the real struggle of gender identity, where the traditional masculine role is dominant and everything else seems hard to accept or grasp. She gives the reader some real examples of how to tackle these 21st century gender depictions in language and pulls in some wonderful ways in which other languages and dialects have handled things. Sandwiched into the narrative was a discussion of grammar and how it is used to highlight intelligence or standing in society. While Montell explores hypercorrection of some sentiments, things that people use when they want to correct what appears to be bad grammar but is actually just as incorrect on the other side, she shows how certain groups (namely middle- to lower-class women) find themselves scorned and ridiculed. Language and grammar is a means of trying to classify people, though it is society’s way of classing people in a world where the rules are always changing. What is not ‘right’ now will one day be the norm that all will follow, though no one seems to accept that. Of particular interest to me was a chapter on trying to comprehend gendered nouns in languages other than English and how that works to assign some role to a ‘table’ or ‘eye’ in order to make it correlate to any adjective (French and Italian come to mind), while English has none of this, save inherent words of implied gender (king, queen) or those things by which men may feel threatened (countries, storms, large vehicles) that automatically receive a ‘she’ pronoun. As Montell furthers her argument, there is a push to understand the role of catcalling and debasing women through objectified speech, as though men need to do so in order to hold onto their sexuality, by puffing out there proverbial feathers and beat their chests. Montell pulls on both academic studies and personal insights into how women have handled this over the years.
Montell is prepared to shock some readers as she explores the societal roles women have taken in English, particularly when it comes to the seedy underbelly of curse words. She makes some wonderful points about how ‘unladylike’ it seems to be for some reason, then debunks it all with some great studies, sure to open the eyes of many. There needs to be an end to promoting this view of women as the gentler and more delicate sex, where ‘gosh darn’ would be the strongest word to cross their lips. I thoroughly enjoyed this analysis, as I could hear the society and linguistic walls falling faster than a ‘sky is falling’ Trump edict on immigration barriers. The latter few chapters pull the reader in for some wholehearted discussions on, of all things, the linguistic depiction of genitalia and how this varies across both the sexes but also by the various genders. This is an interesting look into how one self-defines and the clash with societal norms. Montell does not shy away and has left the reader with a plethora of terms to use, perhaps also seeking to buck the trend of how to communicate about themselves and others, especially in moments of intimacy. While the entire book pushes the limits of what might be known or accepted by many readers, Montell does so with ease and as much class as possible. Recommended to those who enjoy academically-inclined tomes, as well as the reader who wants to spark a conversation at the next dinner party or family gathering.
In a book that pushes the social norms and seeks to educate as much as it will shock, Amanda Montell makes some powerful points from the perspective of language as an oppressive tool. Her explorations are well suited to the discussions and offer full-circle analysis, keeping the reader on their toes from the outset. Not a tome to inculcate as much as educate, Montell holds nothing back and helps to show things that may be so ingrained and inherent that many had no idea they were taking place, or at least took them for granted. I, for one, took so much from this book and will seek to better understand and use words of a more appropriate type moving forward. Montell’s extensive reference to studies and the work of others on the subject lends it to being a somewhat academic work, though the dedicated reader can push their way through and learn a great deal, as it is penned in a layperson’s terms to ensure the point is made. With paced chapters, full of poignant arguments and humorous asides, Montell makes her point and keeps the momentum going. Nowhere in this book did I get a sense of a gender or language revolution, but it is better to know what literary weapons are out there, to arm one’s self, if not to blunt them and level the playing field. That being said, my head hurts from all the computing I have done and will be doing to be better aware, particularly since my buddy reader will hold me accountable every single day!
Kudos, Amanda Montell (for I learned not to call you, Madam), for this insightful book that forced me to open my eyes and brain to new ways of comprehending language.
Love/hate the review? An ever-growing collection of others appears at:
http://pecheyponderings.wordpress.com/
A Book for All Seasons, a different sort of Book Challenge: https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/...
Montell shows the real struggle of gender identity, where the traditional masculine role is dominant and everything else seems hard to accept or grasp. She gives the reader some real examples of how to tackle these 21st century gender depictions in language and pulls in some wonderful ways in which other languages and dialects have handled things. Sandwiched into the narrative was a discussion of grammar and how it is used to highlight intelligence or standing in society. While Montell explores hypercorrection of some sentiments, things that people use when they want to correct what appears to be bad grammar but is actually just as incorrect on the other side, she shows how certain groups (namely middle- to lower-class women) find themselves scorned and ridiculed. Language and grammar is a means of trying to classify people, though it is society’s way of classing people in a world where the rules are always changing. What is not ‘right’ now will one day be the norm that all will follow, though no one seems to accept that. Of particular interest to me was a chapter on trying to comprehend gendered nouns in languages other than English and how that works to assign some role to a ‘table’ or ‘eye’ in order to make it correlate to any adjective (French and Italian come to mind), while English has none of this, save inherent words of implied gender (king, queen) or those things by which men may feel threatened (countries, storms, large vehicles) that automatically receive a ‘she’ pronoun. As Montell furthers her argument, there is a push to understand the role of catcalling and debasing women through objectified speech, as though men need to do so in order to hold onto their sexuality, by puffing out there proverbial feathers and beat their chests. Montell pulls on both academic studies and personal insights into how women have handled this over the years.
Montell is prepared to shock some readers as she explores the societal roles women have taken in English, particularly when it comes to the seedy underbelly of curse words. She makes some wonderful points about how ‘unladylike’ it seems to be for some reason, then debunks it all with some great studies, sure to open the eyes of many. There needs to be an end to promoting this view of women as the gentler and more delicate sex, where ‘gosh darn’ would be the strongest word to cross their lips. I thoroughly enjoyed this analysis, as I could hear the society and linguistic walls falling faster than a ‘sky is falling’ Trump edict on immigration barriers. The latter few chapters pull the reader in for some wholehearted discussions on, of all things, the linguistic depiction of genitalia and how this varies across both the sexes but also by the various genders. This is an interesting look into how one self-defines and the clash with societal norms. Montell does not shy away and has left the reader with a plethora of terms to use, perhaps also seeking to buck the trend of how to communicate about themselves and others, especially in moments of intimacy. While the entire book pushes the limits of what might be known or accepted by many readers, Montell does so with ease and as much class as possible. Recommended to those who enjoy academically-inclined tomes, as well as the reader who wants to spark a conversation at the next dinner party or family gathering.
In a book that pushes the social norms and seeks to educate as much as it will shock, Amanda Montell makes some powerful points from the perspective of language as an oppressive tool. Her explorations are well suited to the discussions and offer full-circle analysis, keeping the reader on their toes from the outset. Not a tome to inculcate as much as educate, Montell holds nothing back and helps to show things that may be so ingrained and inherent that many had no idea they were taking place, or at least took them for granted. I, for one, took so much from this book and will seek to better understand and use words of a more appropriate type moving forward. Montell’s extensive reference to studies and the work of others on the subject lends it to being a somewhat academic work, though the dedicated reader can push their way through and learn a great deal, as it is penned in a layperson’s terms to ensure the point is made. With paced chapters, full of poignant arguments and humorous asides, Montell makes her point and keeps the momentum going. Nowhere in this book did I get a sense of a gender or language revolution, but it is better to know what literary weapons are out there, to arm one’s self, if not to blunt them and level the playing field. That being said, my head hurts from all the computing I have done and will be doing to be better aware, particularly since my buddy reader will hold me accountable every single day!
Kudos, Amanda Montell (for I learned not to call you, Madam), for this insightful book that forced me to open my eyes and brain to new ways of comprehending language.
