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Paradise Screwed: Selected Columns
Kick Ass gave Hiaasen fans a jump start. Now they get another slice of Hiaasen heaven in Paradise Screwed: a wide-ranging safari of South Florida's wildlife in its natural habitat-from fat-cat politicians to migrating mobsters, drowning Dolphins to stray chads. This collection of Miami Herald columns-written with a satiric wit and biting humor-offers a glimpse of the facts that inspire, and prove far stranger than, Hiaasen's frenetic fiction.
432 pages, Paperback
First published October 15, 2001
About the author
Carl Hiaasen
99 books8,843 followersCarl Hiaasen was born and raised in Florida. After graduating from the University of Florida, he joined the Miami Herald as a general assignment reporter and went on to work for the newspaper’s weekly magazine and prize-winning investigations team. As a journalist and author, Carl has spent most of his life advocating for the protection of the Florida Everglades. He and his family live in southern Florida.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
July 30, 2014
Fans of Carl Hiaasen's novels, which humorously point out some of the foibles of living in southeast Florida, may not realize that the author sharpened his wit (and various spears) by writing about the real-life escapades of Miami-Dade, Broward, and Monroe Counties (with occasional forays into Palm Beach county, Tallahassee and even Washington D.C.).
“Paradise Screwed “collects some of Hiaasen's columns from the Miami Herald during the late 1980s, the 1990s, and early 2000. Most Americans will not have heard of the politicians, public officials, developers, and other assorted, uh, let's politely say “civic leaders” rather than the “goobers” that the author would probably prefer. However, the fact is that everyone can picture a greedy developer who cares more for his bottom line than for the environment – or for the laws designed to protect the latter. Everyone has an image of a low-paid politician who has managed to stretch his income to allow for custom-made suits, luxury automobiles, and exclusive housing. And everyone in the country of a certain age remembers the fiascos of not being able to determine who won the 2000 Presidential election due to a confusing ballot – think “hanging chads” - in Palm Beach county.
Fans of Hiaasen's fiction will likely enjoy his take on the events of the day – even if “the day” occurred 20 years ago. However, I found that I needed to read this book in short doses – there's only so many short stories about corrupt politicians I could absorb without diverting my attention in another direction. At 418 pages, and columns taking about 1 1/2 pages each, it did take me quite awhile in real-time to reach the final column in the book.
RATING: 4 1/2 stars, rounded up to 5 stars (which is rare for me to give to a collection of reprinted materials).
“Paradise Screwed “collects some of Hiaasen's columns from the Miami Herald during the late 1980s, the 1990s, and early 2000. Most Americans will not have heard of the politicians, public officials, developers, and other assorted, uh, let's politely say “civic leaders” rather than the “goobers” that the author would probably prefer. However, the fact is that everyone can picture a greedy developer who cares more for his bottom line than for the environment – or for the laws designed to protect the latter. Everyone has an image of a low-paid politician who has managed to stretch his income to allow for custom-made suits, luxury automobiles, and exclusive housing. And everyone in the country of a certain age remembers the fiascos of not being able to determine who won the 2000 Presidential election due to a confusing ballot – think “hanging chads” - in Palm Beach county.
Fans of Hiaasen's fiction will likely enjoy his take on the events of the day – even if “the day” occurred 20 years ago. However, I found that I needed to read this book in short doses – there's only so many short stories about corrupt politicians I could absorb without diverting my attention in another direction. At 418 pages, and columns taking about 1 1/2 pages each, it did take me quite awhile in real-time to reach the final column in the book.
RATING: 4 1/2 stars, rounded up to 5 stars (which is rare for me to give to a collection of reprinted materials).
January 29, 2023
This is a collection of newspaper opinion articles written over many years. The theme is broadly: "Paradise Screwed" since it is commentary on activities in the state of Florida over the years and the ravaging of the natural landscape. When seen in a collection like this it is easier to see how the early days of tourism and making of money led to so much greed and corruption over time. Of all the 50 states, Florida may be the one to win the prize for raping the land and changing the face of what once was a beautiful natural paradise.
I continued to read the entire book though it is mightily disheartening about the goodness of humanity. The author has a great deal of wit which is obvious in these short columns, and I hope it led to at least a portion of the people there becoming more aware of what has been happening in the state over the years. It did open my eyes a bit as to how this country could think that a sleazy real estate baron would make a good politician. Some of these are hilariously funny and sad at the same time because the man is so good at his craft.
I continued to read the entire book though it is mightily disheartening about the goodness of humanity. The author has a great deal of wit which is obvious in these short columns, and I hope it led to at least a portion of the people there becoming more aware of what has been happening in the state over the years. It did open my eyes a bit as to how this country could think that a sleazy real estate baron would make a good politician. Some of these are hilariously funny and sad at the same time because the man is so good at his craft.
