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Raising Securely Attached Kids: Using Connection-Focused Parenting to Create Confidence, Empathy, and Resilience
Create a lifetime of connection with your children.Therapist and wildly popular attachment research expert Eli Harwood (a.k.a. Attachment Nerd) illuminates attachment theory as foundational to the only parenting approach proven to have a lasting impact. How do you raise kids who are confident, capable, and caring? The first ingredient is a secure and close relationship—key to helping them self-regulate and thrive later in life. When children feel seen, heard, and supported, all other parenting tips and tricks start to work. Groundbreaking author Eli Harwood makes attachment theory (the science that explores the innate human need to bond with other humans) accessible and actionable in how it can help our children learn and grow into compassionate, warm adults. For anyone looking to build a better life for their kids, no matter what you went through growing up yourself, these simple, real-life strategies will help · Help you create a secure attachment relationship with your kids by choosing connection over control· Prompt reflection on attachment patterns you developed in childhood and why you respond in certain ways during emotional moments with your children· Help you resolve past attachment traumas so you can gain effective skills to offer calm, connected, and secure base· Provide scripts and practical tools to build and reinforce a strong foundation of trust· Encourage you to release the reins of influence as their independence grows Hopeful and inspiring, this essential evidence-based guide will show parents across different ages and stages everywhere that they are not alone in the questions and concerns they may have about their children's development. Though there have been countless studies on how attachment styles affect our romantic relationships, Raising Securely Attached Kids reframes the subject for cultivating a strong relationship between parent and child to bring transformative change to your relationships of all stripes.
291 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 3, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 70 reviews
May 21, 2024
There are not words adequate to communicate my praises for this book. Raising Securely Attached Kids is the manual on parenting, and if you’re a parent and it’s not on your list of books to read, it absolutely should be.
Eli Harwood aims to teach the caregivers of the world how to parent harnessing the power of connection over control based methods, and as someone who has read extensively on the topic, this book is the best of its kind. Eli’s message effectively empowers parents to course correct without shame or blame. Her empathy makes you feel seen in the trenches while equipping you with the science behind a secure attachment. Because having a secure attachment is a lifelong human need, you can see yourself in these pages as both parent and child and the result is a book that instructs even as it heals. Throughout the book, there are various “Nerd Alerts” that go deeper into the science of the topic, and also, she makes a concentrated effort to pull in many varying perspectives of parenting for a secure attachment. In each discussion, she uses a generational lens so that it becomes easier to notice patterns you may be operating under. Then, she connects the dots so that you can see how that pattern has affected you and how it might impact your children if it remains unaddressed. She doesn’t stop at teenage years either, some of her most helpful discussions are devoted to parenting adult children well. Her chapter on managing conflict securely helped heal parts of my head and heart that I didn’t know were wounded.
Eli’s message is meaningful and approachable, and it’s one full of hope for the next generation. If you read one parenting book in 2024, let it be this one. It truly is that good. In fact, though I’m grateful to have been able to preview this book as an eARC, I have just preordered my copy and September’s release can’t come soon enough. Eli, if you see this, thank you again and again for your empathy, your compassion, your kindness, and your dogged determination to taking the message of secure attachment to the world.
I’d like to thank Sasquatch Books and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Eli Harwood aims to teach the caregivers of the world how to parent harnessing the power of connection over control based methods, and as someone who has read extensively on the topic, this book is the best of its kind. Eli’s message effectively empowers parents to course correct without shame or blame. Her empathy makes you feel seen in the trenches while equipping you with the science behind a secure attachment. Because having a secure attachment is a lifelong human need, you can see yourself in these pages as both parent and child and the result is a book that instructs even as it heals. Throughout the book, there are various “Nerd Alerts” that go deeper into the science of the topic, and also, she makes a concentrated effort to pull in many varying perspectives of parenting for a secure attachment. In each discussion, she uses a generational lens so that it becomes easier to notice patterns you may be operating under. Then, she connects the dots so that you can see how that pattern has affected you and how it might impact your children if it remains unaddressed. She doesn’t stop at teenage years either, some of her most helpful discussions are devoted to parenting adult children well. Her chapter on managing conflict securely helped heal parts of my head and heart that I didn’t know were wounded.
Eli’s message is meaningful and approachable, and it’s one full of hope for the next generation. If you read one parenting book in 2024, let it be this one. It truly is that good. In fact, though I’m grateful to have been able to preview this book as an eARC, I have just preordered my copy and September’s release can’t come soon enough. Eli, if you see this, thank you again and again for your empathy, your compassion, your kindness, and your dogged determination to taking the message of secure attachment to the world.
I’d like to thank Sasquatch Books and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
September 3, 2024
I came across this author from our foster care group. I loved how she gave practical advice on how to support kids during the hard times that they go through.
I enjoy how the book gives specifics on how to seek connections with our kids. In particular, the different scripts that were in the book are so helpful to me.
I think this book has given me practical steps to seek connection with my kids. I look forward to using these strategies.
Thanks to the publisher for the arc. The opinions are my own.
I enjoy how the book gives specifics on how to seek connections with our kids. In particular, the different scripts that were in the book are so helpful to me.
I think this book has given me practical steps to seek connection with my kids. I look forward to using these strategies.
Thanks to the publisher for the arc. The opinions are my own.
September 4, 2024
A powerful parenting book
If you’re anything like me, you’ve consumed a lot of parenting resources over the years trying to figure out how to do it “right.” This book felt different - it still has some hard parts, but it felt very empowering. It felt in-line with the kind of parent I aspire to be.
The good: lots of science & research to back-up the suggestions and recommendations.
Detailed discussion of the how and the why - how to handle things and why handling that way is influencing your child and the relationship with them.
Honest discussion of what could be impacting your ability to put this into practice.
Just so much good information.
The hard: (these are actually also good - but are the parts I found the hardest to read/digest) the book digs into some tough topics, which can be hard to read/think about impacting your child.
Certain parts will definitely make you examine your own short and how/where you don’t have health attachment patterns. That part was particularly hard for me because I want to fix it, but it’s a process and not something that will happen quickly.
All in all - highly recommend this parenting book!
If you’re anything like me, you’ve consumed a lot of parenting resources over the years trying to figure out how to do it “right.” This book felt different - it still has some hard parts, but it felt very empowering. It felt in-line with the kind of parent I aspire to be.
The good: lots of science & research to back-up the suggestions and recommendations.
Detailed discussion of the how and the why - how to handle things and why handling that way is influencing your child and the relationship with them.
Honest discussion of what could be impacting your ability to put this into practice.
Just so much good information.
The hard: (these are actually also good - but are the parts I found the hardest to read/digest) the book digs into some tough topics, which can be hard to read/think about impacting your child.
Certain parts will definitely make you examine your own short and how/where you don’t have health attachment patterns. That part was particularly hard for me because I want to fix it, but it’s a process and not something that will happen quickly.
All in all - highly recommend this parenting book!
November 22, 2024
I’m so thankful we live in the same time as people like Eli Harwood, Dr. Becky Kennedy and Dr. Siggie. Eli’s new book is amazing, as expected. So insightful and relatable and easy to understand. Trying to do right by your children when you need to heal too is a hard journey, and having Eli’s insight with her book, workbook and social content is sooo helpful. Highly recommend.
December 14, 2024
Loved this. This book has changed the way I view parenting and view how I was parented and how that’s reflected in my parenting (can I include one more variation of the word parenting in this sentence).
November 9, 2024
Seems fitting that I pick this up to read while doing the last SAP session at sandras lol - one of the top parenting books I've read so far
Harwood powerfully articulates how, in terms of parenting styles, both sides of the pervasive cultural binary - *authoritarian* (dominating, controlling) vs. *permissive* (placating, indulgent) - are destructive to growing minds and bodies.
Notes:
- at its core, parenting is about forging strong, secure bonds with your child – helping them feel safe, supported, and valued as they navigate the challenges of growing up
- whether by comforting or dismissing their distress – teaches them a critical lesson about trust and security
- children with secure attachment are more independent, resilient, and emotionally stable as they grow
- the answer often lies not in control but in connection
- recognize that you are not in control of your child’s actions, but are in control of how you respond to them
- When you model emotional regulation and approach your child with empathy, they learn to regulate themselves
- Children who act out may be signaling unmet needs, stress, or confusion
- One of the greatest gifts you can offer your children is the ability to feel and express their emotions openly
- Many people mistakenly believe that maturity means dealing with emotions independently. While independence is essential for practical tasks, emotional strength comes from interdependence – reaching out to others for support
- Confidence in children isn’t something they’re born with – it’s something that grows from the interactions and relationships they experience. Children develop self-confidence when they feel secure and valued by their caregivers
- Confidence is grounded in self-trust and connection, while arrogance stems from insecurity and a need to feel superior
- The ideal approach is what’s often referred to as “growth-focused structure.” It’s a blend of clear rules and compassionate flexibility. For example, setting bedtime routines ensures children get the sleep they need, but being understanding when they occasionally struggle with these routines helps them feel seen and supported. Over time, this kind of structure promotes self-regulation, emotional awareness, and the ability to make healthy decisions.
- Secure conflict, however, is about recognizing that disagreements are opportunities for growth. The goal isn’t to avoid or win conflicts, but to guide children through them, modeling calm, constructive behavior that teaches them how to express needs and resolve disagreements respectfully.
Quotes:
- "The most effective way to influence our children is not to try to control their behavior or choices but to build a deeply connected and attuned relationship with them. When we put in the work to be connected to our children, we develop a kind of trust that makes the process of guiding them through life far easier and more rewarding for us both. " (p 27)
- "Cooperation is learned for our children by hearing a clear message from us that everyone's emotions and needs matter, and that some needs have to prioritized before others for the sake of health, safety, and organization. We will not always be able to meet all requests, but we will do our best to at least consider and understand them with compassion." (P 38)
- "They do not have the brain development of life experience to mutually hold an understanding of our needs and perspectives. With our kids, we are literally the bigger person, and it is our responsibility to honor that even when the conflict is initiated by our child's choices or dysregulation." (P 163)
- "What an incredibly sacred gift it is to get to be our children's attachment figures." (P 248)
Harwood powerfully articulates how, in terms of parenting styles, both sides of the pervasive cultural binary - *authoritarian* (dominating, controlling) vs. *permissive* (placating, indulgent) - are destructive to growing minds and bodies.
Notes:
- at its core, parenting is about forging strong, secure bonds with your child – helping them feel safe, supported, and valued as they navigate the challenges of growing up
- whether by comforting or dismissing their distress – teaches them a critical lesson about trust and security
- children with secure attachment are more independent, resilient, and emotionally stable as they grow
- the answer often lies not in control but in connection
- recognize that you are not in control of your child’s actions, but are in control of how you respond to them
- When you model emotional regulation and approach your child with empathy, they learn to regulate themselves
- Children who act out may be signaling unmet needs, stress, or confusion
- One of the greatest gifts you can offer your children is the ability to feel and express their emotions openly
- Many people mistakenly believe that maturity means dealing with emotions independently. While independence is essential for practical tasks, emotional strength comes from interdependence – reaching out to others for support
- Confidence in children isn’t something they’re born with – it’s something that grows from the interactions and relationships they experience. Children develop self-confidence when they feel secure and valued by their caregivers
- Confidence is grounded in self-trust and connection, while arrogance stems from insecurity and a need to feel superior
- The ideal approach is what’s often referred to as “growth-focused structure.” It’s a blend of clear rules and compassionate flexibility. For example, setting bedtime routines ensures children get the sleep they need, but being understanding when they occasionally struggle with these routines helps them feel seen and supported. Over time, this kind of structure promotes self-regulation, emotional awareness, and the ability to make healthy decisions.
- Secure conflict, however, is about recognizing that disagreements are opportunities for growth. The goal isn’t to avoid or win conflicts, but to guide children through them, modeling calm, constructive behavior that teaches them how to express needs and resolve disagreements respectfully.
Quotes:
- "The most effective way to influence our children is not to try to control their behavior or choices but to build a deeply connected and attuned relationship with them. When we put in the work to be connected to our children, we develop a kind of trust that makes the process of guiding them through life far easier and more rewarding for us both. " (p 27)
- "Cooperation is learned for our children by hearing a clear message from us that everyone's emotions and needs matter, and that some needs have to prioritized before others for the sake of health, safety, and organization. We will not always be able to meet all requests, but we will do our best to at least consider and understand them with compassion." (P 38)
- "They do not have the brain development of life experience to mutually hold an understanding of our needs and perspectives. With our kids, we are literally the bigger person, and it is our responsibility to honor that even when the conflict is initiated by our child's choices or dysregulation." (P 163)
- "What an incredibly sacred gift it is to get to be our children's attachment figures." (P 248)
November 9, 2024
Eli Harwood's book, "Raising Securely Attached Kids: Use Connection-Focused Parenting to Build Confidence and Empathy", offers parents a roadmap for cultivating emotional security, confidence, and resilience in their children. Rather than focusing on rigid rules or control-based methods, Harwood emphasizes the importance of building a deep, secure attachment through connection, empathy, and structure.
Harwood begins by highlighting that the way we respond to our children’s emotional needs from the earliest moments lays the groundwork for secure attachment. For instance, when a young child looks to a parent for reassurance, the parent’s calm, empathetic response teaches them that they are safe and supported. This assurance forms the basis of their confidence and resilience, helping children feel grounded enough to explore and face challenges.
Traditional parenting often relies on commands, rewards, and punishments, which can shape behavior in the short term but doesn’t foster internal growth or emotional regulation. Harwood instead advocates for "connection-focused" parenting. By understanding and responding to a child’s underlying emotional needs, parents can more effectively guide behavior and build long-term emotional resilience. This approach encourages parents to ask not "How can I control my child’s behavior?" but rather, "How can I connect with my child?"
Harwood discusses the importance of allowing children to feel and express their emotions openly, noting that true resilience comes from emotional awareness and empathy, not suppression. Encouraging children to name and share their feelings builds emotional intelligence and interdependence, helping them regulate emotions and seek healthy support. Parents are encouraged to join their child in moments of distress, validating their emotions rather than suppressing them.
