Ember Of The Heart

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SpongeBob, call me dumb, stupid, or crazy but I still don’t get how my system works dude. I still miss you, and yes, I know that we’ve never dated, so be cool alright, but I still miss those conversations we had and no you are not the first girl I’ve ever liked for me to do all these things. But you're the first girl that my soul has ever stared too deep and felt of leaving my body just to meet your soul. I tried removing you from my mind, but this thing is like a chess game when you think you are going to win, you lose. I don’t know if you understand or what but, like I’ve been writing songs and poetry to get you out of my mind but still, my inner Dimpho still got that crush on you. I’m not better or perfect but the perfect picture painted I see it when I’m in it with you, at first I felt there was no need to compete with a dude to see who wins the Goddess Bee so I gave up, second I thought me and you, its oil and water but clearly we were both in a liquid phase, but now even though I’m tired but the will is still there telling me to keep going.

The weirdest part is that sometimes I picture you blushing, cause your smile has got me under a trans, it has got me feeling crazy. It's like that smile keeps the whole solar system all together. Without it the would be no life and I’m not doing this to please someone but I’m doing it to please my soul’s heart even if it were for two seconds I wouldn’t mind or love to break. I don’t care, those are the rules of it; we fall in love, forgetting the distance we fall in till we are broken, but I don’t mind it with you. I just want to hold you, hug you so tight till I hear your heart beat the melodic tunes of harmony and feel the love you got. Everyone says love is like a dream or fantasy but with you it's going to be a nightmare where you’ll be my Supergirl, Super SpongeBob to save me from all the creatures in my nightmares. And if you ever feel afraid that I might break your heart then give me your heart and I’ll give you mine, so that the heart that breaks can only be mine, I’ll rather be broken than to break your heart, you know how they say never stop chasing after something that you love, the same way butterflies migrate every December, well, I’ll follow you to hell if I have to, so read it or not but I tried inking this paper with my feelings since every bad day you’re voice I listen to and its getting me high like I smoked weed and started feeling better and I’m addicted to you now more than ever.

Bee Bokang SpongeBob

From the Joker

Dimpho

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It sounds corny, too clingy, too needy, don’t you think reader. I guess it's a good thing that I never sent this to her after blocking her.

Salutations reader, and welcome to Embers Of The Heart, with hope that you enjoyed Uncapped Feelings this is a continuation of the story. And if not to your satisfaction please comment and rate the book for a better level up in my literature. With hopes that you’ve been well for the days that past, and if not, we live in the same world, but hopefully may our interaction be filled with wit, wisdom, and warmth. Or just normal. Your perspective might change after this about me, how stupid and idiotic I am for loving her to this point or choose to say Pearl was better. But maybe, you, can tell the heart who to love and who to choose, but Bokang was chosen by my soul's heart, not me, as it goes...

Chapter 1

It all started in the 12th grade reader, where I was at the lowest of my lowest. It was during that covid era, well during the almost ending of it. Like I said, I had a crush on one of my classmates and the other two girls who had a crush on me, I was only certain about one but that was after the death of my feelings for my crush, may their souls rest in peace. She was gorgeous reader, and I liked her a lot and wherever we would meet, she’d give me a hug that smelled like roses fresh from the garden of Eden. And I desired to tell her, like just express myself to her, but I had to come back to earth, to reality, and stop dreaming. I told her friend that I was planning something, but I didn’t tell her much and just ended up not doing it. And the other girls who had a crush on me, one of them I was sure of it, because she hated it when I would stop talking to her, answering other people especially girls and going to other girls to talk to them. She would have this certain facial feature of disgust or aggravation, but I couldn’t date her reader, as she was friends with the so called, snake of our class. Not my words. The other one I wasn’t sure of it, because she was just a goofball like me, so I never focused on it much. I ended up developing feelings for another girl when we were moved to another class due to covid rules, 20 students per class. But with her it was different reader, and I really thought she was the one.

During winter, she came to school wearing a beanie, and I would pull it down on her face to cover her eyes and she would smile, it was nothing, just teasing and goofing around. There were days when I wouldn’t do it, but this other day which I didn’t, that after school at the gate, I was coming in and she was going out and we passed each other. She held her beanie with her right hand, stared at me and smiled, and I guess from there on I was smitten by the way she looked at me, I even wrote a song for her called Dear Diary, and these are the lyrics;

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Everything started so different, I never thought that I’ll fall in love

with a diva like you, an angel like you

yeah, yeah

I keep on staring like a lemur, waiting for your smile girl

even though I’m afraid to talk to you, you give me all the shivers, yeah

now call my name, say it again

so, I can go back and tell my diary about it yeah

tell my diary about you

dear diary, dear diary

this pen you see in my hand, I'm here to talk to you

ask for your advice about this girl, I never thought my head will spin for

first time when I saw her, we were friends, talking little by pieces

then I saw her smile lighting up the room

making other students feel good, the way she talked to them

the way she laughed with them and played with them

I used to pull her hat down on her face, to see her smile

it was nothing, till the day she held it tight, stared at my face

stared at my eyes, I saw a glow of crystals an angel dear diary

my heart rose thinking again, my lungs grew butterflies kicking

my heart pounding, my brain thinking of her

I tried to avoid it, but every time I saw boys around her making her smile

I felt jealous, tasting the blood on my tongue

tears running to go down, every single time

I got the courage to go and tell her how I feel

I turned to ice; I was weak till I saw her dating another homie I respected

I waited till it's over, then I tried to get close dear diary

you should have seen it, then another guy went close

I didn’t have the swag, the pride

the flex, the cash to impress her

I made my plans now give me some advice

I can’t lose her now, my heart beats for her

it dreams of her, she's forever trapped

mama's girl ay

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Just like it says, I never got the gut to go and express my feelings to her, I just merely watched as guys went there to spill out theirs. When the year was done, I began talking to one of my classmates Lattoyah and with her also there was a smell of feelings, a possibility that maybe me and her can become a thing, but unfortunately, I found out that she was also gay, just like Pearl, ironic I know. I’m trying to come up with a joke to make it funny, not slightly blur, but I can’t.

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See, reader, my brother had a wife with a kid named Dineo NehNeh Sekele, and yes permission was granted to use the original name. She wanted to be enrolled at school close to me, that was after getting acquainted, but unfortunately, she didn’t know that I was done with high school moving to university. The first time we met we didn’t have much to say but the second time we spent the entire day getting to know each other and from there we just kicked it off. My plan was that she must get space at Crestwood because it was a well achieving school back then and Ravenswood was good but not that much. Unfortunately, there was no space, and we had no other choice but to take her to Ravenswood. We did a lot of silly things together, taking videos, making music, photos and even dancing, it was awesome but unfortunately, I had to leave, the future of I depended on it, and so I did. My first time leaving home, by myself, going miles and miles away, I wasn’t that scared, happy, not really, just numb, I guess. For the first time in my life, I was alone, living by myself. I didn’t have a proper phone for communicating and deleted my Facebook account after mixing up with Pearl, I no longer wanted it.

I was bored and going to varsity didn’t bring any friends my way. I would walk alone to campus and back alone, study alone, and do everything alone, quick reminder that loneliness sank in my bones and created itself a home. On the first holiday of the year, I went home. When I was home, we talked about how we both settled in, stupid things we’ve seen in school, boys, and girls as usual. One of his far family tree cousins wanted to see her, so we went to meet her up next to the complex. To my eyes she was pleasing, and I liked her, and when I told her about her cousin she was like, I can make it happen if you want. And of course I told her to make it happen, and it happened. Technically reader, you might think dating a cousin its wrong, but in this case it was a far cousin like on the family tree, and me and Dineo weren’t related, we were going to be by my brother and her mother, but in my tradition, you can actually