March 15, 2020
Sometimes it's hard to take Florida seriously as a state. With headlines like “Florida Man Says Syringes in his Anus Aren't His” and “Florida Man Caught Shoplifting During Kohl's Interview,” making the rounds online, I'm left wondering if I've accidentally clicked on an Onion article, or if truth is, in fact, stranger than fiction.
Apparently, there's no one more familiar with the absurdities of Florida's political and environmental landscape than Carl Hiaasen, a long-time reporter. The book is a collection of his scathing columns for the Miami Herald in which he skewers a wide range of political figures and corporate bigwigs for a shockingly long list of grievances ranging from blatant corruption, to extortion, to murder-for-hire. Despite the fact that I have little to no interest in government or politics and even less so in zoning issues from 20 years ago in a state where I don't reside, Hiaasen's biting wit and outrage was enough to keep me going till the end. Some examples:
Janitors at Dade's criminal courthouse have a special 'Voodoo Squad' to clean up messy animal sacrifices dumped by friends and families of defendants...We shall also proffer that most people view Miami's blood customs as primitive, cruel, and unquaint. While many locals are equally disturbed by the occult killing of animals, no less an authority than the US Supreme Court has sanctioned these ceremonies as rituals.
Bailing out a country club is a code-one emergency, but why? Are stranded foursomes wandering the turnpike median?
According to credit receipts, on eight different days the commissioner made multiple pit stops at that same service station...he spends so much time there Amoco ought to bronze one of the high-octane hoses and dedicate it in his honor.
Meanwhile the mystery of the vanishing palms lingers. Maybe they got treejacked on the Rickenbacker Causeway. Or maybe they were abducted by coconut-craving aliens....the public can help. If a suspicious-looking forest suddenly appears in your neighborhood, call Crime Stoppers.
Things tend to run pretty smoothly after you assassinate those that who disagree with you.
A couple years ago, a work-in-progress by Miami Mayor Xavier Suarez was stolen from his car, along with a handgun. Many of us expected the burglar to turn up dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound after foolishly attempting to read the mayor's manuscript.
The election boiled down to Gersten's word against that of a crack-smoking hooker. Not surprisingly, voters believed the hooker.
In a place like Miami—where for years the government has been run by thieves—the most savvy and knowledgeable voters might very well be those with a rap sheet.Who better to assess, for example, the unlikely candidacy of Humberto Hernandez, indicted on 23 counts of bank fraud and money laundering? In most law-abiding American cities, Hernandez wouldn't have had the nerve to run for re-election—or, at the very least, he would have been jeered out of the race. In Miami, naturally, he won by a landslide.
Apparently, there's no one more familiar with the absurdities of Florida's political and environmental landscape than Carl Hiaasen, a long-time reporter. The book is a collection of his scathing columns for the Miami Herald in which he skewers a wide range of political figures and corporate bigwigs for a shockingly long list of grievances ranging from blatant corruption, to extortion, to murder-for-hire. Despite the fact that I have little to no interest in government or politics and even less so in zoning issues from 20 years ago in a state where I don't reside, Hiaasen's biting wit and outrage was enough to keep me going till the end. Some examples:
Janitors at Dade's criminal courthouse have a special 'Voodoo Squad' to clean up messy animal sacrifices dumped by friends and families of defendants...We shall also proffer that most people view Miami's blood customs as primitive, cruel, and unquaint. While many locals are equally disturbed by the occult killing of animals, no less an authority than the US Supreme Court has sanctioned these ceremonies as rituals.
Bailing out a country club is a code-one emergency, but why? Are stranded foursomes wandering the turnpike median?
According to credit receipts, on eight different days the commissioner made multiple pit stops at that same service station...he spends so much time there Amoco ought to bronze one of the high-octane hoses and dedicate it in his honor.
Meanwhile the mystery of the vanishing palms lingers. Maybe they got treejacked on the Rickenbacker Causeway. Or maybe they were abducted by coconut-craving aliens....the public can help. If a suspicious-looking forest suddenly appears in your neighborhood, call Crime Stoppers.
Things tend to run pretty smoothly after you assassinate those that who disagree with you.
A couple years ago, a work-in-progress by Miami Mayor Xavier Suarez was stolen from his car, along with a handgun. Many of us expected the burglar to turn up dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound after foolishly attempting to read the mayor's manuscript.
The election boiled down to Gersten's word against that of a crack-smoking hooker. Not surprisingly, voters believed the hooker.
In a place like Miami—where for years the government has been run by thieves—the most savvy and knowledgeable voters might very well be those with a rap sheet.Who better to assess, for example, the unlikely candidacy of Humberto Hernandez, indicted on 23 counts of bank fraud and money laundering? In most law-abiding American cities, Hernandez wouldn't have had the nerve to run for re-election—or, at the very least, he would have been jeered out of the race. In Miami, naturally, he won by a landslide.