Confidence in children is cultivated through repeated experiences of love, understanding, and validation. Harwood encourages parents to balance independence with boundaries, teaching children that they are valued and capable without over-praising or pushing them toward arrogance. She underscores that a child’s self-worth and confidence grow from feeling consistently valued and understood, not from being made to feel superior.
Harwood advocates for a "growth-focused structure" that blends clear routines with compassionate flexibility. Predictable routines provide security and stability, but overly rigid control can stifle growth. Parents are advised to set age-appropriate rules while remaining open to adjustment as children develop, allowing room for independence within safe boundaries.
Conflict, when handled thoughtfully, can enhance the parent-child relationship. Harwood suggests viewing conflicts as learning moments, focusing on co-regulation and teaching respectful problem-solving. She encourages parents to guide children through conflicts by modeling calm, empathetic responses and helping them practice making amends when necessary. Teaching these skills early on fosters emotional regulation and the ability to handle disagreements constructively.
In "Raising Securely Attached Kids", Harwood emphasizes the significance of secure attachment and connection-focused parenting in helping children grow into confident, empathetic individuals. With a focus on compassionate boundaries, emotional awareness, and balanced structure, parents can build a foundation of trust and resilience, empowering their children to navigate life with both emotional intelligence and independence. This approach not only supports children’s growth but also strengthens the parent-child bond, creating a lasting, supportive relationship built on mutual understanding and respect.
Harwood begins by highlighting that the way we respond to our children’s emotional needs from the earliest moments lays the groundwork for secure attachment. For instance, when a young child looks to a parent for reassurance, the parent’s calm, empathetic response teaches them that they are safe and supported. This assurance forms the basis of their confidence and resilience, helping children feel grounded enough to explore and face challenges.
Traditional parenting often relies on commands, rewards, and punishments, which can shape behavior in the short term but doesn’t foster internal growth or emotional regulation. Harwood instead advocates for "connection-focused" parenting. By understanding and responding to a child’s underlying emotional needs, parents can more effectively guide behavior and build long-term emotional resilience. This approach encourages parents to ask not "How can I control my child’s behavior?" but rather, "How can I connect with my child?"
Harwood discusses the importance of allowing children to feel and express their emotions openly, noting that true resilience comes from emotional awareness and empathy, not suppression. Encouraging children to name and share their feelings builds emotional intelligence and interdependence, helping them regulate emotions and seek healthy support. Parents are encouraged to join their child in moments of distress, validating their emotions rather than suppressing them.
Confidence in children is cultivated through repeated experiences of love, understanding, and validation. Harwood encourages parents to balance independence with boundaries, teaching children that they are valued and capable without over-praising or pushing them toward arrogance. She underscores that a child’s self-worth and confidence grow from feeling consistently valued and understood, not from being made to feel superior.
Harwood advocates for a "growth-focused structure" that blends clear routines with compassionate flexibility. Predictable routines provide security and stability, but overly rigid control can stifle growth. Parents are advised to set age-appropriate rules while remaining open to adjustment as children develop, allowing room for independence within safe boundaries.
Conflict, when handled thoughtfully, can enhance the parent-child relationship. Harwood suggests viewing conflicts as learning moments, focusing on co-regulation and teaching respectful problem-solving. She encourages parents to guide children through conflicts by modeling calm, empathetic responses and helping them practice making amends when necessary. Teaching these skills early on fosters emotional regulation and the ability to handle disagreements constructively.
In "Raising Securely Attached Kids", Harwood emphasizes the significance of secure attachment and connection-focused parenting in helping children grow into confident, empathetic individuals. With a focus on compassionate boundaries, emotional awareness, and balanced structure, parents can build a foundation of trust and resilience, empowering their children to navigate life with both emotional intelligence and independence. This approach not only supports children’s growth but also strengthens the parent-child bond, creating a lasting, supportive relationship built on mutual understanding and respect.
December 6, 2024
One of my sisters messaged me a reel of Eli Harwood's on Instagram. I really liked it. So when I saw that she also wrote a book, I immediately put it on hold with my library. I really like the book. After reading this book, I've decided to follow the author on Instagram. I like her even better on Instagram because she regularly gives golden advice in small doses.
I am not the book's primary audience-- all my children are adults, but I do have grandchildren. This book also says many things that are relatable to other kinds of relationships, even marriage.
Also, this book explains me to myself as well as helps me understand other adults who may not have had solidly secure attachments while grown up.
Here are a few quotes, but there are many more:
"When a toddler steals a toy from another child, we can return the toy and offer compassion to our child about how painful it is to want something that someone else has. When we teach a toddler about their emotional state, it helps them to learn how to identify it, which, in turn, leads them closer to learning how to manage it and, then, how to communicate it." Page 50
"The independently handling feelings myth wants us to believe that emotional resilience lies in someone's ability to avoid pain or numb feelings, but the attachment research has shown us that security and resilience emanate from emotionally attuned early caregiver relationships. Because those experiences for our children help them learn a pattern of reaching and receiving that they can take onward in their lives." Page 95
"When other people respond calmly and compassionately to our feelings, we become more comfortable with feelings. The more opportunities we are given to receive emotional support from our attachment figures to understand what we feel, and then to be effectively soothed in our feeling states, the less out of control our responses are to those feelings when they arise." Page 96
"Resilience is what we develop when we have loved ones who are capable of helping us process our emotions and experience the regulated state that comes from empathetic care. Resilient=regulated connection.." Page 96
"I am giving my children attention so that they believe that their feelings and needs are real and have names, and so that they will also believe that other people's feelings are real and have names. Paying attention to my child in their emotional moments is how they will learn to be resilient (care for themselves) and compassionate (care for others)." Page 129
"The process of co-regulating our bodies into a calm and connected state is like walking hand in hand back up into our upstairs brains together. If we try to problem solve before we reconnect, it is so much harder to hear each other because we end up back in the basement of defensiveness. Many misunderstandings and escalations get stuck because we flip this order and try to talk our way into calmness, instead of calming our way into talkativeness." Page 177
Though it's a lot of information to process, I recommend reading this book. Maybe it's the kind of book to buy and refer to over time. I sure wish I knew all this stuff when my children were growing up. I can apply these lessons with my grandchildren. Also, I can continue to try to repair my relationships with my adult children and others.
I am not the book's primary audience-- all my children are adults, but I do have grandchildren. This book also says many things that are relatable to other kinds of relationships, even marriage.
Also, this book explains me to myself as well as helps me understand other adults who may not have had solidly secure attachments while grown up.
Here are a few quotes, but there are many more:
"When a toddler steals a toy from another child, we can return the toy and offer compassion to our child about how painful it is to want something that someone else has. When we teach a toddler about their emotional state, it helps them to learn how to identify it, which, in turn, leads them closer to learning how to manage it and, then, how to communicate it." Page 50
"The independently handling feelings myth wants us to believe that emotional resilience lies in someone's ability to avoid pain or numb feelings, but the attachment research has shown us that security and resilience emanate from emotionally attuned early caregiver relationships. Because those experiences for our children help them learn a pattern of reaching and receiving that they can take onward in their lives." Page 95
"When other people respond calmly and compassionately to our feelings, we become more comfortable with feelings. The more opportunities we are given to receive emotional support from our attachment figures to understand what we feel, and then to be effectively soothed in our feeling states, the less out of control our responses are to those feelings when they arise." Page 96
"Resilience is what we develop when we have loved ones who are capable of helping us process our emotions and experience the regulated state that comes from empathetic care. Resilient=regulated connection.." Page 96
"I am giving my children attention so that they believe that their feelings and needs are real and have names, and so that they will also believe that other people's feelings are real and have names. Paying attention to my child in their emotional moments is how they will learn to be resilient (care for themselves) and compassionate (care for others)." Page 129
"The process of co-regulating our bodies into a calm and connected state is like walking hand in hand back up into our upstairs brains together. If we try to problem solve before we reconnect, it is so much harder to hear each other because we end up back in the basement of defensiveness. Many misunderstandings and escalations get stuck because we flip this order and try to talk our way into calmness, instead of calming our way into talkativeness." Page 177
Though it's a lot of information to process, I recommend reading this book. Maybe it's the kind of book to buy and refer to over time. I sure wish I knew all this stuff when my children were growing up. I can apply these lessons with my grandchildren. Also, I can continue to try to repair my relationships with my adult children and others.
October 7, 2024
Raising Securely Attached Kids is, hands down, the best parenting book I’ve ever read.
Harwood powerfully articulates how, in terms of parenting styles, both sides of the pervasive cultural binary - *authoritarian* (dominating, controlling) vs. *permissive* (placating, indulgent) - are destructive to growing minds and bodies. A simple scan of social media illustrates how deep the feelings run on these topics. She organizes these and other modes (like the *neglectful*) into illuminating contrasts under topics like structure, nurture, coping patterns, self-esteem, and outcomes.
Teasing apart still-operational assumptions, she focuses on research-supported methods of connection and relationship from the perspective of attachment styles. She outlines how secure attachment fosters resilience, growth, empathy, and the kind of self-understanding that enables kids to make authentic changes to their behaviors as they grow.
One thing that really stood out to me was the priority order of suggested action sequences. I had that magic reading experience of “click – ah, of course!” Calm bodies (co-regulating and connecting) are needed before conversation. Active listening is needed before responding. Investigating and learning together are needed before attempting to repair. Deep breaths might be needed before anything else.
I’m a fast reader, usually, but I found that it was more rewarding for me to read a couple of chapters at a time, and to let them bounce around for a few days before continuing. Concrete examples and creative vocabulary personalize the content, making the book accessible, relatable, and sometimes even playful. I kept lingering on things like co-regulation and cooperation and different kinds of structure.
Personally, I would have loved even more of the sidebar “Nerd Alerts” (this despite the fact that when I looked up the “Still Face” Experiment, it triggered nightmares). So I felt especially nerd-rewarded by the brilliant handling of the endnotes of the book. Organized by chapter and page, the specific phrase or sentence is quoted and set in bold, with the source listed. Reinforcement - and review - and source, all at once. Beautiful! I hope this method catches on. In addition, if you want to find a specific bit of text again, there’s an easily-scannable index of keywords.
Harwood powerfully articulates how, in terms of parenting styles, both sides of the pervasive cultural binary - *authoritarian* (dominating, controlling) vs. *permissive* (placating, indulgent) - are destructive to growing minds and bodies. A simple scan of social media illustrates how deep the feelings run on these topics. She organizes these and other modes (like the *neglectful*) into illuminating contrasts under topics like structure, nurture, coping patterns, self-esteem, and outcomes.
Teasing apart still-operational assumptions, she focuses on research-supported methods of connection and relationship from the perspective of attachment styles. She outlines how secure attachment fosters resilience, growth, empathy, and the kind of self-understanding that enables kids to make authentic changes to their behaviors as they grow.
One thing that really stood out to me was the priority order of suggested action sequences. I had that magic reading experience of “click – ah, of course!” Calm bodies (co-regulating and connecting) are needed before conversation. Active listening is needed before responding. Investigating and learning together are needed before attempting to repair. Deep breaths might be needed before anything else.
I’m a fast reader, usually, but I found that it was more rewarding for me to read a couple of chapters at a time, and to let them bounce around for a few days before continuing. Concrete examples and creative vocabulary personalize the content, making the book accessible, relatable, and sometimes even playful. I kept lingering on things like co-regulation and cooperation and different kinds of structure.
Personally, I would have loved even more of the sidebar “Nerd Alerts” (this despite the fact that when I looked up the “Still Face” Experiment, it triggered nightmares). So I felt especially nerd-rewarded by the brilliant handling of the endnotes of the book. Organized by chapter and page, the specific phrase or sentence is quoted and set in bold, with the source listed. Reinforcement - and review - and source, all at once. Beautiful! I hope this method catches on. In addition, if you want to find a specific bit of text again, there’s an easily-scannable index of keywords.
December 15, 2024
This book is unbelievably superb and helpful. I think one of its strongest assets is that it offers all these tips and information with a very palpable sense of compassion. You very quickly get the feeling that the reason you picked up this book and are seeking out alternative ways of interacting with children other than what most of us were raised with is celebrated as a victory in and of itself at every turn by the author, and that’s something I really appreciated.
Even as someone who doesn’t have kids of their own, I found so many nuggets of wisdom and just ways to improve relationships with anybody — old friends, my own parents, siblings, students, nieces, nephews, etc — that are applicable to various situations. I think the point of this book was to offer up what it looks like to try your best to come at relationships and their ups and downs from a place of understanding and always, always wanting to repair, learn, and celebrate the connections we make with others. This really is a must read for anyone at any stage of life who wants to further empower and strengthen the relationships in their life.
Even as someone who doesn’t have kids of their own, I found so many nuggets of wisdom and just ways to improve relationships with anybody — old friends, my own parents, siblings, students, nieces, nephews, etc — that are applicable to various situations. I think the point of this book was to offer up what it looks like to try your best to come at relationships and their ups and downs from a place of understanding and always, always wanting to repair, learn, and celebrate the connections we make with others. This really is a must read for anyone at any stage of life who wants to further empower and strengthen the relationships in their life.
January 4, 2025
Loved this book and will reference often. Would recommend to anyone looking to love the kids in their life better - whether as an expecting parent, parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle, or caregiver.
After providing a simple explanation of attachment theory and an invitation for growth no matter the starting place, Eli provides helpful research and application on a wide variety of topics from sleep to discipline to routines to recognition and delight.
(It’s also gracious and non-threatening in a way that I’d be confident giving as a gift to anyone without them taking offense, even if they choose to parent differently 🙂)
After providing a simple explanation of attachment theory and an invitation for growth no matter the starting place, Eli provides helpful research and application on a wide variety of topics from sleep to discipline to routines to recognition and delight.
(It’s also gracious and non-threatening in a way that I’d be confident giving as a gift to anyone without them taking offense, even if they choose to parent differently 🙂)
December 22, 2024
Excellent. Practical guidance on how to create meaningful relationships with our kids. TBRI practice implementation at its finest. It gave me great insight on people that I loved being around as a kid and a recipe to create that type of relationship with kids in my life that I love. Encouraging, helpful, eye opening.
December 28, 2024
I loved this book. It is probably the best parenting book I’ve read so far. The only reason I gave it 4 stars is because I wish there were more specific examples for various ages. While Eli did provide some examples, I was definitely grasping for more. Otherwise, very good.
January 2, 2025
I found this book to be very beneficial. I especially appreciated that it wasn’t only theory but also gave very specific examples. Although I don’t agree on every value/worldview of the author, I appreciate her research and would recommend this book to clients and friends/parents!
December 21, 2024
Incredible. Worth reading whether you’re a parent, a teacher, anyone who has babies, kids or teenagers in your world — or, just an adult who wants to better understand yourself or your upbringing.
I’ll be rereading this many times.
I’ll be rereading this many times.
June 11, 2024
My new favorite book on attachment!
So many practical steps and scripts on how to build safety and connection and insights into how kids brains work!
So many practical steps and scripts on how to build safety and connection and insights into how kids brains work!
October 7, 2024
This book was healing and helpful. One I'll certainly read again to annotate. A few passages I found particularly helpful were about mirroring and how to respond to big emotions. My parents usually met my emotions with indifference (neutral face) or anger in an effort to shut them down. I know this was the wrong response based on how it made me feel and affected my ability to process those feelings, BUT it's all I knew! I found myself relying on those SAME reactions when my children express big emotions because I didn't know what else to do except mimic the parenting I received. I could see my children deflating when I did this, and it crushed me. It was heavily affecting my middle child
Fortunately, I found some tips from Eli on Instagram, and this book went into further detail. Mirroring my children's emotions to try to understand their feelings really helps them open up and identify their internal struggles. My eldest worked really hard to train for swim tryouts, made the team, and then started crying really hard towards the end of practice. My knee-jerk reaction was to try to force her to tough it out. Couldn't she see how good she was? She should hone that talent! Her emotions grew while I pushed her to try harder and give it her best effort until I realized I hadn't stopped to listen and understand. After mirroring her a bit, she was able to process her emotions and identify that she REALLY wanted to be on the team, race, and make friends, but she didn't enjoy the rigorous approach and preffered swimming laps on her own and playing in the pool. I personally related to the anxiety of making hard decisions like that, so I told her there were lots of sports opportunities, she could always try out again next year, and the important part was finding peace in her final decision (this entire process took a week, but it was well worth the effort).
Another instance when this recently benefitted my children happened with my middle child's "love bursts." She yells/screams when she's bursting with love and squeezes me really hard. I hate this 😅 We don't have a TV because of how much I hate loud noises, and I struggle with being touchy-feely when my kids are touching me all. Day. Long. I broke her little heart when I asked her to stop doing this, and she was moping ever since. But then I decided to try mirroring her instead of opressing her sweet heart that loves so big it explodes. Before she can love burst at ME, I love burst HER. I squeeze her hard, squeal loudly about how much I love her, and give her rough kisses all over. Aside from it being a good stress relief for me, she melts for this kind of attention and is buoyant the rest of the day. She still has her love bursts, but I've noticed a big difference. She's less rough with her siblings and expresses her love in more palatable ways.
I loved this quote, "by taking the time to heal my childhood ghosts, I'm unloading the burden of my children carrying them on" (rough quote, forgot to write it down). This quote has highly motivated me to process some really difficult times in my life when I felt neglected, unloved, and very alone. I am so grateful for the tools and widely available information that can help me heal those wounds so I don't inflict those same wounds on my children.
Highly recommend to any parent.
Fortunately, I found some tips from Eli on Instagram, and this book went into further detail. Mirroring my children's emotions to try to understand their feelings really helps them open up and identify their internal struggles. My eldest worked really hard to train for swim tryouts, made the team, and then started crying really hard towards the end of practice. My knee-jerk reaction was to try to force her to tough it out. Couldn't she see how good she was? She should hone that talent! Her emotions grew while I pushed her to try harder and give it her best effort until I realized I hadn't stopped to listen and understand. After mirroring her a bit, she was able to process her emotions and identify that she REALLY wanted to be on the team, race, and make friends, but she didn't enjoy the rigorous approach and preffered swimming laps on her own and playing in the pool. I personally related to the anxiety of making hard decisions like that, so I told her there were lots of sports opportunities, she could always try out again next year, and the important part was finding peace in her final decision (this entire process took a week, but it was well worth the effort).
Another instance when this recently benefitted my children happened with my middle child's "love bursts." She yells/screams when she's bursting with love and squeezes me really hard. I hate this 😅 We don't have a TV because of how much I hate loud noises, and I struggle with being touchy-feely when my kids are touching me all. Day. Long. I broke her little heart when I asked her to stop doing this, and she was moping ever since. But then I decided to try mirroring her instead of opressing her sweet heart that loves so big it explodes. Before she can love burst at ME, I love burst HER. I squeeze her hard, squeal loudly about how much I love her, and give her rough kisses all over. Aside from it being a good stress relief for me, she melts for this kind of attention and is buoyant the rest of the day. She still has her love bursts, but I've noticed a big difference. She's less rough with her siblings and expresses her love in more palatable ways.
I loved this quote, "by taking the time to heal my childhood ghosts, I'm unloading the burden of my children carrying them on" (rough quote, forgot to write it down). This quote has highly motivated me to process some really difficult times in my life when I felt neglected, unloved, and very alone. I am so grateful for the tools and widely available information that can help me heal those wounds so I don't inflict those same wounds on my children.
Highly recommend to any parent.
January 11, 2025
I never expected a parenting book to feel like a warm hug, but it somehow manages just that. It’s like sitting down with your wisest friend—someone who’s been in the parenting trenches—and having them remind you that you’re doing okay, and that there are practical (and surprisingly fun) ways to do even better.
The “Attachment Nerd” approach was a revelation. It didn’t scold me or call me a failure for not following rigid rules. Instead, it offered compassionate guidance on how to tune in to my children’s emotional needs—whether they’re toddlers testing every boundary or preteens rolling their eyes. There were stories, step-by-step exercises, and gentle nudges that reminded me that my own emotional state matters just as much as my kids.
The first big aha moment came when I read about using “reflective listening” to help my four-year-old name her feelings during a meltdown. It seemed so simple—just echoing what she’s trying to say—but it worked like magic. She calmed down so much faster, and I could almost feel the relief in her tiny body when she realized I was truly getting it. Another time, my seven-year-old, who hates talking about emotions, opened up about why he felt left out at recess after I used a few lines from the book to gently coax out his thoughts. It wasn’t perfect—he still shrugged a lot—but the difference was tangible: I felt more connected to him.
I also loved how the author focuses on boundaries and resilience, showing that empathetic parenting doesn’t mean letting kids run the show. It’s more about creating a family environment that’s responsive, respectful, and firmly rooted in the idea that “We’re in this together.” It was so validating to see examples of kids still having structure and rules, but in a way that fosters cooperation, not rebellion.
From a practical standpoint, I found myself jotting notes in the margins—“Try this with morning routine!” or “Use before bedtime!”—because the ideas are easy to adapt. Nothing feels too abstract or theoretical. And the tone is so down-to-earth that I never felt overwhelmed; rather, I felt gently guided and even cheered on.
If you’re looking for a parenting book that respects your unique family dynamic, encourages your growth as a parent, and sprinkles in creative ways to bolster your child’s confidence and emotional intelligence, this is it. Raising Securely Attached Kids is like a warm, guiding hand in the midst of the chaos, reminding you that connection is at the heart of it all. My copy is now filled with highlights and dog-eared pages—it’s become a cozy companion on my nightstand, ready to remind me that parenting doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.
The “Attachment Nerd” approach was a revelation. It didn’t scold me or call me a failure for not following rigid rules. Instead, it offered compassionate guidance on how to tune in to my children’s emotional needs—whether they’re toddlers testing every boundary or preteens rolling their eyes. There were stories, step-by-step exercises, and gentle nudges that reminded me that my own emotional state matters just as much as my kids.
The first big aha moment came when I read about using “reflective listening” to help my four-year-old name her feelings during a meltdown. It seemed so simple—just echoing what she’s trying to say—but it worked like magic. She calmed down so much faster, and I could almost feel the relief in her tiny body when she realized I was truly getting it. Another time, my seven-year-old, who hates talking about emotions, opened up about why he felt left out at recess after I used a few lines from the book to gently coax out his thoughts. It wasn’t perfect—he still shrugged a lot—but the difference was tangible: I felt more connected to him.
I also loved how the author focuses on boundaries and resilience, showing that empathetic parenting doesn’t mean letting kids run the show. It’s more about creating a family environment that’s responsive, respectful, and firmly rooted in the idea that “We’re in this together.” It was so validating to see examples of kids still having structure and rules, but in a way that fosters cooperation, not rebellion.
From a practical standpoint, I found myself jotting notes in the margins—“Try this with morning routine!” or “Use before bedtime!”—because the ideas are easy to adapt. Nothing feels too abstract or theoretical. And the tone is so down-to-earth that I never felt overwhelmed; rather, I felt gently guided and even cheered on.
If you’re looking for a parenting book that respects your unique family dynamic, encourages your growth as a parent, and sprinkles in creative ways to bolster your child’s confidence and emotional intelligence, this is it. Raising Securely Attached Kids is like a warm, guiding hand in the midst of the chaos, reminding you that connection is at the heart of it all. My copy is now filled with highlights and dog-eared pages—it’s become a cozy companion on my nightstand, ready to remind me that parenting doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.
July 26, 2024
Raising Securely Attached Kids by licensed therapist Eli Harwood is a guide covering the whys and hows of being emotionally connected with your kids so they end up having a secure attachment style. The headline here is that you definitely want your kids to be securely attached because a boatload of psychology research suggests its traveling companions include many other measures of emotional well-being.
Harwood’s book is an unusually reader-focused parenting guide. Her writing is engaging and frankly fun to read with lots of humor and compassion cozied right up to research-based insights. You’ll also find tons of relatable examples and suggestions.
What I appreciated most is that from the jump, Harwood frames secure attachment as something that parents can offer (and improve on) no matter the age of their kids. It’s easy to dig into a parenting book and finish it feeling like you’ve already ruined your kid. It’s clear the author doesn’t want you to feel that way. As a mom of three kids who are out of infancy (they're 3, 6, and 9), I know from experience how differently these kinds of books land when you're expecting versus when you've said bye-bye to the baby phase.
At the same time, as a former mental health researcher, I think it is very difficult for parenting books to advance a point of view while avoiding overstating how much control parents have over their kids' developmental outcomes or the degree of adherence to a philosophy that’s really needed to support healthy development. This book occasionally struggled to strike that balance but largely aims in a solid direction that I think largely does the research justice and that many parents will find helpful.
Recommended for parents of any age kids (even grown-ups) plus those interested in mental health, attachment styles, and self-help.
Check out my blog for a full recommendation coming soon: https://emilypgerickson.com/blog/
Thanks to Blue Star Press for the advance review copy.
Harwood’s book is an unusually reader-focused parenting guide. Her writing is engaging and frankly fun to read with lots of humor and compassion cozied right up to research-based insights. You’ll also find tons of relatable examples and suggestions.
What I appreciated most is that from the jump, Harwood frames secure attachment as something that parents can offer (and improve on) no matter the age of their kids. It’s easy to dig into a parenting book and finish it feeling like you’ve already ruined your kid. It’s clear the author doesn’t want you to feel that way. As a mom of three kids who are out of infancy (they're 3, 6, and 9), I know from experience how differently these kinds of books land when you're expecting versus when you've said bye-bye to the baby phase.
At the same time, as a former mental health researcher, I think it is very difficult for parenting books to advance a point of view while avoiding overstating how much control parents have over their kids' developmental outcomes or the degree of adherence to a philosophy that’s really needed to support healthy development. This book occasionally struggled to strike that balance but largely aims in a solid direction that I think largely does the research justice and that many parents will find helpful.
Recommended for parents of any age kids (even grown-ups) plus those interested in mental health, attachment styles, and self-help.
Check out my blog for a full recommendation coming soon: https://emilypgerickson.com/blog/
Thanks to Blue Star Press for the advance review copy.
November 5, 2024
Thank you to Sasquatch Books for the eGalley to review!
I've never read a more humanist, empathetic approach to parenting like this. It's easy to read and any jargon included (of which there isn't much) is explained simply, allowing for anyone of any gender to pick it up and start improving their relationship with their child right away. This guide is holistic and was made for everyone of all backgrounds. Even non-parents are going to get really great information out of this if they have any sort of relationship with a child (I'm a library worker and already see ways in which I can apply the knowledge I gained reading this book).
Harwood provides tips and scripts to deal with certain situations along with giving us personal anecdotes and the psychological background of childhood proving why a cooperative (or authoritative in the psych sphere) approach is the best when it comes to parenting, to create relational trust and growth between parent and child. She also busts the most common myths about child rearing (such as maturity meaning handling our feelings alone or that making a blank face in response to an upset baby or child helps them calm down). I've been studying social and adolescent psychology for my degree and I can absolutely see why Harwood was a recipient of a Child Psychology Award from the Institute of Child Psychology.
If you have children or work with children, absolutely give this book a read. I believe it's going to help us raise a more secure generation of kids.
I've never read a more humanist, empathetic approach to parenting like this. It's easy to read and any jargon included (of which there isn't much) is explained simply, allowing for anyone of any gender to pick it up and start improving their relationship with their child right away. This guide is holistic and was made for everyone of all backgrounds. Even non-parents are going to get really great information out of this if they have any sort of relationship with a child (I'm a library worker and already see ways in which I can apply the knowledge I gained reading this book).
Harwood provides tips and scripts to deal with certain situations along with giving us personal anecdotes and the psychological background of childhood proving why a cooperative (or authoritative in the psych sphere) approach is the best when it comes to parenting, to create relational trust and growth between parent and child. She also busts the most common myths about child rearing (such as maturity meaning handling our feelings alone or that making a blank face in response to an upset baby or child helps them calm down). I've been studying social and adolescent psychology for my degree and I can absolutely see why Harwood was a recipient of a Child Psychology Award from the Institute of Child Psychology.
If you have children or work with children, absolutely give this book a read. I believe it's going to help us raise a more secure generation of kids.
September 7, 2024
If you only read one book ever again- let it be this one. I think this book could save the world and I wish I could afford to buy everyone I know a copy. It's obviously targeted toward parents but anyone who interacts with children or who has ever been a child (!!) would benefit from the knowledge held within these pages. Attachment science is backed by all of modern neuroscience and we know how important it is to development but also to human interaction as a whole and Eli Harwood makes it accessible, understandable, and personal. If every parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle, teacher, daycare worker, and caregiver read this book I honestly believe we could shift the entire course of humanity for the better.
The way she uses language to omit any blame or shame while teaching so clearly and succinctly feels healing in itself. While reading this, I felt like I was in conversation with a friend. Having secure attachment is a lifelong need of every person and she helps me see myself as both a child and a parent and instructs in an empathetic and empowering way, how to heal those places that are in need of healing so we can be better parents, spouses, and friends. I am learning through the science of attachment how to be a better human and connect more meaningfully to every other human with whom I engage.
Disclaimer: I cried several times while reading this and you might too!
The way she uses language to omit any blame or shame while teaching so clearly and succinctly feels healing in itself. While reading this, I felt like I was in conversation with a friend. Having secure attachment is a lifelong need of every person and she helps me see myself as both a child and a parent and instructs in an empathetic and empowering way, how to heal those places that are in need of healing so we can be better parents, spouses, and friends. I am learning through the science of attachment how to be a better human and connect more meaningfully to every other human with whom I engage.
Disclaimer: I cried several times while reading this and you might too!
October 27, 2024
My favorite quotes:
"The most effective way to influence our children is not to try to control their behavior or choices but to build a deeply connected and attuned relationship with them. When we put in the work to be connected to our children, we develop a kind of trust that makes the process of guiding them through life far easier and more rewarding for us both. " (p 27)
"Cooperation is learned for our children by hearing a clear message from us that everyone's emotions and needs matter, and that some needs have to prioritized before others for the sake of health, safety, and organization. We will not always be able to meet all requests, but we will do our best to at least consider and understand them with compassion." (P 38)
"Resilience is what we develop when we have loved ones who are capable of helping us process our emotions and experience the regulated state that comes from empathetic care." (P 96)
"They do not have the brain development of life experience to mutually hold an understanding of our needs and perspectives. With our kids, we are literally the bigger person, and it is our responsibility to honor that even when the conflict is initiated by our child's choices or dysregulation." (P 163)
"What an incredibly sacred gift it is to get to be our children's attachment figures." (P 248)
"The most effective way to influence our children is not to try to control their behavior or choices but to build a deeply connected and attuned relationship with them. When we put in the work to be connected to our children, we develop a kind of trust that makes the process of guiding them through life far easier and more rewarding for us both. " (p 27)
"Cooperation is learned for our children by hearing a clear message from us that everyone's emotions and needs matter, and that some needs have to prioritized before others for the sake of health, safety, and organization. We will not always be able to meet all requests, but we will do our best to at least consider and understand them with compassion." (P 38)
"Resilience is what we develop when we have loved ones who are capable of helping us process our emotions and experience the regulated state that comes from empathetic care." (P 96)
"They do not have the brain development of life experience to mutually hold an understanding of our needs and perspectives. With our kids, we are literally the bigger person, and it is our responsibility to honor that even when the conflict is initiated by our child's choices or dysregulation." (P 163)
"What an incredibly sacred gift it is to get to be our children's attachment figures." (P 248)
November 2, 2024
I didn’t know much about attachment styles prior to reading this book. I think maybe we discussed them in Communications 101 like 15 years ago in college. But I was not an exceptionally studious kid.
I have, however, become very interested in studying gentle parenting techniques as an adult. I’ve always been drawn to parenting books that take a more analytical or scientific approach. As if I need a highly credentialed PhD or MD to support the parenting choices I’m making. Eli Hardwood takes a softer approach in her book.
As a therapist, Harwood has over a decade of anecdotal evidence to support her advice (as well as some science bites to give the reader some foundational understanding.) But what I found most valuable in my journey was the grace she encourages everyone extend their kids and themselves.
Your kids aren’t *giving you* a hard time. They’re *having* a hard time. And when they’re flying off the handle, that’s probably not the best time to offer a correction or demand something of them.
This is not to be confused with permissive parenting. Harwood insists boundaries and routines are essential. But it’s possible - and indeed will make your life way easier and softer - to set boundaries with kindness, compassion, and patience.
Also, give yourself a break! Offer yourself the same grace and patience you give your kids.
I have, however, become very interested in studying gentle parenting techniques as an adult. I’ve always been drawn to parenting books that take a more analytical or scientific approach. As if I need a highly credentialed PhD or MD to support the parenting choices I’m making. Eli Hardwood takes a softer approach in her book.
As a therapist, Harwood has over a decade of anecdotal evidence to support her advice (as well as some science bites to give the reader some foundational understanding.) But what I found most valuable in my journey was the grace she encourages everyone extend their kids and themselves.
Your kids aren’t *giving you* a hard time. They’re *having* a hard time. And when they’re flying off the handle, that’s probably not the best time to offer a correction or demand something of them.
This is not to be confused with permissive parenting. Harwood insists boundaries and routines are essential. But it’s possible - and indeed will make your life way easier and softer - to set boundaries with kindness, compassion, and patience.
Also, give yourself a break! Offer yourself the same grace and patience you give your kids.
December 18, 2024
AUDIOBOOK via Spotify.
This is the kind of book you buy and repeatedly refer back to over time as your kids age!! It’s simply written and the content is digestible, even for those who don’t know much about attachment types. I personally loved the “nerd alerts!” Diving into the power of connection over control, Harwood equips you with tools and scripts to help build stronger bonds with your children. The ideas are easy to implement and the specific examples are wonderfully written and relatable. I love that Harwood holds her reader accountable; there were times as I read that I was encouraged to face my own shortcomings as a parent, failing at connection-based parenting and defaulting to controlling and indulgent methods because it was the “easy way out” of a difficult situation/conversation. BUT by encouraging her readers to self examine & providing tools/scripts/examples/reasonings, I feel better prepared and in-line with the kind of parent I aspire to be. I would highly recommend for any parent to read and process!
This is the kind of book you buy and repeatedly refer back to over time as your kids age!! It’s simply written and the content is digestible, even for those who don’t know much about attachment types. I personally loved the “nerd alerts!” Diving into the power of connection over control, Harwood equips you with tools and scripts to help build stronger bonds with your children. The ideas are easy to implement and the specific examples are wonderfully written and relatable. I love that Harwood holds her reader accountable; there were times as I read that I was encouraged to face my own shortcomings as a parent, failing at connection-based parenting and defaulting to controlling and indulgent methods because it was the “easy way out” of a difficult situation/conversation. BUT by encouraging her readers to self examine & providing tools/scripts/examples/reasonings, I feel better prepared and in-line with the kind of parent I aspire to be. I would highly recommend for any parent to read and process!
September 5, 2024
I've been following Eli Harwood for a while and when she announced she was write her book I was excited. I was lucky and got an early copy. I finished in 2 days but it was ALOT to taken in (I dogged eared Alot of pages). So I got the Audiobook so I could listen to when I need a quick reminder.
She writes they way she speaks in her videos so it was more like having a conversation then being lectured.
Eli also backs up her method with data and studies cited in the book. She really lives up to her attachment nerd name and I love it.
She not only help a try to help parents understand the thoughs and emotion child go through from infancy to adulthood. She helps parent recognize the underlying issue and past experiences that affected why parents do and feel they way we do.
I recommend this book to anyone but especially to parents who feel lost, confused, and disconnected to themselves and thier children
She writes they way she speaks in her videos so it was more like having a conversation then being lectured.
Eli also backs up her method with data and studies cited in the book. She really lives up to her attachment nerd name and I love it.
She not only help a try to help parents understand the thoughs and emotion child go through from infancy to adulthood. She helps parent recognize the underlying issue and past experiences that affected why parents do and feel they way we do.
I recommend this book to anyone but especially to parents who feel lost, confused, and disconnected to themselves and thier children
December 27, 2024
Insightful Guide to Building Secure Attachments with Just a Slight Room for More Guidance
This book is truly amazing! It helped me recognize my own "ghosts" and understand how to work toward secure attachments. I especially appreciated the thoughtful discussions around sexual abuse and how to navigate these sensitive topics as children grow.
However, I’m giving it 4 stars because I felt it could have gone further in addressing how to build connections while managing relationships beyond just the child. For example, there’s a story about two kids fighting, and the book emphasizes establishing a secure connection and uncovering what happened, which is fantastic advice. But it left me wondering—how do you handle interactions with the other child's parent or even the other child involved? A bit more guidance on navigating those dynamics would have been incredibly helpful.
This book is truly amazing! It helped me recognize my own "ghosts" and understand how to work toward secure attachments. I especially appreciated the thoughtful discussions around sexual abuse and how to navigate these sensitive topics as children grow.
However, I’m giving it 4 stars because I felt it could have gone further in addressing how to build connections while managing relationships beyond just the child. For example, there’s a story about two kids fighting, and the book emphasizes establishing a secure connection and uncovering what happened, which is fantastic advice. But it left me wondering—how do you handle interactions with the other child's parent or even the other child involved? A bit more guidance on navigating those dynamics would have been incredibly helpful.
September 7, 2024
Attachment, Attunement, and Parenting with Intention
Building attuned, healthy attachment with our children is a sacred privilege. Eli’s take on the process is rooted in respect for children and the strong belief in their capabilities when well-nurtured with intention, respect and belief in their inherent abilities to grow in independence with confidence and secure in the love of their parents. This book is sure to become a hit and an essential title on parents’ bookshelves.
As a coach who specializes in supporting adoptive families, I am always looking for books that support the building of healthy attachment. “Praising Securely Attached Kids” is a gem.
—Gayle H. Swift, author of “Reimagining Adoption: What Adoptees Seek from Families and Faith”; “ABC, Adoption & Me”; and “We’re Adopted, So What?”
Building attuned, healthy attachment with our children is a sacred privilege. Eli’s take on the process is rooted in respect for children and the strong belief in their capabilities when well-nurtured with intention, respect and belief in their inherent abilities to grow in independence with confidence and secure in the love of their parents. This book is sure to become a hit and an essential title on parents’ bookshelves.
As a coach who specializes in supporting adoptive families, I am always looking for books that support the building of healthy attachment. “Praising Securely Attached Kids” is a gem.
—Gayle H. Swift, author of “Reimagining Adoption: What Adoptees Seek from Families and Faith”; “ABC, Adoption & Me”; and “We’re Adopted, So What?”
November 22, 2024
I hardly ever give a book five stars, but this one unquestionably deserves it. It's one of the best parenting books I've ever read and easily the most complete. Focused on creating deep and meaningful connections with our kids, it offers invaluable guidance that feels both practical and transformative.
From the very first page, I was completely engaged. The author masterfully combines relatable examples, research-backed insights, and actionable advice, making it a joy to read. Every chapter resonated, and I couldn’t put it down. What’s even more remarkable is that I didn’t find a single weak point or moment where the content felt lacking.
If you’re searching for a parenting book that not only inspires but also equips you with the tools to build stronger bonds with your children, this is it. A perfect 5 stars!
From the very first page, I was completely engaged. The author masterfully combines relatable examples, research-backed insights, and actionable advice, making it a joy to read. Every chapter resonated, and I couldn’t put it down. What’s even more remarkable is that I didn’t find a single weak point or moment where the content felt lacking.
If you’re searching for a parenting book that not only inspires but also equips you with the tools to build stronger bonds with your children, this is it. A perfect 5 stars!
September 3, 2024
As a licensed therapist, former school counselor, and a mom, I can’t recommend this book enough. I’ve read plenty of books about attachment research, child development, and parenting–and this is *truly* one of the best! Recommended for all parents (of course!), but also educators, caregivers, mental health professionals, grandparents, humans in general.
The book is chock full of research and concrete strategies, yet it is so warm, funny, and accessible. Just a really enjoyable read. I especially appreciate the “Tips and Scripts” sprinkled throughout the book, so the ideas are easy to implement.
This is a game-changing guide for building confidence, empathy, and resilience in this next generation of kids, and I can’t wait for more people to read it so we can nerd out together!
The book is chock full of research and concrete strategies, yet it is so warm, funny, and accessible. Just a really enjoyable read. I especially appreciate the “Tips and Scripts” sprinkled throughout the book, so the ideas are easy to implement.
This is a game-changing guide for building confidence, empathy, and resilience in this next generation of kids, and I can’t wait for more people to read it so we can nerd out together!
September 24, 2024
This is great! As a recent graduate from a marriage and family therapy program it was great to see a book dive into attachment and emotions in such an easy to read and relatable way. I loved the author's inclusion of myths as well. I felt the content in this book was not only easy to follow but highly informative and applicable to everyday life; I feel even those who are not parents could gain some insight into their own attachment patterns.
I found the use of "Nerd Alert" sections amusing but also helpful for readers who are not as interested in the scientific content.
Thank you to the author for writing about such important concepts in mental health in such an accessible way. Thank you to Sasquatch Books and Publisher's Weekly for giving me the chance to read this wonderful book.
I found the use of "Nerd Alert" sections amusing but also helpful for readers who are not as interested in the scientific content.
Thank you to the author for writing about such important concepts in mental health in such an accessible way. Thank you to Sasquatch Books and Publisher's Weekly for giving me the chance to read this wonderful book.
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