La'Ron "Clown" Jones: Post Traumatic Street Disorder Vol. 1

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Reviews from Incarcerated Individuals

Acknowledgments

Preface

Based on a True Story

Chapter 1: Birth of La'Ron

Chapter 2: Parentless Child

Chapter 3: Childhood Trauma

Chapter 4: Exposure

Autobiography

Chapter 5: The Transition

Chapter 6: The Birth of Clown

Chapter 7: Post-Traumatic Street Disorder

Chapter 8: Warning Signs

Chapter 9: The Fear of Death

Chapter 10: State of Nebraska versus Jones

From Boyhood to Manhood

Chapter 11: The Importance of Educating Yourself while Incarcerated

Questions for Book Club

La'Ron Clown Jones

Post Traumatic Street Disorder Vol. 1

La'Ron Jones

Copyright © 2024 La’Ron Jones

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2024

Cover Design by Mike Ramirez and La’Ron Jones

Contact Info: Gettingout.com; Jones 081998 or 81998

[email protected] P.O. Box 24358 Omaha, NE 68124

ISBN 979-8-88960-195-1 (pbk)

ISBN 979-8-88960-208-8 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Reviews from Incarcerated Individuals

Great relatable book. This is a story of so many in the world. This book allows you to open up and have those tough conversations and believe change is possible even after real-life struggles or during incarcerations. From where La'Ron has come from to what he is doing now, he's setting positive examples for gang members on how our street struggles can inspire our youth to take a better look at themselves before it's too late. The impossible is possible!

—Chris Spears

Everything La'Ron speaks about in this book is real and authentic. Even part 1, which is based on a true story, is a relatable experience for so many, especially when we begin to look at some of these relationships that were developed early on in our lives. One thing I learned from the streets is that it doesn't show any mercy, and La'Ron does a great job of illustrating that in this book. The message that was symbolized by the dog fighting was unexpected and raw. This book is a must-read for all young gang members.

—Omar Bahati

I really appreciate La'Ron for allowing me to read this book before editing. It's real raw stories like this that must be shared with our youth. From childhood to prison this, is a very well-rounded lived experience. Change is hard, but if you are willing to make change it's possible regardless of where life takes you. This story has truly inspired me to always be willing to make that change.

—Vicente Gonzalez

This book by La'Ron Jones is an eye opener to the harsh reality of a lifestyle and life lived by so many gang members across the country. He is not glorifying the lifestyle, but narrating the raw uncut truth from a certified individual on how the streets can and will shift your mentality. Reading this book spoke to me on so many personal levels, and I highly recommend it.

—Kevin Noriega

Acknowledgments

First and foremost, all praise goes to God.

My grandmother, the first queen of my universe, Betty Spencer: Oftentimes, I have been characterized as different, humble, respectful, and strong-minded. It's because of you that when I'm faced with adversity, I have such a strong core foundation to stand on.

My mother, the second queen of my universe, Debbie Spencer: Just thinking about your strength brings tears of joy to my eyes. In my mind, you were the first female hustler I ever met. Our journey has been a rocky one, but it's one where we have always been transparent with each other. I acknowledge for a woman it isn't easy trying to raise a man, but I thank you for giving me the space to discover myself. Love you!

My siblings—Pra'Shae, La'Che, Arrionna, and Charles: Your safety and well-being has always been a priority of mine. I wish nothing but the best for you all.

My fallen soldiers/associates—OG Monie, OG C'ion, OG Mezzo, Blue, Savo, NoNo, Maxxo, E-Bo, Penny, Fatts, Big Rome, Cell-G: Only you'll would know. Is there a heaven for a gangster?

Special thanks to all my supporters that have been holding me down and checking up on me at the lowest point in my life. Having your support has helped me in more ways than you may ever imagine. You all are in my prayers, and I can't wait till we meet again on the other side of these vertical walls.

My son, Kingzton Jones: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others (Nelson Mandela).

Preface

This book you are about to read would make it seem as if you were in the room talking with me face-to-face. Unfortunately, many young men and women will end up in prison, and as my dear friend Avery Tyler Sr. would say, There is a vicious cycle that few speak about that occurs in impoverished communities where young women and men are being sentenced to decades of incarceration with no opportunity to heal the very community that we've harmed. Ultimately, this book is a very small fraction of the debt I owe to my community, and that's why a fraction of the proceeds from this book will go back to surrounding communities.

