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927 pages, Paperback
First published March 24, 2023
I spent so long trying to push her away that when I stopped, it was so easy. Being with her was like breathing. I didn’t know I needed the air, but I knew that I would die without it.
There’s so much I want to say to you. So much I want to apologize for. I know that writing this down looks like I’m taking the coward’s way out, and you’re absolutely right. I am a coward, but then again, I’ve always been weak when it came to you. But I’m not doing it anymore. I’m not taking you down another day. I refuse to. Besides, I’ve done enough of that shit to last a lifetime.
“Because in this version of forever, we get the happy ending, Molloy.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Ride or die, Joe.”
“Ride or die, Molloy.”
He exhaled and whispered, “I’m really fucking drowning here, Aoife.” “Don’t worry, Joe. I won’t let that happen,” I replied, nuzzling his nose with mine. “I won’t let your head go under.” “Promise?” I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I promise.”
“Please just… please keep loving me.” “Always, Joe,” she breathed against my lips. “Always.”
“What if I can’t get better, Aoife?” he choked out, holding onto my body for dear life. “What if this is who I am?” “Then you’ll still be stuck with me,” I told him. “Because I love you, stud. In all your shapes and forms.”
“I’ll never leave you on your own again,” he vowed, wrapping both of his arms around me. “I will never fail you again.” I could hear the sincerity in his voice, and I needed so badly for him to be right about this. For him to stay. “It’s my turn, Molloy.” He kissed my hair. “To look after you.”
“Every part of me loved every part of her. The good, the bad, and the ugly.”
“I’m not your boy.” “And I already told you that we’re keeping you.” She chuckled. “Finders keepers, Joey love. You’re mine now.”
“It was her. It always had been. It always would be. The girl from the wall.”
“Still?”
“Then. Still. Always.”
’Because in this version of forever, we get the happy ending, Molloy.’
•┈••✦ 𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒕 ✦••┈•:
•┈••✦ 𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈✦••┈•:
•┈••✦ 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔 ✦••┈•:
'The worst shit gets in my life, the louder the voice gets, louder and louder and louder, until it's literally screaming in my head, and I can't focus on anything other than doing the one thing that I know that will quiet it down'
•┈••✦ 𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 ✦•••:
•┈••✦ 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒒𝒖𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔 ✦••┈•:
•┈••✦ 𝑺𝑷𝑶𝑰𝑳𝑬𝑹𝑺 𝑨𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑫 ✦••┈•:
Giving him a pass and turning a blind eye to things that I knew were wrong. Things that I knew could destroy him. Because the fear I had of losing him was too great.
I understood that Shannon was in a bad way, Nanny had told me that she had a collapsed lung, but Joey was hurt, too, dammit.
He had a fractured skull for fuck’s sake!
“No, I can’t,” Joey replied slowly. “Sunday is my only day off and I’m spending it with my girlfriend.”
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Giving her a sweetly smug fuck-you smile, I leaned up on my tip-toes, and pressed a kiss to her son’s cheek.
“Don’t worry,” he was quick to placate. “I handled it. Shannon’s grand.”
“I wasn’t worried.” About her, at least.
“Hey, stud.”
“Hey, queen.”
౨ৎ ⋮ "Ride or die, Joe."
"Ride or die, Molloy."
౨ৎ ⋮ Because I'm only doing life for you.
౨ৎ ⋮ I spent so long trying to push her away that when I stopped, it was so easy. Being with her was like breathing. I didn't know I needed the air, but I knew that I would die without it.
౨ৎ ⋮ "All flowers bloom, Joe, even the late ones." I told him. "And sometimes, it's the late blooming flower that makes the biggest impact."
౨ৎ ⋮ "Because in this version of forever, we get the happy
ending, Molloy."
₊˚⊹ ᰔ "I don't deserve your forgiveness," he replied, voice thick and gruff.
"But I will earn it. Because whatever comes our way, from here on out, I'll be right beside you." He nuzzled my nose with his before pressing a kiss to my lips. "Because in this version of forever, we get the happy ending, Molloy."
₊˚⊹ ᰔ "I'm not another girl who needs something from you. I'm the girl who wholeheartedly wants you. I'm the girl who wholeheartedly loves you. The hurler. The mechanic. The boy. The protector. The asshole. The lover. The addict." Sniffling, I added, "All of your versions. All of your shapes and colors. I accept them all."
₊˚⊹ ᰔ "The worse shit gets in my life, the louder the voice gets, louder and louder and louder, until it's literally screaming in my head, and I can't focus on anything other than doing the one thing that I know that will quieten it down."
"Self-medicating." She swallowed deeply. "Losing yourself"
₊˚⊹ ᰔ "Nobody who knows the real you could ever hate you," I whispered, wiping a tear from his cheek. "If you could only understand how much you mean to those children, how much they adore you, appreciate you. If you could only see yourself through their eyes..." I exhaled shakily. "You are so important to so many people."
₊˚⊹ ᰔ "No. You don't get it. You are the love of my life," I bit out, catching his chin and forcing him to look at me. "What I feel for you? How deeply I love you? It's fucking insane, Joe. So, yeah, I'm going to do the right thing for you every time, whether that pisses you off or not, because I want you here with me. On planet earth. For a long time."
₊˚⊹ ᰔ "You are warm, Aoife. That poor boy never stood a chance with you, did he? Not when everything he's never been given flows from you like a waterfall."
₊˚⊹ ᰔ "Then let me be very clear about it," he replied, reaching up to cup the side of my face. "It's you,
Molloy." He tipped my chin up, forcing me to look at him. "It's you."
"Don't say it if you don't mean it."
"It's you," he repeated gruffly, fingers tightening on my waist. "I pick you. Every single time."
₊˚⊹ ᰔ "We're mirrors, Joe," I told him, taking his hand and placing it on my cheek. "Everything you feel for me is reciprocated. It's mirroring back at you."
₊˚⊹ ᰔ "You hurt yourself and that's the same thing," I choked out. "Because when you hurt, I hurt. When you burn, I go down in flames with you. We're entwined, Joe. We're mirrors. Don't you get that by now?"
₊˚⊹ ᰔ "All those years back when we were in first year." His lips brushed mine once, twice. "I've loved you since then." Another kiss. "From the first time I laid eyes on you, sitting on the wall with your blonde hair blowing around your face." His tongue snaked out, teasing mine. "I just didn't know it then."
₊˚⊹ ᰔ It was her
It always had been.
It always would be.
The girl from the wall.
“I love you. I've spent a third of my life loving you, Aoife Molloy, and I don't plan on stopping.”
“Because when you hurt, I hurt. When you burn, I go down in flames with you. We’re entwined, Joe. We’re mirrors. Don’t you get that by now?”
“I know what you are, Marie. I see right fucking through you.
You've spent years getting into Joey's mind, twisting his thought process and fucking with his confidence. Convincing him that he's the second coming of his father. That he's dangerous, and a liability, and a disappointment!
You broke him, Marie. You have damaged Joey deeper with your words than his father ever has with his fists.”
“I hurt her and she hurt me, it was what we seemed to do, but she couldn't look at me now without seeing my father, and all I could see in this moment when I looked at her was my mother.”
“He had never felt more detached from me.
I knew he was still in there, though.
My Joey was still inside the person strung out next to me.
And I loved him enough to keep fighting for him.
Even when he'd given up on himself.”
“You can't tell me what to do, Joe, you don't own me."
"Well, that's bad fucking luck on my account, because you sure as shit own me!"
"Why would you say that to me?"
"Because it's the truth."
"Since when?"
"Since I was twelve.”
“You can have whatever you want from me," he whispered, thrusting deep inside of me. "It's yours." Dropping down on an elbow, he leaned in close and crushed his lips to mine. "Because I'm only doing life for you.”
“I'm sorry, queen. For the lies I've told. For the names I've called you. For the times I've made you cry. For every ounce of shit I've put you through. For leaving you alone in this.
Tell them I was sorry.
Tell them I loved them.
Tell my son that I loved him.
Tell yourself that I loved you most.
I'll be seeing ya, Molloy. xx”
“We want to keep you! All five of you. Especially you.”
She smiled down at me.
“I think I want you the most.”
“I'm going to take care of you, because I love you.
Because I think you're sexy as fuck.
Because you're my queen.
And because everything I have, everything I am, I owe to you.”