Love/hate the review? An ever-growing collection of others appears at:
http://pecheyponderings.wordpress.com/
A Book for All Seasons, a different sort of Book Challenge: https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/...
September 3, 2022
some fascinating nuggets of information to be found in this book, though a lot of it felt like Neoliberal White Feminism 101. beginner-level linguistics, made palatable for the average pink pussy feminism connoisseur.
January 22, 2023
filed under: books that should be taught in schools
August 1, 2021
this book was educational AND entertaining, which i always love in a non-fiction. i was a bit apprehensive to read this at first as my knowledge of linguistics is v limited, but montell explains everything in such a clear, concise, and witty way, which makes it so accessible and actually fun to read. i learned so much about how language has been/still is used to marginalise women and other minority groups - from the history of insults aimed at women and LGBTQ+ people, fighting back against the criticisms of women’s speech patterns (such as vocal fry, saying ‘like’ and ‘you know’ a lot), and the type of language we use when discussing women in the public sphere (as well as much more). definitely required reading!
January 29, 2022
I stress to even write a review for fear of disappointing the recommender (a word??) of this book— one of my most beloved friends and esteemed colleagues, Sydney Arvanitas. However, I must be true to myself!!!
In terms of interest level, this book is an absolute 10 out of five. Fascinating!
My two complaints are these:
1) holy cow she couldn’t write a single paragraph without inserting a ton of her own political views. I can handle and even enjoy a decent amount but this got annoying. Like she’s talking about George W. Bush‘s vernacular and she has to add sentences about how he has a bunch of other problems he should be worried about as well. Huh? Then sometimes I felt like she was trying to suck up to the queer community in the weirdest ways. She said her adolescent years were depressingly heterosexual simply because they are heterosexual. But she is still straight? I didn’t understand.
2) to me it felt like her premise of the book acknowledged that using words such as like, you know, just, being overly apologetic— a lot of these things that we perceive as generally female-centric, poor communication (especially in the workplace) are actually strengths for a wide variety of reasons that I did agree with and enjoyed learning more about. However there was no real solution other than hopefully eventually everyone else will get on board? To me that’s not really feminism. Why does speaking in a terse or direct manner have to be male? Frankly I care more about gaining the respect of (both female and) male executives that I work with by communicating in their language (and I don’t mean refusing to use preferred pronouns or other PC linguistics) than in 50 years them realizing oh she knew what she was doing and talking about all along with her hemming and hawing and billion exclamation points. Save them for the group chat with your girls!
Wow lol didn’t realize I felt so passionately about this book. I learned a lot and greatly appreciated the research she put into it and I’m glad to have read! Wouldn’t necessarily recommend broadly.
In terms of interest level, this book is an absolute 10 out of five. Fascinating!
My two complaints are these:
1) holy cow she couldn’t write a single paragraph without inserting a ton of her own political views. I can handle and even enjoy a decent amount but this got annoying. Like she’s talking about George W. Bush‘s vernacular and she has to add sentences about how he has a bunch of other problems he should be worried about as well. Huh? Then sometimes I felt like she was trying to suck up to the queer community in the weirdest ways. She said her adolescent years were depressingly heterosexual simply because they are heterosexual. But she is still straight? I didn’t understand.
2) to me it felt like her premise of the book acknowledged that using words such as like, you know, just, being overly apologetic— a lot of these things that we perceive as generally female-centric, poor communication (especially in the workplace) are actually strengths for a wide variety of reasons that I did agree with and enjoyed learning more about. However there was no real solution other than hopefully eventually everyone else will get on board? To me that’s not really feminism. Why does speaking in a terse or direct manner have to be male? Frankly I care more about gaining the respect of (both female and) male executives that I work with by communicating in their language (and I don’t mean refusing to use preferred pronouns or other PC linguistics) than in 50 years them realizing oh she knew what she was doing and talking about all along with her hemming and hawing and billion exclamation points. Save them for the group chat with your girls!
Wow lol didn’t realize I felt so passionately about this book. I learned a lot and greatly appreciated the research she put into it and I’m glad to have read! Wouldn’t necessarily recommend broadly.
May 6, 2022
Great audiobook. Probably better than Cultish. It’s incredible interesting and the author is a great explainer and such a talented narrator. Definitely worth picking up (especially the audiobook which you can find on Scribd)
January 8, 2020
Extremely thought provoking, I'd like to read a few more reviews on this one.
A sampling of the chapter titles so you know what you're getting into:
• Slutty Skanks and Nasty Dykes: A Comprehensive List of Gendered Insults
• Piss Off Bro: Linguists Explain What Locker Room Banter Really Is
• How to Embarrass the Shit Out of People Who Try to Correct Your Grammar
• Fuck It: An Ode to Cursing While Female
• Cyclops, Panty Puppet, Bald Headed Bastard and 100+ Other Things to Call Your Genitalia
A sampling of the chapter titles so you know what you're getting into:
• Slutty Skanks and Nasty Dykes: A Comprehensive List of Gendered Insults
• Piss Off Bro: Linguists Explain What Locker Room Banter Really Is
• How to Embarrass the Shit Out of People Who Try to Correct Your Grammar
• Fuck It: An Ode to Cursing While Female
• Cyclops, Panty Puppet, Bald Headed Bastard and 100+ Other Things to Call Your Genitalia
July 27, 2020
A couple of chapters in this book BLEW my mind. They put into words how I felt in many conversations, especially in the workplace, and spoke about how language creates or enforces power structures. I also loved how Montell spoke about how women tend to converse horizontally, layering thoughts in a collaborative manner, while men tend to converse vertically, in a series of monologues which aim to establish a power dynamic. Chapter 3 is GREAT.
That said, I found most of the book to be uninspiring and not introducing very new ideas. Ideas were not developed in-depth, and instead felt like a spattering of study-findings and simple assertions that won't stir any new conversations.
I also found the tone to be annoying -- especially when the author said things along the lines of, "I'm not saying all men are horrible, but that's not NOT what I'm saying." I'm misquoting her, of course, but that definitely felt like the undertone of the entire book, which I found to be unproductive and, frankly, irritating.
I SO wanted to love WordSlut, but the book just felt like an undergrad paper written by a linguist who sits at the "cool" table.
That said, I found most of the book to be uninspiring and not introducing very new ideas. Ideas were not developed in-depth, and instead felt like a spattering of study-findings and simple assertions that won't stir any new conversations.
I also found the tone to be annoying -- especially when the author said things along the lines of, "I'm not saying all men are horrible, but that's not NOT what I'm saying." I'm misquoting her, of course, but that definitely felt like the undertone of the entire book, which I found to be unproductive and, frankly, irritating.
I SO wanted to love WordSlut, but the book just felt like an undergrad paper written by a linguist who sits at the "cool" table.
Read
January 4, 2024Not a bad read but an extremely feminism 101 level read with a little intro to socio linguistic. If you're already passingly familiar with the idea of inclusive language you probably won't get more than few tidbits of new information from this one and considering when this book came out I expected more from it. I wasn't the right audience for this one.
November 18, 2019
Este libro de no-ficción ofrece una mirada feminista al uso cotidiano que le damos al inglés y explora los orígenes de tales usos. Deconstuye el idioma y lo analiza desde raíz: desde los insultos, los chismes, el acoso callejero, la gramática y la pronunciación, para mostrar como el lenguaje ha sido utilizado durante siglos para mantener las mujeres, y otros géneros, fuera del poder.
También ofrece alternativas y maneras de solucionar esta desigualdad, por lo menos desde la parte lingüística. Con una prosa sencilla y sumamente chistosa, es tan ameno que ni te das cuenta que estás leyendo un ensayo de casi 300 páginas.
Si bancas al feminismo y sos un frinki de la lingüística como yo, éste libro es OBLIGATORIO.
También ofrece alternativas y maneras de solucionar esta desigualdad, por lo menos desde la parte lingüística. Con una prosa sencilla y sumamente chistosa, es tan ameno que ni te das cuenta que estás leyendo un ensayo de casi 300 páginas.
Si bancas al feminismo y sos un frinki de la lingüística como yo, éste libro es OBLIGATORIO.
November 23, 2019
PLEASE EVERYONE READ.
signed, a wordslut
signed, a wordslut
November 30, 2024
I enjoyed this book so much the first time that I bought it right after returning it to the library and reread it again immediately. I have a feeling I'll be going back to this one over and over again for reference but also to feel better when the patriarchy of the world pisses me off.
The etymological lessons were interesting, but the sociological and anthropological contexts provided worldwide were very helpful in understanding how language has shaped our world and been shaped by it. I wholeheartedly agreed with the chapters on cat calling, cackling, and all the many words we have and don't have for genitalia. I found the academic researchers she interviewed to provide psychological profiles that felt true. I deeply appreciated how she points out the way words inadequately address people when it's restricted by binary genders - I think it would surprise people to realize that this conversation includes nonbinary, gender fluid, and trans people, but it also includes women who've had hysterectomies who might be cis-gender and hetero. And I was grateful for how she acknowledged and demonstrated the cultural appropriation of language from the marginalized into mainstream vernacular without the recognition of that oppression that it came from. Lastly, I'm inspired by some of the suggested vocabulary for more creative cursing and more acceptable references to my sexual organs.
PS, read the footnotes - they are often funny and almost always informative
The etymological lessons were interesting, but the sociological and anthropological contexts provided worldwide were very helpful in understanding how language has shaped our world and been shaped by it. I wholeheartedly agreed with the chapters on cat calling, cackling, and all the many words we have and don't have for genitalia. I found the academic researchers she interviewed to provide psychological profiles that felt true. I deeply appreciated how she points out the way words inadequately address people when it's restricted by binary genders - I think it would surprise people to realize that this conversation includes nonbinary, gender fluid, and trans people, but it also includes women who've had hysterectomies who might be cis-gender and hetero. And I was grateful for how she acknowledged and demonstrated the cultural appropriation of language from the marginalized into mainstream vernacular without the recognition of that oppression that it came from. Lastly, I'm inspired by some of the suggested vocabulary for more creative cursing and more acceptable references to my sexual organs.
PS, read the footnotes - they are often funny and almost always informative
August 1, 2019
Etmology and sociology of language bias, and thought provoking discussion points on changing it.
It's hot and my brain's not. 'Let me explain, no let me sum up.'
<<>> "After scanning the database (British National Corpus), Cameron found that when people use female as a noun, as opposed to woman, it's often in explicitly negative contexts."
Re: vocal fry
<<>> "To sum things up, over the first two decades of the twenty-first century, women began speaking with increasingly lower-pitched voices, attempting to convey more dominance and expressing more boredom--all things that middle-aged men have historically not been in favor of women doing."
<<>> "It's generally pretty well known that if you identify a sound change in progress, then young people will be leading old people, and women tend to be maybe half a generation ahead of males," Liberman says.
Discusses historical factors like exclusion, which I've always been interested in when I started noticing that women led language in writing because they were not allowed to formally study. See Tales of Genji and western vulgate writings where they were not taught Latin.
How do gendered languages affect personal identification growing up? This is fascinating to read and think about. Some words literally do not exist in some languages and can't be made up using the existing language.
1920s "upgrading", giving a human pronoun to an object. When female pronouns are used for nature, technology and territories it categorizes them as "other" and equally states them as toys and/or property.
<<>>"In grammar as in allegory as in life, women are considered reckless places outside the civilized male world--wild things meant to be tamed into the weak, delicate flowers we've traditionally wanted women to be."
<<>>"Linguists who specialize in the English vocabulary of "dirty talk: have determined that if you want to know something about our culture's mainstream attitudes toward sex--that it is penetrative by definition, that it's over as soon as the guy ejaculates, that men are horny pursuers while women are docile, undesiring objects--just look at the words we've come up with to describe it.
What I found most amusing is that the terms I use are generally games, toys, or playful. Jumping on his pogo stick is my favorite euphemism for male genitalia, Slip n' Slide for sex itself, because if we're not getting sweaty and slippery then why are we even bothering? Conversely if I'm being critical then I describe the male as having all the finesse of a jackhammer. *yawn* He's a total tool.
That's all I got. Recommended for interested readers.
It's hot and my brain's not. 'Let me explain, no let me sum up.'
<<>> "After scanning the database (British National Corpus), Cameron found that when people use female as a noun, as opposed to woman, it's often in explicitly negative contexts."
Re: vocal fry
<<>> "To sum things up, over the first two decades of the twenty-first century, women began speaking with increasingly lower-pitched voices, attempting to convey more dominance and expressing more boredom--all things that middle-aged men have historically not been in favor of women doing."
<<>> "It's generally pretty well known that if you identify a sound change in progress, then young people will be leading old people, and women tend to be maybe half a generation ahead of males," Liberman says.
Discusses historical factors like exclusion, which I've always been interested in when I started noticing that women led language in writing because they were not allowed to formally study. See Tales of Genji and western vulgate writings where they were not taught Latin.
How do gendered languages affect personal identification growing up? This is fascinating to read and think about. Some words literally do not exist in some languages and can't be made up using the existing language.
1920s "upgrading", giving a human pronoun to an object. When female pronouns are used for nature, technology and territories it categorizes them as "other" and equally states them as toys and/or property.
<<>>"In grammar as in allegory as in life, women are considered reckless places outside the civilized male world--wild things meant to be tamed into the weak, delicate flowers we've traditionally wanted women to be."
<<>>"Linguists who specialize in the English vocabulary of "dirty talk: have determined that if you want to know something about our culture's mainstream attitudes toward sex--that it is penetrative by definition, that it's over as soon as the guy ejaculates, that men are horny pursuers while women are docile, undesiring objects--just look at the words we've come up with to describe it.
What I found most amusing is that the terms I use are generally games, toys, or playful. Jumping on his pogo stick is my favorite euphemism for male genitalia, Slip n' Slide for sex itself, because if we're not getting sweaty and slippery then why are we even bothering? Conversely if I'm being critical then I describe the male as having all the finesse of a jackhammer. *yawn* He's a total tool.
That's all I got. Recommended for interested readers.
August 28, 2022
This is a book I’d definitely gift to everyone if given the chance.
January 25, 2022
I so wanted to like this, but this "intro to feminist sociolinguistics" was imbued with far too much white girlboss feminism for my taste (though maybe pop science lit is just not for me). I was disappointed that so little of the actual research mentioned was given a full citation (and searching for one referenced paper with presumably enough details to track down resulted in a slew of non-scholarly articles citing some bunk science), while conversely on at least four occasions "informal polls of my social media followers" were used to draw unearned conclusions. The chapters meandered and offered more in the way of "fun facts" and anecdotes than credible research or hypotheses.
For spending a good amount of time on the un/gendering of language and even dedicating a full chapter to queer linguistics, the author reduces people to men and women only far too many times to be excusable. And, sorry for the token "queer friend named Molly" (inexplicably one of the only informal sources named?) used as a sole source of knowledge about the lesbian experience.
