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The Buddhist
While ending an affair with a Buddhist teacher, Dodie Bellamy wrote about it simultaneously on her blog. This experiment in writing in extremis explores nuances of public shame, the vagaries of desire and rage, and Bellamy's confusion over the authenticity of group and individual spirituality. What is personal, what is public? In the electronic age, can anybody tell the difference?
the buddhist celebrates marginalized subjectivity as enacted in the work of female artists from Bessie Smith to Eva Hesse and Carolee Schneeman, to Bhanu Kapil and Ariana Reines. The Allone Co. Edition contains the essence of the blog, as well as more extended narratives too explicit to post on line. Designed by Wayne Smith.
the buddhist celebrates marginalized subjectivity as enacted in the work of female artists from Bessie Smith to Eva Hesse and Carolee Schneeman, to Bhanu Kapil and Ariana Reines. The Allone Co. Edition contains the essence of the blog, as well as more extended narratives too explicit to post on line. Designed by Wayne Smith.
150 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2011
About the author
Dodie Bellamy
40 books176 followersDodie Bellamy is an American novelist, nonfiction author, journalist and editor. Her work is frequently associated with that of Dennis Cooper, Kathy Acker, and Eileen Myles. She is one of the originators in the New Narrative literary movement, which attempts to use the tools of experimental fiction and critical theory and apply them to narrative storytelling.
She ist married to Kevin Killian.
She ist married to Kevin Killian.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
November 1, 2018
Reread recently in SF during a week spent shadowing Dodie for an essay I'm working on -- one of my favorites of Dodie's books, a compendium of diaristic blog posts about art, writing, life, and especially bad romance -- also a time capsule of that particular cultural moment when literary blogs were the heart of writerly discourse and people found and created community through them.
December 11, 2012
tore me up thank god the blog can be in the book too and then scream at us in the tenderest way i love her so much and these women give me so much land to work with i love them deeply for caring so much about my on their other side listening.
July 21, 2024
I love books about being unable to get over someone. I love books that are actually blogs. I love the feminist experimentative poetry community of the 2010s. I love when writers overshare, just a little bit. I love people who love Jackie Wang. I love when people write about email correspondence.
July 3, 2019
I am profoundly grateful for this book, in this visceral, immediate, and subjective way that disinclines me to say much beyond that. Of course, there is so much to respond to, analyze, reflect on, identify with, raise an eyebrow, nod, and laugh out loud at, pine, grieve, and long for, obsess over, wish you'd written and so forth. But I think I'll just sit with my gratitude that Bellamy was brave enough to write this and put it out as is, and that I read something so personally resonant at such an opportune time.
Flawless? No. And that’s entirely the point.
Flawless? No. And that’s entirely the point.
October 12, 2023
Кто делает такую литературу позволительной? Кто решает за нас, что это достойно публикации и полки в магазине, моих 1000 рублей?
Я верю качеству этой книги ориентируясь на место, где я ее приобрела (Гараж), издательство, которую ее издало (No kidding Press)…но кто сказал им, что эта одна из сотен женщин автофикшн автор_ок достойна того, чтобы я уделила ей вечер и погрузилась в ее «блог»?
Мы прощаем автору все, только потому что она состоявшийся писатель? Мы прощаем ей скомканные мысли и предложения, не раскрытых героев, натянутые метафоры, чрезмерную физиологичность потому что что? Это блог? Это написала мастер современной литературы?
Сопереживаю ли я автору? Любуюсь ли образами и эмоциональными манипуляциями, которыми Беллами все же доводит меня до последней 150 страницы книги?
Я точно могу также - говорю я вслух подруге в момент когда «Буддист» дочитан. Ничего нет сложного в этой вашей современной литературе - трахайся, страдай, описывай это все в блоге… но есть что-то больше. Что-то о чем было бы здорово узнать.
Я верю качеству этой книги ориентируясь на место, где я ее приобрела (Гараж), издательство, которую ее издало (No kidding Press)…но кто сказал им, что эта одна из сотен женщин автофикшн автор_ок достойна того, чтобы я уделила ей вечер и погрузилась в ее «блог»?
Мы прощаем автору все, только потому что она состоявшийся писатель? Мы прощаем ей скомканные мысли и предложения, не раскрытых героев, натянутые метафоры, чрезмерную физиологичность потому что что? Это блог? Это написала мастер современной литературы?
Сопереживаю ли я автору? Любуюсь ли образами и эмоциональными манипуляциями, которыми Беллами все же доводит меня до последней 150 страницы книги?
Я точно могу также - говорю я вслух подруге в момент когда «Буддист» дочитан. Ничего нет сложного в этой вашей современной литературе - трахайся, страдай, описывай это все в блоге… но есть что-то больше. Что-то о чем было бы здорово узнать.
February 3, 2024
хотелось бы мне слукавить при случае и сделать вид, что я считала все культурные референсы в книге — но нет, не считала — говорю только из-за психотерапевтических открытий и стараний признать свои и чужие несовершенства, да и несовершенства всего этого нашего мира.