The first part of this book is based on a true story of my lived experience, and there are two reasons why I decided to design this book that way.

One, for many of us there's so much we don't remember about our childhood, which is the case for me. I wanted to create a narrative around some of the stories I remembered and heard about growing up that impacted my life.

Two, from my experience of being young once and also from being around youths, I see that most of them would much rather read hood novels. From the book cover to the language, this is my strategic way to catch the young readers' attention. The first part of this book covers various of childhood experiences, from abandonment issues, identity issues, growing up without parent(s), school experiences, friendships, searching for acceptance, bullying, and so forth. But one of the main focuses is on the hypocritical advice we are fed by the storytellers/elders around us that oftentimes distort our worldview.

The second part of this book is all facts—the autobiography.

For those who grew up living a life of illegal activities I think we can all agree that there was a starting point, which often exists between middle school and high school. As my dear friend Terence Johnson would say, No one was born to live a life of committing crimes; something happened along the way. Gang members are often politicized to be the worse of the worse. Conversations about lowering the crime rates and getting guns off the streets has had the power to put so many of our city officials in office, which in turn opens the door for us to get harsh lengthy prison sentences.

The third part of this book is about my paradigm shift from boyhood to manhood with book club questions included. As I began to take on the task of educating myself, I earned my high school diploma and also participated in other programs/classes that had a major impact in my life—to name a few: Prison Fellowship Academy, Community Justice Center Victim Impact Class, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Intentional Peer Support, and Defy Ventures (now known as Rise). The fact remains that one way to slow down the cycle is by bringing awareness to the problems and allow our at-risk youths/gang members to see a reflection of what's possible when it relates to respected ex-gang-members who have changed their life. No matter what some in society may think gang members are capable of change. Rather we allow incarcerated individuals to visit or live at youth facilities or incarcerated individuals to visit alternative schools. We must remind ourselves that You can't be what you can't see. And for all of our at-risk youth/young gang members, they may have never had anyone who shared their street experience and saw them change into a better person. This in turn could help us solve a bigger problem. When we began to search for life's changing answers, one of the main questions should be, how do we transform trauma into emotional intelligence? And part of that answer from my worldview is those who were once a part of the problem must be a part of the solution. We must continue to advocate to create a space where it's socially acceptable for gang members to share their experience with our at-risk youths/gang members with the message that it's okay to step away from the gang life in order to step into your womanhood or manhood. Because just how gang members arrive at this moment of searching for acceptance, respect, and love outside of their households, to living a life of crime, there's a street image that's projected from negative role models that we tend to imitate in order to gain that same level of acceptance, respect, and love. This phase in our life causes us to lose sight of our own identity.

But on the flip side, I also believe that all gang members arrive at a point where we are well aware that something in our lives need to change for the better. We often realize that we have stepped away from some of those core values we learned as kids, then pick up on the codes of the streets. During this process we struggle with how to step into this new being we wish to create or get back to, struggling to understand the true meaning of change and what that should look like for us. I hope this book can be the start of you looking at yourself objectively and understanding the change you want for yourself is a process, but it's a process that's very achievable with the proper self, social, emotional, and community awareness. With this reflection, you can learn to mitigate or stop certain negative patterns. You can work to transform the negative and weak aspects of your character into actual strengths.

*Outside of my father committing suicide and me beating up Milton's bully, all crimes in part 1 of this book are false.

Part 1

Based on a True Story

Chapter 1

Birth of La'Ron

March 27, 1990, 3:37 a.m. It was a dark and rainy morning in Dumas, Arkansas. The clouds were thick, and over the light thunder and raindrops, the voice of the thirteen-year-old girl, Debbie Spencer, screamed out repeatedly, Take me to the hospital! Please, I'm in pain!

Her mother, Betty Spencer, ran into the room and noticed the liquid dripping from her young daughter's legs. Calm down, child. Our ride is on the way, said Ms. Spencer.

Mom, why does it hurt so bad? asked Debbie.

Just relax, child. Our ride should be pulling up any minute. Just stay calm.

Debbie Spencer was a beautiful dark-skinned young lady. If there were ever a role for a beautiful young African princess, the job would be hers. She was a disobedient child who often played hooky from school and ran around the neighborhood with older boys. Anybody who knew Debbie would say she had great potential. Betty was looking into Debbie eye's and realizing that her daughter's potential was slowly fading away.

Betty was a very strong-minded woman. She had seven kids: Anthony, Jerry, Duke, David, Greg, Shanta, and Debbie. She held a steady job for years at the local Cotton Gin. On the weekends, she was a downhome blues–type of lady who could cut a rug. You could often spot her in the juke joint two-stepping and drinking hard liquor. Overall Betty was truly a Black queen in her own right. She kept a roof over her kids' head, dinner was cooked every night, and if not, there was always something to eat in the refrigerator. She was known for keeping a boyfriend around the house with a good job, and when it was time to pay the bills, she didn't hesitate to dig in his pockets. Everyone in the neighborhood respected her word. Everyone in the neighborhood also knew she did a prison bid for poisoning her ex-husband after being beaten one too many times.

Beep! Beep! Let's go, child! Your aunt Dessa is outside to pick us up! As they drove off to the hospital, Betty was still in disbelief that her thirteen-year-old daughter was about to have a baby. Betty just had Shanta who was three years old, and now she would have her first grandchild. Even though Betty felt great about becoming a grandmother, she couldn't help but to feel guilt with the fact that her baby was having a baby.

As Betty gazed out the window while her sister Dessa controlled the wheel at a high rate of speed, Debbie couldn't help but to notice that her mom was stuck staring off into space. What are you thinking about, Mom? she asked.

I'm just not sure how things are going to work out with you being a thirteen-year-old parent, she said.

Well, maybe you should just have the baby since you are so worried about it, Debbie exclaimed.

Nah, that is your responsibility. If you were woman enough to lay down and make a baby, you should be woman enough to take care of it, her mother added.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…we'll see about that, Debbie said, rolling her eyes.

What do you mean, we'll see about that? Betty asked.

I don't know, Mom. I'm not so sure about being a parent. I'm already having a hard time in school. I depend on you for food, housing, and clothes. I'm too young for my own place. I'm just not ready.

Well, you better get ready, young lady. If you didn't hide your pregnancy for all those months, we could have made a decision on you getting an abortion, Betty said, rolling her eyes.

And live with that memory forever? That would have hurt me more, taking a baby's life, Debbie said with a frown on her young face.

Your body, your choice! said Betty.

Squeak.

Bonding time is over, ladies, we are here, said Dessa.

As they rushed through the emergency doors, a doctor quickly came to their aid with a wheelchair. As Debbie got closer and closer to the room, she felt as if her heart was about to jump out her chest. She groaned in pain as she was soaking in sweat, nervously thinking about how much pain she was about to endure pushing a baby out her small frame.

The wait alone was driving Debbie crazy. After what seemed like hours of waiting and preparation, a doctor yelled, It's time!

Push, push, push! was all you heard in the room as the young Debbie screamed out in pain. On the count of three, give it all you got. One, two…three!

Aw! Debbie screamed. Pfft, she farted.

Okay! Good job, Debbie! The head is out, but we have one problem. The umbilical is wrapped around the baby's neck.

Is my baby going to be okay? asked Debbie.

Yes, he will be fine! It will take a few seconds of shifting the baby around, but this won't be a major problem. Okay, I got it. It's all downhill from here, especially once we're past the shoulders.

Just pull it out! Debbie screamed. Betty couldn't help but to laugh at the thought of relating to her daughter's pain. As Debbie gripped her hand tighter and tighter to her mother's hand, she patiently waited as the doctors worked on getting the baby out. After what seem like hours of pushing and screaming, finally the baby boy had arrived. Debbie's first thought while looking at her son was What a painful blessing!

It's a boy, the doctor said, smiling sarcastically. What are you going to name him?

La'Ron. La'Ron Mar'Quis Jones, Debbie said.

Betty looked at her daughter with confusion. She recalled the father's name was Timothy Jackson, but she kept her mouth shut. She knew when they got home, they would have a conversation about what she just heard. There is always something with this girl, Betty thought to herself.

As the doctors cleaned up the mess and took La'Ron to do all his check-ups, Betty congratulated her daughter. I never want you to go through that pain again! Debbie said as they all bust out laughing. Well, I'm about to leave. I got to get ready for work. I'll be back when I get off tomorrow. If you need anything before then, don't hesitate to call my job. One more thing before I go, I want you to know that I love you, and believe that you are going to be a great mother. There is nothing in this world that you cannot do or be, you just have to believe in yourself.

Mom, the problem is, I'm not sure what to believe. I'm not sure what to do.

"Have