December 13, 2020
This book is a collection of articles from the author's Miami newspaper column from the 80s-2000.
Individually each of these columns was enjoyable to read. I would have enjoyed reading them in the daily paper every day. They are funny. Altogether, or one after another, however they got a bit dry and dull to read. Put me to sleep at points. Still there are some funny moments like the comment about Newt Gingrich's name and the Donald Trump references.
Some of the articles foreshadowed the future very well and some not so well. Some were way off. All the articles about the environment being destroyed by development were disturbing. Because they are so old you know the situation has to be much worse today.
These articles included topics about the environment, local government, transportation, in the history of Florida. Some very interesting snapshots of Florida history 20 to 30 years ago.
Well worth the read.
Individually each of these columns was enjoyable to read. I would have enjoyed reading them in the daily paper every day. They are funny. Altogether, or one after another, however they got a bit dry and dull to read. Put me to sleep at points. Still there are some funny moments like the comment about Newt Gingrich's name and the Donald Trump references.
Some of the articles foreshadowed the future very well and some not so well. Some were way off. All the articles about the environment being destroyed by development were disturbing. Because they are so old you know the situation has to be much worse today.
These articles included topics about the environment, local government, transportation, in the history of Florida. Some very interesting snapshots of Florida history 20 to 30 years ago.
Well worth the read.
January 14, 2023
Well, if you are moving to Florida & want a history of it's politics...this is definitely the place to go. Otherwise, read it for the dark humor and snarky remarks (which I loved, by the way.) This is a collection of editorials written by my favorite humorist, Carl Hiaasen, from 1985 through 2000. After reading these, I know where he got his inspiration for the many novels he's written. Because of the time frame of this book, tho, it is pretty dated (25 years ago) but the patterns of abuse seem to be a long-standing & scarily proud tradition of Florida politicos.
November 11, 2018
First heard of Hiaasen through his wonderful columns. Read this so long ago, no idea of date.
Then I read most of his novels. Just now getting them onto my Goodreads list, don't recall why haven't before. I friend just discovered his novels and thinks they are hilarious, so reminded me to look at my list and realized hadn't added so did so today.
Then I read most of his novels. Just now getting them onto my Goodreads list, don't recall why haven't before. I friend just discovered his novels and thinks they are hilarious, so reminded me to look at my list and realized hadn't added so did so today.
December 7, 2023
This was a good book to read between reading other books. I could read a page or two at a time. This was a compilation of his newspaper columns from 1985 through approximately 2000. His sharp wit and wordplay are outstanding. It's also a sad commentary on government stupidity and corruption. I used to think only the state I live in was bad, but I guess it goes on all over the country.
February 7, 2021
Subject Appeal: 3/5.
Research Depth: 4/5.
Research Breadth: 3/5.
Narrative Flow: 5/5.
Verdict: 4/5. None's safe from Hiaasen's tart takes on Floridian shenanigans, or from the laughs engendered by the columns' hilarity.
Research Depth: 4/5.
Research Breadth: 3/5.
Narrative Flow: 5/5.
Verdict: 4/5. None's safe from Hiaasen's tart takes on Floridian shenanigans, or from the laughs engendered by the columns' hilarity.
August 23, 2021
Had i been a Floridian, this book probably would have been better. Daily (weekly?) columns by one of my favorite authors; still funny but would have been better if I actually lived and breathed the crazy corruption. I will remain the tourist.
April 11, 2021
As another reviewer noted: South Florida-centric. Humor is there. witty? yes. But it just didn't keep me connected.
April 16, 2023
Quite an education on elected officials. A must read for all Florida voters & tax payers.
March 28, 2012
I may have skipped a column or three while laughing so hard and jumping back and forth in the book!
Author Carl Hiaasen captures much of the craziness that is the South Florida reality. From politics to sports to the dreaded Florida land developers he writes about the unbelievable that give full credence to the old saying, "truth is stranger than fiction."
Snakes, guns, money, fast cars, and the those moronic individuals that seem to get into trouble with some part or all of those inhabit much of this book of Miami Herald newspaper columns from the 80's, 90's, and into the 21st century.
A reader who has any interest in the world around them as a source of entertainment or has not ceased to be amazed by the lunacy that is on the front doorstep will have a great time with this goodread.
Author Carl Hiaasen captures much of the craziness that is the South Florida reality. From politics to sports to the dreaded Florida land developers he writes about the unbelievable that give full credence to the old saying, "truth is stranger than fiction."