поэтому да, поняла и узнала не все. к счастью в книге помимо андеграундных и богемных отсылок к персоналиям, литературе, кино, философии, есть вечное-человеческое живое об одержимости, обиде, брошенности, страхе быть брошенным и неизбежности страданий.
последнее, кстати, абсолютно буддистский вывод :)
поэтому да, поняла и узнала не все. к счастью в книге помимо андеграундных и богемных отсылок к персоналиям, литературе, кино, философии, есть вечное-человеческое живое об одержимости, обиде, брошенности, страхе быть брошенным и неизбежности страданий.
последнее, кстати, абсолютно буддистский вывод :)
April 16, 2012
Read an excerpt, grabbed the ebook, read it in one go on a plane. It left me strangely underwhelmed. I guess the excerpt led me to expect something more about the situation and more about the titular Buddhist and less about the texture of Bellamy's life (which seems to be mostly composed of constant, intense self-reflection, to the extent that it gets kind of tiresome). There's good stuff in here, but sometimes it was a chore to get through.
February 12, 2012
Interesting, provocative, unusual memoir about heartbreak and creativity.
March 24, 2022
I read about this book in Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts. It’s a collected series of blog posts by Bellamy, an experimental poet who’s writing prose in this instance, about a protracted break up with a man she calls the Buddhist. Bellamy is married to Kevin. “I suppose my situation is reversed at the moment—carefree marriage, bad affair.” It turns out the Buddhist is also kind of married. The two get very close and then as it comes time to meet in person, to get closer, he withdraws. “It’s confusing to encounter people whose love is complex, a doling out and then withholding, an obsession with control. People who cause you so much pain that eventually it doesn’t matter if they love you or not, you just want the pain to go away.” And “My therapist says he’s seen, over and over, the pattern of a depressed guy pulling someone in there with him, and once that person is hooked, he withdraws.” It’s 20% through the book – I can see the progress on my kindle – and Bellamy is talking about how she’s finally at peace. She’s finally over him. This will be the last she talks about him. Incredible. Relatable. “[…] and there it was again, the unshakable longing that I keep thinking I’ve shaken […]” More quotes that I related to:
• “Because this is what I do—whether I want them or not, I push things as far as they’ll go.”
• “You know how it is—someone enters your life and you feel reborn. All your loneliness is suddenly gone, loneliness is this thing on the distant horizon, loneliness will never approach you again.” I do know how it is.
• “[…] that all relationships are about finding the right distance.”
• “I’ve always loved with an unguardedness.”
• “[…] how I was so focused inwardly on raging emotions and thoughts of him, the world felt insubstantial.”
I don’t totally see myself in this next quote, but I still like it: “But I did love Plath, and I did address raw emotion in my poetry, I was embarrassingly nonfragmented and direct, and, yes, my work was considered stupid and my eyeliner was too heavy and I talked too loud and whenever the opportunity presented itself I was always eager to fuck. I was a bad experimental feminist.” There’s something in the book about not being how you are “supposed” to be, not acting according to the rules of society. At the same time, Bellamy rejects the rules of society, she flaunts her rebellion. But of course, the Buddhist – the person she's connected to by that bright beam of attention – might not think like her. He may, he probably will, go along with society. How does one get people by and large to come on board, to reject the lights of society with you? You probably can’t.
I’ve had crushes like the Buddhist, although probably not so bad. It was great to read because I was feeling like a freak. To be in my 30s, married, and to keep having crushes. To feel out-of-control longing and loneliness and desire. To feel like I must be bad in someway. Defected. But here’s a very talented writer with a husband and a strong community of friends, an engaging life, who also feels this way. And she was in her 50s when she wrote this to boot. I’ve never read anything like this. Nothing close to this, and it was electric to feel myself in the pages. To feel both like things are not going to be okay – life is relentless and people are… tough - but also that things will be okay in that I’m not the only one going through this. That the shame heaped on top of the pain of an experience like that could may be a little less.
She also talks about “masterpiece” writing requiring months and years of sustained effort and discriminating judgement. That seems about right, minus maybe the masterpiece part. In my acting class, the professor told us that talent is in the choices we make. That’s the discriminating judgement. The ideas, the choices. The rest is work.
Last thing: “Anyone would love me. Why won’t you.” And “All my klieg lights are turned on you. The miracle of you.”
• “Because this is what I do—whether I want them or not, I push things as far as they’ll go.”
• “You know how it is—someone enters your life and you feel reborn. All your loneliness is suddenly gone, loneliness is this thing on the distant horizon, loneliness will never approach you again.” I do know how it is.
• “[…] that all relationships are about finding the right distance.”
• “I’ve always loved with an unguardedness.”
• “[…] how I was so focused inwardly on raging emotions and thoughts of him, the world felt insubstantial.”
