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320 pages, Paperback
First published May 31, 2022
"If I want the world to recognize what I am truly capable of, I have to show them."
“It’s probably really stupid how much it unravels me to look at her right then, but I’ve never seen eyes that make me think about the mysteries of the universe the way hers do. It’s like walking through the redwoods. Like feeling the earth beneath your feet while knowing there are things flying free above you, and things living and breathing below you, and for a moment you just feel connected to everything. Like there’s some sort of unstoppable tide of existence and you’re part of it, even for just a second.”
“I think about how much I want them to succeed in life; to go far, as far as possible, until every girl who succeeds is like a beacon of light for all the others.”
“I finally know the secret: that you can stand up without standing alone.”
“Take up your own space, Bel. Don’t let other people tread over it.”
“I’ve always believed that there’s a possibility for everything in the world to collide for a single perfect moment, and that sometimes, if you’re lucky, you get to have one for yourself. This one is ours.”
“Hey. Bel.” I glance over at Teo, who winks at me. “See you on the other side.”
“You’re the worst.” An easy shorthand for love you.
“Yeah, yeah.” He smiles.
“Take up your own space, Bel. Don’t let other people tread over it.”
“If high school is good for anything, it’s proving that nothing lasts forever.”
“He smiles, and I know that win or lose, Teo Luna and I are made of a strong foundation. What he and I have together is the best thing we’ve ever built.”
“Everyone at this school has plans, and then they want me to have plans, and I’m just so overwhelmed by their good intentions that I constantly feel the need to lie down for a solid five minutes before trying again.”
“Sometimes I think I’d rather be forty and wondering where my life went instead of seventeen and relentlessly hounded about my future”
“Welcome to robotics,” I say, and I know it sounds kind of formal, but even I can hear the pride in my voice when I say it. This is the most important thing in my life, and I picked her. I chose her. I want her to know that means something.”
“I don’t really like to close the door on anything. There’s something interesting about most things, I think.”
“Even robots?”
She smiles faintly at the computer screen. “Even robots.”
“I can see the tiny dusting of freckles around her eyes, like distant constellations.” 💌
“I know the world doesn’t revolve around me, but for a second it’s totally cinematic, like we’re the stars of our own movie and all the people dancing around us are celebrating us the same way we are. The sun is high and the joy is sharp and everything is rich and saturated and glittering, technicolor and exhilarating, us and the universe connecting symphonically in that kiss. It’s like everything we’ve ever learned about force in physics, about materials that connect, about strong bonds and magnetic ones, about gravity and mystery. I’ve always believed that there’s a possibility for everything in the world to collide for a single perfect moment, and that sometimes, if you’re lucky, you get to have one for yourself. This one is ours.”
“It’s probably really stupid how much it unravels me to look at her right then, but I’ve never seen eyes that make me think about the mysteries of the universe the way hers do. It’s like walking through the redwoods. Like feeling the earth beneath your feet while knowing there are things flying free above you, and things living and breathing below you, and for a moment you just feel connected to everything. Like there’s some sort of unstoppable tide of existence and you’re part of it, even for just a second.”
“Because I think about her all the time. Because she surprises me, because she makes me laugh, and because this, whatever it is with her, is the only thing I ever do that’s easy. Because wherever I am, I want her close by.”
“I wish I could say I considered saying no. I wish I could say it mattered even a little bit what his question was, but it really never crossed my mind to choose anything but him.”
“All I can think about is how glad I am to be near her. How much better everything feels when she’s close to me. I keep thinking how dull everything’s felt over the last month without her, how empty it was compared to all the months before it, and I don’t even care how far away Massachusetts is. Even just the sound of her voice feels more like home than my parents’ gigantic mansion ever has.”
“While she was yelling at me her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were wide and she was like, actually alive, which is the version of her I find way more interesting than this one. Even if I’m not exactly thrilled with anything she’s saying.”
“But I swear there must be something in the water, because his hair looks so soft and when he’s designing something he gets this kind of squinty, concentrate-y look on his face and he smells like clean laundry and summer and I hate it. I hate all of it”
“So what’s sad for me isn’t that I’m not driving, but that I’m not part of it, win or lose. The people in this fifteen-second video that I’ve been watching on a loop are my best friends in the whole world. They’re my team. We’ve spent the last however many weeks and months and years building shit together that we let other people destroy, and somehow the only thing that never gets broken is the bond that we have with one another.”
“I think about how much I want them to succeed in life; to go far, as far as possible, until every girl who succeeds is like a beacon of light for all the others.”
they definitely don’t mean the version whose spotify is currently paused on taylor swift’s entire discography so he can learn all the words that make her smile, even when she doesn’t want to. especially then.
'i've never seen eyes that make me think about the mysteries of the universe the way hers do.'