Snakes, guns, money, fast cars, and the those moronic individuals that seem to get into trouble with some part or all of those inhabit much of this book of Miami Herald newspaper columns from the 80's, 90's, and into the 21st century.
A reader who has any interest in the world around them as a source of entertainment or has not ceased to be amazed by the lunacy that is on the front doorstep will have a great time with this goodread.
Read
June 16, 2014I have always been a fan of Hiaasen's...until now. His outspoken and often edgy humor has been used to good effect in educating his readers about the importance of preserving Florida's fragile ecosystem. I don't know how much it has slowed developers and oil barons from their profitable havoc, but he's given it his best shot.
Today I saw another side to Hiaasen. He shared (extensively) his reactionary perspective regarding the Cuban revolution. It pretty much ruined the book for me. I was ready to scrap one or two of the entries, since each is between two and five pages in length, but I kept flipping and after the fourth one, I got pissed and slammed the book shut.
I wonder whether Hiaasen thinks the people of Florida would do half as much for people who test HIV positive, and particularly for people who actually contract AIDS, as the people of Cuba do!
Today I saw another side to Hiaasen. He shared (extensively) his reactionary perspective regarding the Cuban revolution. It pretty much ruined the book for me. I was ready to scrap one or two of the entries, since each is between two and five pages in length, but I kept flipping and after the fourth one, I got pissed and slammed the book shut.
I wonder whether Hiaasen thinks the people of Florida would do half as much for people who test HIV positive, and particularly for people who actually contract AIDS, as the people of Cuba do!
January 17, 2015
I adore Carl Hiaasen. I rated this one a “3” not because his wittiness wasn’t present or that is somehow lacked his usual charm, but just because it was so depressing! That and the stories are 15 years old. This is a collection of his columns for the Miami Herald. I purchased this one because I really want to read everything the guy has written – that’s how much I LOVE Hiaasen. I decided to read this now as am preparing for a trip to Key West. While the writing is excellent, it’s just a dated work. I’d only recommend this to Florida residents and environmental historians. Honestly, while I am looking forward to going to Key West, I don’t think I’ll ever visit Florida again unless I absolutely have to. What a Freak Show!
November 11, 2008
975.938 Hiaasen 2001 -- Ginnie recommended
Checked out started 5 Oct 2008;
Skimming most of this - am not familiar with most of the politicos/movers & shakers Hiaasen skewers; more interestested in columns of national interest - Elian Gonzalez, Disney, Hurricane Andrew etc.
I think I like his fiction better.
Checked out started 5 Oct 2008;
Skimming most of this - am not familiar with most of the politicos/movers & shakers Hiaasen skewers; more interestested in columns of national interest - Elian Gonzalez, Disney, Hurricane Andrew etc.
I think I like his fiction better.
August 31, 2010
I always find a look into a culture different than my own exciting. This look into Florida's political and environment issues through Hiaasen's essays, is humorous and outrageous. These editorial essays are a bit outdated since they were written in the 80's but they still are a great look into the history of Florida and the everglades. And never discount the humor of Carl Hiaasen.
December 14, 2014
I've read most of Carl's fiction,but it all started here.Written as editorials from the Miami Herald,he is absolutely fearless when going after crime,greedy developers-yeah you Disney world,cheats and rogues.It is very easy to see how true to life his fiction is.A terrific writer.It's an older book,but still makes fascinating reading.
December 8, 2009
A couple of amusing columns, but mostly a lot of nonsense. I agree with Carl about the environment, but I think he needs to be less opinionated and more factual on some subjects, since his prejudices show through.
February 23, 2023
A collection of his columns from the mid 1980s to 2001 still show his biting humor and sarcasm. Reading this makes me wonder why anyone would choose to live in Florida.
I think each state should have a Carl Hiaasen to look after and report on the government.
I think each state should have a Carl Hiaasen to look after and report on the government.
March 28, 2007
This is a great collection of essays and opinion pieces.
Want to read
January 4, 20082002
Want to read
January 28, 2008Have this, but haven't read it yet
March 12, 2010
A collection of Carl Hiaasen's collumns. Yes, south Florida is a different world and it's a wonder Carl is still alive.
August 24, 2010
Habe ein paar Kolumnen gelesen, insgesamt aber viel zu uninteressant für ein Buch. Die Wirkung ist als tägl. Tageszeitungskolumne vielleicht besser.
March 3, 2011
This book is a selection of column articles that range from topic to topic. By looking at the cover, this book was not what I was expecting.
Read
July 24, 2011Great book. Very funny. These article were a little more recent and I could relate to them a little better.
December 28, 2011
Interesting perspective on life in South Florida...I hope things are better there now than they were in the 80's, 90's and early 00's.
July 8, 2013
read.this
August 9, 2013
Classic Hiaasen but not nearly as funny as his fiction.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews