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Love and Other Near-Death Experiences
Hello. My name is Robert, and I haven’t been dead for sixty-three days now.
If he hadn’t bought those crummy towels, Rob would be six feet under. But his poor shopping sense accidentally set off a convoluted chain of events that meant he lived when all those others died in the pub explosion. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the ugly towels that saved his life. Perhaps it was some other random action, some other small movement that was the utterly trivial yet vitally important factor. And that’s the real problem.
Now, with his wedding fast approaching, Rob suddenly finds himself paralyzed with indecision–about Every. Little. Thing. He just can't be sure which seemingly innocuous choice will mean the difference between life and Should he wash the fork or the knife first? Should he step out of the shower with his left leg or his right leg? Red sweater or blue? One thing is His fiancée, Jo, is at her wits’ end.
To save his relationship and his sanity, Rob embarks on a quest to find out why he’s still breathing. When he meets up with others who have had similar lifesaving near misses, he figures the answer must be close. But fate may just catch them yet, for Rob’s search to understand why he’s still alive might well turn out to be the very thing that kills them all.
Filled with the barbed and sparkling dialogue that made Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About a cult hit, Mil Millington’s Love and Other Near-Death Experiences is a hilarious existential romantic comedy about second guesses and second chances.
If he hadn’t bought those crummy towels, Rob would be six feet under. But his poor shopping sense accidentally set off a convoluted chain of events that meant he lived when all those others died in the pub explosion. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the ugly towels that saved his life. Perhaps it was some other random action, some other small movement that was the utterly trivial yet vitally important factor. And that’s the real problem.
Now, with his wedding fast approaching, Rob suddenly finds himself paralyzed with indecision–about Every. Little. Thing. He just can't be sure which seemingly innocuous choice will mean the difference between life and Should he wash the fork or the knife first? Should he step out of the shower with his left leg or his right leg? Red sweater or blue? One thing is His fiancée, Jo, is at her wits’ end.
To save his relationship and his sanity, Rob embarks on a quest to find out why he’s still breathing. When he meets up with others who have had similar lifesaving near misses, he figures the answer must be close. But fate may just catch them yet, for Rob’s search to understand why he’s still alive might well turn out to be the very thing that kills them all.
Filled with the barbed and sparkling dialogue that made Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About a cult hit, Mil Millington’s Love and Other Near-Death Experiences is a hilarious existential romantic comedy about second guesses and second chances.
349 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006
About the author
Mil Millington
12 books132 followersMil Millington is a British author of humorous books. He first came to public prominence as a writer when he created a web-site entitled "Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About. The site's main content was (and remains) anecdotes describing arguments and misunderstandings between Mil and his German girlfriend Margret, mother of his two sons. The site was hosted on Wolverhampton University's servers, but Mil was required to remove it when it was pointed out that certain people failing to spot the site's intended humour might find a way to be offended by it. Such was the popularity of this site that Mil was offered a publishing deal, and wrote a novel with the same title as his web-site, but with new content, published in 2002.
He has since gone on to write A Certain Chemistry (2003), Love And Other Near death Experiences (2006), and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life (2008).
Mil also is the co-creator of the site www.TheWeekly.co.uk, and has contributed to several newspapers, notably The Guardian and the Daily Express. His fans can subscribe to his irregular on-line newsletter.
The Guardian newspaper named Mil as one of the five best debut novelists in 2002. His works have been translated into Japanese, Russian, Dutch, German, Swedish, Finnish, Hebrew, Spanish, and Serbo-Croat.
He is known for a liking for computer games, for having unusual hair-styles (including bright scarlet hair), and for taunting Americans for their inability to spot irony.
Mil is currently working on the screenplay for Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About for Working Title films. He lives in England's West Midlands with his girlfriend and their two children.
He has since gone on to write A Certain Chemistry (2003), Love And Other Near death Experiences (2006), and Instructions For Living Someone Else's Life (2008).
Mil also is the co-creator of the site www.TheWeekly.co.uk, and has contributed to several newspapers, notably The Guardian and the Daily Express. His fans can subscribe to his irregular on-line newsletter.
The Guardian newspaper named Mil as one of the five best debut novelists in 2002. His works have been translated into Japanese, Russian, Dutch, German, Swedish, Finnish, Hebrew, Spanish, and Serbo-Croat.
He is known for a liking for computer games, for having unusual hair-styles (including bright scarlet hair), and for taunting Americans for their inability to spot irony.
Mil is currently working on the screenplay for Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About for Working Title films. He lives in England's West Midlands with his girlfriend and their two children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 119 reviews
July 10, 2010
Man, I am striking out lately. This is like the third or fourth bad book in a row -- and not just bad, but really disappointing. A few months ago I read Mil's first book,
Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About
, and it was fucking fantastically hilarious. I loved his easy writing style, his terrific characters, his dry, British wit... But this one? Feh. Terribly lame. The characters were awful. The plot was woefully transparent. The humor was overdone and mostly uninspired. The writing style was uneven at best; and that's being very charitable. Mil's forte is clearly making funny observations about a slightly fictionalized version of his own life, not creating some kind of action-adventure mystery-caper story with all kinds of brand-new character types and twisty plot-stuffs. Such a disappointment!
The one saving grace, and solely responsible for a full 50% of the paltry two-star rating I bestowed here, was the cursing. Oh, the cursing! Some of the most creative expressions of foul language I've ever come across. Some examples, you say? Gladly.
* pack of joyless cunts
* Christ's dancing arse
* boiling piss and arseholes
* hell's ball-smashing hammers
* wank-brained twat
* god's weeping bollocks
* piss-brained twattery
Bwahahahaha! Those are great. Thanks Mil!
(Oh, but! When I told my boyfriend about this over dinner, he came up -- in about four seconds flat -- with "double-cunted banshee" and "slithering horse twat," so maybe Mil isn't so original after all. Or maybe I'm just a very lucky girl...?)
The one saving grace, and solely responsible for a full 50% of the paltry two-star rating I bestowed here, was the cursing. Oh, the cursing! Some of the most creative expressions of foul language I've ever come across. Some examples, you say? Gladly.
* pack of joyless cunts
* Christ's dancing arse
* boiling piss and arseholes
* hell's ball-smashing hammers
* wank-brained twat
* god's weeping bollocks
* piss-brained twattery
Bwahahahaha! Those are great. Thanks Mil!
(Oh, but! When I told my boyfriend about this over dinner, he came up -- in about four seconds flat -- with "double-cunted banshee" and "slithering horse twat," so maybe Mil isn't so original after all. Or maybe I'm just a very lucky girl...?)
July 1, 2008
This is a jolly good read. One part romance, another part action/suspense, almost all very funny comedy. And it has an ending which makes you happy because everything has really turned out all right, and I don't care whether it might offend some people's intellectual skepticism, everybody likes a happy ending.
The story is about Rob, a 31-year-old late night jazz presenter on a local radio station somewhere in what I take is the central region of the U.K. (don't really have my British geography down). Rob is engaged to be married to Jo, but recently Jo has become worried because Rob's facing a life crisis, which is this: he can't make decisions. Not all decisions, mind you; he has no problem with the big stuff, but the minor decisions make him freeze up with terrified thought about the consequences. Which color pen should I use? Should I wash the knife or the fork first? And he explodes at anyone who tells him it doesn't matter.
Why does it matter? Well, Rob recently missed an appointment to meet up at a certain cafe for an interview with a musician, and Rob's tardiness saved him from being killed when a truck tragically skidded out of control and into the building, killing everyone inside. Rob recounts why he was absent, all stemming from his decision not to wait in line for a hot dog, which led to his decision to buy some ugly towels at a very low price, which led to his fiancee's making him take them back, all of which resulted in his being late for his meeting and avoiding death. It's impossible to pinpoint which minor decision might ruin or save your life, so Rob freezes up with the gravity of every minor decision he comes across.
After a great deal of prodding from Jo to get himself sorted out, Rob winds up spouting off on the air about his problem and attracting attention from all sorts of people with similar experiences (and many people who just want to rant about unrelated experiences on the air, or others who threaten Rob on the internet for no good reason at all). Eventually, not cured by radio talk, Rob sets out on a bit of a quest, where he meets people who have had similar experiences but different reactions, and he finds himself on a dangerous adventure where his life is constantly at risk from those who think he should have died with everyone else at the cafe.
More than anything, this book is rip-roaringly funny. Millington's dialogue and his observations are a laugh riot. I have seen some who describe Millington's work as chick lit for men, I suppose because it does come across at points as quite sentimental. But the sentimentality is so outweighed by crass humor as to be no great distraction or liability. What this is, rather than chick lit for men, is romance for anyone with a sense of humor.
The story is about Rob, a 31-year-old late night jazz presenter on a local radio station somewhere in what I take is the central region of the U.K. (don't really have my British geography down). Rob is engaged to be married to Jo, but recently Jo has become worried because Rob's facing a life crisis, which is this: he can't make decisions. Not all decisions, mind you; he has no problem with the big stuff, but the minor decisions make him freeze up with terrified thought about the consequences. Which color pen should I use? Should I wash the knife or the fork first? And he explodes at anyone who tells him it doesn't matter.
Why does it matter? Well, Rob recently missed an appointment to meet up at a certain cafe for an interview with a musician, and Rob's tardiness saved him from being killed when a truck tragically skidded out of control and into the building, killing everyone inside. Rob recounts why he was absent, all stemming from his decision not to wait in line for a hot dog, which led to his decision to buy some ugly towels at a very low price, which led to his fiancee's making him take them back, all of which resulted in his being late for his meeting and avoiding death. It's impossible to pinpoint which minor decision might ruin or save your life, so Rob freezes up with the gravity of every minor decision he comes across.
After a great deal of prodding from Jo to get himself sorted out, Rob winds up spouting off on the air about his problem and attracting attention from all sorts of people with similar experiences (and many people who just want to rant about unrelated experiences on the air, or others who threaten Rob on the internet for no good reason at all). Eventually, not cured by radio talk, Rob sets out on a bit of a quest, where he meets people who have had similar experiences but different reactions, and he finds himself on a dangerous adventure where his life is constantly at risk from those who think he should have died with everyone else at the cafe.
More than anything, this book is rip-roaringly funny. Millington's dialogue and his observations are a laugh riot. I have seen some who describe Millington's work as chick lit for men, I suppose because it does come across at points as quite sentimental. But the sentimentality is so outweighed by crass humor as to be no great distraction or liability. What this is, rather than chick lit for men, is romance for anyone with a sense of humor.
July 6, 2010
I laughed out loud while reading this. I even cackled three times. That being said, this book is not good. Yes, it was consistently amusing, but I could never read more than two chapters at a time because I kept losing interest. The story lacks momentum and the writing can be frustratingly long-winded at times. There's a big difference between "careful pacing" and "deliberate stalling tactics." Right before something important happens, he likes to spend a paragraph or two babbling about something inconsequential. Maybe that's meant to be clever, but I found it extremely annoying. A surprising finale could have saved it all, but we'll never know for sure because the author opted for a cheesy Hollywood ending instead.
Basically, I found the structure and general content of this book astoundingly disappointing, but at the same time, the dialogue and tone were really fucking funny, so much so that I'm still looking forward to reading his other books even though this one is kind of a piece of shit.
Basically, I found the structure and general content of this book astoundingly disappointing, but at the same time, the dialogue and tone were really fucking funny, so much so that I'm still looking forward to reading his other books even though this one is kind of a piece of shit.
March 4, 2016
I've been trying to get through this book for over a year, and with the page and half inner monologue about whether to use black or blue ink on the hospital intake form.........I'm officially giving up. I'd rather read instruction manuals for toys with 800 small pieces.
January 7, 2008
Reading this book, and other near-death experiences.
October 29, 2008
Lordy lordy lordy, I loved this book.
Rob Garland is a disc jockey with the less-than-desirable midnight to three am jazz slot. He's become bored and disaffected and finds himself unable to make the simplest of decisions. Take a shower or bath? Wash the knife first or the spoon?
There's a reason for this indecision. It's all about those towels. He bought some towels from a corner store. His fiancee Jo hates the towels, thinks their shit, and demands that he return them to the store from whence they came. Rob has an interview with a local jazz artist at a local pub but he decides to return the towels first. When he finally arrives at the bar, a milk truck has plowed into the establishment, killing all of the patrons. Rob realizes that if he hadn't returned the towels, he too would be dead. He begins to ponder the notion that his entire life is a series of snap decisions. And if he makes the wrong one, his life could be over.
He mentions this vexation on the air. Naturally, he becomes an Internet sensation with all of the disaffected that are still up listening at the ungodly hour of two am. He becomes a celebrity of sorts. Enter the American soldier who escaped death by inadvertently tripping a land mine. Waylaid in England, he accidentally hears Rob's broadcast and has now convinced himself that he is on a mission from God to protect Rob Garland. Enter the suicidal literature professor who left her Bulgarian hotel in search of cigarettes only to find the hotel burned to the ground when she returned. She calls into the radio show and informs Rob that she intends to off herself, forcing Rob to come to her rescue. Enter the gorgeous Wiccan mystic who shows up to warn Rob of the Servants of Azrael, an American group of evangelistic nuts who now intend to kill Rob in order to preserve the idea of predestination. Enter Professor Osbourne...or maybe not...because he doesn't seem to actually exist, even if he is the only person who can help Rob understand the strange dilemma racing through his mind. And what of Rob's fiancee? Will she be waiting for him when he returns from his bizarre quest?
I loved this novel. It's hilarious and absurd. And by the end, plot twists that seem obvious turn out to be trickier to decipher than you imagined.
I will be purchasing a copy of this book.
Highly recommended.
Rob Garland is a disc jockey with the less-than-desirable midnight to three am jazz slot. He's become bored and disaffected and finds himself unable to make the simplest of decisions. Take a shower or bath? Wash the knife first or the spoon?
There's a reason for this indecision. It's all about those towels. He bought some towels from a corner store. His fiancee Jo hates the towels, thinks their shit, and demands that he return them to the store from whence they came. Rob has an interview with a local jazz artist at a local pub but he decides to return the towels first. When he finally arrives at the bar, a milk truck has plowed into the establishment, killing all of the patrons. Rob realizes that if he hadn't returned the towels, he too would be dead. He begins to ponder the notion that his entire life is a series of snap decisions. And if he makes the wrong one, his life could be over.
He mentions this vexation on the air. Naturally, he becomes an Internet sensation with all of the disaffected that are still up listening at the ungodly hour of two am. He becomes a celebrity of sorts. Enter the American soldier who escaped death by inadvertently tripping a land mine. Waylaid in England, he accidentally hears Rob's broadcast and has now convinced himself that he is on a mission from God to protect Rob Garland. Enter the suicidal literature professor who left her Bulgarian hotel in search of cigarettes only to find the hotel burned to the ground when she returned. She calls into the radio show and informs Rob that she intends to off herself, forcing Rob to come to her rescue. Enter the gorgeous Wiccan mystic who shows up to warn Rob of the Servants of Azrael, an American group of evangelistic nuts who now intend to kill Rob in order to preserve the idea of predestination. Enter Professor Osbourne...or maybe not...because he doesn't seem to actually exist, even if he is the only person who can help Rob understand the strange dilemma racing through his mind. And what of Rob's fiancee? Will she be waiting for him when he returns from his bizarre quest?
I loved this novel. It's hilarious and absurd. And by the end, plot twists that seem obvious turn out to be trickier to decipher than you imagined.
I will be purchasing a copy of this book.
Highly recommended.
November 6, 2009
I had no reason to trust this author, this being my first foray into his work, and I was ready to chuck the thing after just the first few pages of Rob and Jo's insipidly annoying communication circus centering on decisions for their pending wedding. Then Jo started sprinkling her speech with Babe this and Babe that, and I realized I was being set up (although I don't appreciate such ham-handed antics), so despite my instincts for avoiding this type of person, even in print, I stuck with it. It didn't take too long to reap the rewards for my short-term perseverance and I've been enjoying the characters, story and humor ever since. This book was recommended by Christopher Moore, via his website.
November 29, 2010
Absolute BRILLIANCE. I can attempt to write a proper review, but words elude me at this point in time-simply because I have YET to stop laughing. This book is BEYOND hilarious, and will have you laughing hysterically in that OH so public place you chose to read it in. Dare I say it?...funnier than Chris Moore.
February 23, 2015
Bonkers by very funny and utterly enjoyable!
November 17, 2021
Guy doesn’t die, guy bores everyone to death with being morose about it, particularly his long suffering fiancée, guy spends three hours trying to make minuscule decisions because he is a naval gazing twit and other words that are synonyms but I’m too polite to type.
I love Millington’s style of writing. It’s so my sort of thought-process, so stream of consciousness and how I think I’d like to write comedy. Scathing and witty observations about the human condition, and taking examples and descriptions far too far into silliness. Really not laugh out loud funny, but more hilarious and inopportune loud amused ejaculation of noise and beverage spurting from your nose to embarrassingly wake up snoozing passengers on the tube you’re meant sitting quietly next to in commuter etiquette funny. None of your delicate and frankly insipid “lols”
It was a slow starter, wondered where it was going but when Zach turned up it started to get faster and funnier. I liked Zach… I liked the sound of Pete too… ;) … Rob Garland the main character, our narrator, however, well he’s a bit of a twit. But an amusing man to be inside the head of.
This book is definitely not for children. The language and mental imagery (what on Earth kind of sex does Rob have that requires a curtain pull and a decorative candle holder and destroys half the furniture and fittings in a room and may or may not need a gallon of lube, lots of antiseptic gauze (!?) broad spectrum abx and an air ambulance on standby, and the requirement of a sheet burning and exorcism? Actually no… never mind) I finished reading it last night and I’m still thinking in the style of Elizabeth and I don’t swear at all. She uses *all* of the words… and I love her cutting barbs and cyclical views on everything.
So, Rob, erstwhile or at least on sabbatical, radio graveyard shift jazz “DJ” goes on a quest of self discovery with a military enthusiastic not at all interested in sex with him American, a suicidal morose middle aged chain smoker and a perfectly formed Welsh (that an important detail) Wiccan apparent fruit-loop… your average band of not-really-buddies… on a Quest (capital Q) to find the meaning of life in the sense of not dying.
Not your normal mystery plot, or journey of self discovery… self help book this is not. A few obvious plot pointers along the way but generally a fun surprise read. Observational, dry and caustic wit and the kind of story you wish you’d written as you’d be proud of how funny it is, except in my case I’d have to not write the bad language bcos my family would turn in their graves if I came out with that stuff. Even though most were cremated or are still alive. It’s that bad… I would have to expect to field questions about the curtain pull and the decorative candle holder too so I’d better have a pre-prepared answer for that. Seriously I’m really curious about that curtain pull. Do you ever Google weird sexual positions mentioned in films and TV shows only to be disappointed to realise they’re not real?? I can’t rightly google all of this can I? Perhaps there’s a chat room where people speculate?
Anyway. Really enjoyed it. May recommend to open minded friends, and one I’d like to shock.
Heat magazine called it shrewd intelligent and funny, but The Scotsman is more on my wavelength; “One of those books that leaves you looking like an annoying mad person on the bus as you chuckle every five seconds… and a self-depreciating sense of the absurd”
Yes. What they said.
Oh, along with the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, this is the other book where it’s really important to know where your towel is… or in the case of this book where YOU are when purchasing or returning towels. Towels are key to the plot. So… go buy some towels. The life you save may be your own.
I love Millington’s style of writing. It’s so my sort of thought-process, so stream of consciousness and how I think I’d like to write comedy. Scathing and witty observations about the human condition, and taking examples and descriptions far too far into silliness. Really not laugh out loud funny, but more hilarious and inopportune loud amused ejaculation of noise and beverage spurting from your nose to embarrassingly wake up snoozing passengers on the tube you’re meant sitting quietly next to in commuter etiquette funny. None of your delicate and frankly insipid “lols”
It was a slow starter, wondered where it was going but when Zach turned up it started to get faster and funnier. I liked Zach… I liked the sound of Pete too… ;) … Rob Garland the main character, our narrator, however, well he’s a bit of a twit. But an amusing man to be inside the head of.
This book is definitely not for children. The language and mental imagery (what on Earth kind of sex does Rob have that requires a curtain pull and a decorative candle holder and destroys half the furniture and fittings in a room and may or may not need a gallon of lube, lots of antiseptic gauze (!?) broad spectrum abx and an air ambulance on standby, and the requirement of a sheet burning and exorcism? Actually no… never mind) I finished reading it last night and I’m still thinking in the style of Elizabeth and I don’t swear at all. She uses *all* of the words… and I love her cutting barbs and cyclical views on everything.
So, Rob, erstwhile or at least on sabbatical, radio graveyard shift jazz “DJ” goes on a quest of self discovery with a military enthusiastic not at all interested in sex with him American, a suicidal morose middle aged chain smoker and a perfectly formed Welsh (that an important detail) Wiccan apparent fruit-loop… your average band of not-really-buddies… on a Quest (capital Q) to find the meaning of life in the sense of not dying.
Not your normal mystery plot, or journey of self discovery… self help book this is not. A few obvious plot pointers along the way but generally a fun surprise read. Observational, dry and caustic wit and the kind of story you wish you’d written as you’d be proud of how funny it is, except in my case I’d have to not write the bad language bcos my family would turn in their graves if I came out with that stuff. Even though most were cremated or are still alive. It’s that bad… I would have to expect to field questions about the curtain pull and the decorative candle holder too so I’d better have a pre-prepared answer for that. Seriously I’m really curious about that curtain pull. Do you ever Google weird sexual positions mentioned in films and TV shows only to be disappointed to realise they’re not real?? I can’t rightly google all of this can I? Perhaps there’s a chat room where people speculate?
Anyway. Really enjoyed it. May recommend to open minded friends, and one I’d like to shock.
Heat magazine called it shrewd intelligent and funny, but The Scotsman is more on my wavelength; “One of those books that leaves you looking like an annoying mad person on the bus as you chuckle every five seconds… and a self-depreciating sense of the absurd”
Yes. What they said.
Oh, along with the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, this is the other book where it’s really important to know where your towel is… or in the case of this book where YOU are when purchasing or returning towels. Towels are key to the plot. So… go buy some towels. The life you save may be your own.
March 9, 2019
If this book was a movie, it would be one of those awkward, cringe-worthy ones. Usually starring Hugh Grant. (Sorry, some Hugh Grant films are brilliant - but it's his English self-effacing apologetic mannerisms that irk me). The type of story that tries too hard to be funny then fails miserably.
Starting out with an interesting (albeit unoriginal) premise - that every decision we make could potentially alter our future lives significantly (Sliding Doors, any one?) -the story quickly dissolves into utter drivel.
I skimmed huge chunks of content and missed absolutely nothing. Well, I missed gratuitous swearing and fantasy which added nothing to the story anyway. Incidentally, I had to check if this novel was written by a 16-year-old male... No, it wasn't.
The plot amounted to nothing except a predictable happily ever after ending. And I felt robbed of good quality reading time.
Conclusion - Deciding to read this book was a mistake but luckily has not caused my demise or any other life-changing event. Don't bother with it.
1 out of 5 stars.
Starting out with an interesting (albeit unoriginal) premise - that every decision we make could potentially alter our future lives significantly (Sliding Doors, any one?) -the story quickly dissolves into utter drivel.
I skimmed huge chunks of content and missed absolutely nothing. Well, I missed gratuitous swearing and fantasy which added nothing to the story anyway. Incidentally, I had to check if this novel was written by a 16-year-old male... No, it wasn't.
The plot amounted to nothing except a predictable happily ever after ending. And I felt robbed of good quality reading time.
Conclusion - Deciding to read this book was a mistake but luckily has not caused my demise or any other life-changing event. Don't bother with it.
1 out of 5 stars.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 6, 2021
How the fuck do I explain this book?
It started out great. Got really shit. Ended up good. Beth being the one who wanted to murder everyone; that I saw coming. Zach was too nice to switch and I did love Zach.
Describing women's attractiveness and arses in the second half? Being incredibly horny and detailing weird sex with the odd love interest? Wtf. This is where I was gonna stop but I forced myself to continue because I was curious how it would end.
The love interest Elizabeth. I saw it coming. There was no real attraction but it made sense. He saved her life. They were always fighting. Yadda yadda perfect book couple.
Pete and Jo getting married? Saw that too. Good ending. Made complete sense. Foreshadowed.
All the characters were interesting, unique and fun to follow.
I don't know how to feel. It went from 4 to 5 then 3 to 2 back to 3 stars. It was a rollercoaster I will say that.
It started out great. Got really shit. Ended up good. Beth being the one who wanted to murder everyone; that I saw coming. Zach was too nice to switch and I did love Zach.
Describing women's attractiveness and arses in the second half? Being incredibly horny and detailing weird sex with the odd love interest? Wtf. This is where I was gonna stop but I forced myself to continue because I was curious how it would end.
The love interest Elizabeth. I saw it coming. There was no real attraction but it made sense. He saved her life. They were always fighting. Yadda yadda perfect book couple.
Pete and Jo getting married? Saw that too. Good ending. Made complete sense. Foreshadowed.
All the characters were interesting, unique and fun to follow.
I don't know how to feel. It went from 4 to 5 then 3 to 2 back to 3 stars. It was a rollercoaster I will say that.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 9, 2018
Read other reviews here and you will see some one and two stars, or others with five stars, and reviews to match. Awful, or Brilliant. I agree with them all, and like Rob the first person character here, could not decide (I should tell you I sat at the computer for five hours trying to decide such an inconsequential choice, but I didn't). Ultimately it is not brilliant literature, but it is witty and fun and lands some glancing blows observing the world we live in, and although soon you might forget it, it is easy to read in a way that belies its depth. Humorous writing with some drama, a story with a message for those who care to think about it. Isn't that what novels ought to be?
April 26, 2020
"The annoying thing about time is thay it takes time....but no amount of it is too long to wait through when you're waiting to be sure.However much we might believe,and wish,it were true,you can't really be sure of what you feel however intensely and seriously and constantly you examine your thoughts and emotions.You can be really sure only by forcing yourself to wait:time alone can tell you what will last." Mil Milington-Love and Other Near death Experiences.
The dialogue was frustratingly wordy but I somehow enjoyed the story.
The dialogue was frustratingly wordy but I somehow enjoyed the story.
October 25, 2018
I bought this book ages ago thinking it sounded good but then it took so long for me to read it. Every time I read the back I decided this wasn't the book I was in the mood for. Glad I finally gave it the chance. Absolutely crazy and not at all what I expected. I especially loved the humour (I think a lot of it is relatable just because it's so damn British!) And from the beginning I never would have been able to guess where on earth the plot was heading.
June 5, 2019
Wittiest read in a long time!
This book has some of the most hilarious dialogue I have ever read! I came to care about the characters, their stories and their humor in the most ridiculous circumstances! I recommend this book to mature readers that appreciate beautiful usage of all the literary tools. I hope to find more books by this author!
This book has some of the most hilarious dialogue I have ever read! I came to care about the characters, their stories and their humor in the most ridiculous circumstances! I recommend this book to mature readers that appreciate beautiful usage of all the literary tools. I hope to find more books by this author!
January 3, 2022
the last 100 pages or so took quite the turn and i became invested. however, it took about 200 pages for me to want to keep reading it. i think the synopsis had me more interested than the actual writing did. disappointed, but glad i saw it through to the end because it ended well.
October 14, 2018
Really draws you in at the start but gets a little tedious and contrived
September 8, 2020
Enjoyed it
January 5, 2022
One of the best books I've ever read - I can't remember belly laughing so much at any other read.
February 26, 2023
Left it at page 130, too slow of a story
January 7, 2024
Loved this half sci-fi, half romance, half comedy book. Yes 150% a good read!
September 8, 2024
The cursing is Shakespearean and the story is light and, at times, ham fisted.
December 6, 2024
Mundanity, absurdity, profanity. Love to hate ALL of the characters.
Read
January 27, 2016“Blogs.”
“That’s it. They’re like online diaries or something—nerds talking to themselves in public.” (p. 59)
…her face seemed tired in a way that comes not from being awake all night but simply from being alive longer than one had expected. (p.127)
I was lying on my side, facing her. A silvery trail of spit was running across the cushion under my face, as though a slug had slid slowly over the material and up into my mouth during the night. (p. 199)
“I’m going to take a look.”
“Jesus. You’re going to do what? You’ve never read The Rats, and now you’re actually doing the ‘I’ll go and see what that undead groaning from the cellar is’ thing? Has popular culture entirely passed you by? You’re fucking asking for it. Fucking asking for it…” I made little fists. And shook them. “Why don’t we start having sex, just to make absolutely bastard sure we end up dead?” (p. 209)
“You?” scoffed Elizabeth. “Surely you’re not old enough to hold a fucking driving license. You’re not in Texas now, you know? Here you don’t get a driving license, a gun, and you’re cousin’s hand in marriage as soon as your balls have dropped.” (p. 226)
Just before all this happened, I’d started to become interested in Wicca. At first it was simply a vague desire to find something more fulfilling than Welsh Methodism: something with a more direct spiritual connection to the Universal Force and a better range of jewelry. (p.231)
“Yes. Actually, I’m essentially hideous whatever the circumstances. The drugs are merely cosmetics, emotional beauty products: they give me the appearance of not being a fundamentally shit person.” (p. 265)
…it was like hitting the water at the end of a long, long dive from a high, high cliff. You need that moment of impact before a dive is a dive: until that happens, it’s simply an accelerating fall after standing on the edge, looking down with your stomach tight from fear, then leaning forward and allowing yourself to drop. The splash is a confirmation, and a spectacular one, but the heart of the dive is the falling. (p. 273)
She smiled in the most irritatingly patronizing manner you could imagine: any salesperson in any mobile phone store in the country would have been proud of a smile like that. (p. 324)
“I mean I was seeing things backwards. When you do all that fixating on what microscopic decision could lead to your death, you have it wrong. The fact is, all those miniscule, mundane decisions actually lead to your life. You take hold of life, moment to moment, by making those choices: and every time you choose, you win—because you choose to carry on. You decide to live life, instead of it living you. Not only that, but also the odds are against us every second of every day—there’s simply such an unbelievable number of ways for disaster, hurt, and death to happen, and, in the end, death is going to get us anyway: that’s certain. The correct way to look at it is to be amazed at each moment you beat the house: arrogantly, bloody-mindedly stick two fingers up at chance and whoop at your continued winning streak. Laugh at the fact that you’re being so jammy as to pull it off—because it is incredible that you are: life is a succession of tiny miracles. I finally realized that, and it helped me to change… I suppose we’ve all changed because of what we’ve been through.” (pp. 342-343)
“Give it time,” Elizabeth said. “When you’re old enough to use scissors, Zach, you’ll realize that time is sensibly measured in years, not the gaps between commercial breaks…” (p. 344)
Picayune – something trivial
Sentience – a feeling of distinguish from perception and thought
Tumescence – swelling (for example, as in engorgement of sexual organs in preparation for sexual activity)
“That’s it. They’re like online diaries or something—nerds talking to themselves in public.” (p. 59)
…her face seemed tired in a way that comes not from being awake all night but simply from being alive longer than one had expected. (p.127)
I was lying on my side, facing her. A silvery trail of spit was running across the cushion under my face, as though a slug had slid slowly over the material and up into my mouth during the night. (p. 199)
“I’m going to take a look.”
“Jesus. You’re going to do what? You’ve never read The Rats, and now you’re actually doing the ‘I’ll go and see what that undead groaning from the cellar is’ thing? Has popular culture entirely passed you by? You’re fucking asking for it. Fucking asking for it…” I made little fists. And shook them. “Why don’t we start having sex, just to make absolutely bastard sure we end up dead?” (p. 209)
“You?” scoffed Elizabeth. “Surely you’re not old enough to hold a fucking driving license. You’re not in Texas now, you know? Here you don’t get a driving license, a gun, and you’re cousin’s hand in marriage as soon as your balls have dropped.” (p. 226)
Just before all this happened, I’d started to become interested in Wicca. At first it was simply a vague desire to find something more fulfilling than Welsh Methodism: something with a more direct spiritual connection to the Universal Force and a better range of jewelry. (p.231)
“Yes. Actually, I’m essentially hideous whatever the circumstances. The drugs are merely cosmetics, emotional beauty products: they give me the appearance of not being a fundamentally shit person.” (p. 265)
…it was like hitting the water at the end of a long, long dive from a high, high cliff. You need that moment of impact before a dive is a dive: until that happens, it’s simply an accelerating fall after standing on the edge, looking down with your stomach tight from fear, then leaning forward and allowing yourself to drop. The splash is a confirmation, and a spectacular one, but the heart of the dive is the falling. (p. 273)
She smiled in the most irritatingly patronizing manner you could imagine: any salesperson in any mobile phone store in the country would have been proud of a smile like that. (p. 324)
“I mean I was seeing things backwards. When you do all that fixating on what microscopic decision could lead to your death, you have it wrong. The fact is, all those miniscule, mundane decisions actually lead to your life. You take hold of life, moment to moment, by making those choices: and every time you choose, you win—because you choose to carry on. You decide to live life, instead of it living you. Not only that, but also the odds are against us every second of every day—there’s simply such an unbelievable number of ways for disaster, hurt, and death to happen, and, in the end, death is going to get us anyway: that’s certain. The correct way to look at it is to be amazed at each moment you beat the house: arrogantly, bloody-mindedly stick two fingers up at chance and whoop at your continued winning streak. Laugh at the fact that you’re being so jammy as to pull it off—because it is incredible that you are: life is a succession of tiny miracles. I finally realized that, and it helped me to change… I suppose we’ve all changed because of what we’ve been through.” (pp. 342-343)
“Give it time,” Elizabeth said. “When you’re old enough to use scissors, Zach, you’ll realize that time is sensibly measured in years, not the gaps between commercial breaks…” (p. 344)
Picayune – something trivial
Sentience – a feeling of distinguish from perception and thought
Tumescence – swelling (for example, as in engorgement of sexual organs in preparation for sexual activity)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 31, 2010
"Hello. My name is Robert, and I haven’t been dead for sixty-three days now.”
That’s the opening line of Love and Other Near-Death Experiences. The story of a guy named Rob and his attempts to get around a new found phobia about making decisions, since one made by chance happened to save his life. His fiance gives him an ultimatum to either get his life figured out or she wouldn’t marry him. So he put his job on the line one night as a late night Jazz DJ to talk about his problems on the air, pouring out his feelings about his near death experience and his issues now even being able to choose what clothes to wear in the morning or whether to walk left or right around obstacles in his path, as who knew what choice would result in life or what one death?
In the end his late night admission opened a can of worms with internet bloggers grabbing the audio recording of the show and running with it, the radio station forums overflowing with supporters and bashers alike, and with other near-death survivors coming out of the wood work. Soon he finds himself in the middle of a crazy plot with fellow near-death survivors and trying to find out answers and make correct choices before time runs out.
I personally find the book absolutely hilarious, as it's intended to be. Lots of dry English wit, some admittedly funny jabs at Americans, and plenty of irony and humor to make this near-death tale have plenty of levity to keep you laughing all the way through, even while you are on the edge of your seat wondering what will happen next. Also, you can't help but like the main character juxtaposed against the American character. I thought they made a great and humorous team and you couldn't help rooting for both of them throughout the book.
As I was reading it aloud to my husband, I had to watch where I read this book to him as it had a LOT of swearing, as one of the characters liked to use "all of the English language" to express herself and did so to great, and comedic, effect. Sometimes I thought it was a bit of overkill, but if you can get around that, and if you enjoy English humor, you will enjoy this book.
That’s the opening line of Love and Other Near-Death Experiences. The story of a guy named Rob and his attempts to get around a new found phobia about making decisions, since one made by chance happened to save his life. His fiance gives him an ultimatum to either get his life figured out or she wouldn’t marry him. So he put his job on the line one night as a late night Jazz DJ to talk about his problems on the air, pouring out his feelings about his near death experience and his issues now even being able to choose what clothes to wear in the morning or whether to walk left or right around obstacles in his path, as who knew what choice would result in life or what one death?
In the end his late night admission opened a can of worms with internet bloggers grabbing the audio recording of the show and running with it, the radio station forums overflowing with supporters and bashers alike, and with other near-death survivors coming out of the wood work. Soon he finds himself in the middle of a crazy plot with fellow near-death survivors and trying to find out answers and make correct choices before time runs out.
I personally find the book absolutely hilarious, as it's intended to be. Lots of dry English wit, some admittedly funny jabs at Americans, and plenty of irony and humor to make this near-death tale have plenty of levity to keep you laughing all the way through, even while you are on the edge of your seat wondering what will happen next. Also, you can't help but like the main character juxtaposed against the American character. I thought they made a great and humorous team and you couldn't help rooting for both of them throughout the book.
As I was reading it aloud to my husband, I had to watch where I read this book to him as it had a LOT of swearing, as one of the characters liked to use "all of the English language" to express herself and did so to great, and comedic, effect. Sometimes I thought it was a bit of overkill, but if you can get around that, and if you enjoy English humor, you will enjoy this book.
May 7, 2010
This book was recommended by Christopher Moore on his website -- recommended as a very funny book. It gets really fantastic reviews other places online - a lot of people really love this book and rate it 4 or 5 stars. I was really drawn in at first, but then I just didn't enjoy reading this after the first few chapters. I did keep reading until the end, though.
The characters are big weirdos, which I normally really love. I'm a big fan of Christopher Moore, Elmore Leonard, Carl Hiaasen and other authors who bring a bunch of nutty characters together in bizarre situations, but this book just didn't work for me. I didn't like most of the characters and I'm really tired of the whole Taming of the Shrew/Moonlighting/love breaking through tough outer shells relationships.
Maybe I missed the point. A lot of people found it clever and hilarious. It also seems to have profound comments on life that moved a lot of readers but maybe I'm too old and cranky for them.
There are some very cool things about this book, but I felt like there were missed opportunities to make the characters more "real". The back stories didn't give me a real feeling of who the characters were. I would have loved more depth. I think maybe that's where my issue with it was, that the book wasn't really a zany adventure book, and wasn't really a romantic comedy or a conspiracy novel, it was all of those things. I love the Stephanie Plum books by Janet Evanovich. They are definitely not "great literature", but they are fun and I love reading them. The characters are hilarious and the storylines are bizarre but fun. I think this book would have been better if it had focused more on being either a fun "romp" like that or a deep character-driven story about life. I think that maybe it was too many things at one time.
The characters are big weirdos, which I normally really love. I'm a big fan of Christopher Moore, Elmore Leonard, Carl Hiaasen and other authors who bring a bunch of nutty characters together in bizarre situations, but this book just didn't work for me. I didn't like most of the characters and I'm really tired of the whole Taming of the Shrew/Moonlighting/love breaking through tough outer shells relationships.
Maybe I missed the point. A lot of people found it clever and hilarious. It also seems to have profound comments on life that moved a lot of readers but maybe I'm too old and cranky for them.
There are some very cool things about this book, but I felt like there were missed opportunities to make the characters more "real". The back stories didn't give me a real feeling of who the characters were. I would have loved more depth. I think maybe that's where my issue with it was, that the book wasn't really a zany adventure book, and wasn't really a romantic comedy or a conspiracy novel, it was all of those things. I love the Stephanie Plum books by Janet Evanovich. They are definitely not "great literature", but they are fun and I love reading them. The characters are hilarious and the storylines are bizarre but fun. I think this book would have been better if it had focused more on being either a fun "romp" like that or a deep character-driven story about life. I think that maybe it was too many things at one time.
October 15, 2008
Chosen as I had read his earlier works (things my girlfiend and a certain chemistry) a number of years ago.
Millington can certainly write sentances and set pieces that make you laugh out loud but believe it or not, there are that many in the book, every sentance has been poured over to maximise comic effect, that he becomes annoying. Rather like that character in the fast show who always tried to get a laugh at parties.
Rob is a late night radio dj who was delayed in a meeting at a pub just before an accident wiped everyone out. He know spends his life in a neurotic mess as every decision he makes has a potentially disasterous effect..... which is not a great state of affairs when you are planning a wedding.
During a late night rant on his show about this issue, he becomes a bit of a celebrity and embarks on a quest with three other people with similar experiences to solve this issue. This is plotting simply to get the characters together - there is a dumb american soldier who narrowly avoided death, a woman who keeps trying for suicide and a white witch.
They have a few more dear neath experiences whilst on their quest.... Rob also falls for the spectaculary grumpy a sartastic suicide victim - eventually embarking on an affair with her. Also during the quest, someone is bizarrely trying to bump them off.
Plot is secondary to laughs, which are frequent and high quality but too regular to the point of annoyance.
Millington can certainly write sentances and set pieces that make you laugh out loud but believe it or not, there are that many in the book, every sentance has been poured over to maximise comic effect, that he becomes annoying. Rather like that character in the fast show who always tried to get a laugh at parties.
Rob is a late night radio dj who was delayed in a meeting at a pub just before an accident wiped everyone out. He know spends his life in a neurotic mess as every decision he makes has a potentially disasterous effect..... which is not a great state of affairs when you are planning a wedding.
During a late night rant on his show about this issue, he becomes a bit of a celebrity and embarks on a quest with three other people with similar experiences to solve this issue. This is plotting simply to get the characters together - there is a dumb american soldier who narrowly avoided death, a woman who keeps trying for suicide and a white witch.
They have a few more dear neath experiences whilst on their quest.... Rob also falls for the spectaculary grumpy a sartastic suicide victim - eventually embarking on an affair with her. Also during the quest, someone is bizarrely trying to bump them off.
Plot is secondary to laughs, which are frequent and high quality but too regular to the point of annoyance.
July 10, 2015
- quite funny
- an F.M. Radio D.J. (late-night jazz show) has a near-death experience that, well . . .
- from the Publisher's Weekly Book Review: "Weird, in a good way, defines the spirited amalgam of madcap romanticism, mordant spirituality and oddball adventure that infuses British writer Millington's third novel (A Certain Chemistry ; Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About ). Rob Garland's life is decidedly unsettled. He's dithering about his upcoming nuptials. He's bored at the radio station where he hosts a late-night jazz show. And by all odds he ought to be dead, except that a quick errand, coupled with an infuriating traffic tie-up, makes him late for lunch with a musician—who is among those immolated when a tanker truck plows into the restaurant. After Garland forsakes his playlist one night to rant about his near-death experience, he finds himself at the center of a circle of like survivors, including a brawny American soldier who escaped death in war-torn Bosnia and an addled British schoolteacher who left her Bulgarian hotel in search of cigarettes and returned to find it in flames. There are times when this off-in-all-directions novel explodes into the edgily surreal, and its intense Britishness may confound some readers. But the audacious originality of Millington's witty plot and the energy of his crisp, comic dialogue are wholly engaging."
- an F.M. Radio D.J. (late-night jazz show) has a near-death experience that, well . . .
- from the Publisher's Weekly Book Review: "Weird, in a good way, defines the spirited amalgam of madcap romanticism, mordant spirituality and oddball adventure that infuses British writer Millington's third novel (A Certain Chemistry ; Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About ). Rob Garland's life is decidedly unsettled. He's dithering about his upcoming nuptials. He's bored at the radio station where he hosts a late-night jazz show. And by all odds he ought to be dead, except that a quick errand, coupled with an infuriating traffic tie-up, makes him late for lunch with a musician—who is among those immolated when a tanker truck plows into the restaurant. After Garland forsakes his playlist one night to rant about his near-death experience, he finds himself at the center of a circle of like survivors, including a brawny American soldier who escaped death in war-torn Bosnia and an addled British schoolteacher who left her Bulgarian hotel in search of cigarettes and returned to find it in flames. There are times when this off-in-all-directions novel explodes into the edgily surreal, and its intense Britishness may confound some readers. But the audacious originality of Millington's witty plot and the energy of his crisp, comic dialogue are wholly engaging."
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