Altogether, fell flat for me, but thanks for some kind of interesting etymology I guess?
For spending a good amount of time on the un/gendering of language and even dedicating a full chapter to queer linguistics, the author reduces people to men and women only far too many times to be excusable. And, sorry for the token "queer friend named Molly" (inexplicably one of the only informal sources named?) used as a sole source of knowledge about the lesbian experience.
Altogether, fell flat for me, but thanks for some kind of interesting etymology I guess?
March 10, 2023
4.5 ⭐
Fun, informative, and pretty inclusive. I especially enjoyed the chapters "how to embarrass the shit out of people who try to correct your grammar" and "fuck it: an ode to cursing while female." (On a side note, who wants to make up some feminist swear words with me?) The etymological elements throughout were really nice too. I think this book will make me look at the English language with more of a keen eye for the nuances that come from and reinforce the patriarchy.
Check this one out, friends!
Fun, informative, and pretty inclusive. I especially enjoyed the chapters "how to embarrass the shit out of people who try to correct your grammar" and "fuck it: an ode to cursing while female." (On a side note, who wants to make up some feminist swear words with me?) The etymological elements throughout were really nice too. I think this book will make me look at the English language with more of a keen eye for the nuances that come from and reinforce the patriarchy.
Check this one out, friends!
December 27, 2021
4.5 🌟
I enjoyed every second of this book and had a problem putting down the audiobook. It was both thought-provoking and entertaining. I love that the author included a lot of historical contexts to words and their meanings.
The writing was light, relatable, and very engaging. Now, I am looking forward to reading Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism by the author.
I enjoyed every second of this book and had a problem putting down the audiobook. It was both thought-provoking and entertaining. I love that the author included a lot of historical contexts to words and their meanings.
The writing was light, relatable, and very engaging. Now, I am looking forward to reading Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism by the author.
February 4, 2021
“People tend to think of prescriptive grammar—that’s the grammar your English teacher made you learn—as this almighty, unchanging force that has been there forever, like gravity or the sun. We forget that grammar rules are a human invention, and they’re constantly evolving.”
This here is one of the best examples of feminist books even though it does not really try to be one. Linguistics is a passion of mine and Amanda Montell creates a well-researched, elegantly-constructed and balanced nonfiction on the patriarchal and misogynistic effects on the everyday language. Each chapter provides insightful information as to how language evolved over time and the author approaches the issue from sociolinguistic point of view, which fascinated me throughout the book. I loved the insights on gender-biased insults, grammar corrections, language of marginalized groups, the naturally patriarchal evolution of language, the challenges women face without even noticing when they open their mouths to speak (including mansplaining).
An amazing reference book that will inspire you to read related books and researches, a feminist book without the rage and hatred most “feminist” books offer, a fantastic linguistic feast with a female point of view. Loved it!
This here is one of the best examples of feminist books even though it does not really try to be one. Linguistics is a passion of mine and Amanda Montell creates a well-researched, elegantly-constructed and balanced nonfiction on the patriarchal and misogynistic effects on the everyday language. Each chapter provides insightful information as to how language evolved over time and the author approaches the issue from sociolinguistic point of view, which fascinated me throughout the book. I loved the insights on gender-biased insults, grammar corrections, language of marginalized groups, the naturally patriarchal evolution of language, the challenges women face without even noticing when they open their mouths to speak (including mansplaining).
An amazing reference book that will inspire you to read related books and researches, a feminist book without the rage and hatred most “feminist” books offer, a fantastic linguistic feast with a female point of view. Loved it!
August 24, 2022
After adoring this author other non-fiction title, Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism, I was eager to begin this book, which explored how gendered language has become and the ways in which wording associated with females often becomes slurs were as those associated with males often denotes power, instead. For example, swear words seem harsher when they refer to female, as opposed to male, genitalia. Why is this??
I appreciated the broad topics discussed, as well as how the roots for many of the included words were also provided. It instructed the reader on how to do better, regarding their own speech, and how to reclaim language for their own purposes and not to degrade others.
I appreciated the broad topics discussed, as well as how the roots for many of the included words were also provided. It instructed the reader on how to do better, regarding their own speech, and how to reclaim language for their own purposes and not to degrade others.
September 16, 2022
3.5 stars.
April 28, 2022
After the first couple chapters, I probably would've given this book 4 stars, but toward the end, I was ready to give it more like a 2. First, the good:
I do think sociolinguistics is really cool, and I love discussions about how society affects our linguistic patterns. I learned a lot about women's speech patterns and where they might come from. I especially enjoyed the chapter about the different uses of "like." I think if you're new to sociolinguistics, this is a fun read and gives you a nice overview about what people are talking about in the field. The sociolinguistics content was fascinating to me. It's clear Montell really loves this stuff and wants to share this passion and learning with others. In that way, I am very impressed by her dedication to writing this book. I think there's a lot of positive stuff in here that I'll be excited to talk about in book club.
My gripes:
Montell claimed at the end to not really think she is the most interesting person in the room, but many of her examples say otherwise. She told us many times how she is known for her swearing, how cool her swearing is among her friends, how her explanations of sociolinguistics to people at parties or on the train earned her linguistic points, and it was A LOT. I felt a little confused why she was the one writing this book. The quality information we received was based on interviews from Deborah Cameron and Lal Zimman, who are researchers and academics. That's not to say that people with a BA in linguistics can't write a book about it! I think I just enjoyed the information that was more like reporting, and really disliked the information that was anecdotal and based on her personal life. Probably a lot of this is because we're just in really different stages of life, so I couldn't relate to her.
This book was 100% for women in their late 20s and early 30s who are liberal feminists. It's not really for anyone else, even though people who fall outside of that demographic would probably really benefit from learning some of this stuff. I got the sense she existed in a liberal bubble and didn't even really know when she was saying something that might not be a widely shared opinion.
Also I am on board with hating the patriarchy and toxic masculinity. But dismissing people because they're white and male seems a little obtuse. The comment that really kicked me out toward the end: "In an episode of the podcast Reply All, hosted by two straight white dudes in their thirties (which I happen to like very much despite these shortcomings)..." Why the parenthetical? What are the shortcomings? That they are straight and white and men? Unnecessary comments like this that didn't really further the argument at hand and that just served as signals to an in-group were really frustrating to me.
Maybe this boils down to me wanting something a little more academic (more footnotes! where is the "further reading" list? It's based on interviews by academics, but we are never told where to look for their research!) and a little less bitches-let-me-tell-you-how-it-is.
I'm giving this 3.5 stars because of the topic and the fact that I did enjoy reading it, but the tone would really keep me from recommending this to friends and colleagues.
I do think sociolinguistics is really cool, and I love discussions about how society affects our linguistic patterns. I learned a lot about women's speech patterns and where they might come from. I especially enjoyed the chapter about the different uses of "like." I think if you're new to sociolinguistics, this is a fun read and gives you a nice overview about what people are talking about in the field. The sociolinguistics content was fascinating to me. It's clear Montell really loves this stuff and wants to share this passion and learning with others. In that way, I am very impressed by her dedication to writing this book. I think there's a lot of positive stuff in here that I'll be excited to talk about in book club.
My gripes:
Montell claimed at the end to not really think she is the most interesting person in the room, but many of her examples say otherwise. She told us many times how she is known for her swearing, how cool her swearing is among her friends, how her explanations of sociolinguistics to people at parties or on the train earned her linguistic points, and it was A LOT. I felt a little confused why she was the one writing this book. The quality information we received was based on interviews from Deborah Cameron and Lal Zimman, who are researchers and academics. That's not to say that people with a BA in linguistics can't write a book about it! I think I just enjoyed the information that was more like reporting, and really disliked the information that was anecdotal and based on her personal life. Probably a lot of this is because we're just in really different stages of life, so I couldn't relate to her.
This book was 100% for women in their late 20s and early 30s who are liberal feminists. It's not really for anyone else, even though people who fall outside of that demographic would probably really benefit from learning some of this stuff. I got the sense she existed in a liberal bubble and didn't even really know when she was saying something that might not be a widely shared opinion.
Also I am on board with hating the patriarchy and toxic masculinity. But dismissing people because they're white and male seems a little obtuse. The comment that really kicked me out toward the end: "In an episode of the podcast Reply All, hosted by two straight white dudes in their thirties (which I happen to like very much despite these shortcomings)..." Why the parenthetical? What are the shortcomings? That they are straight and white and men? Unnecessary comments like this that didn't really further the argument at hand and that just served as signals to an in-group were really frustrating to me.
Maybe this boils down to me wanting something a little more academic (more footnotes! where is the "further reading" list? It's based on interviews by academics, but we are never told where to look for their research!) and a little less bitches-let-me-tell-you-how-it-is.
I'm giving this 3.5 stars because of the topic and the fact that I did enjoy reading it, but the tone would really keep me from recommending this to friends and colleagues.
May 10, 2021
I really enjoyed this book. The first 3/4 are stellar, the book gets a little boring by the end. I was mostly impressed by the sections around how women's language is criticized as a reflection of why women are awful and less with the ticks (things like vocal fry, "like", and "just"). This something I've been suspicious of but having Montell explain it all made me feel validated, for sure. I would have liked more intersectionality when it comes to including more instances of AAVE women and queer folks pushing the boundaries of language instead of just saying "women" as I think that leaves out a lot of nuance. Overall really enjoyed.
May 16, 2023
from the title alone, i had a feeling that this book might lean a little pussy power girlboss white feminism, but two booktubers i watch have praised the fuck out of it as one of the favorite feminist nonfiction books, so i was hopeful. i shouldn’t have been.
content/trigger warnings; sexism, misogyny, slut shaming, sexual harassment, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, racism,
this book had the potential to be something i adored. i love language, i focus a lot on words and what they mean, and the language we use is important and it’s necessary to examine why and how we use the language that we do. i spend a lot of time reading and talking about queer history and the terminology we use and have used, and my key takeaway has always been that self-determination, self-identification, and the right to name ourselves is a fundamental facet of queerness. and in order to respect the language one uses, you have to take the time to understand and respect how and why they use it. language (especially the terms one calls themself and others) can vary in meaning so much from person to person, and to me, individuals choosing what language they want to use and have used for themselves should be prioritized over enforcing some kind of unattainable universal set of words and what they can mean.
this book acknowledged that in the beginning, and i expected a thoughtful exploration of all the different ways gendered language is used and why, but that’s not what i got. the author has a working belief about why people use the language they do and works backwards, cherry-picks, and generalizes to “prove” it, and along the way perpetuates gender essentialism, cis-binarism, and the idea that people of one gender are a monolith. it doesn’t help, either, that a little more than half of what the author references is from 20+ years before the publication of the book. it makes it feel very dated for a 2019 book. (and a good chunk of the more recent things referenced are less studies/books and more random articles/blog posts/social media polls, which. yeah.)
first. there are plenty of things i like, especially in the beginning when i was still hopeful, particularly the discussions about hedges (though i don’t agree that speaking without hedges is “closed off and doesn’t make room for anyone else’s input” or that it’s ignorant or domineering to dislike when people interject with minimal responses while you’re speaking), feminizing gender neutral words (like “she-eo” *gag*), how genderless words are typically assumed to be masculine, insults and reclamation, people deciding to “care” about grammar when it comes to shitting on queer-inclusive language (particularly they/them pronouns), swearing, and responding to bigots with criticism of their spelling/grammar (though i wish it had been called out as ableist instead of just like, douchey and irrelevant to the issue at hand). i also love that “adjusting one’s language in the right direction doesn’t necessarily cause one’s unconscious thinking to follow” is brought up, because it’s so important to understand that changing the words you use is pointless if you aren’t also challenging the mindset behind the words.
and that’s about where it goes to shit. i guess i’ll start with cis-binarism, since it’s the most egregious, in my opinion. this is a book about cis men and cis women, and the author randomly throwing in “women and nonbinary genders,” “people of all/any genders,” “men, women, and everyone in between,” and “women (and other marginalized genders)” doesn’t change that. the author might acknowledge the existence of nonbinary genders, but the content of the book is about cis men and cis women. they are the only ones who are meaningfully considered throughout the book’s entirety. and i take issue with that because if you’re only talking about men and women, just say men and women. it’s performative to say “all genders” when you’re not even talking about all genders.
(and the phrases themselves are not without issue. for example, “women and nonbinary genders” is criticized by nonbinary people for lumping them in with women, as if they are women-lite, all have similar experiences, or don’t in any way identify with being men and “men, women, and everyone in between” portrays nonbinary as being smack dab in the middle of men and women, which erases the varied and nuanced nonbinary identities and experiences, including sometimes or partially identifying with a binary gender.)
further, the author praises the inclusion of women in things that previously only included men as “getting the gender equality act together” and basically just argues for woman-equivalents to man-centric things and acts like that’s the be all end all goal of feminism; to put women at the same level or higher than men. but what about everyone else? what about people who don’t neatly fit into the categories of man and woman? there is so much more nuance to gender and gender equality than “women should have everything/more than what men have.” this is seen in the end of the book when the author wonders if we will ever have a woman dominated/centric language, as if that’s where we should strive for language to be for ~equality. or when the author weirdly criticizes the use of “person” because it “removes gender” instead of being “explicitly feminine” again as if everything being feminine is the logical and unproblematic solution to everything being masculine.
this “man/woman” binary often translates into “men do this/women do that” and that is the case for this book. gender essentialism is bad, kids. women don’t talk one way and men talk another way because ~gender. we all talk different ways because of different reasons. it’s just so reductive and shallow and regressive to chalk everything we do up to what our gender is and act like there are hard lines between them. this ties into the author’s tendency to make big generalizations. how the ways women and men converse are described really comes off as “men are impersonal and logical and women are kind and emotional.” which. is nothing new as far as bad gender takes go. one example of the author generalizing is when she’s analyzing why some women use sexist/misogynistic language, she completely disregards the reality of internalized misogyny by saying women aren’t just brainwashed into using that kind of language. she argues women use that language because it’s ~fun to say, they’re a ~listener, or they’re ~taking it back.
part of why universalizing one woman’s experience or the experience the author believes is the most common/valid annoys me so much aside from the obvious is that isn’t relatable to me personally lmao. the author at one point states all women, or anyone who has ever been a woman, are “unavoidably still dragooned into following some patriarchal convention of feminine speech” such as don’t come off nonmaternal, don’t ask too many questions or you’ll sound unassertive, don’t make too many references to reality tv, etc. and honest to god i’ve never once thought about those things. i do think about what i say, because i have social anxiety, but i’ve never thought “don’t say things that might come off too girly or the wrong kind of girly because people will look down on you.” so i don’t appreciate framing this as a universal, inevitable experience.
the author mentions different theories about why women in general use the language they do, but zeroes in on the one she believes to be true or more interesting/deep/unexpected and positions it as the most true, rather than acknowledging that women are not a monolith and don’t all use language in the same way for the same reason. for some, it’s a tool to cope with or resist oppression, but for some, it’s not even consciously thought about, it’s just learned or borrowed from hearing others use it, or it just sounds cool, or they just like playing with the language they use. while i do think it’s important and interesting to highlight the ways women have used language as a power tool or means of creating connections with other women, i don’t think every case is that deep. nor does it have to be that deep in order to be justified.
those are main issues, but they aren’t the only issues. the book pretty much only cares about cis, abled, straight, white american men and women. everyone else is not meaningfully included. there’s a chapter on gay talk which only considers the language used among gays and lesbians, as if other queer folks don’t have their own ways of speaking for/with each other. there are a few paragraphs at the end of a chapter that focuses on trans people, but it’s solely about what trans people call their genitals because reducing trans people to their genitals is cool (immediately after those paragraphs, the next chapter starts with citing mary daly and referring to her as a “kooky hardcore feminist” which is a weird way to say “known transphobe”). aave is mentioned a handful of times, but there’s the vibe that the author doesn’t think the appropriation of aave by nonblack people is problematic or ever purposeful (it’s referred to once as being “unwittingly swiped” by nonblack people). disabled people and the language surrounding disability is never mentioned. queer people, people of color, disabled people, etc. (and those who are more than one of those) should’ve been interwoven throughout the entire narrative instead of being relegated to a few paragraphs here and there or single chapter.
there are several other notes i made, such as the author using black men in hip hop as the go-to example of misogyny in music, which is suspicious to me. not because misogyny in hip-hop doesn’t exist or shouldn’t be challenged, but when it’s white people’s first and only example of misogyny in music it feels hypocritical (because that’s not the only applicable artists or genre) and reductive (hip-hop is so much more than that). the author also mentions a few times that it’s sexist to tell women not to apologize so much but never actually discusses it and i find it’s unhelpful to say this especially without reason because over apologizing can be a result of trauma, and when that’s the case, it’s a habit that is healthy to break. something that really pissed me off is when the author uses a lack of empathy to explain away bad/misogynistic behavior from men, which is so fucking damaging. empathy is not synonymous with morality or ethics or being a good person or caring. lacking empathy is not why some men are misogynists. there are plenty of people who have little or no empathy who aren’t bigots or abusers and throwing them under the bus to explain away choices shitty men make is so fucked up.
and then there’s a bunch of queer related notes i made. starting with the author getting the history of “queer” wrong. the author uses it as a prime example of a reclaimed slur, stating it “used to be exclusively a homophobic insult” before being reclaimed and attributed positive/neutral meaning by queer folks. however, this is incorrect. before queer ever gained traction as an insult/slur, gay men were using as a self-identifier. it was the term a lot of men used before gay caught on as an identifier. as time went on, homophobes started weaponizing queer and younger gay folks shied away from using it, favoring gay instead, and even shamed older folks who still used queer. it’s easy to think it was a slur first, because of the “weird/strange/unusual” definition, but that was precisely why queer folks in the early 1900s adopted it as a self-identifier. they embraced what made them different, they didn’t see being different or weird as a bad thing.
then the dyke march is described by the author as a “lesbian pride event” that women attend. however, dyke march is loudly inclusive, welcoming all queer women AND sapphic/fem folks who aren’t women. binaries really have this author in a chokehold. dyke is also literally in the title of the first chapter but there isn’t even anything about the history of the word lmao. nonbinary gets equated with they/them pronouns and portrayed as mutually exclusive with men and women. sexuality is referred to as “sexual preference” and defined as who we have sex with. butch/femme is the only “lesbian slang” mentioned, which isn’t even lesbian exclusive. the author mentions sexual fluidity and how things considered “gay” aren’t exclusively gay and i thought it was leading into a mspec/nonbinary conversation, but it was actually about how gay terminology is now cool for straights to use *clown meme*.
the line “a male who wants to be female is the ultimate downgrade” is suspicious to me. because “females who want to be male” are viewed as gender traitors because “men=bad, women=good.” (also, the author wasn’t actually talking about trans folks here, just feminine gay men vs masculine lesbian women, so that’s another thing. gender presentation =/= gender. language matters, remember?) the author makes a comment about how telling a lesbian “her vagina is an organ that receives the penis” wouldn’t go well, but some women and lesbians have penises, so what then? someone is quoted as saying cis man on cis man sex is considered real sex but vagina on vagina sex isn’t, but are we really just going to pretend that society at large considers sex between two cis men as real sex on the same level as penis in vagina sex? that there isn’t any taboo, disgust, contempt, and dismissal about anal sex, unless it’s a cis man fucking a cis woman in the ass? stop dismissing one queer reality to highlight another. they can both be treated/viewed badly.
and that’s about it, i think. also, here are two reviews that discuss some general issues that i either didn’t or only briefly mentioned.
content/trigger warnings; sexism, misogyny, slut shaming, sexual harassment, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, racism,
this book had the potential to be something i adored. i love language, i focus a lot on words and what they mean, and the language we use is important and it’s necessary to examine why and how we use the language that we do. i spend a lot of time reading and talking about queer history and the terminology we use and have used, and my key takeaway has always been that self-determination, self-identification, and the right to name ourselves is a fundamental facet of queerness. and in order to respect the language one uses, you have to take the time to understand and respect how and why they use it. language (especially the terms one calls themself and others) can vary in meaning so much from person to person, and to me, individuals choosing what language they want to use and have used for themselves should be prioritized over enforcing some kind of unattainable universal set of words and what they can mean.
this book acknowledged that in the beginning, and i expected a thoughtful exploration of all the different ways gendered language is used and why, but that’s not what i got. the author has a working belief about why people use the language they do and works backwards, cherry-picks, and generalizes to “prove” it, and along the way perpetuates gender essentialism, cis-binarism, and the idea that people of one gender are a monolith. it doesn’t help, either, that a little more than half of what the author references is from 20+ years before the publication of the book. it makes it feel very dated for a 2019 book. (and a good chunk of the more recent things referenced are less studies/books and more random articles/blog posts/social media polls, which. yeah.)
first. there are plenty of things i like, especially in the beginning when i was still hopeful, particularly the discussions about hedges (though i don’t agree that speaking without hedges is “closed off and doesn’t make room for anyone else’s input” or that it’s ignorant or domineering to dislike when people interject with minimal responses while you’re speaking), feminizing gender neutral words (like “she-eo” *gag*), how genderless words are typically assumed to be masculine, insults and reclamation, people deciding to “care” about grammar when it comes to shitting on queer-inclusive language (particularly they/them pronouns), swearing, and responding to bigots with criticism of their spelling/grammar (though i wish it had been called out as ableist instead of just like, douchey and irrelevant to the issue at hand). i also love that “adjusting one’s language in the right direction doesn’t necessarily cause one’s unconscious thinking to follow” is brought up, because it’s so important to understand that changing the words you use is pointless if you aren’t also challenging the mindset behind the words.
and that’s about where it goes to shit. i guess i’ll start with cis-binarism, since it’s the most egregious, in my opinion. this is a book about cis men and cis women, and the author randomly throwing in “women and nonbinary genders,” “people of all/any genders,” “men, women, and everyone in between,” and “women (and other marginalized genders)” doesn’t change that. the author might acknowledge the existence of nonbinary genders, but the content of the book is about cis men and cis women. they are the only ones who are meaningfully considered throughout the book’s entirety. and i take issue with that because if you’re only talking about men and women, just say men and women. it’s performative to say “all genders” when you’re not even talking about all genders.
(and the phrases themselves are not without issue. for example, “women and nonbinary genders” is criticized by nonbinary people for lumping them in with women, as if they are women-lite, all have similar experiences, or don’t in any way identify with being men and “men, women, and everyone in between” portrays nonbinary as being smack dab in the middle of men and women, which erases the varied and nuanced nonbinary identities and experiences, including sometimes or partially identifying with a binary gender.)
further, the author praises the inclusion of women in things that previously only included men as “getting the gender equality act together” and basically just argues for woman-equivalents to man-centric things and acts like that’s the be all end all goal of feminism; to put women at the same level or higher than men. but what about everyone else? what about people who don’t neatly fit into the categories of man and woman? there is so much more nuance to gender and gender equality than “women should have everything/more than what men have.” this is seen in the end of the book when the author wonders if we will ever have a woman dominated/centric language, as if that’s where we should strive for language to be for ~equality. or when the author weirdly criticizes the use of “person” because it “removes gender” instead of being “explicitly feminine” again as if everything being feminine is the logical and unproblematic solution to everything being masculine.
this “man/woman” binary often translates into “men do this/women do that” and that is the case for this book. gender essentialism is bad, kids. women don’t talk one way and men talk another way because ~gender. we all talk different ways because of different reasons. it’s just so reductive and shallow and regressive to chalk everything we do up to what our gender is and act like there are hard lines between them. this ties into the author’s tendency to make big generalizations. how the ways women and men converse are described really comes off as “men are impersonal and logical and women are kind and emotional.” which. is nothing new as far as bad gender takes go. one example of the author generalizing is when she’s analyzing why some women use sexist/misogynistic language, she completely disregards the reality of internalized misogyny by saying women aren’t just brainwashed into using that kind of language. she argues women use that language because it’s ~fun to say, they’re a ~listener, or they’re ~taking it back.
part of why universalizing one woman’s experience or the experience the author believes is the most common/valid annoys me so much aside from the obvious is that isn’t relatable to me personally lmao. the author at one point states all women, or anyone who has ever been a woman, are “unavoidably still dragooned into following some patriarchal convention of feminine speech” such as don’t come off nonmaternal, don’t ask too many questions or you’ll sound unassertive, don’t make too many references to reality tv, etc. and honest to god i’ve never once thought about those things. i do think about what i say, because i have social anxiety, but i’ve never thought “don’t say things that might come off too girly or the wrong kind of girly because people will look down on you.” so i don’t appreciate framing this as a universal, inevitable experience.
the author mentions different theories about why women in general use the language they do, but zeroes in on the one she believes to be true or more interesting/deep/unexpected and positions it as the most true, rather than acknowledging that women are not a monolith and don’t all use language in the same way for the same reason. for some, it’s a tool to cope with or resist oppression, but for some, it’s not even consciously thought about, it’s just learned or borrowed from hearing others use it, or it just sounds cool, or they just like playing with the language they use. while i do think it’s important and interesting to highlight the ways women have used language as a power tool or means of creating connections with other women, i don’t think every case is that deep. nor does it have to be that deep in order to be justified.
those are main issues, but they aren’t the only issues. the book pretty much only cares about cis, abled, straight, white american men and women. everyone else is not meaningfully included. there’s a chapter on gay talk which only considers the language used among gays and lesbians, as if other queer folks don’t have their own ways of speaking for/with each other. there are a few paragraphs at the end of a chapter that focuses on trans people, but it’s solely about what trans people call their genitals because reducing trans people to their genitals is cool (immediately after those paragraphs, the next chapter starts with citing mary daly and referring to her as a “kooky hardcore feminist” which is a weird way to say “known transphobe”). aave is mentioned a handful of times, but there’s the vibe that the author doesn’t think the appropriation of aave by nonblack people is problematic or ever purposeful (it’s referred to once as being “unwittingly swiped” by nonblack people). disabled people and the language surrounding disability is never mentioned. queer people, people of color, disabled people, etc. (and those who are more than one of those) should’ve been interwoven throughout the entire narrative instead of being relegated to a few paragraphs here and there or single chapter.
there are several other notes i made, such as the author using black men in hip hop as the go-to example of misogyny in music, which is suspicious to me. not because misogyny in hip-hop doesn’t exist or shouldn’t be challenged, but when it’s white people’s first and only example of misogyny in music it feels hypocritical (because that’s not the only applicable artists or genre) and reductive (hip-hop is so much more than that). the author also mentions a few times that it’s sexist to tell women not to apologize so much but never actually discusses it and i find it’s unhelpful to say this especially without reason because over apologizing can be a result of trauma, and when that’s the case, it’s a habit that is healthy to break. something that really pissed me off is when the author uses a lack of empathy to explain away bad/misogynistic behavior from men, which is so fucking damaging. empathy is not synonymous with morality or ethics or being a good person or caring. lacking empathy is not why some men are misogynists. there are plenty of people who have little or no empathy who aren’t bigots or abusers and throwing them under the bus to explain away choices shitty men make is so fucked up.
and then there’s a bunch of queer related notes i made. starting with the author getting the history of “queer” wrong. the author uses it as a prime example of a reclaimed slur, stating it “used to be exclusively a homophobic insult” before being reclaimed and attributed positive/neutral meaning by queer folks. however, this is incorrect. before queer ever gained traction as an insult/slur, gay men were using as a self-identifier. it was the term a lot of men used before gay caught on as an identifier. as time went on, homophobes started weaponizing queer and younger gay folks shied away from using it, favoring gay instead, and even shamed older folks who still used queer. it’s easy to think it was a slur first, because of the “weird/strange/unusual” definition, but that was precisely why queer folks in the early 1900s adopted it as a self-identifier. they embraced what made them different, they didn’t see being different or weird as a bad thing.
then the dyke march is described by the author as a “lesbian pride event” that women attend. however, dyke march is loudly inclusive, welcoming all queer women AND sapphic/fem folks who aren’t women. binaries really have this author in a chokehold. dyke is also literally in the title of the first chapter but there isn’t even anything about the history of the word lmao. nonbinary gets equated with they/them pronouns and portrayed as mutually exclusive with men and women. sexuality is referred to as “sexual preference” and defined as who we have sex with. butch/femme is the only “lesbian slang” mentioned, which isn’t even lesbian exclusive. the author mentions sexual fluidity and how things considered “gay” aren’t exclusively gay and i thought it was leading into a mspec/nonbinary conversation, but it was actually about how gay terminology is now cool for straights to use *clown meme*.
the line “a male who wants to be female is the ultimate downgrade” is suspicious to me. because “females who want to be male” are viewed as gender traitors because “men=bad, women=good.” (also, the author wasn’t actually talking about trans folks here, just feminine gay men vs masculine lesbian women, so that’s another thing. gender presentation =/= gender. language matters, remember?) the author makes a comment about how telling a lesbian “her vagina is an organ that receives the penis” wouldn’t go well, but some women and lesbians have penises, so what then? someone is quoted as saying cis man on cis man sex is considered real sex but vagina on vagina sex isn’t, but are we really just going to pretend that society at large considers sex between two cis men as real sex on the same level as penis in vagina sex? that there isn’t any taboo, disgust, contempt, and dismissal about anal sex, unless it’s a cis man fucking a cis woman in the ass? stop dismissing one queer reality to highlight another. they can both be treated/viewed badly.
and that’s about it, i think. also, here are two reviews that discuss some general issues that i either didn’t or only briefly mentioned.
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July 12, 2024
I read this because it is one of my library's branch manager's favorite books.
I enjoyed it. It was informative and descriptive (if skewing very white feminist in places), and made me think a lot more about language and how language controls us and informs on us.
An interesting read and really informative, although after the really slipshod research of Sounds Like a Cult podcast (the beginning season starts strong and devolves FAST), I had a hard time taking anything said as fact instead of opinion.
I enjoyed it. It was informative and descriptive (if skewing very white feminist in places), and made me think a lot more about language and how language controls us and informs on us.
An interesting read and really informative, although after the really slipshod research of Sounds Like a Cult podcast (the beginning season starts strong and devolves FAST), I had a hard time taking anything said as fact instead of opinion.
May 11, 2021
Holy crap this is SUCH A GOOD BOOK!!!!!!
I literally would recommend this book to anyone and everyone and all of my friends.
In general, this book really flipped my view of "how we should speak" on its head. Basically everything at least I've been taught about "how we should speak" came from the lens of patriarchy. That sounding like a cis white straight man was the standard. When really there are so many groups (not just women, but POC, the queer community, etc) that get berated on for how they speak when in actuality the way these marginalized groups speak have their own goals, needs, and functions. As a woman, I am so empowered by this book. Holy crap all these years of being told I need to speak a certain way to be taken seriously--that was all patriarchy. Patriarchy says we need to speak like men to receive the respect men receive. In actuality, there is so much to learn from in terms of how women speak and especially amongst groups of only women.
Generally, men speak with the goal to pass information. Men are described to speak to be "competitive" where they basically speak in monologues and wait for the other to interject with their own monologue (usually in a way trying to one up one another). When women speak, it's a lot more "collaborative" and about building connection and driving consensus across the group. She describes men as speaking more vertically and women speaking more horizontally. Women in particular get harped on for using "filler" words like "like" and "you know," but not only do men also use these filler words (and get less flack for it when they do), when women use these words it's for very distinct functions. Misogyny, patriarchy, and general bias towards women have labeled women and insecure and unsure of themselves which is "why" they use these filler words. When linguists actually broke it down, "like" (aside from the verb to like something or like as a simile) the filler word has 4 distinct use cases to help drive connection and build approachability in rapport. Same as "you know." You know is not a filler word, but again women reaching out to build consensus amongst the group they're speaking in. Really cool, empowering tidbits like this teaching me to not feel shame for how I speak, but that my different style (and how many women speak) is to achieve a goal outside what the patriarchy has defined.
She also covers how so much of our slang and language is derived from marginalized communities. Communities with the least power had to be the most creative coming up with terms and codes to recognize one another. Holy crap I never knew even the simple phrase "24-7" specifically came from the female African American community and the first time a white TV news speaker used it, it was absolutely jarring.
I also found it super interesting the study she included about how women use curse words. Whereas it's a given men will curse, women on the other hand almost always do it with intention whether it's for the sake of humor or to get a rise out of someone from the shock of a woman cursing (because expecting a man to curse is standard but a woman cursing is not).
She also spends time showing how our language is a reflection of how we view gender and sex. How you could say the word penis a hundred times and never get called for it, but once you say vagina people squirm and the word must be censored. How in general sex and sexual organs and body parts are seen and from the perspective of het males and our language is not yet inclusive to folks on different parts of the spectrum or not in hetero relationships. In general, our language around sex treats the penis as strong and masculine--a weapon; and women are simply receptacles, the vagina is passive and only existing to receive the penis. Hence why "penetration" evokes the definition of sex--it's literally been defined from only the man's point of view centered around men's completion. To give an example of what it might be like if we built language around women and female pleasure instead of man's, we might say "envelopment" instead. Or if vaginas evoked as much power as penises, we might yell at offenders in our fury "suck my clit" instead of "suck my dick." In fact, I will no longer be referring to penetration as sex, but using envelopment instead. :P
So yeah, lots of good stuff in here. I admit, it was probably especially delightful for my personal consumption as it feeds into and reinforces a lot of my own opinions about the patriarchy and society. I'm totally the target audience and I ate it up as such. All in all, this book is fun with lots of novel and interesting tidbits into linguistics. Her analysis on linguistics as it reflects society adds to the flare and fun.
Go get this book, read it, empower your inner feminist, and stay woke, my friends.
I literally would recommend this book to anyone and everyone and all of my friends.
In general, this book really flipped my view of "how we should speak" on its head. Basically everything at least I've been taught about "how we should speak" came from the lens of patriarchy. That sounding like a cis white straight man was the standard. When really there are so many groups (not just women, but POC, the queer community, etc) that get berated on for how they speak when in actuality the way these marginalized groups speak have their own goals, needs, and functions. As a woman, I am so empowered by this book. Holy crap all these years of being told I need to speak a certain way to be taken seriously--that was all patriarchy. Patriarchy says we need to speak like men to receive the respect men receive. In actuality, there is so much to learn from in terms of how women speak and especially amongst groups of only women.
Generally, men speak with the goal to pass information. Men are described to speak to be "competitive" where they basically speak in monologues and wait for the other to interject with their own monologue (usually in a way trying to one up one another). When women speak, it's a lot more "collaborative" and about building connection and driving consensus across the group. She describes men as speaking more vertically and women speaking more horizontally. Women in particular get harped on for using "filler" words like "like" and "you know," but not only do men also use these filler words (and get less flack for it when they do), when women use these words it's for very distinct functions. Misogyny, patriarchy, and general bias towards women have labeled women and insecure and unsure of themselves which is "why" they use these filler words. When linguists actually broke it down, "like" (aside from the verb to like something or like as a simile) the filler word has 4 distinct use cases to help drive connection and build approachability in rapport. Same as "you know." You know is not a filler word, but again women reaching out to build consensus amongst the group they're speaking in. Really cool, empowering tidbits like this teaching me to not feel shame for how I speak, but that my different style (and how many women speak) is to achieve a goal outside what the patriarchy has defined.
She also covers how so much of our slang and language is derived from marginalized communities. Communities with the least power had to be the most creative coming up with terms and codes to recognize one another. Holy crap I never knew even the simple phrase "24-7" specifically came from the female African American community and the first time a white TV news speaker used it, it was absolutely jarring.
I also found it super interesting the study she included about how women use curse words. Whereas it's a given men will curse, women on the other hand almost always do it with intention whether it's for the sake of humor or to get a rise out of someone from the shock of a woman cursing (because expecting a man to curse is standard but a woman cursing is not).
She also spends time showing how our language is a reflection of how we view gender and sex. How you could say the word penis a hundred times and never get called for it, but once you say vagina people squirm and the word must be censored. How in general sex and sexual organs and body parts are seen and from the perspective of het males and our language is not yet inclusive to folks on different parts of the spectrum or not in hetero relationships. In general, our language around sex treats the penis as strong and masculine--a weapon; and women are simply receptacles, the vagina is passive and only existing to receive the penis. Hence why "penetration" evokes the definition of sex--it's literally been defined from only the man's point of view centered around men's completion. To give an example of what it might be like if we built language around women and female pleasure instead of man's, we might say "envelopment" instead. Or if vaginas evoked as much power as penises, we might yell at offenders in our fury "suck my clit" instead of "suck my dick." In fact, I will no longer be referring to penetration as sex, but using envelopment instead. :P
So yeah, lots of good stuff in here. I admit, it was probably especially delightful for my personal consumption as it feeds into and reinforces a lot of my own opinions about the patriarchy and society. I'm totally the target audience and I ate it up as such. All in all, this book is fun with lots of novel and interesting tidbits into linguistics. Her analysis on linguistics as it reflects society adds to the flare and fun.
Go get this book, read it, empower your inner feminist, and stay woke, my friends.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,322 reviews