I don’t totally see myself in this next quote, but I still like it: “But I did love Plath, and I did address raw emotion in my poetry, I was embarrassingly nonfragmented and direct, and, yes, my work was considered stupid and my eyeliner was too heavy and I talked too loud and whenever the opportunity presented itself I was always eager to fuck. I was a bad experimental feminist.” There’s something in the book about not being how you are “supposed” to be, not acting according to the rules of society. At the same time, Bellamy rejects the rules of society, she flaunts her rebellion. But of course, the Buddhist – the person she's connected to by that bright beam of attention – might not think like her. He may, he probably will, go along with society. How does one get people by and large to come on board, to reject the lights of society with you? You probably can’t.
I’ve had crushes like the Buddhist, although probably not so bad. It was great to read because I was feeling like a freak. To be in my 30s, married, and to keep having crushes. To feel out-of-control longing and loneliness and desire. To feel like I must be bad in someway. Defected. But here’s a very talented writer with a husband and a strong community of friends, an engaging life, who also feels this way. And she was in her 50s when she wrote this to boot. I’ve never read anything like this. Nothing close to this, and it was electric to feel myself in the pages. To feel both like things are not going to be okay – life is relentless and people are… tough - but also that things will be okay in that I’m not the only one going through this. That the shame heaped on top of the pain of an experience like that could may be a little less.
She also talks about “masterpiece” writing requiring months and years of sustained effort and discriminating judgement. That seems about right, minus maybe the masterpiece part. In my acting class, the professor told us that talent is in the choices we make. That’s the discriminating judgement. The ideas, the choices. The rest is work.
Last thing: “Anyone would love me. Why won’t you.” And “All my klieg lights are turned on you. The miracle of you.”
June 18, 2017
I'm so glad I read this book. I got it from the library but I now might purchase it because I may write my thesis about it. Bellamy's blog-turned-book is a wonderful intimate view into the power of language in intimate relationships. Her voice is a unique, fresh gift.
March 8, 2024
Тот случай, когда всю книгу хочется выделить как цитату. Надеюсь, переводчики кайфанули! Потому что потрудились на славу.
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July 20, 2024секс!
November 14, 2023
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June 24, 2015
i really wanted to like this book, and i really expected to like this book. i had very high hopes for it, and while there were quite a few points within the book where it delivered, it often felt like i was slogging through lots of tedium to get to the good parts. this isn't necessarily a testament to bellamy's writing- in fact, reading this made me even more excited to read some of her "real writing" (as she calls them) projects. but in this case, the blog to book form didn't really work. while i read lots of "confessional," autobiographical work that seems to focus on the minutiae of life, i guess there's a difference between the detail that makes its way into "real writing" as opposed to the detail that makes it into a blog, where the purpose is often to detail and document all aspects of life. as a project, this book is valuable, and many of the ideas communicated are interesting, but it seems like it would read much better in the traditional blog format, where you can read as much as you want to, stop when you get bored, and return whenever you like. then again, it's always important to see people, especially women and other marginalized folk, experimenting with questions of what a book can be. i'm very glad this book was written and published, despite the fact that it was personally hard for me to get through.
January 19, 2014
I got this book at city lights at the reading that Bellamy and Cooper had. And I was thrilled when I started reading it, voracious, telling everyone I would run into when they inevitably asked what are you reading right now to read it. And then the book travelled downstairs to my studio and sifted itself to the bottom of some pile. I unearthed it this week while home sick from work and doing puttering tasks like sifting. i recently finished reading Kraus's I love dick, and went through a similar trajectory as with Bellamy's the buddihist: voracious, lost in a pile, returned enthusiasm, then evangelically buying copies for friends. there is a similarity in vulnerability between the two books. both writers challenge with this vulnerability and by so doing create the intimacy that is so hard to achieve in "Real Writing" that allows a friendship to form with the text.
November 15, 2012
I really enjoyed this piece of experimental writing by Bellamy, assembled from blog posts after breaking up with a Buddhist teacher. What I responded to most of all was a frequent theme of vulnerability and emotional openness, which Bellamy is highly self-aware of, especially part way through the book when she begins plans for publishing. She's also confronting and reclaiming criticisms of women "over-reacting" and being overly emotional. The meta-awareness of her posts, her reflections on oversharing, all open to a new New Narrative deviation, one that is in many ways female-centric.
July 28, 2014
Dang. It's really hard to make me uncomfortable with emotional and difficult subject matter but this book did so. It's SO reflective and naked. Definitely not for everyone, but definitely for me. So many sentences that made me set the book down and breathe because they hit such a nerve. Can't think of any other books as unique as this one. For everyone who has been through a hellish break up (and that's everyone) read this.
March 5, 2012
What Dodie accomplishes with this text is an exhilarating combination of language and carving out in open what others repress. And she does so with a sense of humor against the dimension of the Traumatic Real (Zizek). Loved every page.
November 18, 2011
big fan. big big fan.
January 20, 2016
So so so good.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews